Need help...hurting bad

[judoguy]

Long story short...

3 yr. LTR...I broke up with her last year in March but we got back together a month later.

she was constantly pushing to get married/ children and be engaged. Since I am only 25 and she is 23, I would tell her no and make jokes how we are too young and "who would want to enter jail that early". She would get all pissy at these jokes and it would start a fight.

Well I tried to hold the relationship together but she started withholding sex and looking for reasons to fight with me. I am a very busy guy and would only be able to see her once every two weeks or so. I would make my schedule so that I can call her almost every night, but I ended up losing sleep while trying to call her.

I was thinking about ending it, but I was doing everything I could to try and hold it together. She lost all my respect when I was at a dinner/ meeting with a bunch of high ranking professionals. She showed up 10 minutes late and started *****ing when I told her that her tits were hanging out. She caused 10 minutes of drama complaining about how I never compliment her and blah blah.

I asked her and pleaded with her not to be late because this meeting was very important to me. After this dinner she could not stop going on about how I did not pay attention to her and did not compliment her enough. Sorry if I was out back smoking a cigar with my boss !

Anyway... we had a trip planned to Aruba which we went on...had an amazing time although i could feel some sort of tension and we had sex only twice when we normally do it like 2x a day on vacation. Anyway after Aruba I told her I was going to do everything in my power to make it work. She was happy and we were all lovey-dovey.

Here is the kicker. A week later she dumps me. Turns completely cold and stops giving a **** about me completely. She turned from this girl who would always be all lovey with me and **** to a cold hearted *****. I honestly did not it could ever happen with this girl.

She asked to be friends I said ok. I asked her to visit me and she says, " cmon, what would I rather do, hang out with my friends in atlantic city or spend a weekend seeing my ex?" .... My jaw hit the ground...stomach pains...

Is this the girl I dated and loved for 3 years ?

I am so ****ed now.I know absolutely no girls. I'm pretty much at bottom and feel like I will have trouble starting all over. I am extremely busy and do not really have time to meet women. My job is a male oriented job and I have had trouble talking to women my entire life.

I went to a private all boys high school, military academy college. Never really developed that relationship with girls, as far as having them as friends.

Anyway sorry for the rant. Just need smotivation to get back out there and stop sending her pathetic texts such as ": ( " or..." I cant live w/o you !"

Help !...im thinking of going on anti - depressants to lower my libido and just robot out to focus on my work. suggestions?


I know... she is a *****... I was AFC...etc etc.

I need real motivational suggestions

 

[Robert28]

wow dude that sucks. sorry to hear youre going through that. what stood out most to me was as soon as you wrote that you TOLD her "i'm going to do everything in my power to make this work" all of a sudden there was the power transfer and you weren't so much of a challenge to her anymore. in her mind you basically admited you were doing something wrong and had to make it up to her. relationships are 50/50. she made just as many mistakes as you did i'm positive. she never admitted hers to you did she? now she thre the whole lets be friend line on you and turned into super b**ch in a week. time to next this chick. i think you would have been better off not telling her you were going to try to make it work, but just do it silently. what you need is a night on the town with some friends, go get hammered, go to a strip club. just have fun and don't even think about her at all! the more you sit around and think about it the more it wille at you alive. i mean shes going to atlantic city to have fun, so why cant you do the same with your friends? lifes too short to worry about some broad that doesnt care!

 

[sodbuster]

She wasn't the one, you dodged a bullet. If she knew it was important to be on time for dinner and was late,complained about you spending time with your boss, and dressed inappropriately for the occasion; she wasn't a woman you'd want by your side. She would have been a drag on your career. It's easier to say move on than it is to do, but do it anyway.

 

[darkstarrr]

You're doing fine. Don't blow it up in your mind into something more than it really is. She's 23, a female, and American, right? She can go fuck a goat. I don't think it would have made much of a difference if you had played along with her little Love and Marriage sheit.

