Need help with this one.. I'm confused

[borealis]

Hello guys. I am bit worried right now, and I am going to see the girl i'm about to talk to you guys in a few hours, and I really need advice....

Story is a bit long, so I will try to make it as short as possible...

Let me start I have almost no experience with girls, I am ridiculously shy and become really weird next to girls I like.

Met a girl a few months ago and she initiated everything by adding me on facebook and we never really stopped texting and chatting with each other.

We finally decided to go out at a comedy club once and we really had fun. I was pretty nervous, so I really didn't try anything and I was really tired that night. So let's say this was super friendly.

We have texted nearly all days long after this, and we finally got to meet again with a friend at some bar where we really had fun once again. From that time, I knew I was really starting to like her.

So one Friday, I set up something for us. We were supposed to go eat at a restaurant and then go out at some bar. All bars were full, she was getting impatient and that caused a small discomfort. Anyways, we found a place, I got really nervous and didn't know what to talk about, and her questions, I didn't know what to answer her so that was just weird and boring. Finally, we went to a second bar where we really had fun, talked about lots of things and finally, we left. She even told me that if I didn't find a place to sleep for our party Friday, that her sofa was available.

But something happened... At that point, I knew I had to tell her that I have feelings for her because I felt bad about keeping it inside. So I told her... She was surprised, and she said she didn't know what to tell me about it. Then when I came home, I called her and that probably freaked her out.. I wanted to see her and talk to her but finally we chose not too and talk about it later... She said she was in a confused part on her life right now and didn't know what to tell me.

So days went by, I chose not to initiate any conversation with her until she did by herself. And we continued chatting, and then the party came all that was just a nightmare...

We talked as normal and had fun, but two of my colleagues were there, and they really stole the show as they were just telling stories all over the place and that got her into it, so I really didn't have THAT much of a time to speak with her.

Finally, we went to a bar and my friend and her didn't join us... I started getting worried and I felt bad about it.. They spoke for over an hour together and that made me sad that my friend would do that to me... Anyways, when everybody was about to leave, this is when things got weird....

She told me "how are you going to get home? Are you going to sleep at your friend's?" She finally offered that I slept at her place but maybe I shouldn't have...

On our way to her place, I fell asleep in the car. He friend was taking us and I heard some part of their conversation at the end... This is exactly what I recall hearing:

"I knew this was going to happen, I thought about it all day...." She probably meant about me sleeping at her place...

"I just can't say....." I believe she said no but I am not sure.

When she got out of the car, thinking I was still sleeping she told her friend:

"Can't you just bring him with you..."

She finally woke me up and I slept on her sofa... The next morning, it was a bit awkward and I left very soon as I felt weird about what I heard, and she didn't seem too comfortable...


Ok, I should understand she is not interested, that I freaked her out and that she is uncomfortable with me now... The thing is, she doesn't know I heard all of this, and we are going to a show tonight and to another one on Tuesday with some friends. Why isn't she just telling me?

I don't know what to do now... Should I talk to her about what I told her at all, and about what I heard? This is killing me now, I feel very sad and I don't know what to do anymiore.

I really like this girl and I feel like she is now uncomfortable with me, how should I proceed now?

Thanks for the help...

 

[Pimp-sicle]

We have texted nearly all days long after this, and we finally got to meet again with a friend at some bar where we really had fun once again. From that time, I knew I was really starting to like her.

First mistake was right here. Texting with her "all day long?!!" Have you not read anything on this site yet bro? Women are attracted to men who have a life, who have goals. Not men who text with them all day long. That conveys too many of the wrong impressions to a girl you barely know.

So one Friday, I set up something for us. We were supposed to go eat at a restaurant and then go out at some bar. All bars were full, she was getting impatient and that caused a small discomfort. Anyways, we found a place, I got really nervous and didn't know what to talk about, and her questions, I didn't know what to answer her so that was just weird and boring. Finally, we went to a second bar where we really had fun, talked about lots of things and finally, we left. She even told me that if I didn't find a place to sleep for our party Friday, that her sofa was available.

Second and third mistakes were here. Why are you taking her to restaurants, where you will be sitting either side by side or across from each other and be forced to have a conversation the whole time? Especially when your telling us that your socially awkward, don't know what to talk about and feel nervous around her? It would have been much better to take her out during the week, something super casual and make it an activity like bowling, rock climbing, swimming etc where both of your minds are focused on what your doing, so you don't feel so much pressure to initiate conversations and keep them going.

But something happened... At that point, I knew I had to tell her that I have feelings for her because I felt bad about keeping it inside.

Dude, I'm gonna give you some tough love here, don't take it the wrong way because I want to help you. But with all that said, I want you to pull your pants down and make sure you have a kawk and a pair of balls attached to you, because what you just said above sounds like the biggest estrogen filled sentence I think I have ever read since I've been a member on this site. Girls reveal their feelings first, always no exceptions. And even then, don't go pouring your hear out unless you want to look pathetic in front of the girl you like.


