Need Help.. She Tells me that my Rushing Into Relationship is pushing her away..

[YoungSir4sho]

So I met this girl from plentyoffish a month n half ago. Talk on the phone for a week, then saw her a week later. On the phone we was talking for a couple of hours basically everyday. I asked her out on the phone to be my girl n she said to take it slow 1st. I see her that next week n we have sex in the hotel. That weekend again I asked her n she said not right now.


I see her another time. We live 2 and a half hours from each other . She travels to see me this time. She comes to my crib cuz I got my own place. We do it again twice.


Long story short, we always talk on the phone like 4hours a day, always textin. We talk about the future like kids n stuff. She has problems at home tho. I feel like she might be the one.. She says that we are just talking. Not in a serious relationship but we can't get wit no1 else or cheat. I told her 2weeks ago thru text that I love her.. Yea I made that mistake by saying that cuz I thought she was gonna leave cuz of her situation.. She said she was happy that I feel that way but she doesn't feel the same way yet.

the other day 2 days ago. I asked her is she my girl now. She said no. That we are still talking. That she wants to get to know me a lot more b4 we make that big step. I also messed up a few weeks ago by saying we should move in together.. Yea she said no cuz it was too soon. I kno I messed up big time..

Thing is she still is showing interest but today we was textin. She said if I don't like how she wants to take things slow then I don't have to talk to her then. She said that im scaring her by wantin to commit to a serious relationship, talkin about wanting kids now, moving in. That im rushing things n she is only 21. She said that she wants to live life n likes it when she is single n doesn't have to worry bout no man being jealous n askin her where she is going to a club etc.

I told her that I will calm down n that I want her n myself to b happy together.

What I want to know is how do I fix this situation. Yea I want her to b my girl but wat im doin now aint working. When I try to stop talking to her less on the phone n not respondin to her text messages. She says that im changin n doesn't like it. So wat should I do...

 

[DJDamage]

That girl is nothing more but a long distance booty call.

To even suggest LTR under the circumstances is insane.

Also you are sounding desperate by the fact that you are ready to roll the red carpet and let her move in without even really knowing her.

Go date yourself girls who live closer and be careful of oneitis.

 

[sodbuster]

You reek of desperation! Don't talk so much on the phone with her-get a life that doesn't necesssarily involve her. I had a woman talking marriage in about the same situation-she ran me off. Go slower and take your time before you make such a committment.

 

[YoungSir4sho]

Yea I understand wat u guys r saying. I did like her tho but it seems it might not ever work out how I want it to. I know she likes me but she doesn't have those deep feelings for me. Plus the distance is killing us also. I guess its just bad timing. I do have to look for other girls. Back to the drawing board I guess lol

 

[ima str8 up pimp]

Listen to what she has to say. Tell her the truth as in what you want, don't lie to her, and never pressure her. You could be fine it's your responsibility however. But now you have to check her accordingly because you blew her ego sky high too early, she obviously doesn't trust you yet. You'll be okay friend.

 

[Tarzan PRIME-Mate!]

Tarzan say: You acting like a Jane instead of a WARRIOR! You must DISAPPEAR and not be clingy like weed spur! You have sex..and you fall in love! Methinks wrong head is telling you she's the one...because you no have other woman friends which mean she the only ONE! You need get off Plenty of Virtual Fish and go out and cast net for real life pleniful harvest of sweet shapely minnows! Then you no worry about what lower head tell you! Unga!

 

[YoungSir4sho]

Lol tarzan. Actually I did have other options but I stopped them after ahile cuz I was feeling this one. N no im not really in love wit her yet. I just told her that because there was a situation where she was stressed from her family problems at home n didn't want me to have to deal wit her problems. So I told her I love her.. Wrong thing to do tho.


Also str8pimp.. I already told her the truth. I told her that I want her to get into a serious relationship wit me. She said that we need to take it slow. Meanng that we r sort of dating exclusively by not cheating, but we r not in a relationship. Sounds weird I kno. Basically she keeps telling me that she is young n doesn't want to b tied down right now. That she doesn't wanna feel controlled or when she go3es to a club that I won't b asking wat time she is coming back.


