Need help frm senior DJs to understand women's psych

[mark123]

Yes, this is *yet another* newbie-in-distress thread. But i beg senior DJs to please offer advice - I have tried to apply concepts from here but seem to be hitting a wall!

Background
So this has been the story of my last 3 dates from match.com. Don't even remember the first 2 clearly, so will detail the most recent one.

Went on a date with HB8 romanian girl. Date was amazing - did everything right I could (below). I kiss-closed & she was very touchy and she sent me a couple of texts on her way home. Waited for HER to text 2 days later..we made some flirty banter over next few days. she suggested meeting for drinks on Sat night. All this while I was in control. Then no communication between us for 3 days and on Sat I send her this text: "Hi (name). So I'll see you at 8 tonight at (place). Cool?". She flaked, saying she is not feeling well and can we meet another day?
It's possible she *really* is unwell, but I've heard this before many times recently, and they never come back! This has happened 3/4 times recently.


What I did right
- Build rapport over texts before date #1
- kino-ed and was c&f
- kissed her
- didn't talk too much about myself
- wasn't eager-b3aver to text her or anything. waited few hours and sometimes didn't respond.

What could I have done wrong?
This is where I'm clueless.
- Do you think not communicating 3 days was too much?
- should I have confirmed the date one day before?
- is it possible she met someone else? - seems unlikely, because I know she doesn't go out to bars/clubs (works round the clock) and she told me I was the *first* one she met on the website. haha, i see some of you rolling your eyes - and i made fun of her AT the date for saying this. but she showed me her messages and her responses on her phone..and I believe her...

What more (or less) can I do? I'm asking just to not repeat mistakes in future..

Thank you all for reading and for the advice..

 

[gaspipe]

Yes, this is *yet another* newbie-in-distress thread. But i beg senior DJs to please offer advice - I have tried to apply concepts from here but seem to be hitting a wall!

Background
So this has been the story of my last 3 dates from match.com. Don't even remember the first 2 clearly, so will detail the most recent one.

Went on a date with HB8 romanian girl. Date was amazing - did everything right I could (below). I kiss-closed & she was very touchy and she sent me a couple of texts on her way home. Waited for HER to text 2 days later..we made some flirty banter over next few days. she suggested meeting for drinks on Sat night. All this while I was in control. Then no communication between us for 3 days and on Sat I send her this text: "Hi (name). So I'll see you at 8 tonight at (place). Cool?". She flaked, saying she is not feeling well and can we meet another day?
It's possible she *really* is unwell, but I've heard this before many times recently, and they never come back! This has happened 3/4 times recently.


What I did right
- Build rapport over texts before date #1
- kino-ed and was c&f
- kissed her
- didn't talk too much about myself
- wasn't eager-b3aver to text her or anything. waited few hours and sometimes didn't respond.

What could I have done wrong?
This is where I'm clueless.
- Do you think not communicating 3 days was too much?
- should I have confirmed the date one day before?
- is it possible she met someone else? - seems unlikely, because I know she doesn't go out to bars/clubs (works round the clock) and she told me I was the *first* one she met on the website. haha, i see some of you rolling your eyes - and i made fun of her AT the date for saying this. but she showed me her messages and her responses on her phone..and I believe her...

What more (or less) can I do? I'm asking just to not repeat mistakes in future..

Thank you all for reading and for the advice..

As a veteran of Match and other dating sites I can tell you with almost 100% certainty that her flaking had nothing to do with you.

You have to understand that if shes even remotely attractive shes getting bombarded with emails by other dudes vying to get their balls in deep.

Most likely she liked someone else and blew you off. Or maybe she assessed her date with you and decided that you just didnt do it for her to justify another date. Her not giving you a counter offer is a clear sign of low interest level.

Yes you probably did everything right and on your date she was attracted enough to kiss you. But that doesnt mean shyt these days just as getting a girls number is almost as insignificant. Ive kissed hundreds of girls and it never led anywhere. A couple of weeks ago I also had what I thought was a great date with a girl from match. Guess what? She never returned by calls and texts afterwards.

If I chick is in to you it doesnt matter if you wait 3 days or 3 weeks. I remember one girl I dated from match. We had a really good date and for whatever reason we didnt communicatwe for over a month. When I called her, she was thrilled to hear from me and we ended up going out for quite a while. So your waiting had nothing to do with her blowing you off.

Its a numbers game when it comes to online dating. This girl was just not that into you. No big deal. Just keep on casting your net and sooner or later youll reel one in that truly likes you.

 

[Mike32ct]

Gaspipe is spot on. My experience with online dating is exactly the same. I used to beat my head against the wall thinking what I may have done wrong. The answer? Nothing. Online is fiercely competitive.

