Need serious advice from all you guys....

[jblade]

shes putting you on the backplate. give her space... a lot of it

 

[Colossus]

Should i just keep backing off slowly? how should i approach her texting me and trying to initiate with me even though the vibe has just died down after the whole conversation this morning.

Don't listen to all the BPD parrots. Just take it for what it is...she's yanking your chain, and the reasons really aren't important. I'd give her LOTS of space. Keep your texts short and simple and don't even answer every time. If she is going to treat you like a boy toy then you should treat her like a hump doll.

Or just let her go completely.

 

[backbreaker]

I don't see what SHE is doing wrong. she never implied that she wanted to be your long term partner. YOU wanted it. now YOU are mad because she doesn't feel the same way about YOU.


The problem here, the real problem are your expectations and needs, not what she is doing wrong. the problem here is that she's not doing what you want her to do.


I mean, don't take.. **** i don't ant to say this because this will hurt your feelings.. but your feelings are going to get hurt one way or the other, either by me or by her. so **** it. i'd rather you be pissed off at me lol.

you aren't in a position to be dating right now. you are a mess. you needy, clingy and co dependent. even if you got the girl, there is no way in your mental state rihgt now you could keep her you are too insecure. Even if by some stroke of luck you kept her and she did not technically cheat, it would be simply because she she has controlled the frame of the relationship to the point where she knows she will never hve it as good as you being her slave. She will stop having sex with you. That's not a guess. She will stop respecting you if she does anyway. You don't respect yourself right now.

Your entire day right now is revolved around trying to get in better graces with this one chick. That's a truly pathetic way to live. I can say that because i did it for 3-4 years.

What you need seriously is some serious alone time. You need to be signle. You need to figure out some **** about yourself. You need to figure out why you are so damn clingy and emotional. You need to figure out why you have the co dependency issues you have. only once you address those, are you going to be in a position to date.. **** really, anyone.

This girl here, is a lost cause however.

 

[In2theGame]

Thanks for the advice guys but I'm just moving forward and went about my day yesterday not worrying about it and no contact rest of the day after she kept initiating with me. She called me again this morning and we had a light convo but that she's sorry she can be a big B*ch sometimes and implied she wants to drive to see me and missed me. I really didnt throw it much back her way but i just figure i can't be bothered with a back and forth attitude (maybe BPD) keep it as a FB and date around multiple woman like i was doing before.

And Backbreaker, I see what your saying here in your criticism towards me but initially I wasn't trying to make it a long term thing or anything like that however after we've been out together and having fun, She started coming over, cooking, cleaning up, giving me massages and refusing to let me pay for some things etc plus the great sex, i began thinking of maybe moving forward with it thats all. Maybe i was looking too much into it and should of kept it simple but i figured she was hinting at something by contacting me all the time claiming how much she wishes she were with me or how she cant wait to do thing together during the up coming winter.

I admit i do have a problem with anxiety and jump to negative conclusions about situations after a horrible time in my life just 2 years ago where my ex really screwed me over mentally and emotionally and not long after that my best friend of 16 years betraying me. I guess i have to work on myself mentally and emotionally like you said but sometimes its tough when life experiences shape you.

 

[backbreaker]

Bro I'm a freaking drug addict for crying out loud. you are preaching to the chrior. I take trazadone for depression, my mom disowned me, my dad tried to **** my girlfriend, my grandmother's boyfriend tried to stab me lol. i've been falsy accused of rape, i've been abused physically by a woman before.

here is the thing. the world does not give a **** about your probelms. at the end of the day they are your problems and you have to deal with them. just like i have to deal with mine. the girl is not going to take into consideration all the **** you've been through when she's factoring in rather she wants to give you a blow job or not. it doesn't matter. she doesn't care.

thus, until you figure out how to cope with your issues, you need to be on the sideline because rather you understand it or not, all you are doing right now is adding more negative experiences for you to have to deal with.