So I told her... She was surprised, and she said she didn't know what to tell me about it.

In other words, she's not interested at all anymore because now you have taken all the mystery and challenge out of the scenario.

Then when I came home, I called her and that probably freaked her out.. I wanted to see her and talk to her but finally we chose not too and talk about it later... She said she was in a confused part on her life right now and didn't know what to tell me.

Don't buy that "confused part of her life" line, that's just some bs so she doesn't have to tell you what I"m telling you right now. Which is, don't go being a chump, revealing your feelings to a girl after 2 dates.

So days went by, I chose not to initiate any conversation with her until she did by herself. And we continued chatting, and then the party came all that was just a nightmare...

Could see that coming from a mile away. She has lost complete respect for you because your not acting like a man, your acting like a girl.

We talked as normal and had fun, but two of my colleagues were there, and they really stole the show as they were just telling stories all over the place and that got her into it, so I really didn't have THAT much of a time to speak with her.

No, she was resentful of you at this point, so anything at the party would have caught her interest because she feels awkward in the situation, but since she's a immature young girl, she doesn't know how to be straight up about it with you.

Finally, we went to a bar and my friend and her didn't join us... I started getting worried and I felt bad about it.. They spoke for over an hour together and that made me sad that my friend would do that to me... Anyways, when everybody was about to leave, this is when things got weird....

Dude, seriously, get your testosterone levels checked! You sound like such a sobbing girl here, its pathetic! Get a hold of yourself!

She told me "how are you going to get home? Are you going to sleep at your friend's?" She finally offered that I slept at her place but maybe I shouldn't have...

You absolutely shouldn't have; now she's losing more respect for you.

Ok, I should understand she is not interested, that I freaked her out and that she is uncomfortable with me now... The thing is, she doesn't know I heard all of this, and we are going to a show tonight and to another one on Tuesday with some friends. Why isn't she just telling me?

Unless you have lived under a rock for your whole life, you probably don't realize that women are not logical. They will rarely, if ever tell you things straight up. Instead they will dance around it, give you attitude and expect you to figure it out if you have done something that changes their opinion of you. In this scenario, you realized you have severely messed up, yet you continue digging yourself deeper in the hole. Why? Don't go to the show, tell your friends that something came up. Save some dignity bro. I understand its not you and her alone, but obviously it will be super awkward.

I don't know what to do now... Should I talk to her about what I told her at all, and about what I heard? This is killing me now, I feel very sad and I don't know what to do anymore.

Nope. You delete her number and go no contact. If you see her out and about, be pleasant, smile and say "hey" and then carry on.

I really like this girl and I feel like she is now uncomfortable with me, how should I proceed now?

Sorry dude, your clueless, you need to read the DJ Bible. You have no chance with this girl after how badly you messed up.

Thanks for the help...

Tough love above in bold.







PIMP

 

[borealis]

Well I know I completely messed up... I do... And I am horribly shy and have a lot of troubles socially, so I know I made mistakes...


I went to the show with her tonight. Had lots of fun... Before leaving, I thought I was going to talk to her about it, but when I was about to left, she actually said she had to talk to me.

She became really nervous about it, I felt like she was going to cry and she almost did, so I had to calm her down...

She told me again that she is in a very confused part of her life, and that she is not ready yet to be in a relationship. She said she really appreciates me and loves spending time with me, and that she hopes we can still see each other.

I had to calm her down, so I played the guy who didn't really care about it too much, just a bit disappointed...

I don't think I am ready to erase her completely from my life. We enjoy spending time with each other and she likes pretty much everything I do and we share the same ideas.

She was not clear again, even though she said it subtly said it, but I am ready to try and be friends with her and see what happens next. But as soon as I am starting to feel I will get hurt, I will tell her that I can't go on and that we should stop seeing each other.

Thanks for the comments....

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Borealis;

Man cheer up a bit. The fact she came and talked to you is a really positive thing. Sure it's an "AFC MOVE" on this site to express your feelings, but that's not true in every case.

She probably really does like you but is dealing with her own issues. Her oddness, just as yours, is probably due to her OWN insecurities (just as you denote you feel uncomfortable).

Relax a little bit. Don't burn this bridge. Let it keep going, and she may get to know you a bit better and feel more comfortable with you. She wants a slower pace, probably just as you are, is afraid fo getting hurt. You could move on, but it might be better to stay open to new options while also seeing where this one goes a bit.

Sounds like your shared social circle will involve more time together. See where that goes.

In the meantime, keep working on dealing with your own inner-issues. I have found that I feel more confident when I'm regularly exercising, or making gains in some hobby/personal interest. Keep working on yourself and your confidence, keep reaching out

 

[borealis]

Borealis;

Man cheer up a bit. The fact she came and talked to you is a really positive thing. Sure it's an "AFC MOVE" on this site to express your feelings, but that's not true in every case.