As long as you can hold an interesting conversation and do some light kino without being creepy, you really can't F it up. The real problem is she CAN'T juggle all the guys writing to her. She has to cut many of them loose. It's not personal.

 

[slickaz]

Iv never dated from online. So dont know the dynamics...but here's a tip,
Maybe next time, offer to pick her up..

Sometimes, just knowing that you're coming out of your way to pick her could take the "laziness" factor out..
Alternatively you can say, you can bring dinner to her, is she used the sick option.

I know you might think those are giving her too much power, but if you use the right tone when you call and ask..it comes across as just a cool guy who doesn't mind coming over to see how she is and bring dinner along.

This way she cannot flake. And if she still says no...delete the number.

Also...BIG TIP!...ALWAYS CALL!..NEVER TEXT! ask any GOOD DJ on here they'll tell you texting is setting yourself up to fail..

 

[mark123]

Thanks for the replies so far. definitely insightful and glad to know at least I did the basics right...

Its a numbers game when it comes to online dating. This girl was just not that into you.
Just keep on casting your net and sooner or later youll reel one in that truly likes you

Online is fiercely competitive

^gaspipe/Mike32ct - thanks for the insight. Doesn't it then affect you guys going into date 1 or even before that..building rapport...when you know the odds that this might be successful are bleak? I feel like it's a viscious cycle, isnt it?! - You go into the date, subconsciously knowing there's a high probability this might not lead anywhere, despite the meaningless IOIs. That thinking, in turn, would affect your "cool, happy" guy disposition...it's a self-fulfilling prophecy! I imagine it's hard to be a "robot" or an actor, putting on a show each time.... alienating your subconscious mind from your routine......how can you guys put on a straight face and start afresh, every single time??

Besides, most girls these days are also online - so i would imagine this competitiveness and attention they are getting trickles into the "real world" as well.....?

Also...BIG TIP!...ALWAYS CALL!..NEVER TEXT!

slickaz - thanks. i did call first. but she didn't pick it up. had no choice but to text because i had to know whether the plan was on or not....actually most girls these days don't pick up the phone. hate the voicemail.

Bottomline - I could be living in denial, but there is a small chance that this girl really was unwell. Would you recommend a "feeling better?" text in 2-3 days, possibly with a funny line about smthg we discussed on our date, to....sorta, reconnect? Thanks for the advice!

 

[gaspipe]

Thanks for the replies so far. definitely insightful and glad to know at least I did the basics right...




^gaspipe/Mike32ct - thanks for the insight. Doesn't it then affect you guys going into date 1 or even before that..building rapport...when you know the odds that this might be successful are bleak? I feel like it's a viscious cycle, isnt it?! - You go into the date, subconsciously knowing there's a high probability this might not lead anywhere, despite the meaningless IOIs. That thinking, in turn, would affect your "cool, happy" guy disposition...it's a self-fulfilling prophecy! I imagine it's hard to be a "robot" or an actor, putting on a show each time.... alienating your subconscious mind from your routine......how can you guys put on a straight face and start afresh, every single time??

Besides, most girls these days are also online - so i would imagine this competitiveness and attention they are getting trickles into the "real world" as well.....?



slickaz - thanks. i did call first. but she didn't pick it up. had no choice but to text because i had to know whether the plan was on or not....actually most girls these days don't pick up the phone. hate the voicemail.

Bottomline - I could be living in denial, but there is a small chance that this girl really was unwell. Would you recommend a "feeling better?" text in 2-3 days, possibly with a funny line about smthg we discussed on our date, to....sorta, reconnect? Thanks for the advice!

I think you have already done enough in showing your interest. Texting her again would proably wreak of desperation.

Trust me, if this girls IL is high enough she will be contacting you. Otherwise she most likely was not that into you in the first place.

I would put her in the back burner and concentrate on other prospects.

Its funny sometimes, at least for me, that when a girl is no longer in your thoughts, she appears out of nowhere back into your life.

 

[IKO69]

It doesn't matter why she did what she did, only that she did it. It's a dating website, do you know how many messages she's receiving per day? I saw a video about this on youtube. A guy put up a profile of a attractive guy and an average woman as an experiment. After a week the guy not messages whats so ever and only a hand full of profile views. The woman was getting upwards to 50 messages a day and the picture of the woman th guy used wasn't even honestly all that. So you must understand on a dating website you will be at a disadvantage and this carries over to real life- it's the same dynamic.

Anyway, don't stress about why what happened. Just know with this particular woman you didn't make the grade and keep your eyes peeled for another one who will hopefully display different behavior. Best of luck.