Also about the trust thing. She says that she trusts me. She wants me to go to clubs even strip clubs cuz she thinks I won't cheat. She feels I don't trust her cuz when she mentioned the other day that she might want to go to the club. I sounded mad n I actually was a bit. She said that jealousy turns her off..


So what im gonna do now is just stop talking to her on the phone like that. Im always textin her so that needs to stop. I just have to get my life bac in order

 

[Dannyrt34]

Youngsir4sho, you are not ready for a relationship. Trust me on that.

First thing you need to do is find things to keep yourself extremely busy. There are days when I spend 5 hours in the gym. (Not exercising the whole time because that wouldn't even be healthy, but sitting in the hot tub and taking the time to socialize after my workout routine.)

Another great thing to do is start to enjoy nature. I go hiking every weekend now in the mountains of West Virginia.

You really need to start doing things like this so you become less dependant on finding a girl to make your life enjoyable. This is what stems your apparent neediness.

I have a girl that I never bring with me. I'd rather her stay behind and worry about me, then tell her about my adventures when I return.

Anyway, my point is this. Don't go chasing anymore girls until you have more things to fill out your time. You seriously sound like somebody that could turn into the stalker typer. You can still go practice talking to girls and getting dates. But please don't pursue any relationships anytime soon.

Did you seriously think she was going to be your girl without ever meeting her? What the hell were YOU even thinking?

 

[YoungSir4sho]

^^ I see wat u saying.. But stalker type?? Lmao nah never that. You see with me I've been real comfortable talking with girls on the phone since I was in my early teens. Most of my girlfriends came from online. N I used to talk to them on the phone, they loved my personailty then we just got into a relationship. I use the ****y funny methods,etc.

I usually get girls to have them fall in love wit me. Im used to it. But not this one. I understand I have to do more things in my life. She also tells me the same things.

Right now I work from 12am to 10am. I got my own apt, live in nyc so im doin ok for myself. I want to play overseas basketball by next year but I have to train harder. She wants me to do something during the day like have a 2nd job or go to college. I see where is talkin bout but I want my basketball dream to come into reality. Its jus a lot of obstacles I have to get past.

 

[Igetit!]

Unfortunately it looks like this thing is going to end bad for you.
It's easy to tell.


You know why?


Because she's in control of everything.

So I met this girl from plentyoffish a month n half ago. Talk on the phone for a week, then saw her a week later. On the phone we was talking for a couple of hours basically everyday. I asked her out on the phone to be my girl n she said to take it slow 1st. I see her that next week n we have sex in the hotel. That weekend again I asked her n she said not right now.

This is the problem. You asked her 2 times in 2 weeks of knowing her if she would be your girl,and both times she said no.



The problem is you keep pushing for a relationship. You need to just relax and enjoy dating her. Let her bring up the relationship talk just like the other posters said.

She says that we are just talking. Not in a serious relationship but we can't get wit no1 else or cheat.

Well that's interesting. She said that you two are just talking,that you're NOT in a serious relationship with each other,and you two can't cheat

Forgive me for asking this,but...how can you cheat on someone if you're not in a relationship with them?

And again,she's calling the shots.

I told her 2weeks ago thru text that I love her.. Yea I made that mistake by saying that cuz I thought she was gonna leave cuz of her situation.. She said she was happy that I feel that way but she doesn't feel the same way yet.

You told her you loved her,and her response was,"I'm happy you feel that way",and that she doesn't feel the same way.

WOW.

the other day 2 days ago. I asked her is she my girl now. She said no.

Hmm. So here's the THIRD TIME you asked her to be your girlfriend,and the THIRD TIME she said NO.

You'd probably already have what you want with this girl if you hadn't pushed for a relationship.

Seem to me like you have everything you want with her except for the offical title of boyfriend and girlfriend.

That we are still talking. That she wants to get to know me a lot more b4 we make that big step.

Really. This sound like something a guy would say. What she's doing is having her cake and eating it too.



