need help

[IndianaJoneS]

Hi Guys,

I don´t know what to do, please give me your advise...

I´m no "pickupartist" by any means but I can approach girls and do it with modest success.

Splitted up with my g/f in june after a ltr that lastet about 1 1/2 years and got to know different girls at the same time. I fell in love with one and cutted off the other girls, because I wanna be honest (I know about one-itis-theory ... ). She is 26 and was married for 5 years. She left her husband and fell in love with some other guy about 2 years ago and she had some kind of relation with him. I don´t know if they saw each other the whole 2 years...

Ok, we know each other since 8 weeks. I approached her and took her out and we had a really nice time. We had sex only once and only because I pressed it a little bit. She "wants to be sure, first..". The other times we only had oral sex. We kiss each other like crazy, sometimes for half an hour or longer. We laugh together, we talk about many different things and I really enjoy conversation with her. I feel attracted to her very STRONG. She tells me, that she feels very good with me and that "I´m good for her" and that she´s looking forward to see me again. But I have to initialize everything. I call her, I make dates with her. She follows, but she has very little initiative.

Ok, so far, so good.

Now it´s time to talk about this OTHER MAN :

She told me that he came back 2 weeks ago. (By the way he promised her heaven on earth and made plans for the future etc. at the beginning and then left her ... )

She told it to me. She wants to see me again. She said, she doesn´t know what her feelings are. Yesterday I called her and she was very serious on the phone and said that she was with james talking in a cafe and that we should phone later. I went crazy. I was really harmed. I can´t stand cool, I try but I´m seriously hurt.

She tells me she "needs time". We see us and have a really great time. I think she will meet this other man again. She told me something about : "People should get second chances".

She has control over my state. I´m in love with her. I want a relationship with her.

I don´t know what to do. She tells me the truth, I think, she could have told me, that she is with a gf or so ...

I came to the conclusion that it would be best to send her away and look if she returns. But she is very passive.

I have lost clear sight, please help me. Thanks.

A really ****ed Indiana Jones

 

[sav]

this girl is bad news...

my suggestion would be for you to stop taking initiative in making plans..

when a girl says she needs time it means she needs time away from YOU so she can see what this other guy has to offer... she's clearly a mess right now and i suggest you stay far away from it UNTIL she can sort through her ****...

 

[PectoralisMajor]

Stand back, and look at the bigger picture. If she had the same feelings for you as you do for her, she wouldnt be telling you 'she needs more time'. You need to CALM down, your acting like a girl.

Tricky one this, You wont like the answer, but the best thing to do is see other women, like she is seeing other men. If your not actually in a relationship with her, she has done nothing wrong, and you cant tell her your unhappy with anything.

Instead you can tell her that you enjoy spending time with her, and look forward to seeing her, but until she decides what she wants it would be best if you dont see each other.

I agree this girl is bad news, she's only going to let you down until she sorts herself out. Your options are limited unfortunately...

 

[Skel]

she sounds like a girl with baggages to me. Id move on.

 

[IndianaJoneS]

ok, I met her and gently told her that this is not acceptable for me, because I´m in love with her.

She was insecure, and I really think, it´s a 50 - 50 game. But nevertheless: no calls, no dates until she has made her decision. She has to feel that this is a big : NONO.

You are right, we have no "official" relationship, but many dates over several weeks and I´m trying to get her to trust me. And what she does is simply disrespectful, even if she is honest to me.

This won´t change things, but it will protect my heart, because I´m really into her. Maybe I can forget her in some days....

It´s a pitty - everything is absolutely wonderful when we are together...

 

[IndianaJoneS]

OMG !

Today I drove to the town and there stands before me : ....

I was blown away, wanted to walk away, but she asked me to have a cup of coffee with her. I accepted.

We sat there and cuddled and kissed each other and it was - as always - just wonderful. I told her I´m crazy for her.

She told me, she has problems sleeping for 5 days. She doesn´t know what to do and feels attracted to both of us.

For me she just feels : "very well around me" never mentioned, she is in love with me, but her eyes tell it. To him : "she has invested so many time into the old relationship but really doesn´t know if she wants it any more".

She doesn´t know what she wants.

I will stay on course, otherwise I´ll get a football. No initiative.

The only thing I know is that I want her ...

Do you know anything, I can do ? I think she has to see the other guy and check it out. Maybe when she´s finished, I´m gone. But I see no other way.

???

 

[Cremasta]

You need to ask yourself "What is so good about her that that I should put up with all this rubbish?"

Why do you want her? and why should you wait for her to make the decision?

I try not to be cynical, but it looks like you are getting royally shafted!

 

[IndianaJoneS]

What does "royally shafted" mean ?

Because, I´m a little tired of approaching and dating, I did alot early summer and then met this girl, that I simply love.

But my lifetime is limited, that´s sure ...

Thanks for all of your advice, brothers !

Greetings from germany,
Indiana

 

[IndianaJoneS]

It´s simply, when I´m around her, I feel fantastic.

She is intelligent, smooth, very good looking, kind, feminine, sexy

AND does not know what she wants ....

 

[Cremasta]

What does "royally shafted" mean ?

It means she is taking advantage of your good nature and basically you are getting screwed!

 

[IndianaJoneS]

So, we had no contact since Thursday. I had a bad time at the weekend. Often had to think about her. Saturday, I wrote a message to her, simply wishing her a good time at the weekend. Got no reply. Haven´t heard from her...

I wanted to write her but I - counterintuitive - didn´t. I will wait.

I wonder if I just was a clown or entertainer for her, in the meantime while her ex was ****ing around the world ? Did she date me to have revenge for this ?

Only god knows..

Tomorrow I´ll date a girl, I´ve got to know and we will have a nice walk in the park Hopefully this will cure my thoughts and get myself restored...

Yes, Cremesta, you are right. I´m a guy with a good nature. I´m a handsome, charming, intelligent and cool man with a good heart, I don´t want to harm, trick, manipulate etc. people. And I´m not going to change myself in this aspect to get the "right" girl. Then it´s simply the wrong woman... and she should move on.

Thank you alle for your support, brothers !

Greetings from germany,

Indiana