Need Serious Help, Advice and Intervention

[Hokumstock]

I have a doozy of a story to tell, but while I understand tough love please keep in mind I've been suicidal for the last couple weeks, so I implore you not to be too hard on me.

So in short, my mom's nuts, that's really what it always comes back to. So insane people are always drawn to me. I've had a lot of relationships but most often (especially the longer ones) are with crazy girls.

I dated a histrionic, multiple bi-polars, at least one borderline who just about destroyed my life, a girl with a brain tumor (which made her breaats grow and lactate) and a bunch of girls I don't even know what their problem was.

Every time the same **** happens. I start out thinking she's perfect, she eventually becomes abusive in some way, she cheats on me and leaves me, I fall into a horrible depression and then after I move on she pops back up begging me to take her back.

My latest relationship was such a spectacularly insane ****up you'll be certain I'm insane.

So after the borderline left me penniless in the middle of no where I feared I'd never love or trust again. Every girl after her I would compare to the idealized vision I had of her. This lead to a period of unbridled "success" at dating but because of my hangups I felt more alone than when I was alone.

See here's the real issue with me, if the girl's not a virgin I lose all respect for her, can't say I love her and feel gross cuddling with her. This is a morality thing, I don't care if she's a widow or rape victim, it's about her making poor decisions.

A little over a year ago a new girl comea along and she has some issues but I very quickly fall completely in love with her. She's 20, but she's a very beautiful virgin because she got sucked into some tumblr nonsense and started identifying as a boy, going so far as to change her legal name to a male one and start taking testosterone. I tell her she's a beautiful girl and in that one conversation she reverses everything she said about being a guy, starts growing her hair out, wearing dresses and make up again and we start sort of dating. We talk constantly. Her parents won't let her stop taking the testosterone though. After a year I agree to come up and just take her away from her issues and the embarrassment of her identity crisis and move in together and get married. So I drive across the country and bring her back. Problems?

Nonr between us at the time. We had not a single fight through the whole relationship. All while we were together she was loving and sweet and supportive at all times.

Then I get arrested one day. Oh. She wasn't 20, she was 17. That's still over the age of consent in both states so some of the charges are kind of light, but all those picturea and videos she sent me are now by the slimmest technicality child porn. "But she said she was 20!" "Where?" "Well it only came up when we started talking, really... She had a full time job..."

So my life's really quite over from my perspective. Judge doesn't like me I could get life (17 felonies) on the other end this is the first time i've been in trouble, none of my charges are violent and there's miles of mitigating factors. But at the end of the day... I'm probably being sent home as a sex offender. I feel like I'll never be able to attract another quality woman with that label.

So all this time what's been keeping me going was the idea that this girl was different. Our love was real and when this was all over we'd still end up married. But I couldn't reach out to her because of a no contact order. So I could only watch and wait. I tried putting a bunch of public stuff out on the internet publicly to let her know my feelings and mindset while I'm waiting to be able to talk to her.

Meanwhile she was stuck in a mental institute and when she's released she wants nothing to do with me. No attempts are made to contact me and she becomes very active on social media looking more gorgeous and happy than ever. Massive depression kicks in but I keep telling myself "that could be a secret message maybe..." I reach out to some exes for support. They still want to get back with me and are angry I'm so head over heels for this girl and not them. Which is ridiculous in each case, but my hope honestly was they would reach out to her so I could legally make contact.

So all this time she's been posting stuff on her Snapchat and I had been viewing it but I didn't much use Snapchat. Still, she knew my name and she hasn't blocked me anywhere. Then it occurs to me just yesterday after weeks of checking it, she can see who views it. She knows I've been checking. So I decide to add some stuff to my story. A couple pictures of good memories we share, a couple showing I'm in even better shape now, some showing where I am and a picture of an engagement ring i'd bought her.

She responds with a series of pictures cuddling with her as she puts it "possible bf". Hearts everywhere. I'm ****ing destroyed. I go tell one of the exes and she basically ****s me over. Finally THEN she takes it upon herself to contact her... To tell her off. She basically says "there's a guy who's life you ruined who's basically suicidal but that doesn't matter because you have someone new now." Now this was not me, but she clearly THINKS it was. If the cops check or whatever it'll be obvious it wasn't but she responds "never contact me again".

