Need help with this girl please

[jake84]

I'm gonna try to make it as short as possible so please bear with me.

So I met this chick around 3 or 4 months ago and I pretty much had her eating out of my hand.

We had sex after a couple of dates and everything was going well. I would always let her initiate contact and I would only call her on Friday or Saturday to make plans and decide what club to go to (we only went clubbing together and dinner & movies a couple of times the day after I would sleep over her house from the club).

After a few times of having sex she popped the dreaded "where do you think this is going" question and i dodged it saying I like her and if she likes me too we shouldn't complicate things. I also told her that I'm not seeing anyone else and she said the same. Fast forward a few more club nights and again she hinted at the question. I played it off again because I still wasn't sure at this point if I wanted something more. I just wanted to know her a little better before jumping into something. I felt like she was rushing it. I also liked the fact that she was all over me and giving me all the gf benefits without being official. Throughout this time I wasn't a **** with her though. We were really having a good time together. There was definitely something there.

Everything changed after this second dodging of the question. She turned cold and wouldn't accept my invitations saying she's busy etc. After a few times I stopped asking her.

I ran into her at a club a couple of weeks later and she was cool with me (very affectionate and kissing me). She even asked why I stopped texting her and I told her that once somebody denies my invitations a few consecutive times I decide they're not interested and I leave them alone. She said that's not the case and that she was just busy (which is bull****, she was all over me before and all of a sudden she's busy).

Anyhow after the club I tell her I want to stay with her and she was happy I said that, we go to her place for a few more drinx, we were laying in bed and when I'm about to undress her she said that she can't do it. I got pissed off and asked her why and after 10 minutes of asking her to give me an answer she said that she thought there could be something serious between us but it got lost along the way. I thanked her for her honesty, grinned and bounced home.

At this point I am a little pissed off because I really like this chick and I don't understand wtf happened. I left it alone though.

Fast forward next week I'm at this party and she texted me that she's coming too. I was drunk and ****ed up and made the mistake of acting super happy when she texted me and conveying that to her over text before she got there. Acted even more happy when she did get there. After the club we go back to her place, had a few drinks and she basically kicked me out of there telling me she's tired. I am suuuper pissed and also very drunk now and confronted her about the whole thing and she said that she decided not to be with anybody right now, she just wants to be alone. She also said that she didn't want to give me false hope by coming to the party. I pleaded with her for like half an hour and I kind of pissed her off too. I didn't want her to see me like this. I acted weak. When I woke up the next day I was ****ing furious at the whole situation so again I made another mistake, texting her asking her if she was serious and that I'll leave her alone if she's sure that it's what she wants. She said yes.

I understand I probably made her feel a little bad and unwanted by dodging the commitment questions and this is her way of getting revenge (she did in fact have the last laugh as I am kind of suffering right now) but I just wanted to get to know her a little bit - I still do.

What do you guys make of all this?

Did she really turn off like a light just like that? From high interest level to get the **** out of here in a matter of 2 weeks?

I would really appreciate some advice on how to turn this around. I really like her.

 

[asa_don]

you blew it by being a weak beta pleading with her. you can't turn it around. next!

 

[Willard]

You made so many mistakes it's doubtful you will ever have her again. Write her off. What do you want from her anyway? You blew her off twice when she wanted to get serious. Getting drunk and pleading with her was pathetic. and texting her the next day made it even worse. If you have any hope and I doubt you do, go no contact for good, and unless she contacts you or you see her out and she tries to get back with you, forget her, escape the situation with what little dignity you have left. Sorry to be so harsh, but from what you said happened It's done.

 

[_sideways_]

It's no biggie...if she really fell for u...she will be back. Just admit to urself that u made some mistakes...blame the alcohol ...and just be cool. She knows you were out of character. But if she doesn't come back . There's still more plates...which u should have done as ur first step. Oh well...don't get down in the dumps. Don't say u still want to get to know her...wtf...u should get to know all of them.

 

[skinnyguy]

I've been in this position before. Time to "spin plates" and forget about her. The only way her interest will come back Is if u get a new fbuddy

 

[jake84]

Many thanks to the guys who replied so far. I know I'm in a bad spot and the odds are against me but again I really like this girl and would like to keep seeing her.

