Need some advice here....

[In2theGame]

So im going to cut to the chase, when it comes to the nightlife, I know how to open and hook up with women no doubt. Now,... At my gym I think this brunette is really hot and saw her a few times and she would look at me and say hello with a smile. So a week ago i put my nuts on and waited by the lockers and i stopped her, she smiled and i opened up. We had some small talk and i said "Listen, I usually go out and meet up with friends and would like you to come if your free" She smiled and I proceeded to say "Let me call you and we can set something up" She seemed hesitant and asked if i had facebook, i said No i do not have time for facebook and for security reasons (Job) i need to stay off that site. I then said "How about i give you my number and if your interested you can text me your number" and i left it at that.

I got in my car and i received a text from her with her number and name. The next day i sent her a text along the lines of "This Saturday, if your schedule is free let me know if you want to come alone" She texted me a while later saying she's working a lot and well... this goes against my "rules" but she has a young daughter. She told me shes a single mom. I dont know how single mom's are, are they aloof? flakey? is it worth going for? etc i would really like advice on this as i never dealt with a single mom before.

Anyway, she couldnt make it this Saturday but said she would be available this weekend of easter, so i said ok. However, I let my thoughts be fvcking known in my text. I said "That's fine we can do something then. Honestly i think your dead sexy and i trip on the treadmill checking you out" I threw that out as a joke and she responded with a "LOL your crazy " after that i said "Yeah of course, i see you lookin all good and i lose focus lol" ... She never responded back.

Today I went to the gym with my friend and there she was on the treadmill,.... I walk by and she didnt turn her head so i dont think she saw me or else i wanted to say Hi but i didnt want to bother her while shes working out. My friend got on a treadmill close to her and I didnt want to get on the one right next to her because i didnt want to seem like im bothering her or becoming some fvcking gym creep so i went to the other treadmill that was farther away. Thing is, she saw my friend and said hello and then he said once she saw him, she kind of looked around because she knows if he's there, then im there but she didnt walk by me or anything. She ended up leaving soon after.

Should I have said hello to her instead? I was thinking of sending her a text along the lines of "Wanted to say hello but didnt want to interrupt your workout" or something like that. Im beginning to think maybe she knew i was around and acted like an azzhole by not acknowledging her, then again Im not so sure if i should have or not. She's a single mom and goes to school and also works alot but seemed open to going out. I want to send a text but im thinking this through first because i DO NOT want to come off as some needy guy. Shes fvcking hot in my eyes and im just unsure of how to play it smoothly. Thoughts??

 

[old married dude]

I want to send a text but im thinking this through first because i DO NOT want to come off as some needy guy. Shes fvcking hot in my eyes and im just unsure of how to play it smoothly. Thoughts??

You might have answered your own question here at the end.

Single moms do crave attention because so many guys will just discount them altogether, however you don't want to come off as being thirsty like you said. Just play it cool & try not to over-think things here. When you over-think/over-analyze ****, that's when you start to lose frame...at least I do.

Just make sure to say Hi in person when you see her again at the gym & make no mention of not saying Hi last time...unless she brings it up for whatever reason.

 

[The Duke]

You would think that somebody with 10 green dots by their name that has been on here for 10years would know how to handle this situation...single mom or not.

She didn't want to give you her phone # which is why she went the facebook route. She didn't want to go out with you which is why she declined your invite for a date. She also pushed out your 2nd request for a date very far out because she didn't want to go out. Stop making this so hard because you come across as desperate. No chic wants a guy that doesn't have options. And by you trying so hard and telling her how hard your cahk was for her you put yourself right into the "i'm a chump with no options" category.

If a chic wants you she will make herself available and it won't be difficult. She won't leave any doubt in your mind.

This chic isn't into you. You got a lot to learn. End of Story.

 

[In2theGame]

You would think that somebody with 10 green dots by their name that has been on here for 10years would know how to handle this situation...single mom or not.

She didn't want to give you her phone # which is why she went the facebook route. She didn't want to go out with you which is why she declined your invite for a date. She also pushed out your 2nd request for a date very far out because she didn't want to go out. Stop making this so hard because you come across as desperate. No chic wants a guy that doesn't have options. And by you trying so hard and telling her how hard your cahk was for her you put yourself right into the "i'm a chump with no options" category.

If a chic wants you she will make herself available and it won't be difficult. She won't leave any doubt in your mind.

This chic isn't into you. You got a lot to learn. End of Story.

This is part of the reason why i dont bother asking advice here sometimes because according to guys like you, I'm a guy that is desperate and has no options, I have loads of options however im asking from others who have dealt with a certain type of situation like this one. How am i "trying so hard"? because i told her straight out like a Man that i think shes sexy and i desire her? I have no thoughts of holding back and if theres a girl i like, im going to tell her exactly what i think but according to you thats "trying hard". Also I know from from previous experience that just because a chick acts aloof doesnt mean she's not into it because i fvcked many that started off like this however im asking if single mothers act different etc because ive never dealt with one.
I have alot to learn?..... lol Im not even going to bother responding to that statement.