As this was going on I'd been going about all the sites I'd tried to reach out to her and deleting everything. Every video, every picture, anything that was put in place to remind her I loved her or whatever. I get to Snapchat and not only is she just now viewing the things I posted but she's taking screenshots of them. She then privates everything... But doesn't block me on any of it.

I should just hate her, but my stupid ass is still in love. It's a fresh wound. Part of me would like to know the best way to get her to come back on her own at some point.

My real issue though is the suicidal thing. I don't see any future for myself. I just want to get married. As I get older the odds of finding a girl who is a virgin, sane, legal and beautiful drop dramatically and I'm going to go out on a limb and guess the girls in that shrinking pool aren't going to want to marry middle aged sex offenders.

So what in the hell should I do? Why even bother with life?

 

[ohrein]

Well first thing I want to say is go and seek professional help. This is beyond our pay grade. I'm not a trained psychologist so everything I'm about to say needs to be understood within that context.

I had a decade long fight with depression and anxiety starting in my late teens so I know your struggle. Women were a massive issue for me as well and I think I was trying to use them as a pathway to meaning and happiness. Then when the inevitable happens, it would send me into spirals again just like you're experiencing now. So, I get it. I'm not going to give you tough love because you know what I'll say.

Firstly, know that your feelings are temporary. I have been to rock bottom and back and you'll just have to trust me and others who've taken the journey when I say it's worth fixing this problem and it's worth being alive. You don't want to die, you want to end your pain. You can end most of your pain, although life is inherently painful too, and experience the joy of living. The catch is that it will take a lot of work and a couple of years of your life to dig out. Neuroplasticity is the phenomena behind mental illness and the treatment of it. Your brain loves to be efficient and so negative though patterns become so entrenched that you literally have them without effort. This is chronic depression in a nut shell. This is the most important step of your journey : Get a good psychologist and ask to be treated with cognitive behavioral therapy. You must treat the underlying thought processes as they are the root of this problem.

Secondly, you should take a long break from dating. I'm talking years. Until you're happy with your own life, you will not be able to have a healthy relationship, fact. Psychological studies have shown the three biggest predictors of relationship success are common values, communication and mental health. I personally took three years off actively pursuing women. I did have a couple of hook ups but I actively avoided getting emotionally involved with women. I think you should too.

Finally, as an addition to learning about and using CBT to treat your depression, you should improve your life. Watch Jordan Peterson videos, clean your room, eat well and exercise. Find some purpose. Make your life 0.1% better every day. Eat one healthy meal, go for a ten minute walk. Slowly but surely improve more things. Eat two healthy meals, start lifting weights. Go for a hike. Learn guitar. Work your way up to career aspirations, find a job you are really passionate about and study or develop the skills for it. Just do not try to do all this in one sitting. Art is a great way to sooth and cultivate negative emotions into something worthwhile. I wrote and recorded an album over the two years my depression was the worst. Part of the reason it was so bad was because of a women as well so trust me when I say get away from them. Take this journey one step at a time, improving little baby steps every day. Do it every day and you'll be amazed what you can achieve in a year.

So, you don't need dating advice. You need to find your joy, your self worth and some confidence before you should worry about finding a partner. A woman should be an addition to a great life, not the center of it. You will not find contentment in a woman, you must craft your own life to do that.

Feel free to message me or reply if you'd like some resources, advice on how to start or anything else.

Peace. x

 

[Ranger]

I’m not qualified to comment on this.

 

[Dingo]

You've got to be a troll or you need some serious psychiatric help.

Seriously WTF ?... No sane woman should ever deal with you.

That's my response.... Suicidal or not...

 

[Spaz]

Do you need women to validate and give meaning to ur existence?

I trust you do know that suicide is not a strength but the lowest form of cowardice and selfishness?

Know of any women who would think that a suicidal man - is an attractive trait to have ?

