Need some advice from you DJs

[Novice Don Juan]

I recently came across this girl during summer school. I had an IM conversation with her.(Pasted Below *long*) I would appreciate it if you fellow DJs would analyze the conversation, and give me suggestions on how I should approach or next conversation. What did I do properly? I get stuck trying to think questions to ask her. What are some good open ended questions I could ask her? What should I focus on? What should I do differently? She is just getting out of a relationship. How should I handle it? And any other suggestions you guys have. I appreciate any help, and please only serious responses.


-----------------------------------------------------------

Me: Did you go to the first summer session too?
Her: nope
Her: i've only been there sunday through thursday
Me: You went home for the 4th?
Her: yep
Me: You're staying at Lever?
Her: yep
Me: I can't believe I haven't seen you.
Her: you might have
Me: Well if you've seen a tall, slim guy who seems shy, then you've probably seen me.
Her: who do you be around most of the time
Me: Two guys named Napoleon and David.
Her: haha
Me: You know Napoleon don't you. :-D
Her: he sent me an email
Her: he doesn't remember me i guess
Her: i don't really know him
Me: That's funny.
Me: Yeah for some reason everybody seems to think I'm shy at first. Then when they get to know me they think I'm crazy.
Her: sometimes people think i'm that way
Her: depends on if there is alcohol involved or not
Me: That changes things for me too.
Me: What do you like to drink?
Her: doesn't really matter
Me: Ever had Amaretto Sour?
Her: nope
Me: That's my favorite drink.
Her: i've had mostly vodkas lateley
Her: lately*
Me: I hate beer though.
Me: It tastes disgusting
Her: i'll drink it i have too
Me: That's the same way I feel.
Her: i don't mind it though
Me: You ever had an Apple Pie shot?
Her: nope
Me: How does your personality change when you get tipsy?
Her: i just lighten up i guess
Me: I just start tripping when I get drunk.
Her: i can do that without the alcohol
Me: I mean like I just start laughing at anything.
Her: i can get like that sometimes
Me: How often do you drink?
Her: depends
Me: On what
Her: how i feel
Her: if i have some
Her: what's going on
Me: Are you coming back up tomorrow
Her: yeah
Me: So, you are in a casual relationship?
Her: well not really
Her: it
Her: is on the rocks right now
Her: but i'm saying i'm single
Me: I've been going through drama for the past couple of years.
Her: with the same person?
Me: Nope
Her: oh ok
Me: 2 ladies
Her: my life is usually full of drama
Me: I can really deal without it.
Her: i've been hiding from it at college and haven't had too much of it
Me: My past keeps trying to catch up with me.
Her: oh
Me: My ex at decided for whatever reasons she didn't want me once I went to college.
Her: distance makes a difference
Me: That's what she kept saying.
Me: But, I'm like dag you are only 2 hours away.
Me: I think I spoiled her.
Her: depends on the person and how hard they want to try
Her: my boy was gonna only be a couple of hours away during the summer
Her: he didn't try that hard
Me: He was in school too?
Her: he goes here
Me: Oh
Me: Did you ever think it was weird dating someone at the same school? For some reason that’s the way I feel about my relationship with my ex.
Her: no it was cool
Her: we spent the days apart and the nights together
Her: i did my thing he did his
Me: I think that was why my relationship didn't work out. She wanted to be together all the time.
Her: yeah
Her: you can't be together ALL the time
Me: I know you eventually get tired of each other.
Her: yep
Her: if they don't leave you can't miss someone
Me: Distance seems to cause all the problems in my relationships.
Her: i'm saying forget relationships until i want to settle down
Her: less headache
Me: For real.
Me: I've started feeling the same way.
Me: My high school girlfriend ........
Me: broke up with me because I went off to college and she just got a job.
Me: Now she wants to get back with me
Me: After she has had a baby by another cat.
Her: that ain't right
Me: Tell me about it.
Her: i've dated a lot of guys that have kids
Me: Not that I wouldn't take care of another man's child but not like that.
Her: not after she left you
Me: The weird thing is I feel kind of responsible for her.
Her: oh
Me: When we broke up I didn't really try to work things out.
Me: I was like to hell with it.
Her: that's what i'm trying to do
Her: but he won't let it be
Her: i like being single
Me: I know right
Me: So he keeps pushing you to stay with him.
