Need Help In Controlling Jealousy/Insecurity/Anger

[up for da challenge]

hi all. i've been lurking here for a very long time now and this is the first time i'm posting because i realise i have a huge problem with my emotions.

first of all, i've gone out with various type of women, and i would consider the amount of girls i've been going out with average. not a loser but not the bomb in the field either.

i usually do fine until after a few months into an exclusive relationship. it is then where i start losing control over my emotions when my girlfriend wants to hangout with her guy friend that she's just keeping around for attention, or when she talks sweetly with another guy on the phone. alot more of these trivial stuff seems to get to me, but take not that its not just one girl thats doing all of these, its a series of actions done by girlfriends i've had in my life.

my course of action right now is just to suck it up, be aloof and maintain control of my apperance, when i'm really feeling insecure and very jealous inside. so i tried calling other girls up, but they seem to do nearly nothing to help me in removing the insecure feelings towards the girlfriend i happen to be with at that moment.

being with an average amount of women, i realise that 9/10 have guys calling them most of the time, and 9/10 of the women love the attention and like to keep them around for backups.

i get all sucky when i do something a little wrong, and it bothers me for a long time. i think too much. then i start getting insecure and jealous again. right now, my girlfriend is going to have her own cafe.. and the thought of her being an entrepeneur while i'm just an office worker makes me feel insecure too. i mean.. she could go off with any guy because its so damn easy for a girl to get a guy, let alone a stable famous and attractive one.

most of you would laugh at my patheticness, but i'm not kidding when i say i really have no control whatsoever over my emotions. i was hoping there'd be ways of those who've been through this to help me be a better person and not feel like i'll get dumped anytime. maybe its because of my bad experiences with previous women, i don't know. somehow the women i've been with are real gung-ho in men-leaping and maybe thats what causes me to worry about my current girlfriends. baggage, perhaps?

comments appreciated, i won't take flames personally either since its what i'll be getting mostly for being so weak. i just want to get a hold of my emotions asap.

 

[Vigilante7]

WOW, this is a very hard thread….

Im not exactly sure what to do, but ill try my best cause there is no exact answer to the problem since we don’t know the girl

Basically, if a guy does not “Sweep a girl off her feet” she could be prone to flirt with any guy at any time…and if she has confidence, she would even approach these guys, but things you should realize

1) Sure she is attractive and famous ect, but you have a title that no other guy has….DON JUAN !! You came to this board for help, and for tips, so act like a don juan. This case is exactly like a junior high bully-victim case cause if a victim shows more emotion to a bully, the bully will generally go after that weakness even more, if you act like you don’t care what the bully says, then generally the bully will decrease, try something new or give up. Now, you have to ACT secure even though you may be stressed out. A big turn off for girls is guys who worry too much, and with this is overemotional b1tches. I think you should worry, cause worrying shows concern and care. But the best situation is to make the most outa it when you talk to her

This is MY OPINION, take it or leave it, I have been secure since 13 yrs old, so I cant exactly relate

 

[seulaxplaya]

confidence is key

Look Bro its a game. She talks to other guys to see how you will react and probably because she has friends. You have to realize your not going to be the only guy in ANY womans life. When you realize that the happier you will be in relationships. Do the same to her. Its fun to see peoples reactions. Have confidence that shes with you and only you.

 

[jbbrain]

I'm young, but I was having problems with jealousy mostly with my crazy ex gf and a little with my current gf, when I knew deep down there was no realisatic foundation to back any of my fantasies up.

I talked to my bro about it. Hes older, and has a shyt load of experience with girls. He told me the key to handling jealousy is a little word called perspective.

The trouble with trying to convince yourself that you're the "shyt" and that shed be crazy to leave you or cheat on you is that when it happens, that very fantasy about yourself that you used as your sole defense crumbles.

"Man, I'm the shyt, but she cheated in me with an obese gorilla!"

That won't help you. Rather, what helps is using your rationality as a man. You're obviously with this girl because deep down you trust her, other wise you wouldnt be with her, right? (I hope so)

Having a good healthy perspective of the world lets real world reality set in. It begs the question "I'm with her and I trust her, but WHAT WOULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN IF SHE WERE TO CHEAT ON ME?"

Are you going to marry this chick? Probably not. Chances are you like her, you might even like her a lot, but what would your life be like if all of a sudden if she wasn't around. Would you be fine?

I know I would be. Thats how I'm getting over the jealousy thing. I let my girls do their own thing (as long as its not disrespectful to me) because at the end of the day I know I'm going to be fine with myself, all by myself, if they do decide to stray. I have my own shyt going on for me in this world. i learned that you can never really control anybody else's beahviour. Like many ppl have mentioned before, she will cheat on you at some point if that is her desire. The KEY is how you respond to this reality.

Perspective gives you the ultimate confidence. "Realize" that you don't "need" any chick (because in all reality noone really does, it's just that thousands of guys on this site are unaware of this at the moment) and jealousy won't faze you a bit.

This does not mean that you should be oblivious to your girl's actions. Be aware, but don't let all the small stuff get to you.


Why?

Because you're a man with perspective.