Need help with no contact for 2 weeks!

[alexander89]

Hey All,

I was dating a girl for over 5 months we have chemistry and perfectly matched from the first date.

She is 26 and I'm 30 and she never been in a relationship only dating.

a month ago we talked about taking a step forward to have a relationship and she agreed, a week after she said better to keep dating as being in a relationship is a really hard decision for her.

3 weeks ago she mentions to me that she couldn't see being in a serious relationship with me because we have some difference in the culture. and she wants to keep dating only because she finds herself happy with me and she likes me a lot, I told her I need to think about it and she asked me what you want I said "YOU" she said me too. the more we are together I feel deeply connected to you but when we are not together I feel the distance.

2 weeks ago we had a lovely evening and suddenly I told her "I love you"... stupid I know!, she smiled and replied I was planning to invite you for the Christmas dinner to meet my family and you will be the first guy and you know what does it means to me. I asked what changes your mind she said I talked with my sister and told me to be less rational.

I told her if she has any doubts she doesn't have to.

after 2 days we went for a drink and she told me that she decided not to invite me for dinner with her family and I said okay, no problem as you have doubts. and she asked me how long you are willing to wait for me? I said I feel you already made your mind and I can feel there's something going on! do you wanna break up.

She said I think so, you are pushing me to have something serious and I'm not ready for it, and I don't think I wanna be in something serious with you.

The plan for the evening was to go for a movie too and she insist to go for the movie and she was touchy and cuddly during the movie and told me to let's have coffee from now and then. and let's call.


The next day I found a Chrismas card in my mailbox from her she put it by herself, I thought she did so because I also gave her a Christmas card on the day we broke up.

I miss her and I'm thinking to break no contact and wish her a happy new year.

Looking forward to your feedback and options guys!

Thank you for reading all this...

 

[KindredSpiritzz]

don't do it. You're trying to make something be that just isn't there apparently. Just makes you look weak contacting her again.

 

[17 shots]

It's possible to turn this around, but I think you care too much about her to be able to pull it off. You would have to re-engage her with a different attitude towards her. You'd have to act indifferent to her, and stop acting like you want to be her boyfriend

But I think you'll just mess it up. I've tried to help guys I know personally with stuff like this and they ALWAYS end up failing in the end because they let their feelings fustrate them, and then they say or do something dumb that sets them back again...so I'd say move on and do better with the next chick

 

[bcude]

Hey Alexander and welcome to the forum!
You made some crucial mistakes with this girl and i'll tell you what they are.
Overall you're way to needy and she certainly feels it. You see, the one who cares the least about the relationship holds the power of said relationship.
Women want to chase, you're making it way too easy to be in a relationship with you and don't make yourself a challenge in the process. We only value things we have to work for and she doesn't have to lift a finger with you.
She is the one who's supposed to ask YOU to be in a relationship, not you. Then you give her the terms for your exclusivity.
She is the one who's supposed to say "I Love you" first, not you.
Since you didn't it tells her that you want her way more than she wants you, she holds the power and that turns her off. You're subconsciously making her feel like you have no other options with your neediness and this is a turn-off.

I know it might be frustrating since you really like her, but think about what i said, regroup and create some distance between you two.
Think about yourself as a prize she has to earn, put value on yourself man. You do that by working towards your goals and passions to where women don't become life or death in your life. When she feels this she might start to pursue you and the dynamic will be the correct one. If not, you will be better prepared for the next one. Good luck.

 

[Epic Days]

She wants to ride cvcks. Let her. When you see her a few years from now you will be glad you did.

 

[alexander89]

It's possible to turn this around, but I think you care too much about her to be able to pull it off. You would have to re-engage her with a different attitude towards her. You'd have to act indifferent to her, and stop acting like you want to be her boyfriend

But I think you'll just mess it up. I've tried to help guys I know personally with stuff like this and they ALWAYS end up failing in the end because they let their feelings fustrate them, and then they say or do something dumb that sets them back again...so I'd say move on and do better with the next chick

Thank you 17 shots, I agree with you and I got your point, I will stay in no contact, If you can advice with what will be the next step? I will be more appreciated.

Thanks again!