 

[Vulpine]

She's involved, she told you.

"Get it", and get that you are in her orbit, now. You're hat's in the ring. She'll tap you when she's available. Otherwise, your intentions are known: NC.

She's got your number. Don't get sucked into her frame, forget about her.

Sure, sure, wave, be courteous in passing, but make no attempt to otherwise give her any attention ...to her face, or otherwise.

She's a single mommy, after all. Don't overthink a ƒuck-and-chuck. Do be sure to keep enjoying staring at that ass at the gym, though (just, don't let her catch you looking: attention).

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Tough love coming your way.

This is part of the reason why i dont bother asking advice here sometimes because...

...the responses are not always what you want to hear?

I'll try: "It's not you, it's them."

How was that? Does that make you feel good?

according to guys like you, I'm a guy that is desperate and has no options, I have loads of options

You're coming across as desperate. The woman is seeing you as desperate.

You can have a harem of 1000 women at home, but when you're free and willing to meet any night she suggests, you're going to come across as a man who is desperate with no other options.

Read this^ again.

however im asking from others who have dealt with a certain type of situation like this one. How am i "trying so hard"? because i told her straight out like a Man that i think shes sexy and i desire her? I have no thoughts of holding back and if theres a girl i like, im going to tell her exactly what i think but according to you thats "trying hard". Also I know from from previous experience that just because a chick acts aloof doesnt mean she's not into it because i fvcked many that started off like this however im asking if single mothers act different etc because ive never dealt with one.
I have alot to learn?..... lol Im not even going to bother responding to that statement.

This is basic DJ 101 stuff here. Maybe you should change your name to NotIn2theGame.

It's okay to be confident and aggressive, but now you are acting insecure and anything but confident:

I was thinking of sending her a text along the lines of "Wanted to say hello but didnt want to interrupt your workout"

Why would you text her that?

WTF :kick:

You are not sure of yourself, you are not comfortable with yourself. You care way too much about this chick and what she thinks of you....and it SHOWS. She is picking up on it, and it is repulsing her.

 

[old married dude]

Yeah tough love here, which is what we all need at times, but all might not be lost.

Maybe just withdraw here, regroup, re-frame and then take another shot at it. It's a crap shoot really, but what do you have to lose here?

Next time you talk to her, mention you've been busy, been on some dates, etc. if she asks. This will show you've got options and may help re-establish your market value. If that works and she opens back up, go for it & suggest that she hang out with you sometime when you're not busy. If not, probably a lost cause & just chalk it up as a learning experience of what NOT to do in the future.

 

[The Duke]

In2thegame- I'm not trying to put you down, its just some constructive criticism. I also don't beat around the bush and I call it like I see it.

If you want to try and salvage this, then you need to bring one of those "options" you mentioned to the gym and parade her around right in front of this single mom you are so hott for! You will demonstrate you just don't care and by having this other girl will show you have secshual value and that is what turns girls on and thats when they start working for you. Women love a man that is wanted by others! In fact its really the only way I care to do it. If she's really into you, that single mommy hamster wheel will go crazy. Hell....introduce them to each other! ;-)

I ask you this....you say if you would have met this girl in a club(nightlife is the term you used) you would have known what to do. So what would you have done given the same girl, telling you the same thing at a club, instead of the gym????

 

[Roni_88]

[ Honestly i think your dead sexy and i trip on the treadmill checking you out" I threw that out as a joke and she responded with a "LOL your crazy " after that i said "Yeah of course, i see you lookin all good and i lose focus lol" ... She never responded back.

As an honest advice, I do think this part did come as desperate, because you guys haven't even gone on a date and you already threw yourself to her,, Im not saying it was wrong.. its something I would tell her but in person.. after getting her guard down during the date so I can also see her reaction in order for me to continue seeing a green light to build kino and escalate. If I were you I would just mind my own thing and talk to her if I bump into her and talk casually to see what happens. I wouldn't text anymore.

 

[Oxide]

and btw Howiestern is exactly right....


you came on too strong too soon, since AGAIN I'll point out that your experience is just club hoes. Real life has more shades of people homie.


Read:



http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=42390

 

[The Duke]

There's a thing called "calibration" that rarely gets talked about on here. You need to calibrate to your audience. For the same reason you don't talk to a bunch of blue collar shop workers like you do a room full of top level executives. Same thing with girls you meet in different environments.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

There's a thing called "calibration" that rarely gets talked about on here. You need to calibrate to your audience. For the same reason you don't talk to a bunch of blue collar shop workers like you do a room full of top level executives. Same thing with girls you meet in different environments.

Agree 100% here.

I take back what I initially said, I was more referring to being "congruent", however, it's very hard to be congruent if you're not initially calibrated. :cheer: I do believe you were too aggressive. Picking up a chick in the gym is a lot different than picking up a chick at a club. For one, you're going to be seeing the chick at the gym on a regular basis anyways, and if it doesn't work out, she NEEDS to understand that you're going to be a cool chill dude who won't pester or bother her, which I believe you were trying to show here:

I didnt want to get on the one right next to her because i didnt want to seem like im bothering her or becoming some fvcking gym creep so i went to the other treadmill that was farther away. Thing is, she saw my friend and said hello and then he said once she saw him, she kind of looked around because she knows if he's there, then im there but she didnt walk by me or anything. She ended up leaving soon after.