Her: he should have kept me when he had me but now i feel my freedom again and i'm gone....at least for now
Her: he doesn't understand why it's over with us
Me: Why is it?
Her: so he doesn't think it's over right now
Her: he doesn't get it
Her: thinks he can just do whatever
Me: Running around ........
Her: no
Her: not that i know of
Me: Not spending enough time with you ...........
Her: it was a lot of things
Her: little things combined add up
Me: that always seems to be how it happens.
Her: and i was tired of him saying i was his damn friend
Her: his mom didn't even know
Her: when he had met my mom and ate dinner at my house
Me: Dag
Me: Just a friend ..............
Her: yep
Me: and how long were you'll together.
Her: like 4 months
Her: i should have just kept doing my thing
Her: i was having fun
Me: That's a long time to just be a friend ...........
Her: i know
Me: If you eat at somebody’s house that's a serious step, plain and simple.
Her: i know
Her: he came up to visit me and i even stayed at the hotel with him, my mom was cool with it
Her: but yet his mom doesn't even know who he's seeing
Me: Dam
Her: he knew it pissed me off
Me: What was his excuse?
Her: he didn't know what else to call me
Her: whatever
Her: i was at least his girl
Me: What was his excuse for not taking you to meet his family?
Her: oh i haven't been done there
Her: but his mom would ask him who was talking to on the phone
Her: he would say his friend from college
Her: wow
Her: i hope you don't know him
Her: lol
Me: I was just about to say I probably do .........
Me: I probably have at least met him.
Her: maybe
Her: last year was his first year here he transferred too
Me: You wouldn't happen to have a picture.
Her: yes but no
Me: Not on the computer.
Her: oh i do
Her: but i don't need to be talking **** and then you be his friend
Her: i've probably told you things i haven't managed to say to him yet
Me: I'm probably not his friend.
Her: maybe maybe not
Me: I would've known about you if he was.
Her: not really
Her: i'm just his friend remember
Me: Even if he was you can trust me. There is one thing I'm not and that's a back stabber.
Her: yep but i don't know you
Me: Tell me where he is from and I can tell you whether I know him.
Her: aiken
Me: Dag
Her: what
Her: why dag?
Me: Aiken is not far from Hampton at all. It’s like only 40 minutes away. But I don't know any guys from Aiken that go here.
Her: oh ok
Me: At best I only know him on a “what’s up” basis.
Her: yeah
Me: So, even if I wanted to go back and tell I couldn't.
Me: O I'm an angel
Her: maybe
Her: sure aren't we all
Me: Seriously, though it’s no big deal. I just wanted to see how he looked, to see if I've seen him around.
Her: when i see what you look like and if i've seen you around
Her: but i'm tired of talking about him
Me: Cool
Me: Tell me more about yourself. Whatever you would like for me to know.
Her: i can't think of anything
Me: Who is your favorite music artist?
Her: silly question....50
Me: :-D I'm listening to him right now.
Her: i was supposed to be going to his concert tomorrow
Her: but then i ended up have to go to summer school
Me: He was at Club Escalade & I missed it, pissed me off.
Her: me too
Her: he will be in Atlanta Aug 5th but exams are the 6th
Me: Him and Jay-Z right.
Her: yep
Her: and others
Me: You know the club they are going to be at; I was there like 3 weeks ago but ........
Me: I didn't get in.
Me: Monica was having her album release party at Visions; P-Diddy was hosting it.
Me: My crew and I had free VIP passes.
Me: But P-Diddy wanted only white shirts.
Me: We had to stop by the mall so my boy could buy a shirt.
Me: We ended up getting there too late.
Her: oh
Me: Talk about somebody who was mad.
Her: i like monica
Me: I could've been in P-Diddy's crew, wearing shiny suits and stuff.:-D
Her: i've had all her cd's but i need to get the new one
Her: if that's what you want:-\
Me: I can't stand Puffy.
Her: me either
Me: We was joking that we were going to approach him in the club.
Me: He probably had security for days.
Her: yeah
Me: We ended up going to this club called Vegas Nights.
Me: We went there about 20 years too early.
Her: haha
Me: It was like we were partying with our aunts and uncles.
Her: i party with my mom sometimes
Her: once my grandma came with my mom and brother too
Me: You don't feel weird.
Her: nope
Her: i was trying to hook them up
Me: Your mom must be cool as hell.
Her: but that's at bars not clubs
Her: sometimes
Me: I can drink with mine but that is about as far as I take it.
Me: You have a younger brother too ....
Her: older
Her: 24
Me: I have an older sister and younger brother.