She getting all the benefits of having a boyfriend WITHOUT THE COMMITMENT. This way WHEN (not if) another guy comes along who she does want a relationship with,she be able to leave you and technically will not have done anything wrong.



When she does walk off and you try to say something to her,she'll go,"Hey,we were just getting to know each other,that's all. We were never in a relationship. You asked me three times if I was your girl and I told you no all three times,remember?".




And she'll be right.

Thing is she still is showing interest but today we was textin. She said if I don't like how she wants to take things slow then I don't have to talk to her then.

Yep,more control she's exercising.

This was a test...that you failed.


I would have been like,"Ok,by". And that would have been the end of it,and I'M NOT JOKING.



I bet you that would have flipped things in your favor.

She said that im scaring her by wantin to commit to a serious relationship, talkin about wanting kids now, moving in.

She's actually right about this. I mean come on,knowing a girl for two weeks and already talking about moving in,marriage,and having kids?

I have to side with her on that one.

What I want to know is how do I fix this situation.

I actually agree with what Tarzan said,Unga Bunga!

(Aww great,now I'm talking like that).

When I try to stop talking to her less on the phone n not respondin to her text messages. She says that im changin n doesn't like it.

She doesn't like it?

So?

So what if she doesn't like it?


Did you like it when you asked her to be your girl three times and all three times she said no?

Did you like it when you told her you loved her and her response was that she's happy you feel that way,but she doesn't feel the same way yet?



Your problem is simple.


SHE TAKES YOU FOR GRANTED.




She thinks you aren't going anywhere,therefore,she has less appreciation for you.



Look how she speaks to you. She told you if you don't like how she wants to take it slow,then you don't have to talk to her.



Man,I'd be like,"C-ya",and I'd be gone.



I guarantee,you'll still be here a year from now waiting for her to say yes to being your girlfriend.


She's going to keep this going for as long as she can.



Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Why would she commit to being your girlfriend when she's RIGHT NOW already getting the benefits of you being her boyfriend?


She gets sex,companionship,someone to talk to,faithfulness,and all this BEING SINGLE.


So why would she get herself weighed down by getting into a relationship just to get what she's ALREADY getting?

 

[YoungSir4sho]

^^ Ha u r 100 percent correct. She is getting all of the benefits witout being in a relationship. Which is y im going to have to jus calm down n start talking wit her less. She's going to have to start all of the convos. She don't like it then she can leave dead a55. Yea it might be alil hard but I have to.

I want to be wit a girl that feels the same feelings for me as I do her. N lol she keeps saying that we r in sort of a relationship but its not committed. That's y she says that we can't cheat or talk to any other person. That makes no sense to me. What also doesn't make sense is her needing to know me better tho we talk everyday on the phone for hours n texting. She told me how she usually gets in relationships is knowing the person for 6months uptil a year b4 anything serious lol.

 

[starplayer]

yeah man you gotta take your power back. maybe she is saying you can't cheat or talk to other people because she doesn't want YOU doing that, but by saiyng it's not a committed relationship she reserves the right to do whatever the fvck she wants.

the irony of a lot of these things, is that if you just fvcked her and didn't talk about/push for a relationship, she'd be the one constantly asking you "where's this going?" trying to get you to commit.

i don't generally like getting advice about women from women, but something i've come across countless times on other sites is posts by a woman about a booty call/FB and wondering where she stands with him and how can she get him into a relationship. of course the guy probably couldn't care less about her because he has too many other options.

remember a man who gives his commitment too easily is the equivalent of a woman who gives up her pvssy too easily.

 

[YoungSir4sho]

I realize I messed up a lot of things. Its just that she looks mad good n wit a great personality. We vibe so well. I do understand its not a committed relationship yet but she still says that we have to trust each other. We won't talk to no1 else or cheat. Basically she told me that we are in a relationship but not fully yet. So I don't really understand that. She says that we have to take things slow wit us. She had bad relationships b4 so she wants to make sure that we b good.

Basically I do want her to b my girl. I understand every1 is gonna tell me to look for other girls, but I kno that I only want her... but I guess I have to look for other options n stop talking to her as much.