I would appreciate some other guys' two cents on the situation.

 

[JohnChops]

This is why you don't drink

 

[JoeMarron]

You simply took too long. If you wanted something more you should've took her up on her offer. You can't fvck a chick without commitment forever. The good news is she may come back if you play it cool which you obviously haven't been doing so far. Forget about her for now and if she comes back be you usual charming self.

 

[cordoncordon]

My guess is she is just playing games, kind of like she thought you were playing when you kept playing it cool with her. And I doubt if you acting like you did while drunk the other night is a deal breaker.....IF she is really into you. The only way to find that out is to go totally no contact. And when she contacts you, and she will, do not ask her out. Just be friendly, happy, and act as if all is well. Wait for her to break the ice and ask you out. My guess is she will within a month or so. Obviously she knows you want to get more serious with her now, so when her ***** shield and game playing wears off, that is what she will remember. So if her IL is still high? She will be calling.

Good luck.

 

[gravityeyelids]

You wanted her to act like a booty call, but she wasn't cool with it. You guys were in limbo between booty call and casual dating. You basically brushed off her question, saying you wanted to get to know her more but you didnt. Correct me if i'm wrong but you basically only hung out with her when you were partying and wanted sex. That's fine if she's just a party girl that was unattached and wanted sex...

But she started to fall for you. Honestly, you can string a girl along for MONTHS if she's fallen for you. But you have to do it the right way. If you really were debating on taking things further (or even if you werent), the smart thing would have been to hang out with her during the day and go on more..."datey-dates". I'm not saying you had to treat her like your girlfriend. But if you wanted to keep her around you should've made her feel like less of a slvt.

The alternate route (the one you took initially) is not a bad one either: withdrawing attention. It WILL drive her crazy and for a while, she will take whatever attention she can get out of you. HOWEVER, after a while they will simply not be able to take it any more and either demand something more or stop talking to you.

Women will put up with a surprising amount of sh!t when they're really into you, but you maxed out that card. Trust me, i'm the king of keeping in limbo. My ex-gf wanted to date for like 6 fvcking months before we finally become exclusive, and it drove her crazy..I almost felt bad for how long i was stringing her along.

As far as where you are at now? I don't think it's as fvcked up as you think it is. You did act like a b!tch, but the fact that you were drunk gives you a reasonable excuse, especially if you were a DJ the rest of the time and didnt break character aside from that. Obviously if you guys keep going, she is GOING TO WANT SOMETHING MORE. The good part is that you dont have to get exclusive right now. You can very carefully string her along another couple months while you screen her and make sure she really is girlfriend material. you said you "really like her". Having a girlfriend isnt all that bad. Just make sure you're at a point in your life where you can dedicate the time for it. Keep your frame and dont become her b!tch. And screen her HEAVILY and make sure she is quality. I screened my GF for six months before deciding to lock it down, had a fantastic, wonderful 1 year relationship, and then we parted ways mutually because we were going to different schools and what not. I mean it's not all sunshine and daisies, but if you find a quality girl, it can be very enjoyable.

It depends what you want. You'll have an army of guys here telling you "YOU FVCKED UP, MOVE ON< SHES JUST ANOTHER B!TCH!" "NEXT, NEXT, NEXT" . I get really sick of that attitude. It's a fine attitude if you want to get laid and NOTHING else. But if you've looking for a quality girl to date, then ignore them and screen her yourself.

As a final note, dont COUNT on her coming back. You did mess up a couple times and dont be surprised if she's simply fed up. She did say she was done...but i'm willing to bet if you go No Contact for a couple weeks, she will text you at some point. But again, dont count on it. And for God's sake dont bug her anymore. Go do your own thing and if she hits you up, then evaluate it then.

 

[asa_don]

It depends what you want. You'll have an army of guys here telling you "YOU FVCKED UP, MOVE ON< SHES JUST ANOTHER B!TCH!" "NEXT, NEXT, NEXT" . I get really sick of that attitude. It's a fine attitude if you want to get laid and NOTHING else. But if you've looking for a quality girl to date, then ignore them and screen her yourself.

he did fvck up because he realizes that he wants her back. his going beta lost it for him. so it is, next!

don't give her a free ride, she was putting out after the second date. if she didn't want to feel like a slut she would have brought up the relationship talk after they fvcked the first or second time. she knew where it was going then she wanted a commitment from him. when you let it go that long, guys aren't going to want to commit to a chick who is giving it up. he had the power and lost it when his feelings got in the way.