 

[Novice Don Juan]

Part II

Me: You dance a lot when you go clubbing?
Her: yeah sometimes
Her: i have to be in a good mood
Her: but i love to watch people
Me: I'm kind of the same way. But guys be tripping up here.
Her: how
Me: Especially at the Raxx
Her: matrix?
Me: You know I haven't been there since they changed it.
Me: I've been meaning to go for the longest.
Her: i went once during spring break
Me: How was it?
Her: great they had male strippers there for the ladies
Me: =-O You want believe ..........
Me: My boys and I drove there one Friday and they were like it was male stripper night. We were like what in the hell we drove all the way up here for nothing.
Her: only till like 12
Her: then they let the guys in
Me: We just got something to eat and came back to.
Me: I've almost gotten into so many fights at the Matrix.
Her: you drove through greer then when you passed the bmw plant
Me: You kidding.
Her: nope
Her: right down the road from me
Her: matrix is full of little kids
Me: Yep
Her: i was taller then tons of guys and i barely had on heels
Me: :-D
Me: I really only dance with girls I know other. But if I girl wants to dance with me I usually don't say no.
Me: Well more often than not when girls want to dance with us they have a man.
Her: i usually don't dance with people i know
Her: haha
Me: Then dudes want to fight.
Me: I'm like for one if I'm going to go out with my girl it’s not going to be to a club. I'll take her to a restaurant or something.
Her: yeah
Me: But yeah some suckers have come close to getting a bottle smashed across their head. But nothing too bad has happen yet.
Me: The funny thing is .......
Me: We went to matrix so often that we got to know some of the guys there
Her: i used to go all the time in high school and knew lots of people
Me: They would try to hook us up with their girlfriends. I'm like wait isn't that your girl.:-\
Her: maybe they were trying to get rid of em
Me:
Me: Probably so
Me: But it’s not as bad as it used to be. Amnesia is cool though, never had problems there.
Her: well i'm gonna call it a night
Me: I tell you what.
Her: what
Me: Since you don't fully trust me.:-D
Her: haha
Her: don't trust too many people
Me: How about when you come back up you give me a call whenever. That way I can get you to trust me a little more.
Her: or i can just talk to you on the computer
Me: Which ever one you prefer, but it might me tough to catch me on IM. There are no set hours I'm on.
Her: i'm on all the time at school
Me: Alright then.
Her: the last guy i called scared me
Me: :-D What did he do.
Her: he said he was an 8 on a scale from 1-10
Her: but he wasn't
Me: :-D
Me: ROTFLMAO
Me: I know not to raise your expectations then.
Her: oh ok
Me: I was going to ask for your number but since you don't trust me yet ............
Her: it would have been cool though if he had left me alone but he was more interested then i was
Me: I promise you this though ..........
Me: I'm not some weird busta like that.
Her: sure
Me: Dag, you still don't trust me.
Her: and you talking bout numbers and i don't even know your name
Me: My name is Eric
Her: do you remember what i said mine was
Me: Yep
Her: oh ok
Me: Lisa
Me: I'm good
Her: you got a better memory then i do
Her: i didn't know my roomies name for like 2 days
Me: I thought I told you my name.
Her: just a minute ago yes
Me: A lot earlier don't sweat it.
Her: oh
Me: You are making me nervous in a way .......
Her: why
Her: you taking so long you makin me nervous
Me: I think in general girls don't want to be bothered most of the time. Especially when they are fighting off cornballs like it seems you have to do. I know I'm not a busta but dag. I might just get lumped into that group for whatever reason.
Her: i do fight off a lot
Her: but friends are cool
Her: i just try and feel people out
Her: and clemson is so boring i'll talk to just bout anybody
Me: That’s cool. I just don't want you to think I'm one of these wack, psycho brothers running around here.
Me: There are tons of them.