However, it's not 'congruent' with your previous behavior and what you initially communicated to her. So it seems, you had put yourself into a catch 22 --->lose/lose situation.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Agree with Peaks. Gym game has to come off as very cool and easy going game. More than likely she's invested in that place. Contract, etc. So she has to feel good that you are relaxed with the continued dialogue.
I'd throw in with the others. Say hi, make idle chit chat, don't go out of way to avoid or run into. She sounds like she has other options she's running.
Wouldn't hurt to bring a gal friend into the gym with you, but I'd keep that one low key. She has to see you 2 coming and leaving and spending some time together, but anything more will get spotted as BS. That's how I used to play the social proof games with my gal friends. We'd show up together, leave together, but not overtly spend too much time together. It was a fine balance but a couple women I know and I played it well.
KC

 

[old married dude]

Gym game has to come off as very cool and easy going game.

Yes, gym game is kinda dicey. Most chicks just wanna get in there, get their workout in without interruption, and get out. I can't blame 'em I'm the same way really bc I'm in a more serious and focused mindset at the gym. There's a small lounge at my gym where you can get smoothies and other healthy treats after a workout & that's usually the best place to try and run any sort of game, not in the cardio area or around the weights. Now it's OK if they approach of course in these areas, total green light.

 

[In2theGame]

Alright,,.... I'll accept the strong criticism. Maybe i did come on too strong too fast. That's been my approach to mostly all girls and its all i know, to be very direct and blunt. To the other poster who said i only pick up "club hoes",... No This is how i have approached women in mostly all of my interactions.

 

[In2theGame]

[ Honestly i think your dead sexy and i trip on the treadmill checking you out" I threw that out as a joke and she responded with a "LOL your crazy " after that i said "Yeah of course, i see you lookin all good and i lose focus lol" ... She never responded back.

As an honest advice, I do think this part did come as desperate, because you guys haven't even gone on a date and you already threw yourself to her,, Im not saying it was wrong.. its something I would tell her but in person.. after getting her guard down during the date so I can also see her reaction in order for me to continue seeing a green light to build kino and escalate. If I were you I would just mind my own thing and talk to her if I bump into her and talk casually to see what happens. I wouldn't text anymore.

Maybe the environment i played it in was wrong. I always say things like this to girls i think are sexy and i almost always get a good response. Whats why i said it.

 

[In2theGame]

"Gym game" as its called, I was never a fan of it. When i used to workout at a different gym years back, i had girls smile at me constantly and say hello, even a few approached me with "workout questions" However i never bothered because i didnt want to make thing awkward. The girl im talking about in this post, I first met her 7 years ago as she lived close to me and would say hi and bye alot but i had a LTR back then, after a while i started seeing her around again and i decided to go for it this time. When i first started talkin to her at the gym i said something like "hey, I always seen you around but never got your name" she told me and we started a conversation. She kept on smiling at me so i proceeded.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

"Gym game" as its called, I was never a fan of it. When i used to workout at a different gym years back, i had girls smile at me constantly and say hello, even a few approached me with "workout questions" However i never bothered because i didnt want to make thing awkward. The girl im talking about in this post, I first met her 7 years ago as she lived close to me and would say hi and bye alot but i had a LTR back then, after a while i started seeing her around again and i decided to go for it this time. When i first started talkin to her at the gym i said something like "hey, I always seen you around but never got your name" she told me and we started a conversation. She kept on smiling at me so i proceeded.

This is more of an ^indirect game, which, as everyone seems to agree on, would be considered "gym game" . I think you should have stayed with it, rather than converting over to the direct/overt 'you're sexy' 'are you interested' type game. I picked up a girl at the gym not too long ago, we'd talk here and there, then one day I segwayed a brief conversation into: "what to you like to do....do you ever go out down town?" "me too" "maybe we should go get a drink together." "great, how about Thursday?" "cool, what's your number" "blah blah".

^No pressure or expectations here. On the surface we're just getting a drink, then, whatever happens happens, no big deal either way.

 

[Roni_88]

Maybe the environment i played it in was wrong. I always say things like this to girls i think are sexy and i almost always get a good response. Whats why i said it.

Like I told you nothing wrong, but the thing with gym "gaming" if you want to call it that way, is that it should be done different,, because you will see her again no matter what,, so better to have taken it a bit slowly,, but in my opinion you didn't blow it off completely.. maybe she will say hi one day and you can act like nothing happened.. if not.. f** it,, just a single mom and you are avoiding trouble and the next one will come along.

 

[Oxide]

At some point a man learns how to be around a woman he might like, and not try to have sex with her. The man who never learns not to try to have sex with a girl he might not even like, now that's a sad situation.