 

[alexander89]

Hey Alexander and welcome to the forum!
You made some crucial mistakes with this girl and i'll tell you what they are.
Overall you're way to needy and she certainly feels it. You see, the one who cares the least about the relationship holds the power of said relationship.
Women want to chase, you're making it way too easy to be in a relationship with you and don't make yourself a challenge in the process. We only value things we have to work for and she doesn't have to lift a finger with you.
She is the one who's supposed to ask YOU to be in a relationship, not you. Then you give her the terms for your exclusivity.
She is the one who's supposed to say "I Love you" first, not you.
Since you didn't it tells her that you want her way more than she wants you, she holds the power and that turns her off. You're subconsciously making her feel like you have no other options with your neediness and this is a turn-off.

I know it might be frustrating since you really like her, but think about what i said, regroup and create some distance between you two.
Think about yourself as a prize she has to earn, put value on yourself man. You do that by working towards your goals and passions to where women don't become life or death in your life. When she feels this she might start to pursue you and the dynamic will be the correct one. If not, you will be better prepared for the next one. Good luck.

Hey bcude,

Thank you so much for the detailed description, you opened my eyes towards things I didn't notice or see before and that's totally make sense as I didn't know why this is happening and she is changing her mind from now and then, and she said she can't find a reason it's just a feeling. I started falling in love with her last month and I think I couldn't see myself needy. but that's not an excuse of course.

As you said I will create some distance and she should approach if she still interested, already starting going to the gym a week ago and started a new hobby I wanted for a long time.

You can't imagine how that helps me and calm my heart, whenever I feel down I will read your comment again.

Thank you man for your time and your support!

 

[Clamslammer]

Do not reach out to her again or she will be gone for good. Most guys will reach out and start chasing her and blow it. She will eventually reach out to you again and it may take a few weeks or a few months. In the meantime go hit the gym and date other girls. When she does reach out set a date, have fun, and bang. Keep doing that and keep all of your mushy feelings out of it and she will be trying to lock you down.

 

[stovepipe]

There is always one person that cares more than the other whether it's dating, relationship or marriage. She clearly cares less and you clearly are obsessed living in a fantasy world. The person who cares less has all the power. It's clear as day you are the puppet on her strings.

Your balls haven't dropped yet, but you can let one nut drop by not contacting her again or chasing her. It's not worth the emotional torment and shame you will obviously face.

 

[alexander89]

Do not reach out to her again or she will be gone for good. Most guys will reach out and start chasing her and blow it. She will eventually reach out to you again and it may take a few weeks or a few months. In the meantime go hit the gym and date other girls. When she does reach out set a date, have fun, and bang. Keep doing that and keep all of your mushy feelings out of it and she will be trying to lock you down.

Clamslammer Thanks man!

That's means a lot! I will keep no contact and no more mushy feelings

 

[backseatjuan]

Plz tell me something.

a month ago we talked about taking a step forward to have a relationship and she agreed

When you say 'we talked about..' you actually mean you brought it up? Because I don't see how she could have brought it up and then agreed to it. So you brought up the talk. My lord, ok.

a week after she said better to keep dating as being in a relationship is a really hard decision for her.

You have to put yourself into her high heels. She always dreamed about a man that she would be crazy enough about to chase. She always wanted that guy, and here you come along, and ruin her search for Mr. Right. Yes sure, she might have said yes to you, only because it's not woman's nature to say no. But she did say no to you, she let you know through her actions.

Look guy, for the last 5 months either you have a big dck and she came everytime you two fcked, or she was using you like a beta male for something else entirely, maybing giving you to fck once in a while to keep you around her. Which one was it?

3 weeks ago she mentions to me that she couldn't see being in a serious relationship with me because we have some difference in the culture. and she wants to keep dating only because she finds herself happy with me and she likes me a lot

Either you fck her good and fullfill her need to orgasm, or you provide a nice friend to her, compforting and caring, like a box of tampons. You see, there is no difference in culture, it's just bs. She my man, wanted to fck many many many men, she is enjoying her sex life. YOU in her life was either a man who gave her dck and she came everytime you fcked her, or you were providing something other than sex, something that beta male providers provide, your none sexual attention.

Which one was it?

the more we are together I feel deeply connected to you but when we are not together I feel the distance.

Women think this way. So you think like a woman.

