Need some advice from you guys...

StoneZA

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Hey guys,

I'm new here to the DJ forums and have read through quite a lot of the topics. I could have given my thread the title of "She has a boyfriend" but then most people would not have read the topic and think that its another one "those topics". I read through some of the other "she has bf" threads but there wasn't anything useful for me, my situation is a bit more unique and would love some advice/ideas.

I started going to our university's gym about more than a year ago. The girl I like works at the gym. I met her, when she came by me one day and introduced herself. Now normally she does this with everyone and we had a nice long talk about what I do for a living, where is she originally from etc etc. Throughout the rest of last year she kept on coming to me, started up conversation etc.

Towards the end of last year she got in a relationship with a guy who lives in another town, and therefore she is in a long distance relationship. Now, earlier this year, she was and still is, very friendly towards me, still coming by to chat with me in the gym. I decided to ask her out on a coffee date, and she said that she is in a relationship, but we can still go, but some other time.

I felt a bit down, but still kept my head up high, and continued chatting with her, till it was time for my birthday. Funny thing is, her birthday is 6 days before mine and I congratulated her. She continuously said that I must remind her when its my birthday, but like in 2/3 times, because she didn't want to forget it.

When it was my birthday, that morning she waited for me to come into the gym. She greeted me with a big hug and asked whether or not I had plans for the rest of the day. I said no, I didn't have any plans, but I asked whether or not she wants to have coffee with me, later that day.

She immediately said that she would be delighted to have a cup of coffee with me, and before I could even asked, she wrote down her number for me on a piece of paper and said that I should give her a call. I was really surprised by this, and boy... was I in a good mood :D

So I gave her a call later that afternoon, she didn't pickup at first as she was busy helping some in the gym. I then sent her an SMS ( or text message as you americans/ uk'ers refer to it ) saying that she must let me know when she is available so that I can call again. She sent me a text msg back saying that I should text her where we should go for coffee and when we should meet.

Sent her the time & location and also offered to pick her up (was a long shot, but still a nice thought) but she said thanks, but she'll meet me there. So we met for coffee and we had a wonderful time. She is a girl that talks continuously and isn't shy whatsoever, where I am the exact opposite, don't talk that much, isn't that shy, but a little bit, we had a fun time all round and she really asked me a lot of questions. She also said that she wants to get to know me better... :)

Now, the thing is, she complimented me on what a stunning guy I am, and that I have a lot going for me, I could see that she wanted to say something more, but she just smiled and then we talked about something else. She also mentioned to me that she had seen her bf about 6 weeks ago, and that they only text one another and that she could cheat on him, very easily, but she doesn't. She also said that its such a thin line between right and wrong of not cheating on her bf, it makes it very difficult.

In light of this, she asked me, if I have ever done anything naughty before. You guys wouldn't believe me, but I'm really an easy going bloke and I really haven't done anything naughty before. I told her, that I have never done anything naughty to tell her about, but then she said that I am being naughty right now being on a date with her...is it because she feels that I asked her out even though she is still in a relationship ?

And what guarantee does she have, that her bf doesn't cheat on her in the other town? I also told her that I'm so frustrated being single and that I can't understand why the right girl hasn't crossed my path yet. And she is like, the right girl will come along one day, and she understands my pain, and that she has been there before.

It really was a great evening and two days later when I went to the gym, she immediately came and greet me again, had a nice chat once again, and then had to go and help someone else again. I have quite a few friends that I made in the gym and they told me, she was talking to some elderly person earlier that morning about her relationship with her bf. They didn't hear the entire conversation, but what they could make out was is that she said it was a delicate matter, and the elderly person said: "take the other guy" ... could be me, but time will tell.

She also bought me some chocolates as a gift and forgot it at home twice, but will give it to me next time I come to the gym. She went away on wednesday to go and obtain her degree at another university where she initially studied from but told me her plans as to when she will be back again and when I would see her again.

Now I like this girl a lot, and I really don't want to bugger things up with her, what would be my next move ? I know that I should build my friendship with her some more and I'm not going to put pressure on her to choose between her bf and me, and the last thing that I don't want to do is to scare her away.

I want to ask her out again this coming weekend, but now I keep having the thought of, maybe she only went out with me, cause it was my birthday, but still, in everything that I wrote here, I firmly believe that deep down inside she likes me a lot, and maybe she wants to be more than friends down the line, so hopefully she says yes when I ask her out again.

What do you guys think about it ? Any constructive comments are welcome and will be appreciated. If you guys have any questions about her, or what we also chatted about, please don't hesitate to ask if you want to know. I have a real good feeling about her.

Thanx,
Stone

PS: I forgot to mention I'm 26 and she is 25, plus her bf is also 26.
 

Max Power

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The girl likes you. Ask on her an evening date. Start touching her more. Try to isolate her on a date. Don't worry about the boyfriend.
 

StoneZA

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Thank you Max Power. I thought not a single person was going to respond to my thread. I am planning on asking her out again this coming weekend :)
 

jophil28

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Women are ALWAYS interested in a guy who is interested in them.
However, the WAY that you show your interest is PARAMOUNT.
There are volumes written about this subject, but suffice to say that women are attracted to men who are confident, in control and are challenging.
The 3 C's - if you get that ? It sounds Kinda corny, but it is true enough to get you started on the road to fun and success with women.