But there's hope. There always is. When a man is at the very bottom of the blackest pit life can throw at him, that is the best opportunity to reinvent yourself into a better more powerful version of the old self. There's is nothing more that can hurt you and the only possible way to move is upwards, that is if you decide to come out of that self pitying party mode and fight with all you've got to succeed, despite the odds - that's the meaning of being a man.

A side note: There's a whole bunch of threads by POOK in the DJBible, go look it up and read it. It not only helps a man understand women but also it helps you as a man understand how a man should operate or conduct himself.

 

[Hokumstock]

Psychology aside, what is my best bet for making her want to come back? Just for my own ego.

 

[sazc]

Psychology aside, what is my best bet for making her want to come back? Just for my own ego.

 

[Ranger]

Psychology aside, what is my best bet for making her want to come back? Just for my own ego.

Completely ignore her. Get off all social media. Disconnect completely from google.
When you move on and don’t want her any longer there’s a good chance she would find you.
My life completely turned around almost over night when I disconnected from ALL social media. It’s f@cking stupid.
Social media holds you in the matrix. It’s influence is so invasive and you really don’t know it’s happening. All those people who are presenting this fabulous fairy tale lives on there? It’s all smoke and mirrors. It’s a smoke screen for their lives being in shambles. It’s like a sl”t dressing like a cute good girl and walking around like the good girl next door. It’s game. She is covering up her failed life.

 

[btownbuck2012]

WHat kind of response is this to a guy who’s said he’s currently suicidal about something? Grow up a bit.

 

[sazc]

WHat kind of response is this to a guy who’s said he’s currently suicidal about something? Grow up a bit.

Here's not suicidal. Truly suicidal people are resigned to suicide, they don't seek attention on internet boards.

However.... If you mention that you are suicidal on an internet board, ppl will start paying ATTENTION to you.

He's not suicidal, he's an attention seeker. Another big Dave who is going to ask for advice and ignore all of it with his own, preconcieved justifications.

Open your eyes, don't be so gullible.

UR so damned concerned and Noble, I don't see you putting up the suicide hotline number for him. All ur doing is cluttering the thread with your chest pounding bvllchit

 

[btownbuck2012]

Here's not suicidal. Truly suicidal people are resigned to suicide, they don't seek attention on internet boards.

However.... If you mention that you are suicidal on an internet board, ppl will start paying ATTENTION to you.

He's not suicidal, he's an attention seeker. Another big Dave who is going to ask for advice and ignore all of it with his own, preconcieved justifications.

Open your eyes, don't be so gullible.

UR so damned concerned and Noble, I don't see you putting up the suicide hotline number for him. All ur doing is cluttering the thread with your chest pounding bvllchit

Nice projection here rather than apologizing for your utterly incensitive comment. The guy is a first time poster. You’ve got no idea if he’s trolling or not. The sheer length of his post suggests he’s not. Again, grow up.

 

[Ranger]

This woman you are “in love” with is waaaaay smarter than you are. She’s actually rather brilliant. She got rescued into a new start by a man she gamed with the “poor little thing” scam.
Now she’s a princess on social media. Looking all cute and scrumptious. Getting all the attention she can to somehow cover up her failing life.
Don’t be her captain save a ho.
It’s YOU that these people care about. Not the HO
You rescued.
She could actually get you out of this whole mess with one statement. She deceived you by not revieling her age. She could make one statement to the authorities and all this would be over in the legal department. You think about that. Why doesn’t she?
Her complete and utter feminine self interest. The word is called solipsism. There is nothing outside her own small world and all things serve her.
“When it comes to women...no good deed ever goes unpunished or unused solely to her advantage.”
What about you? Are you really planning on being a discarded pile of garbage? A used up man already and you haven’t even started.
She is not being evil. She is being a woman. What else did you buy her? A fancy phone that she now posts all her cuteness to social media with?
That girl knows EXACTLY what she is doing. Now it’s your turn to be a man and fix your life. You can learn from it or be destroyed by it.
No matter what she can steal from others and men...you will always be more than her. Even in the poor shape you are in right now.