Her: not too many of those here
Me: Most of them are the locals.
Her: yeah
Me: I hate to have to a make a list like this, but considering that you have to fight off a lot of bustas I might as well ....
Me: A. I want stalk you.
Her: now i don't have that many guys after me
Me: B. If for some reason you don't want to talk to me again. That is cool. I want hold any grudges.
Me: Name some other things these bustas around here do ...........
Her: ain't nobody stalked me
Me: C. On a scale of 1-10 I'm a ...........
Her: on your scale
Her: mine would be different
Me: -15 ;-)
Me: just kidding
Her: oh dang
Me: I rather you not expect much.
Her: doesn't matter what you look like anyways cuz i ain't looking
Me: I'm not really either.
Me: We both seem to be still dealing with some drama.
Her: yeah i guess so
Me: I never really been single for long, but it’s growing on me.
Me: I took the freedom for granted.
Her: i've barely been in relationships
Me: The guy here was the first in a while?
Her: yep
Her: since like 11th grade
Her: i've dated a lil but nothing much
Her: i'm too independent
Me: I'm independent, but I just seem to get dragged into long-term relationships.
Me: But that a'int happening no more.
Her: that's what you say now
Her: but i don't really know you enough to say otherwise
Me: I'm telling you that a'int bought to happen again. I was pretty naive back then.
Her: ok
Me: I think that was one of the problems with the girls I dated. They weren't independent, so we were together all the time.
Her: shoot i like my alone time
Me: That's the one thing I like about summer school.
Me: It’s boring but you do have time to yourself.
Her: too boring sometimes though
Me: True
Me: It’s even worse this summer.
Her: i'll be busy though if i find a job
Me: What type a job are you looking for?
Me: Anything .......
Her: anything within walking distance
Me: I think to Library is hiring
Me: They need people to work the desk
Her: oh
Me: I worked there last semester.
Me: My supervisor was tripping but it’s Ok.
Her: i'm just gonna wander around and see what happens
Me: I'm sure you will find something.
Her: yeah
Me: You like to play any sports?
Her: i played soccer most of my life
Her: but i like to watch football
Her: and b-ball too i guess
Me: Those are my 3 favorite sports.
Her: cool
Me: I played those in high school
Me: Football I played Safety and LB
Me: Soccer I was a midfielder.
Her: one of my friends is gonna be playing for us this year
Me: Who ........
Her: Chris Gilliam
Me: What high school did he go to?
Her: greer
Her: same as me
Me: He is going to have a new coach next year.
Her: probably so
Me: Bowden is as good as fired after this year.
Her: but who cares
Her: they still gonna lose with a new coach
Me: :-D
Her: specially against Miami
Me: A lady who knows her sports ............
Me: I'm impressed !!!
Her: a guy said he was gonna marry me cuz of it
Me: :-D
Me: If you watch SportsCenter that would be the icing on the cake.
Her: nope
Her: i don't watch much tv
Me: I watch SportsCenter for the highlights and that’s about it.
Her: oh ok
Me: But yeah Miami and Va. Tech are going to beat the snot out of us when we play them.
Me: Miami is going to be like 61-0
Her: yep
Her: no Justin Miller will at least score
Me: Justin Miller is going pro after this year.:-D
Her: that would be stupid
Me: Why do you say that?
Her: i would take the free education
Her: then play
Her: if he got hurt he would be screwed
Me: He really a'int getting an education.
Her: he still getting a degree
Me: True
Her: i gotta get some sleep
Her: i'll be on all tomorrow night
Me: Yeah it’s getting late.
Her: ok then, bye
Me: I guess I'll catch you on then.

 

[Art Love]

Sorry but there's no way I'm reading all that.

I'll skim it though and just look for things:

"Me: Well if you've seen a tall, slim guy who seems shy, then you've probably seen me."

To me seemed too afcish.

"Me: Yeah for some reason everybody seems to think I'm shy at first. Then when they get to know me they think I'm crazy."