She probably really does like you but is dealing with her own issues. Her oddness, just as yours, is probably due to her OWN insecurities (just as you denote you feel uncomfortable).

Relax a little bit. Don't burn this bridge. Let it keep going, and she may get to know you a bit better and feel more comfortable with you. She wants a slower pace, probably just as you are, is afraid fo getting hurt. You could move on, but it might be better to stay open to new options while also seeing where this one goes a bit.

Sounds like your shared social circle will involve more time together. See where that goes.

In the meantime, keep working on dealing with your own inner-issues. I have found that I feel more confident when I'm regularly exercising, or making gains in some hobby/personal interest. Keep working on yourself and your confidence, keep reaching out

Thank you for your comment. I do know this girl is confused about her life, I knew before she even told me about it. She is having a hard time and I do believe her when she told me that.

However, I haven't slept at all this night, and I don't know if I will be able to take this for too long. She was extremely sad when she told me about this, and she really wanted to make sure I wasn't angry at her and that we could still see each other. I wanted to calm her down, and said yes, but now I am not really sure if I can make it....

I felt like our discussion could have lasted longer, I have other things to tell her and her answer wasn't clear enough for me... Either she was being really subtle about it and meant that she is not interested that way, or she really doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. This girl is everything but a liar and she will say what she really means whenever she wants.

I need to have another discussion with her, but yesterday, I choose it was better to let her go as she really didn't feel well telling me this. She told me she hadn't slept for a week, thinking about this and how to bring the subject. I just don't know when is the right time to talk to her... Next time I see her perhaps? That would be tomorrow, we had something planned for a while.

For now, I feel really hurt, didn't think it would be that bad...

 

[Pimp-sicle]

She probably really does like you but is dealing with her own issues. Her oddness, just as yours, is probably due to her OWN insecurities (just as you denote you feel uncomfortable).

Wow, its terrible advice like this, that keeps a chump static. This girl has known the OP for a good amount of time, she talked $-h-i-t on him while he was in the car right next to her when she thought he was asleep, but you think she probably does really like him? LOL

Relax a little bit. Don't burn this bridge. Let it keep going, and she may get to know you a bit better and feel more comfortable with you. She wants a slower pace, probably just as you are, is afraid fo getting hurt. You could move on, but it might be better to stay open to new options while also seeing where this one goes a bit.

Again you have no clue on how attraction works. Its not about feeling more comfort, that's how you become "the friend," which he already is.... its a complete lack of attraction due to the OP's lack of social dynamics, confidence and ability at this point. I do agree with you on one thing, he should def look for new options.


Sounds like your shared social circle will involve more time together. See where that goes.

See where what goes. Are you listening to yourself give this terrible advice? In this specific case its completely evident that the girl is not attracted to him.

In the meantime, keep working on dealing with your own inner-issues. I have found that I feel more confident when I'm regularly exercising, or making gains in some hobby/personal interest. Keep working on yourself and your confidence, keep reaching out

Dude I know you meant well with your advice and are being positive, so I do commend you for that. But you sound more like a girl telling this poor kid to keep pursuing a dead end road with this particular girl. Instead, he should learn from his mistakes here, do a bootcamp where he forces himself out of his comfort zone and learns how to properly interact with women to start seeing real world results.

PIMP

 

[blueeyedgent]

Well I know I completely messed up... I do... And I am horribly shy and have a lot of troubles socially, so I know I made mistakes...


I went to the show with her tonight. Had lots of fun... Before leaving, I thought I was going to talk to her about it, but when I was about to left, she actually said she had to talk to me.

She became really nervous about it, I felt like she was going to cry and she almost did, so I had to calm her down...

She told me again that she is in a very confused part of her life, and that she is not ready yet to be in a relationship. She said she really appreciates me and loves spending time with me, and that she hopes we can still see each other.

MEANING LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS. Your choice but any shot at a relationship with her at this point is just about hopeless.

I had to calm her down, so I played the guy who didn't really care about it too much, just a bit disappointed...

I don't think I am ready to erase her completely from my life. We enjoy spending time with each other and she likes pretty much everything I do and we share the same ideas.

She was not clear again, even though she said it subtly said it, but I am ready to try and be friends with her and see what happens next. But as soon as I am starting to feel I will get hurt, I will tell her that I can't go on and that we should stop seeing each other.

Thanks for the comments....

read the quoted part

 

[vatoloco]

She told me again that she is in a very confused part of her life, and that she is not ready yet to be in a relationship. She said she really appreciates me and loves spending time with me, and that she hopes we can still see each other...