 

[Married Buried]

This sounds like a b!tch I used to date. One night she said "are you seeing anybody else because I don't share". Then I come to find out later she had a team the whole time, banging multiple guys. Turned out to be the biggest psycho b!tch I ever dated.

Sounds like this woman deserves to get banged and dumped, don't take her seriously.

 

[speed dawg]

In2theGame:

Let's not overlook the real problem here. She is giving you mixed signals, which means her interest level in you plummeted. I don't like to type long paragraphs anymore, so I'll just keep this simple. You turned her off by "focusing" on her and all that other stuff. Should have just kept living your own life, and not centering it on her. Lesson learned.

All that crap about her father and her LTR and her guy friends....nothing but excuses. Female drivel. It may be true, but she doesn't care about it that much.

 

[Married Buried]

In2theGame:

Let's not overlook the real problem here. She is giving you mixed signals, which means her interest level in you plummeted. I don't like to type long paragraphs anymore, so I'll just keep this simple. You turned her off by "focusing" on her and all that other stuff. Should have just kept living your own life, and not centering it on her. Lesson learned.

All that crap about her father and her LTR and her guy friends....nothing but excuses. Female drivel. It may be true, but she doesn't care about it that much.

Plus I just came across this gem.. .What part of "GOING GHOST" does the OP fail to understand? This was real bad. He blew a chance to ignore her. He's been demoted to text girlfriend.

So hours later she texts me "Hey", I responded half hour later because i was away from my phone but i texted back "Hey, Hows work". She says "Work is good lol I setup my new office" and send me a picture. I just said "Thats nice, good setup".

The whole vibe has shifted from lovey dovey talk between us to awkward texts and now shes using a lot of "lol"s when she doesnt much.. Should i just keep backing off slowly? how should i approach her texting me and trying to initiate with me even though the vibe has just died down after the whole conversation this morning.

 

[Die Hard]

Don't listen to all the BPD parrots.

From the 29 replies in this thread, only 2 hinted at BPD. Yet you act like there's a whole army of brainwashed "BPD parrots" trying to take over the thread or something.

You really expect In2theGame to take advice from you when you're acting this paranoid?!

 

[Married Buried]

Bro I'm a freaking drug addict for crying out loud. you are preaching to the chrior. I take trazadone for depression, my mom disowned me, my dad tried to **** my girlfriend, my grandmother's boyfriend tried to stab me lol. i've been falsy accused of rape, i've been abused physically by a woman before.

Trazadone huh? I just got prescribed that as a sleep aid to go along with my adderall during the day. I'm turning into a ****ing walking pharmacy.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I don't see what SHE is doing wrong. she never implied that she wanted to be your long term partner. YOU wanted it. now YOU are mad because she doesn't feel the same way about YOU.

The problem here, the real problem are your expectations and needs, not what she is doing wrong. the problem here is that she's not doing what you want her to do.

Totally agree with BB here, spot on 100%.

Furthermore, this girl has some major red flags, OP needs to do a better job of screening before investing his time in a girl. I know its tough, especially when the girl is smokin' hot, I'm guilty of this too.

In the future, always keep a girl as an option, until she brings up the "what are we" talk. It doesn't matter if she's driving an hour to see you, cooking you dinners, banging you like a porn-star.

When a girl is truly invested in a guy, there isn't anything more that she wants.

The fact that she didn't want the "label" should have been your big tip off that she had other options & wasn't worthy of your time.