Soo, you could have played along with the aforementioned talk of hers and then she would have known she had you and would have demonstrated decreased interest earlier, got bored and then most likely would have started fucking around. Or, you do what you did and then inevitably it ends anyways but she uses it against you. It was most likely a lose lose situation. This has nothing to do with who you are or what you look like or how hard you can fuck or how big your wang is. So snap out of it.

I was where you are now before and I imploded. For no good reason. Now I am like Pimp Master Flash bro. Take yourself and your frame and shape it any way you want. The beauty of this world is that there are trillions of people in it and no matter what you think you can and will always be able to find someone who can suck it better and treat you better and give you butterflies better. You can realize it in due time as you naturally were going to anyways, or you can save yourself a lot of time, effort, energy, and wasted tears and realize it now.

My advice to you is reinvent yourself into the person who you best envision yourself as wanting to be and capable of being. Then make it happen.

Read post 9 here.

Read post 7 here.

Read post 1 here.

Create an Action Plan for yourself and try to stick your dick as far as you can up life's ass.

Don't just read and let it go in and out your ears/eyes like I've done before.
Apply it.
You got this.

Good luck.

 

[3countriesPlan]

She was a b1tch and you know it. Good that is step number one. Step two is not only to focus on work but also on hobbies you might have neglected while with her or maybe forgotten about. I work in a factory so this is a men only environment for the most part but the good thing about these places is where there is a lot of guys, there also is a lot of guys who wanna pick up chicks and sport fvck them etc.. invite some coworkers out and go tear the club scene!

 

[496 Alcamino]

I've got something for the pain. You're feeling so screwed up because your body and emotions truly think you are injured. Your body can't tell the difference between physical or emotional pain. So you just respond to the pain. Period. I 'll bet you do feel like you've been stabbed for real. I know I did. I've had my turn in the barrel, that you are in now.

FWIW when I went through my divorce I felt like an unarmed man in a nuclear war. By luck I stumbled on a book that frickin saved me. I was a wreck. It's called The Journey From Abandonment To Healing. It's by Susan Anderson.

Yea, I know. Some kind of touchy feely book right. All I can say is it taught me that there are very real physical, and emotional things that your body is going through over this crap. Knowing what those things are, how to deal with them, how long it will last, and so forth was a MAJOR step forward for me.

In my case the book was so spot on I felt like they were looking @ my life with a spy satellite or something. What I was feeling and going through was all broke down for me. Right there in print.

I'll just add this. I got educated as to why this hit me so hard. I did not end up a drunk or drugged up mess. I actually healed up real quick. The book shows you how to turn all that bad into a positive.

I'll never thank my ex for our divorce. However with the help of this book, I came out a stronger, and far better person. This site has also been a big help too. All the best on your journey. It does not have to be all bad.

 

[Bible_Belt]

she was constantly pushing to get married/ children and be engaged.


That is a very fundamental issue. A lot of relationships end over this conflict. Sometimes the man is the one pushing for marriage and children. If a couple have a conflict like this, either they resolve it, or they part ways.

I am divorced and have been through bad breakups like everyone else here. To sum up every breakup - you weren't meeting her needs, so she went elsewhere. That will make you feel like a failure, until you see that you would have had to compromise too much of yourself in order to be the guy she wants. You could have tried to change what you want, but really you're just pretending, and eventually you will be the one leaving because the LTR does not meet your needs. Lying to her about what you want just to make her happy would make you a lot unhappier in the long run.

25 is young. You are technically an "adult," but have a lot of emotional maturing to do, like all of us. When I was 21, I was a stockbroker, and thought I was mature because I wore a tie to an office every day. It is not that simple. You will hurt over this girl for a while, then you will eventually find another, but next time you will lay your heart out just a little bit less, and be hurt less when that relationship ends. That is all part of the growing up that we do even after we become adults.

 

[decades]

sounds like histrionic to me....dude you Do Not want to be friends with her. You aren't ready for that kind of adventure.