need serious help....

[evil_tomato]

Hey fellas,

where do I even begin? this may be a long post but please bare with me...
ok so I am in a terrible sprout of depression at the moment, ive suffered from depression all my life but it has really hit me hard this year. I am on meds and I do goto therapy which does help for a bit and then I lose the motivation for life and am back where I started..

I have no motivation for life. I'm currently over weight and chubby and am finding it so hard for the life of me to get out of bed in the morning and go to the gym and work out....also I have a really bad diet which I know isn't helping but I eat like that anyway because "healthy foods" taste boring and gross and eating less also seems to give me headaches. On the rare occasion when I have found the will and motivation to take action, it only seems to last for 2 weeks and then it wears off and I fall in a hole again.

Most girls say I'm an attractive guy but yet most of my life ive always been single. Ive had only a handful of relationships which have always failed either because she gets bored or leaves me for other people....I'm starting to think I'm just one of these people who are destined to be single for life. Most of the women I am attracted to are either too old for me, they adore me and will sleep with me but wont get in a relationship with me because they have hang ups about the age difference....or the other women I like are taken. The only women who I attract apart from the older ones are just the fatties/uglies....which is quite depressing...

I am also a heavy smoker and having a very hard time giving it up...It seems to be affecting my health and immune system since at the moment its shot to pieces but again I cant give the damn thing up! I'm always sick and never have any energy and its struggle when you work all the time to try and be healthy and goto the gym...im already so stressed and drained and tired that I just cbf!

Anyway I am in a terrible rut and would like some advice and opinions on dragging myself out of this because I'm struggling badly. Please help!

 

[Tictac]

About two years ago, one of my best friends crashed into a depression. It took a whole, but he entered counseling and saw a psychiatrist for mess. Over the next 9 months, he tried three different SSRIs, none of which did anything for him. So he gave up on them.

Meanwhile he entered counseling, a therapist not a psychiatrist. He asked me to go to one of his sessions and I did. The counselor asked me a lot of questions and wanted to know what I thought would help. As a guy, my instinct is to push. The therapist told me that right now (about a year ago now) was not a time to push and that so long as my friend continued to go to counseling, for now that had to be enough. So I backed off. He goes weekly and it is helping.

About March this year, my bud started getting better. It's slow. But you can see it and it's gaining momentum now. He's back to work, his sense of humor is better and he seems 'brighter' emotionally.

One of the things that I think helped was him (after everyone - me, his woman, mother, friends, doctor, counselor... told him it would help) beginning a regular exercise program where he does cardio and some weight training 4-5 days a week. He didn't do it when we told him or because we told him. Somewhere and on his own, he just decided to try it. So do that. Don't go all super-fitness, just start and keep it going maybe increasing intensity a little as you go while you continue your mess and counseling.

And give yourself a break. If what's going on with you is brain chemistry, you are not going to wish it away. It takes time.

Do what you can do. Just don't give up.

 

[Thorninmyside]

ive suffered from depression all my life but it has really hit me hard this year. I am on meds and I do goto therapy which does help for a bit and then I lose the motivation for life and am back where I started..

Been there. Nearly threw myself off a building 2 years ago. Got on meds and found a great counsellor, but a holistic approach including diet and activity (don't even have to think about it as "exercise", just "action") is completely necessary for those other things to have their best shot at you...

I have no motivation for life. I'm currently over weight and chubby and am finding it so hard for the life of me to get out of bed in the morning and go to the gym and work out....also I have a really bad diet which I know isn't helping but I eat like that anyway because "healthy foods" taste boring and gross and eating less also seems to give me headaches. On the rare occasion when I have found the will and motivation to take action, it only seems to last for 2 weeks and then it wears off and I fall in a hole again.

Sometimes the motivation comes AFTER the action, which continues the next level of action and so forth. You don't have to go into serious gym work right away, but you could start with 20 squats in the morning, 20 before lunch, and some pushups before dinner for example. Putting that extra strength in your legs gives you a spring in your step after a few days even. Trust me. When you feel an increase in strength, you'll feel a longing to burn and little more and get into cardio. When you do cardio for a while you'll embrace the burn and actually feel more like **** when you DON'T do it.

Abs are born in the kitchen, not the gym, so your diet is way important not only for your body but your mindset. Those headaches are like coming off a drug. You need to let them pass and you'll feel cleaner on the other side. Drink some coffee or green tea 1/2 hour before meals and you might find yourself reducing portions. Eating healthier meals might mean eating 5x a day instead of 3 and crappy snacks, so up your intake of better food while reducing your bad food to weekly cheats/treats.

I am also a heavy smoker and having a very hard time giving it up...It seems to be affecting my health and immune system since at the moment its shot to pieces but again I cant give the damn thing up!

You need a strategy to quit anything. You can't replace something with nothing. Smoking is not only a physical addiction, but a habitual thing, so you need to plan what you're going to do when you "need" a drag. My friend is quitting right now and every time he wants to light up, he does 10 pushups instead - the idea is to replace the temporary smoking fix with endorphins. Get addicted to feeling that surge of endorphins instead.

Here's the thing: you know EXACTLY what you need to do. And you already know there's no getting around it. Time to go Shia LeBeouff and JUST DO IT, but do it smart and in a way that lasts rather than being another failed attempt.

 

[evil_tomato]

yes I feel like the meds aren't helping me anymore, ive tried switching them up/swapping but still nothing....
I wake up and look at myself in the mirror everyday naked and I hate what I see yet the desire to change it feels all too overwhelming because its such a big job....

I'm 28 and feeling the pressure on the relationship front as all my friends are either married or in steady long term relationships with their loves and I cant even get a long term gf.....

ive had to take time off work because my depression is that bad that I cant get out of bed in the morning....getting out for a shower or to see a counsellor is a big job for me....unfortunately though I don't have the money to see a counsellor for a long term...theyre not cheap here

 

[dustmuffin]

I feel for you bro. Exercise is the way to go. You have to dig deep and force yourself to do it. Just go for a walk. Anything will do. That is the key to your depression.

 

[Infern0]

yes I feel like the meds aren't helping me anymore, ive tried switching them up/swapping but still nothing....
I wake up and look at myself in the mirror everyday naked and I hate what I see yet the desire to change it feels all too overwhelming because its such a big job....

I'm 28 and feeling the pressure on the relationship front as all my friends are either married or in steady long term relationships with their loves and I cant even get a long term gf.....

ive had to take time off work because my depression is that bad that I cant get out of bed in the morning....getting out for a shower or to see a counsellor is a big job for me....unfortunately though I don't have the money to see a counsellor for a long term...theyre not cheap here

You don't need to conform to "social norms". My friend you are 28, you are in your prime years, there is no rush.

You need to tackle your health problems first, identify what is and isn't helping you. Getting excercise, even if you start off just going for walks, here'a an idea download a podcast you like, something on inner game would be a good start, put on your headphones and go for a 45 minutes walk every evening after work.

For food, yeah you needs to stop eating garbage but cut down slowly, start off saying no "bad food" after 6pm. Trust me i lived like you for a while, once you start to cut out unhealthy food it'll make a big difference. Get off caffeine too as i bet you are pounding that which messes you up

For cigarettes, switch to vaping. it's way cheaper so you can spend the money you save on some new clothes etc, but it still gets your nicotine without all the harmful tar co2 etc, so it'll improve your cardio and lungs.

These are just some small things to think about, take small steps man, at the end of the day only you can change your mindset.