2 weeks ago we had a lovely evening

So you were taking her out to expensive dinners right? There is this possibility of highly likely scenario that she is fcking left and right, and you are her go to beta male provider, someone she eats with.

//////
Look guy, this type of thing happens whenever guy pushes for relationship,
and whenever guy catches feelings,
and whenever guy provides girl with a lot of his none sexual attention.

You acted like a beta male provider and your ass she sees providing for her when she will be in her late 30s with couple of kids and her fat ass. Then she'd want you to provide for her.

For now, she wants dck. She wants an alpha male that will fck her and treat her like a man should treat a woman, fcking just from the right angle and in many different positions. That will make her fall in love with that man and she will chase him, and if that happens something serious is possible. But not with you. You're not that guy.

Give yourserlf a favor, drop her ass from your rotation. Focus on other hoes. Don't even slow down to cry, keep the momentum up. Forget her, period. If she calls, good, tell her to come over and bring you somme beer.

 

[alexander89]

Plz tell me something.



When you say 'we talked about..' you actually mean you brought it up? Because I don't see how she could have brought it up and then agreed to it. So you brought up the talk. My lord, ok.

Yes, I brought it up!


You have to put yourself into her high heels. She always dreamed about a man that she would be crazy enough about to chase. She always wanted that guy, and here you come along, and ruin her search for Mr. Right. Yes sure, she might have said yes to you, only because it's not woman's nature to say no. But she did say no to you, she let you know through her actions.

Look guy, for the last 5 months either you have a big dck and she came everytime you two fcked, or she was using you like a beta male for something else entirely, maybing giving you to fck once in a while to keep you around her. Which one was it?

She said I wouldn't be with you for 5 months if I didn't like you, but You are right we fcked every time we meet, I have a big dck and she was extremely satisfied from the sex we have, even one time during the sex she said that's the best in the world


Either you fck her good and fullfill her need to orgasm, or you provide a nice friend to her, compforting and caring, like a box of tampons. You see, there is no difference in culture, it's just bs. She my man, wanted to fck many many many men, she is enjoying her sex life. YOU in her life was either a man who gave her dck and she came everytime you fcked her, or you were providing something other than sex, something that beta male providers provide, your none sexual attention.

Which one was it?
'Fck her good and fulfil her need to orgasm, hint: My neighbours complained about her voice 2 was high during the sex '


Women think this way. So you think like a woman.

yes it was her sentence, not mine



So you were taking her out to expensive dinners right? There is this possibility of highly likely scenario that she is fcking left and right, and you are her go to beta male provider, someone she eats with.

No we use to go for bar or somehting for drinks only, and I used to cook at home and I enjoy cooking anyway so I was either inviting friends with her or only her. she mentioned last time she will miss my food


//////
Look guy, this type of thing happens whenever guy pushes for relationship,
and whenever guy catches feelings,
and whenever guy provides girl with a lot of his none sexual attention.

You acted like a beta male provider and your ass she sees providing for her when she will be in her late 30s with couple of kids and her fat ass. Then she'd want you to provide for her.

For now, she wants dck. She wants an alpha male that will fck her and treat her like a man should treat a woman, fcking just from the right angle and in many different positions. That will make her fall in love with that man and she will chase him, and if that happens something serious is possible. But not with you. You're not that guy.

Give yourserlf a favor, drop her ass from your rotation. Focus on other hoes. Don't even slow down to cry, keep the momentum up. Forget her, period. If she calls, good, tell her to come over and bring you some beer.

Thank you backseatjuan, that's so many insights I didn't notice and I was too nice and that's the issue I need to work on myself not for her. I replied for each point now, so How I can be an alpha man?! I'm new here anyway.

 

[alexander89]

There is always one person that cares more than the other whether it's dating, relationship or marriage. She clearly cares less and you clearly are obsessed living in a fantasy world. The person who cares less has all the power. It's clear as day you are the puppet on her strings.

Your balls haven't dropped yet, but you can let one nut drop by not contacting her again or chasing her. It's not worth the emotional torment and shame you will obviously face.

stovepipe, Thank you man it was a bit harsh but to the point and I do appreciate what you said.

 

[Glassguy]

OP you're a doormat. There are a lot of shyte tests in what you wrote.

You should learn to be much more indifferent when it comes to women and you'll see them pursue YOU.