PIMP

 

[Lord Hypnos]

Today for example, We got into a small argument. She called me this morning but i was busy doing something and called her back later in the day. She didnt pick up so i thought okay cool ill text her something in a little while but then she texts me saying "Hey whats up, I called you before. My guy friends came over to watch NFL because i have the NFL package". Ok now,... I already have trust and anxiety issues when it comes to things like this because of how traumatic my last 5 year relationship ended and when i saw this.. it really makes me not what to give a F*ck anymore and go back to being a full blown bachelor because in my opinion, I just cant fathom how a very good looking girl can have male friends that don't want to get with her. Even if she knew them for a very long time... I think its naive to think otherwise. I called her out on it and i sent a text saying "How come you didnt pick up for me?" as it bothers me that because she's with her guy friends.. she cant step away for a few min to talk to someone she supposedly likes a lot and misses? or am i over thinking it?

don't take this like I'm insulting you, but right here it sounds like a complete role reversal in the relationship, where you are acting like a woman and she is acting like a man. Just imagine how a woman will get upset and all insecure when their bfs/husbands are out watching NFL with their buddies, instead of paying attention to them.

IMO you are totally over reacting. Maybe she is a big NFL fan? Maybe her guy friends are friends of the family, and not FBs? Whats the big deal if she didn't answer your text right away?

Now you have started a whole bunch of drama arguing over your insecurities, when instead you should be focused on having a good time together. The good thing is she didn't ditch you (yet), have you ever heard of 'make up sex'?

 

[In2theGame]

don't take this like I'm insulting you, but right here it sounds like a complete role reversal in the relationship, where you are acting like a woman and she is acting like a man. Just imagine how a woman will get upset and all insecure when their bfs/husbands are out watching NFL with their buddies, instead of paying attention to them.

IMO you are totally over reacting. Maybe she is a big NFL fan? Maybe her guy friends are friends of the family, and not FBs? Whats the big deal if she didn't answer your text right away?

Now you have started a whole bunch of drama arguing over your insecurities, when instead you should be focused on having a good time together. The good thing is she didn't ditch you (yet), have you ever heard of 'make up sex'?

No, Not insulting at all. You guys are right. I fvcked up and lost the frame I had at the start of it all which was not giving a sh*t about anything, pretty much why she was all over me but lesson learned. Also like Pimp-sicle stated, when the girl is really hot, Red Flags become a grey area and try to rationalize things or dismiss them a bit more. I'm very upset upset with myself for acting like a beta, especially when i have no problems picking up 8's and 9's, You'd expect that i always stay at the top of my game.

 

[john1234]

I'm not big into the BPD label that often gets thrown around here but this girl's behavior sort of seems to fit that description.

This is what gets me the most about the dating game today. It's not that girls are hypergamous as bad as that is, but that you can fvck a girl even multiple times and maybe even be acting as BF/GF, but she's still constantly being hit on and pursued by other guys. It's not so hard for these other guys to seem like bigger, better deals for short periods of time when you are familiar. Some girls just can't stay monogamous or committed to you for any length of time in the face of constant male attention.

I believe when a woman is going cold on you, it's almost always because of sexual attention if not sex from other guys.

I like this because, in LTR you can get the girl suddenly get cold on you.

 

[Zunder]

This girl is not girl-friend material.
Therefore, change her name on your phone to "Two Bit Wh0re" so that when she texts or phones you see that description andtreat her as such, and not be PUTTING HER ON THE PEDESTAL that you have surely been putting her on.

And anyway - mate, if are this good looking player due who has no trouble spinning plates, then what the fvck is the problem? Pump, dump, and go spin the next one.

 

[In2theGame]

She's been hitting me up all night since i haven't been replying to her texts right back. Now trying to send me kisses and saying she wants to come see me to give me a massage and take care of me I spoke to her just playing it cool talking about the gym and stuff because we're both into fitness but anyway, She got upset because i wouldnt respond to her kiss. We got off the phone and she texts me a bunch of hearts with a goodnight. I responded with have a goodnight. She probably is kinda crazy and some loose screws up top and now "acting" out because im just treating her like ive done to all my other FWB, like a FWB.