To me again it seems way too much like you're making up an excuse for how shy you are at first. Stop being shy at first, or at least stop bringing it to their attention.

"Her: sometimes people think i'm that way
Her: depends on if there is alcohol involved or not
Me: That changes things for me too.
Me: What do you like to drink?"

Should have went more into the "what she does when alcohol's involved" instead of what she likes to drink, that's so basic.

Ok I see that you do that later in the conversation, I would have just not talked about what she likes to drink, they get that all the time!

"Me: I've been going through drama for the past couple of years.
Her: with the same person?
Me: Nope
Her: oh ok
Me: 2 ladies
Her: my life is usually full of drama
Me: I can really deal without it.
Her: i've been hiding from it at college and haven't had too much of it
Me: My past keeps trying to catch up with me.
Her: oh
Me: My ex at decided for whatever reasons she didn't want me once I went to college.
Her: distance makes a difference
Me: That's what she kept saying.
Me: But, I'm like dag you are only 2 hours away.
Me: I think I spoiled her.
Her: depends on the person and how hard they want to try"

**** that man, do not talk about **** like that with girls you are interested in. Don't talk about ex's except really quickly. It is alright to talk about hers, just not your own. That's too friendshipish...

"Me: Did you ever think it was weird dating someone at the same school? For some reason that’s the way I feel about my relationship with my ex.
Her: no it was cool
Her: we spent the days apart and the nights together
Her: i did my thing he did his
Me: I think that was why my relationship didn't work out. She wanted to be together all the time.
Her: yeah
Her: you can't be together ALL the time
Me: I know you eventually get tired of each other.
Her: yep
Her: if they don't leave you can't miss someone
Me: Distance seems to cause all the problems in my relationships.
Her: i'm saying forget relationships until i want to settle down
Her: less headache
Me: For real.
Me: I've started feeling the same way.
Me: My high school girlfriend ........
Me: broke up with me because I went off to college and she just got a job."

Doing it again... This ex, that ex, blah blah blah... Trust me, they may seem interested but they aren't.

It seems like a lot of the next 50 or so lines is about this ex stuff her talking about hers and you about yours. I'ma skip some...

In the section about going to the club, you totally just blow off most of her comments to make your own points. For example:

"Me: Monica was having her album release party at Visions; P-Diddy was hosting it.
Me: My crew and I had free VIP passes.
Me: But P-Diddy wanted only white shirts.
Me: We had to stop by the mall so my boy could buy a shirt.
Me: We ended up getting there too late.
Her: oh
Me: Talk about somebody who was mad.
Her: i like monica
Me: I could've been in P-Diddy's crew, wearing shiny suits and stuff.:-D
Her: i've had all her cd's but i need to get the new one
Her: if that's what you want:-\
Me: I can't stand Puffy.
Her: me either
Me: We was joking that we were going to approach him in the club.
Me: He probably had security for days.
Her: yeah
Me: We ended up going to this club called Vegas Nights.
Me: We went there about 20 years too early.
Her: haha"

Doing way too much talking partner... Sit back relax, get into her head. Always think to yourself "she doesn't care about my life, just her own" it's not really true, but that mentality will help you stay off what's going on in your life and more what's going on in hers.


You know what I'm skimming down and you have that problem all over this conversation.

Way too much me me me...

She is practically begging you to acknowledge that she is speaking at times, and you just continue on making your points and not showing much interest in her except for here and there.

It's cool that you can keep the conversation going, but next time try and focus more on her, she'll like you a lot more if you do trust me.

That's enough I skimmed pretty much the whole thing. Focus on her playa, stop rambling on about yourself and what you think and why you think it.

 

[Dee-Zy]

first u are go'N to talk to her LIVE

second you are gonna cut down MSN chat into less then 5 lines. EVERY CONVERSTATION IS LIVE.

do that - then come back.

GL


GHOST

 

[drixsa]

yea you have way too much free time

you convo sounded more like a questionaire

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Dude, why do you even want to talk to her again? She doesn't want to give you her number, does't want to call you, told you she's not looking (not interested in you), she tried to end the conversation a few times, and you kept going on and on, etc. etc. Don't waste your time, unless that's an unlimited resource for you, and you can't fill up your calendar. Too late to save this one; chat them up in person next time you get a chance at one of these.