 

[marmel75]

Sounds like you have serious issues. If the girl isnt a virgin you want nothing to do with her? Have fun with 12 year olds. My God bro you need to work on that.

 

[Hokumstock]

Here's not suicidal. Truly suicidal people are resigned to suicide, they don't seek attention on internet boards.

However.... If you mention that you are suicidal on an internet board, ppl will start paying ATTENTION to you.

He's not suicidal, he's an attention seeker. Another big Dave who is going to ask for advice and ignore all of it with his own, preconcieved justifications.

Open your eyes, don't be so gullible.

UR so damned concerned and Noble, I don't see you putting up the suicide hotline number for him. All ur doing is cluttering the thread with your chest pounding bvllchit

I am reading the thread. I am taking the advice. I read some of Pook's threads after that was suggested. Disconnecting from social media also echoes what I've read a few places, what my brother keeps telling me to do and what I feel like doing.

I contacted an ex and fooled around with her on Skype because I knew she was still interested and I just wanted to feel like I was still desirable. Now I feel bad because I have no interest in an actual relationship with her and I'll probably keep using her as an emotional toilet while I'm trying to get over this girl.

 

[sazc]

I am reading the thread. I am taking the advice. I read some of Pook's threads after that was suggested. Disconnecting from social media also echoes what I've read a few places, what my brother keeps telling me to do and what I feel like doing.

I contacted an ex and fooled around with her on Skype because I knew she was still interested and I just wanted to feel like I was still desirable. Now I feel bad because I have no interest in an actual relationship with her and I'll probably keep using her as an emotional toilet while I'm trying to get over this girl.

@btownbuck2012 point proven, he's not suicidal, just attention seeking.

I never said he was trolling, quit projecting

 

[btownbuck2012]

@btownbuck2012 point proven, he's not suicidal, just attention seeking.

I never said he was trolling, quit projecting

Good thing he posted that or elss you might have had to,gulp, feel bad about what you said huh?

 

[Hokumstock]

@btownbuck2012 point proven, he's not suicidal, just attention seeking.

I never said he was trolling, quit projecting

I've never been suicidal before. I just don't see any future. Why be miserable for another 50 years? If I'm being honest it's probably more "give me a reason I shouldn't" and I thought up a few fairly poetic ways I could.

Without being specific, my nickname for her was a certain fruit. That fruits seeds are among the sort which if crushed up become cyanide in your stomach. Then I could really say "her name" killed me.

I'm more in the anger phase now though. I just want to make her regret her decision. I know what's going to happen already, based on what she's said about her sister and her behavior and fears with me and my past experience with every other crazy ex. Dude's going to have his fun for a little while, use her up and then tell her she's "not mature enough for a relationship" or "too clingy". Same **** happened to her sister and she was always afraid i'd react that way to her. And this guy's not even officially dating her yet and she's flooding social media with couple pictures? Then she'll contact me. I have to figure out how I'll respond at that point. Just ignoring her won't be satisfying enough. I mean I would for a while.

I still have to figure out what to do with all her **** still at my house. I figured i'd have my attorney contact her parents and ask for an appropriate mailing address. And in the first package i'd put the rings I got her with a little post it that says "keep them, give them to someone, throw them away, I don't care."

All except her sex stuff. That i'd just throw away. I don't want to deprive her of her things but at the same time I'm not going to say "here, go use these with your new guy."

 

[sazc]

Good thing he posted that or elss you might have had to,gulp, feel bad about what you said huh?

Nope because I know enough about suicide to know that TRULY suicidal people don't go paying on internet boards they are suicidal. Attention seekers post about suicide to get what they want, attention.

Don't be bitter about being wrong.

 

[sazc]

The proper thing to do, the only really responsible thing to do, when you really believe sometime is suicidal is to URGE them to stop what they are doing and call the suicide hotline ASAP.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Nope because I know enough about suicide to know that TRULY suicidal people don't go paying on internet boards they are suicidal. Attention seekers post about suicide to get what they want, attention.

Don't be bitter about being wrong.

Lol my bad I forgot that trying to elicit empathy from women regarding men’s trials and tribulations in life is a fruitless endeavor.