Need serious help getting rid of approach anxiety

[JaegerPilot217]

You might not agree or like the info I'll share with you:

My personal opinion is, Anxiety NEVER fully "goes away." Whenever I take a risk, anxiety is there to a certain degree. I've had days and weeks where I felt ultra confident; and I've had days and weeks of "dry spells." But my level of anxiety rarely ever has anything to do with my level of success or failure.

Charge ahead anyway. Better to say, "I will approach no matter how I'm feeling. I will allow nothing to get in my way of living the life I have envisioned for myself."

Ya the initial approach is not really a big deal to me anymore its just those awkward silences in conversation

 

[mangotot]

The Opening Poster is NOT doing warm approaching as in social circle for example. He is doing cold approach where the girl had no idea who he is. He might be a **** hot guy that lots of girls would want.

But how the hell do they find that out if he can't approach? And if he does approach but is crippled with fear, sure some women forgive him for it. But some will not. Its far better to be comfortable and relaxed rather then overwhelmed with nerves.

I've been where you are, And I know exactly what you mean.

But let me tell you some truth that nobody seems to mention.

Having anxiety or not having it doesn't make you attractive or unattractive.

Girls look at other things, and if they are attracted to you, your anxiety doesn't make you less attractive. not even one bit. In fact it makes it look cute.

Tell her "I don't do this regularly, this is kinda weird, but you look so nice that I had to talk to you "

She will sense your anxiety but she will be more encouraging, she knows you are authentic. Not a player without a heart.

Be thankful for your anxiety.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

The Opening Poster is NOT doing warm approaching as in social circle for example. He is doing cold approach where the girl had no idea who he is. He might be a **** hot guy that lots of girls would want.

But how the hell do they find that out if he can't approach? And if he does approach but is crippled with fear, sure some women forgive him for it. But some will not. Its far better to be comfortable and relaxed rather then overwhelmed with nerves.

ya for some of us cold approach is our only option if we don't have a social circle or not many friends

 

[JaegerPilot217]

So is relying on cold approach only a bad choice?

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Specifically how does having a social circle make it easier to attract and get hot girls instead of just relying on cold approach?

 

[Bossman90]

Talk to people(men and women) daily with no intent other than socializing with them. It gets you more comfortable with people in general, which carries over to your ability with women.

 

[The_411]

The Opening Poster is NOT doing warm approaching as in social circle for example. He is doing cold approach where the girl had no idea who he is. He might be a **** hot guy that lots of girls would want.

But how the hell do they find that out if he can't approach? And if he does approach but is crippled with fear, sure some women forgive him for it. But some will not. Its far better to be comfortable and relaxed rather then overwhelmed with nerves.

Fear is part and parcel of cold approaching. So what if women don't forgive him for being nervous and shy. He's not doing it for their reaction but his own development.

We all get shot down and often brutally so. I can remember lots of harsh reactions simply because I was approaching. I've been paralyzed with fear I've reverted to bad behaviors. We all have times where we smack ourselves and say why did I do this or why didn't I do that.

The key is to understand that while those episodes sting and are a blow to the ego they can also help us in monumental ways.

It's become much more difficult to make friends be social and generally have a good social life because people have become too isolated and too wrapped up in their own realities.

That being said you can do one of two things. One isolate yourself and avoid the general public or two embrace that you control your choices and you can choose to talk to people and make friends and in turn meet people.

No one is guaranteed a girlfriend or intimate interactions, but that's the point those things hold no value if they can be easily attained. Hence the reason for filtering and avoiding commitment unless you really want it. Lots of people have relationships but are they really "great" relationships. Statistics would show otherwise.

Social circle provides you with a warm approach. You are vetted to be a safe target and people can vouch for your character. You're also likely to be put into much better social interaction arenas than that of the local dance club. There's commonalty in that you have similar friends who share similar activities.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Fear is part and parcel of cold approaching. So what if women don't forgive him for being nervous and shy. He's not doing it for their reaction but his own development.

We all get shot down and often brutally so. I can remember lots of harsh reactions simply because I was approaching. I've been paralyzed with fear I've reverted to bad behaviors. We all have times where we smack ourselves and say why did I do this or why didn't I do that.

The key is to understand that while those episodes sting and are a blow to the ego they can also help us in monumental ways.

It's become much more difficult to make friends be social and generally have a good social life because people have become too isolated and too wrapped up in their own realities.

That being said you can do one of two things. One isolate yourself and avoid the general public or two embrace that you control your choices and you can choose to talk to people and make friends and in turn meet people.

No one is guaranteed a girlfriend or intimate interactions, but that's the point those things hold no value if they can be easily attained. Hence the reason for filtering and avoiding commitment unless you really want it. Lots of people have relationships but are they really "great" relationships. Statistics would show otherwise.

Social circle provides you with a warm approach. You are vetted to be a safe target and people can vouch for your character. You're also likely to be put into much better social interaction arenas than that of the local dance club. There's commonalty in that you have similar friends who share similar activities.

and its probably social proof