 

[El Campeon 56]

Yeah I hate to say it but I agree with everyone else. You came across as screaminly AFCish and uncertain with your abilities to have a girl want you. At one point she talks about a guy that said he was an 8 in person but wasn't, and you tell her you won't get her hopes up if she meets you? Something along the lines of "yeah well when you meet me at least you'll get to see what a real 10 is for sure" and then joke with her about how she wouldn't be able to control herself around a guy as hot as you are. That will ingnite a girl's interest in you rather than downplaying yourself. Work on being more confident, funny and lighthearted when talking with girls.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Novice Don Juan
What should I do differently?

Well for starters, if you MUST talk to a girl over a messaging service, be brief! Like others on the thread are saying, you're a DJ...your time is precious and you can't afford to waste it having 3 and 4 hour conversations over the computer. You have castles to build, wars to win, women to seduce...or something.

I didn't read a damned word of that because I have no time or desire to read an AIM conversation that spans two posts. Do you think the girl is going to think any differently?

 

[OddTech]

Read the DJ Bible if you haven't already. And on another thing more specific, you weren't being mysterious. You practically spilled your gut out. Keep it light and go straight to the point. Ask her to meet up, if she refused, then you would have saved a lot of time.

 

[dontmindme]

quick scan of the log...and what i see is this


You: blah blablh blahb albhaba

Her: Yep

You: blah blablh blahb albhabablah blablh blahb albhabablah blablh blahb albhabablah blablh blahb albhaba

Her: Nope

You: blah blablh blahb albhabablah blablh blahb albhaba

Her: 3

You: blah blablh blahb albhabablah blablh blahb albhabablah blablh blahb albhabablah blablh blahb albhabablah blablh blahb albhabablah blablh blahb albhabablah blablh blahb albhabablah blablh blahb albhabablah blablh blahb albhaba

Her: i agree

she's not interested in you, otherwise she'd be asking questions about you.

 

[Dee-Zy]

just a thought - did u change all the screenames to 'me' and 'her'???

 

[TesuqueRed]

Only serious responses allowed here--???

Fvck... <sound of tramping feet> <door slam!>

 

[TesuqueRed]

<door opens> Red sticks his head in and angrily shouts..

"Read this!"

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=32417

and slams the door again.

 

[Dee-Zy]

Originally posted by TesuqueRed
<door opens> Red sticks his head in and angrily shouts..

"Read this!"

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=32417

and slams the door again.

lol - the reason I actually did that thread was because I was start'N to read too much of these type of **** - this one was the drop too much.

 

[Jay26]

I'm sorry but I agree with everyone else...

...blah blah blah blah blah, yep, nup, yep, yep, nup...

Not a good advertisement for messenging at all

Looks like it's going nowhere, besides she's either bored or boring, the two are usually intertwined anyway.

I don't know, am I the only one who finds long converstations like this totally pointless, as the Stiffmeister would say "I don't know dude that sounds like a lot of work", and it is a lot of work, what's worse your not making any progress!!! and you're losing valualbe time!

Who's got time for this ****? She's as cold as fish to boot, I would have literally switched off the messenger mid-sentence, cos this looks like a huge, boring, waste of time!!!

and don't put yourself down with comments!!! that's like blowing your own feet off!!!

 

[oreo_renegade]

TOO MUCH BS FROM YOU

just STFU and listen to her.

"why?"

"how so?"

"tell me more about that"

"really!? then what?"





is the questions you should have been asking, not "whats your favorite drink"

and then "well, then let me tel you about myself for 50 lines"



you want questions with mor then one word answers.

your : "whats your favorite drink?"
her: "blah"
*conversation over*


you : "ha, what do you do when you get drunk?"
her: "blah blah blah blah blah."
you: "really!? how so?"
her: "blah blah blah. Blah blah blah-blah blah! blah blah blah blah?"
You: "maybe, it would depend I guess, listen, i g2g, so lets meet up and grab a bite to eat, if your anything LIKE ME(NLP cue) then you must be starving after class."

her: "blah- ok"

-or-

her: "blah, no-ok"

How many lines is that?