...so that you can keep spending time and money on her, giving her free entertainment and attention; she fully knowing that she's just using you for a free meal since she doesn't dig you. Hurts, doesn't it? Remember that feeling next time you're thinking of taking her out again.

Any time a girl tells you she's "confused," she's covertly telling you is that she doesn't like you. Move one my friend. Time to spin [a] new plate.

Edit: I re-read your OP and it seems like you're very inexperienced so advising you to spin plates is probably not the best thing. Have you read the DJ Bible? How about Pook?

 

[borealis]

She sent me a letter saying she was sorry that she couldn't make it clear in person, but that her feelings have always been and will always be friendly towards me.

I might just write her back that I won't be able to see her again...

 

[maylenedizon]

I just don't know when is the right time to talk to her... Next time I see her perhaps? That would be tomorrow, we had something planned for a while.

 

[st_99]

Has anyone ever cringed while reading an entire thread?

I just did.

I want to vaporize this thread and obliterate it from the earth. This is the stuff
you want to stay so far away from because you're afraid it might somehow
rub off on you.

 

[Sofomore]

Damn dude stop trying so hard. You have oneitis for a girl you barely know. She sees you as a brother now. Would you want to fvck your sister? No. Move on dude. Join the bootcamp. Improve yourself so that you stop coming off as needy and desperate.

 

[borealis]

Let me start off by saying this girl NEVER EVER accepted that I pay anything for her, she never used me for anything.

She is a classy girl, she talked to me yesterday and we had to leave because our train was coming and she felt like our discussion was too short and she didn't want to wait anymore to make sure I wouldn't get hurt.

Basically, she said that she is afraid she left me on a bad impression and as she said, she really appreciates me, she loves spending time with me but that her feelings towards me are and will always be friendly. She is sorry to write me this, it is very hard for her because the last thing she wants to do is hurt me. She hopes we can still see each other and develop our friendship because she would really hate to lose me as a friend. She is sorry again and she seriously hope she didn't hurt me.

Well I am hurt... Badly... But at least now I know... I respect her for being sincere. My life is f*cked myself and I really didn't have time to give to a girl even though that is exactly what I tried to do... I put away some life changing stuff just to spend time with her.. Maybe this is a good thing after all...

I will tell her to give me some time and we can try to be friends, but as soon as I start getting hurt, I will erase her from my life.

Thanks for the help, you guys were great even if some of you were pretty direct haha, but I guess that's what it takes..

 

[lolwut]

Let me start off by saying this girl NEVER EVER accepted that I pay anything for her, she never used me for anything.
..

how about she used you for your attention, and to feel good about herself knowing that a guy is desperate for her.

and now she continues to want your attention as her "friend".


grow some balls and just drop her man. if you don't, you WILL get hurt again. you think you can just be friends? don't bull**** yourself, you don't just want to be her friend, you want to get in her pants. Even if you actually don't right now, you WILL in the future.

 

[Htienvu]

After all the help from PIMP and others OP is still blinded by his obsession with an attention wh0re. He worships her right now and even though she friended him he still thinks the world of her.

OP, you WILL be hurt again, but it's the only way you will learn. I want you to come back here after and re-read this thread, you will see how right most of us are. We're not being ass*oles, we're just trying to help you see reality.

 

[Sofomore]

Dude did you fall in love with her or what? What is going on?

Just get over it. Be a MAN.

 

[tafakna]

I will tell her to give me some time and we can try to be friends, but as soon as I start getting hurt, I will erase her from my life.

Thanks for the help, you guys were great even if some of you were pretty direct haha, but I guess that's what it takes..

I've read the whole thread. Bhudda-mind gave you solid advice. It took a lot of errors for this one to be over. You made her feel responsible for your emotional stability, and that's the kiss of death in any relationship. She backed off because of that.

You come across as a nice person but the issue here is not DJing. You should consider forcing yourself to change. Enroll in a Dale Carnegie, talk to a good psychologist, get involved in a special interest group.

Your shyness is affecting your life and that shouldn't be treated as normal.

 

[borealis]

I've read the whole thread. Bhudda-mind gave you solid advice. It took a lot of errors for this one to be over. You made her feel responsible for your emotional stability, and that's the kiss of death in any relationship. She backed off because of that.

You come across as a nice person but the issue here is not DJing. You should consider forcing yourself to change. Enroll in a Dale Carnegie, talk to a good psychologist, get involved in a special interest group.

Your shyness is affecting your life and that shouldn't be treated as normal.

My shyness has completely ruined my life so far, and so has my low self confidence. I have worked hard to get better, but I have so much more to do....

 

[tafakna]

It's a long road. Millions of people have the same problem. Most of them end up convincing themselves that it's normal and don't live life to its full potential.

Don't be one of them. If needed look for someone specialized in this issue to help you, it's a hard first step but well worth it.

Good luck.

 

[DonGorgon]

too much thinking and too much talking and too much worrying..