As far as BPD, maybe the case in a way because of the attitude changes. I remember when we'd go out on a date to grab a drink together, Girls have literally hit on me right in her face and i would turn back and simply state that i was just ordering a drink and the girl tried talking to me. She would say "Oh i dont care, its whatever, do whatever you want" Im like relax, Im here with you... Then another time a girl purposely brushed up against my arm to get my attention and she started saying "I'll Fvck that B*ch up for touching you" I grabbed her and told her to "sit down!" which she did. In addition to all that she always claimed that she "didnt want to be like all the other girls all over my me". Also when i went out and was hanging with friends she would constantly text me "I miss you" and i would assume to keep me texting to see if i was with another girl. I remember the girl i was seeing before that who was a HB9 also (blonde, Blue eyes, beautiful face and a massive natural rack, did the same thing and even tried makin sure we would have alot of sex before i went out with friends. Even stating "Im going to get every drop out of you" lol. im not even kidding about that quote. Overall i guess women will be women.

On a off topic point, I just feel like theres no hope for trust or a normal relationship with women even when i try to think other wise and not feel bitter but from my experiences i just dont know at all anymore. Aside from my Ex leaving in a very brutal way and even telling me when we were breaking up that she felt dirty because "a few guys came on her face" since we started separating from a 5Y LTR, My friend called me earlier saying how he found out his "innocent" fiance sucked off and gave a handjob to a stripper at one of those so called hen bachelorette parties along with other wild friends. The most incredible thing about it is that the girl and her friends are DEFENDING the actions by stating that it was innocent fun and didnt mean anything and they got a little drunk. My long time female friend also confided in me recently that she's been banging a co worker behind her husbands back which i was VERY surprised to hear. To top it off, i wont disrespect her by saying shes ugly because shes been a close friend for a very long time but she is fat and HB4 i would say but alas,.. another dude is plowin her and she faces her husband and two kids like nothing is ever happening. Amazing. I wont even go into stories of girls with BF or husbands still willing to let me bang them but i never went through with them.

I wont ramble anymore bout it but i appreciate the advice you guys gave me here even if it was brutal but honest.

 

[Zunder]

She's been hitting me up all night since i haven't been replying to her texts right back. Now trying to send me kisses and saying she wants to come see me to give me a massage and take care of me I spoke to her just playing it cool talking about the gym and stuff because we're both into fitness but anyway, She got upset because i wouldnt respond to her kiss. We got off the phone and she texts me a bunch of hearts with a goodnight. I responded with have a goodnight. She probably is kinda crazy and some loose screws up top and now "acting" out because im just treating her like ive done to all my other FWB, like a FWB.

As far as BPD, maybe the case in a way because of the attitude changes. I remember when we'd go out on a date to grab a drink together, Girls have literally hit on me right in her face and i would turn back and simply state that i was just ordering a drink and the girl tried talking to me. She would say "Oh i dont care, its whatever, do whatever you want" Im like relax, Im here with you... Then another time a girl purposely brushed up against my arm to get my attention and she started saying "I'll Fvck that B*ch up for touching you" I grabbed her and told her to "sit down!" which she did. In addition to all that she always claimed that she "didnt want to be like all the other girls all over my me". Also when i went out and was hanging with friends she would constantly text me "I miss you" and i would assume to keep me texting to see if i was with another girl. I remember the girl i was seeing before that who was a HB9 also (blonde, Blue eyes, beautiful face and a massive natural rack, did the same thing and even tried makin sure we would have alot of sex before i went out with friends. Even stating "Im going to get every drop out of you" lol. im not even kidding about that quote. Overall i guess women will be women.

On a off topic point, I just feel like theres no hope for trust or a normal relationship with women even when i try to think other wise and not feel bitter but from my experiences i just dont know at all anymore. Aside from my Ex leaving in a very brutal way and even telling me when we were breaking up that she felt dirty because "a few guys came on her face" since we started separating from a 5Y LTR, My friend called me earlier saying how he found out his "innocent" fiance sucked off and gave a handjob to a stripper at one of those so called hen bachelorette parties along with other wild friends. The most incredible thing about it is that the girl and her friends are DEFENDING the actions by stating that it was innocent fun and didnt mean anything and they got a little drunk. My long time female friend also confided in me recently that she's been banging a co worker behind her husbands back which i was VERY surprised to hear. To top it off, i wont disrespect her by saying shes ugly because shes been a close friend for a very long time but she is fat and HB4 i would say but alas,.. another dude is plowin her and she faces her husband and two kids like nothing is ever happening. Amazing. I wont even go into stories of girls with BF or husbands still willing to let me bang them but i never went through with them.

