Need Opinions and Advice: Legit Reason or Just an Excuse?

[CheekyMonkey101]

I went on a second date with this 22 year old girl last night.

After a few drinks at the bar we got a takeaway and then went back to mine. After eating, we started making out on the sofa which got quite heavy and when I said we should go back to my room she agreed, but as I went to my room she got a call from her mum to say that her is in hospital and she wants her to come and see him (she had mentioned this earlier in the evening) and she had to go. I said okay and then walked her back to the station nearby.

She messaged me unprompted later on saying about where she was on her journey back and apologised for leaving abruptly and so I said it's fine and I hope her brother recovers.

I know girls often use an excuse (like a call from a friend, etc) to get them away from a situation. However, she seemed genuinely sorry at the time, but I'm wondering if she was just saying it.

Should I just leave it and see if she reaches out again or message her myself to meet up in a day or two? Is it just low interest? I'm thinking of just doing the former as it should really be on her to make plans.

I only really see her as a potential FWB anyway so it's no real loss.

 

[SW15]

Do nothing for a few days and see what happens. It seems like you were the last person to send a text message.

It's likely a lower interest level thing.

She wasn't ready for sex on the 2nd date.

Food can often block sex. After drinking alcohol, there are times where the combination of food and alcohol don't make someone feel good. There can be stomach problems. There are times where women don't feel sexual either, even without stomach problems.

After 2 dates, you didn't see her as having girlfriend potential. If getting a longer term girlfriend is a goal, it would be better to focus on women with potential for that. You could even ignore her if she happens to send you a text message or give you a phone call (highly unlikely for a 22 year old after 2 dates) if you wanted to do that. You could also tell her you are dropping her without ghosting. That could be an option if you are seeking girlfriend only, don't wish to have short term casual sex, and don't wish to ghost.

I think the most probable outcome is that this interaction ends with no future in-person interaction. It's possible a text message or two gets exchanged.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

Do nothing for a few days and see what happens. It seems like you were the last person to send a text message.

It's likely a lower interest level thing.

She wasn't ready for sex on the 2nd date.

Food can often block sex. After drinking alcohol, there are times where the combination of food and alcohol don't make someone feel good. There can be stomach problems. There are times where women don't feel sexual either, even without stomach problems.

After 2 dates, you didn't see her as having girlfriend potential. If getting a longer term girlfriend is a goal, it would be better to focus on women with potential for that. You could even ignore her if she happens to send you a text message or give you a phone call (highly unlikely for a 22 year old after 2 dates) if you wanted to do that. You could also tell her you are dropping her without ghosting. That could be an option if you are seeking girlfriend only, don't wish to have short term casual sex, and don't wish to ghost.

I think the most probable outcome is that this interaction ends with no future in-person interaction. It's possible a text message or two gets exchanged.

She sent the last message last night saying "Thanks x" after I wished her brother well, anyway. I didn't respond.

I'll just wait it out and see other girls.

I'm happy with FWB as well, but this was disappointing as I thought I had it in the bag.

 

[SW15]

I'll just wait it out and see other girls.

That is your best option.

I'm happy with FWB as well, but this was disappointing as I thought I had it in the bag.

It is disappointing when you think you're going to get laid with a new woman and it doesn't end up happening.

Managing those feelings of disappointment and holding frame is a good thing.

Walking away from a bad situation after something didn't go well on a 1st/2nd date is a power move.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

That is your best option.



It is disappointing when you think you're going to get laid with a new woman and it doesn't end up happening.

Managing those feelings of disappointment and holding frame is a good thing.

Walking away from a bad situation after something didn't go well on a 1st/2nd date is a power move.

Yeah, I didn't act angry and annoyed and I just accepted it for what it is.

I've now just given her space to reach out but she at least reached out and apologised after. I've done my bit.

 

[New_Journey]

I said we should go back to my room she agreed

Why didn't you fvcked her right there in the sofa? Sex is organic, not something you plan, if you were hot and heavy, start fvcking her there and move to the room later, more exciting and engaging.

I only really see her as a potential FWB anyway so it's no real loss.

This is bs, you see it as more, but you just can't accept the fact that you couldn't fvck her. If she was be a loss, you wouldn't have made this post. Start by being honest with yourself.

I didn't respond.

Why you didn't respond?

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

Why didn't you fvcked her right there in the sofa? Sex is organic, not something you plan, if you were hot and heavy, start fvcking her there and move to the room later, more exciting and engaging.



This is bs, you see it as more, but you just can't accept the fact that you couldn't fvck her. If she was be a loss, you wouldn't have made this post. Start by being honest with yourself.


Why you didn't respond?

Lesson learned on the sofa bit.

I do care in the sense that I was disappointed I didn't get to smash, but I don't see her as potential gf more as potential FWB.

I also didn't respond because there was nothing to add.

 

[SW15]

Walking away from a bad situation after something didn't go well on a 1st/2nd date is a power move.

I didn't act angry and annoyed and I just accepted it for what it is.

Things can do wrong on first and second dates. While something might have gone wrong with food and escalation at your place, you can't go back in time. You did the right thing for accepting it for what it is.

I can think of a time where I had a woman back at my place and I couldn't escalate it to sex. This is similar to what happened to you last night. If I recall correctly, this was a 3rd date. I felt at the time that she had girlfriend potential. With the passage of time, I still feel that way about her in thinking about her SMV in that moment.

My escalation did not work, she left my apartment without having sex with me, and I never heard from her again. I was so disappointed in that. I acted like I had too much scarcity mentality then. I had just moved to a new city and didn't have any options.

I examined why I thought she ghosted and tried to move forward and make improvements.

Later on, I can think of examples where I went on some first dates from either inadequate pre-screening from apps or just scheduled with someone who had major incompatibilities with me. In one instance, I can think of a date I arranged and I was self-conscious about the shaving cut I had from the day before above my lip. That made my escalation on the date worse but it might not have mattered because we had some major incompatibilities.

In the cases I'm thinking about from the previous paragraph, I walked away from those situations and never contacted the female again. I doubt it mattered because these women likely had such abundance that they forgot about me within 2-3 days. Their interest level in me also was likely on the lower side.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

Things can do wrong on first and second dates. While something might have gone wrong with food and escalation at your place, you can't go back in time. You did the right thing for accepting it for what it is.

I can think of a time where I had a woman back at my place and I couldn't escalate it to sex. This is similar to what happened to you last night. If I recall correctly, this was a 3rd date. I felt at the time that she had girlfriend potential. With the passage of time, I still feel that way about her in thinking about her SMV in that moment.

My escalation did not work, she left my apartment without having sex with me, and I never heard from her again. I was so disappointed in that. I acted like I had too much scarcity mentality then. I had just moved to a new city and didn't have any options.

I examined why I thought she ghosted and tried to move forward and make improvements.

Later on, I can think of examples where I went on some first dates from either inadequate pre-screening from apps or just scheduled with someone who had major incompatibilities with me. In one instance, I can think of a date I arranged and I was self-conscious about the shaving cut I had from the day before above my lip. That made my escalation on the date worse but it might not have mattered because we had some major incompatibilities.

In the cases I'm thinking about from the previous paragraph, I walked away from those situations and never contacted the female again. I doubt it mattered because these women likely had such abundance that they forgot about me within 2-3 days. Their interest level in me also was likely on the lower side.

Yeah, you win some and you lose some. Luckily I have others lined up, but it's still disappointing. Particularly if she was hot