 

[Nn877]

She def felt rejected and most likely YOU pushed her away by not giving her commitment, the constant dodging the issue hurt her feelings deep down and basically was rejection in her eyes(she thinks she's not worthy enough for you) so in order to protect herself and ego, she withdrawls.

Why would she keep investing in someone who doesn't want to?? The "hooking up" period can last only so long. I'm sure you enjoyed the after club sex, it was a good 3 months, did you think that would last forever?

Best thing now is to go NC and she will come back around ignore first couple attempts but she will keep trying if she really liked you, then it's up to YOU to commit and take to next level if YOU want to but to do cycle over again is borderline cynical and very selfish. Good luck man

 

[Harry Wilmington]

The REAL question is, why didn't you make her the girlfriend after 3 or 4 months? I tell guys all the time that it takes that long for a girl to decide if she wants you as the boyfriend, but that should also be enough time for you to figure out if you want her as a gf. The fact that she asked you TWICE and you didn't say yes? It sounds more like you're wanting her now that she rejected you than anything else.

But let's say you actually DO want to get with her. Your BIG mistake was giving her the impression you were just wanting her for sex? How so?

1. You were banging her but didn't want to commit

2. After she asked you the second time and you said "no" she went away. When she returned back to talking to you that first night, you automatically tried to sleep with her. No bueno - I've done the whole "go back to an ex" thing, and the main thing you have to do to get back into her good graces is NOT trying to sleep with her during those first few hang-outs. Essentially, you have to re-build up the feeling she had before that you like her for her and not just her body. Sometimes it takes a few days, sometimes a couple of months

At this point, it's pretty much a lost cause. I know you don't want to hear that and I'm sure others will come on here talking about how "she's playing games with you" or "she still likes you, she's just confused." Those people, while optimistic, are wrong. The reality is, she liked you, but those two rejections plus trying to continue sleeping with her without commitment has her viewing you differently, and it's hard to bounce back from that.

 

[Greasy Pig]

OP, a chick's IL can plummet in seconds, let alone two weeks.
Stop trying to figure her (or any woman) out. Just go ghost and wait for her to get curious and reach out to you.
If she does, just be cool and don't be too willing to meet her again. It's back to square 1 from here. You're gonna have to build rapport and attraction all over again.
You do this by being a bit mysterious, extremely funny and light hearted, and non-threatening. Let her walk back into your web without her even realising it.

 

[jake84]

Again thank you all for replying. I'm definitely bound to see her again in a few weeks or so as we have common friends. She is definitely gf material. I know her whole history. She's only been in serious relationships her whole life (i know this for a fact) and she hasn't been intimate with anyone but me in over a year.

I guess my next question would be how to I react if I see her again when we're out. I don't want to fall into the friend zone

 

[gravityeyelids]

and she hasn't been intimate with anyone but me in over a year.

You definitely dont know this for a fact

 

[jake84]

You definitely dont know this for a fact

)) you're definitely right. There is no way to know for sure but the word on the street is that she is not a slut who sleeps around.

 

[Yo'Mama]

You have received some good advice and I have nothing to add in that sphere. But I would like to congratulate you for the very coherent and grammatically correct post you made when 'very drunk'. Strong writing skills.

 

[goldengoose]

Consider it a blessing in disguise, you had your fun with her but you saw how fast she cooled on you. Better to have it happen now rather when you were in a LTR. Since you two weren't exclusive she could always have someone else in the shadows. If she really wanted to be with you, she would have pushed sooner for a relationship and you 2 would be in one now.

 

[jake84]

You have received some good advice and I have nothing to add in that sphere. But I would like to congratulate you for the very coherent and grammatically correct post you made when 'very drunk'. Strong writing skills.

I wasn't drunk when I wrote the post. I was drunk then at her house when I confronted her after she said she was tired.