I wont ramble anymore bout it but i appreciate the advice you guys gave me here even if it was brutal but honest.

Jeezuz. I jsut posted in another thread how I hardly drink anymore due to getting headaches when fvkcing with a skinful of booze -- but after reading this post I NEED A DRINK.

Something is not equating here with me. You talk about all these HB's your boning while this current chick is playing you,and another one broke up with you and tells you how guys came on her face?. I mean, WTF?!

 

[In2theGame]

Jeezuz. I jsut posted in another thread how I hardly drink anymore due to getting headaches when fvkcing with a skinful of booze -- but after reading this post I NEED A DRINK.

Something is not equating here with me. You talk about all these HB's your boning while this current chick is playing you,and another one broke up with you and tells you how guys came on her face?. I mean, WTF?!

As i stated in my original post Ive been single for a while and was dating or hooking up with multiple women and was seeing another blonde before i got involved with this one. The Ex about guys cvmming on her face, was 2 years ago but i was stating how those experiences have brought my hope down. She said that to me when we were breaking up yes while i was going to make her my wife. Pulled a Neo and dodged a big bullet there but very hurtful experience.

 

[Zunder]

As i stated in my original post Ive been single for a while and was dating or hooking up with multiple women and was seeing another blonde before i got involved with this one. The Ex about guys cvmming on her face, was 2 years ago but i was stating how those experiences have brought my hope down. She said that to me when we were breaking up yes while i was going to make her my wife. Pulled a Neo and dodged a big bullet there but very hurtful experience.

No doubt.
Dare I say you are like most guys on this forum-- despite the odd bytching from some tools about us all being misogynists -- you are a GOOD GUY whom has been burnt by some truly awful/evil bytches. One of he hardest things to come to the realisation is that some women can be the most devious, sociopathic people that you will ever meet - so different from the 'Daisy Duke's we are brought up to believe the sweet girls next door are supposed to be.

 

[In2theGame]

No doubt.
Dare I say you are like most guys on this forum-- despite the odd bytching from some tools about us all being misogynists -- you are a GOOD GUY whom has been burnt by some truly awful/evil bytches. One of he hardest things to come to the realisation is that some women can be the most devious, sociopathic people that you will ever meet - so different from the 'Daisy Duke's we are brought up to believe the sweet girls next door are supposed to be.

I would say im a good guy but not in a soft way. Ive been burnt bad but because i let myself trust too much. My first GF was from the south and was very innocent, polite and no one would never guess she could be so devious. I clearly remember her saying one night "I have to go bc its cold out here and im not wearing panties and my guy friend is waiting for me to pick him up" She wanted space and all this after i was taking flights to make it work with her and doing alot.

I was bitter for a while but met and fell in love with my Ex. she treated me great but at the beginning i walked out on her one night because a guy called her phone and i would NOT put up with any sketchy sh*t. she practically threw herself on the floor crying her eyes out begging me not to leave. she was shaking and i felt bad. I turned around and made it work with her. She always panicked that i would leave her and i assured her i wouldnt. After 5 years i wanted to make her my wife. She never gave me a reason to think she would do anything to cross the line and stated how much she wanted us to get married. Then found out she was talking to guys online and how "she would suck their ****s". I was so upset i threw up with chest pains because at how bad she could betray me. All this WHILE she was arranging our families to meet to talk about getting married and i helped her get her head straight and get her degree to do well in life. Thats how i got repaid. To top it off, she immediately moved in with a new guy and got engaged to him 2 months after.