When she backed out on meeting her family (which you were obviously looking forward to) you should have seen this woman for what she is worth- playing games with you. Right then you should have dropped her and in a few days of not hearing from you she'd be begging you to go.

Indifferent adds value. You've done NOTHING to increase your value with this woman. You've actually done a lot to lower it with her

 

[alexander89]

OP you're a doormat. There are a lot of shyte tests in what you wrote.

You should learn to be much more indifferent when it comes to women and you'll see them pursue YOU.

When she backed out on meeting her family (which you were obviously looking forward to) you should have seen this woman for what she is worth- playing games with you. Right then you should have dropped her and in a few days of not hearing from you she'd be begging you to go.

Indifferent adds value. You've done NOTHING to increase your value with this woman. You've actually done a lot to lower it with her

I'm not that much into this mind games stuff, so the good thing now is I'm going no contact...

Is there's anything I can do now to increase my value!!

Thanks a lot Glassguy

 

[Glassguy]

I'm not that much into this mind games stuff, so the good thing now is I'm going no contact...

Is there's anything I can do now to increase my value!!

Thanks a lot Glassguy

The only thing you can do to increase your value right now is by what you just said.........do nothing.

I would not reach out at all. No texts, no phone calls.....nothing.

If she texts or calls you, just keep the conversation short and simple. Mention nothing about not hearing from her (indifference).

If she calls, keep the call to a couple of minutes and then tell her that you have some things that you have planned and need to go, talk to you later. Then dont reach out again. (Indifference)

If she texts you, wait a minimum of 2 hours before you respond back (Indifference) and then just say "Hey good to hear from you. Hope all is well.". Mention nothing about not hearing from her (Indifference).

At some point she is going to ask why YOU have been acting weird/not reaching out/not mentioning seeing her. This is very important: Just tell her that you have been thinking about what she told you earlier about DATING and that she is TOTALLY right and that you have been exploring other options. Thats it. You dont need to go into ANY detail because you owe her nothing.

After this happens one of two things will occur. She will either disappear (meaning she has higher interest in someone else and or was just playing with you OR she will come back and pursue you. Either is ok.

If she starts pursuing you, keep it simple. One date a week and that should only be her coming over to fvck.

YOU need to start hitting up new chicks.

 

[Glassguy]

Oh yeah- if she pursues you and you start seeing her once a week, there is strictly no mention of the word relationship with her. If at any time she mentions it in the next 2 months simply tell her that you are fine seeing other people.

As soon as you commit to be in a "relationship" with a woman like she is things will go right back to square one. Dont do it.

That is why you need to start hitting up new chicks and just use and abuse this woman's vagina until you find someone worth spending quality time with.

This woman has already shown you who she is so believe her.

 

[alexander89]

Oh yeah- if she pursues you and you start seeing her once a week, there is strictly no mention of the word relationship with her. If at any time she mentions it in the next 2 months simply tell her that you are fine seeing other people.

As soon as you commit to be in a "relationship" with a woman like she is things will go right back to square one. Dont do it.

That is why you need to start hitting up new chicks and just use and abuse this woman's vagina until you find someone worth spending quality time with.

This woman has already shown you who she is so believe her.

Thank you very much Glassguy, That's a detailed one.

So either way, for good I should not be in a relationship with this girl? just dating and hookup? in case she came back!

 

[Glassguy]

Thank you very much Glassguy, That's a detailed one.

So either way, for good I should not be in a relationship with this girl? just dating and hookup? in case she came back!

No relationship unless she proves over a long period of time that she is capable of being a submissive woman and not this wishy washy person that she has been. Minimum 2 months.

 

[Glassguy]

You asked for advice. Your being to nice to her. She said this to you and you stayed. Your trying to negotiate her attraction and its impossible. Walk away and start working on your man skills, whichever those are to you.

I agree. As soon as this woman mentioned not seeing us in a serious relationship my response would have been "I am glad you brought this up because I have been thinking the same thing. We should start seeing other people and still hook up on occasion".

OP was way too nice. She has been stringing him along in any direction she wants. She would have quickly became my fvck slvt or gtfo after how she acted.

Not to sound conceited, but she would have never acted that way with a guy like me. She would have submitted due to strength of frame, abundance mindset and high value.