Confidence is all about the manner in whch conduct yourself.

In Control means maintaining a close watch on your emotions.

A Challenge- a little mystey and intrigue,,, NOt falling all over her. Not fawning -aloof at times. Revealing yourself to her one page at a time.

Good hunting.

Where are you from ? I am guessing South Africa?
 

cedd

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Everything seems going good, I guess.

Dont worry about his "boyfriend", hes just a "dead man walking" now, or maybe already dumped. ;) Anyway, its not your business.

Focus on YOU and do not pay so much attention at what she SAYS, but rather at what she DOES. Ask her out sometimes and as long as shes ok, youve got the green light to escalate.
I think it would be more enjoyable to meet her out from the gym, on an evening date, in a place where you could be more confortable. Then you will SEE if shes interested for more than being friends, or not.
I know that I should build my friendship with her some more and I'm not going to put pressure on her to choose between her bf and me, and the last thing that I don't want to do is to scare her away.
build your friendship with her ? why? You have to show your interest, the right way, as jophil said.

cheers
 
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Peace and Quiet

If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.

Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.

This will quickly drive all women away from you.

And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.

StoneZA

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Thanks for the feedback jophil & cedd, and yes I am from south africa. Up and till now I really kept my cool since we went out on my birthday that evening. I sent her only one text message last night, and she hasn't replied on it yet. I was just a simple text message, didn't imply anything with it, so I don't know if she didn't like it or not..however, I think I need to stop worrying so much, because its constantly on my mind whether or not it was the right thing to do, otherwise its going to drive me up the wall.

I will see her again on wednesday morning, so her reaction towards me then will obviously be a good indicator, if that text was a good thing. Still, its almost 2 days before I get to see her, so there is still plenty of time left for her to text, I guess. And I don't want to keep on texting her , cause otherwise I would appear paranoid or something :D

Ok, so what would be my next step ? Should I ask her out for a date on the weekend ? If so, what type of date ? Don't you guys think it will be too soon to be asking her out again ? I really don't want be "falling over her" like jophil said, but I need to show that I'm interested in her, without appearing to be too desperate.

Thanx,
Stone

PS: If she didn't get the text that I sent last night, should I ask her on wednesday if she got it ? or should I let it be ?
 

Bible_Belt

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I also told her that I'm so frustrated being single and that I can't understand why the right girl hasn't crossed my path yet.

That was a mistake. Women are attracted to men with options.

Surely you are dating other women, right? The confidence and natural aloofness that you get from spinning plates will help you succeed with this girl - who seems to be your oneitis.
 

NewMan

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She also mentioned to me that she had seen her bf about 6 weeks ago, and that they only text one another and that she could cheat on him, very easily, but she doesn't. She also said that its such a thin line between right and wrong of not cheating on her bf, it makes it very difficult.

In light of this, she asked me, if I have ever done anything naughty before. You guys wouldn't believe me, but I'm really an easy going bloke and I really haven't done anything naughty before. I told her, that I have never done anything naughty to tell her about, but then she said that I am being naughty right now being on a date with her...is it because she feels that I asked her out even though she is still in a relationship ?

She's looking for a reason/excuse to cheat. You've got to be more confident and a little ****y in your answers.

Leave her hanging and thinking - tease her mind.

I told her, that I have never done anything naughty to tell her about,
Is not a good reply.

How about a simple

"I don't kiss and tell" wink...
Or - "I won't tell if you won't tell"
or "Hey, your going to have to stop coming on to me like that" wink.

You need to be a little more confident and agressive when dealing with women.
 

StoneZA

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Hmmm yeah well, the reason why I came here, was for advice and I have to say you guys have really provided me with some useful info. I feel like I messed up a bit, with the naughty part when she asked me, but for me, truth be told, honesty is very important, and I felt that I owed her that. Keep in mind guys, I don't want get this girl in bed with me or anything for a one night stand and thats the end of that. I'm not that kinda guy plus she isn't that type of girl either.I'm looking for a possible long term relationship.

I will see her on Wednesday morning, what can I do to rectify what I have "done wrong" so far, from your perspective ?
 

Max Power

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StoneZA said:
truth be told, honesty is very important, and I felt that I owed her that.
There's a different between being honest and being an open book. You don't have to answer any of her questions, especially if they smell like a **** test. And you owe her nothing until you're ****ing her.

StoneZA said:
Keep in mind guys, I don't want get this girl in bed with me or anything for a one night stand and thats the end of that. I'm not that kinda guy plus she isn't that type of girl either.I'm looking for a possible long term relationship.
You're not in the proper frame of mind here and are prizing this girl too much. How do you know she's "isn't that type of girl." You've had coffee with her. That's it.

Again. I think you got this locked up pretty much and the only thing that could stop you is your inner AFC. So just relax and take this one step at a time.
 

Peace and Quiet

If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.

Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.

This will quickly drive all women away from you.

And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.

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