 

[mark123]

So you must understand on a dating website you will be at a disadvantage and this carries over to real life- it's the same dynamic.

Agreed.

I guess just gotta suck it up and keep going through the motions. Eventually, I think the "recovery" time will reduce, but at this point it stings hard and easier said than done.

thanks for the replies and advice so far folks...

 

[IKO69]

Agreed.

I guess just gotta suck it up and keep going through the motions. Eventually, I think the "recovery" time will reduce, but at this point it stings hard and easier said than done.

thanks for the replies and advice so far folks...

No, don't let it "bother" you, even for a little bit. It will just make it a real difficult ordeal. Just make the personal decision to accept that in this game women have the edge when it comes to this. It sucks, but it's the reality. Once you're able to accept that you'll have an easier time and any rejection you get won't be that big of a deal.

 

[generalfranco]

Yes, this is *yet another* newbie-in-distress thread. But i beg senior DJs to please offer advice - I have tried to apply concepts from here but seem to be hitting a wall!

Background
So this has been the story of my last 3 dates from match.com. Don't even remember the first 2 clearly, so will detail the most recent one.

Went on a date with HB8 romanian girl. Date was amazing - did everything right I could (below). I kiss-closed & she was very touchy and she sent me a couple of texts on her way home. Waited for HER to text 2 days later..we made some flirty banter over next few days. she suggested meeting for drinks on Sat night. All this while I was in control. Then no communication between us for 3 days and on Sat I send her this text: "Hi (name). So I'll see you at 8 tonight at (place). Cool?". She flaked, saying she is not feeling well and can we meet another day?
It's possible she *really* is unwell, but I've heard this before many times recently, and they never come back! This has happened 3/4 times recently.


What I did right
- Build rapport over texts before date #1
- kino-ed and was c&f
- kissed her
- didn't talk too much about myself
- wasn't eager-b3aver to text her or anything. waited few hours and sometimes didn't respond.

What could I have done wrong?
This is where I'm clueless.
- Do you think not communicating 3 days was too much?
- should I have confirmed the date one day before?
- is it possible she met someone else? - seems unlikely, because I know she doesn't go out to bars/clubs (works round the clock) and she told me I was the *first* one she met on the website. haha, i see some of you rolling your eyes - and i made fun of her AT the date for saying this. but she showed me her messages and her responses on her phone..and I believe her...

What more (or less) can I do? I'm asking just to not repeat mistakes in future..

Thank you all for reading and for the advice..

She sensed you must have been a homosexual/emascualted man. Romanain women do not like gay looking or gay acting men.

 

[Masculinity]

If shes even remotely attractive shes getting bombarded with emails by other dudes vying to get their balls in deep.

This is very true for attractive women in general. ^
It is amplified dozens of times when she is online because of the low probability of rejection. Think of it as applying to college. The better the school(the more attractive she is) the more competition to get in(get inside her pvssy). And when this happens online, the odds against you multiply like bunnies(and not as the ones in playboy), brother. Most men in dating sites tend to be too afraid of approaching women in real life. Instead of facing their problems and accepting the risks, they decide to "play it safe." What could have gone wrong? A million different things, especially online. Maybe she got diarrhea the night she was supposed to see you. Maybe she met another guy she likes better. Maybe she realized she's a lesbian. The possibilities are endless and overthinking them will only bring negative results to you.

Psychologically, I can understand why you care that she didn't go out with you. People are much more sensitive to the reactions of strangers than familiar people. Ex: A husband telling his wife "woah, you look beautiful in that dress" has a fraction of the positive effect that the same comment would have coming from a stranger. Why? Because people like gaining things(in this case some validation/an orbiter). This is why women keep men's phone numbers in their phones and don't burn all bridges because there may come a time where they have nothing going on and know you can boost their egos. This is why you get the "hey handsome " text message from a woman to whom you haven't spoken in months. They keep you in the back burner when they have a man better than you and when they have men "worse" than you, then they contact you again.

By the same token, people are more likely to be hurt by a loved one than by a stranger. Ex: A husband tells his wife "you are not very fit anymore." Assuming the marriage is stable, the wife would immediately think she is losing her husband, that he could go out & bang other women, that she is getting old, etc. People don't like losses (hence people keep playing in casinos and guys become whipped to avoid being single again). But when a stranger says "you are chubby" it has an effect on her still, but it is less significant. You are an intelligent and complex human being, learn how to control your drives. You would not have sex with an underage girl even if you were crazy horny because of the consequences. Those who do have sex with them end up in jail, etc. Worrying this chick or others you meet for not getting back to you is the same thing. This is a woman you barely know, don't trip out about why she isn't interested in you.

My advice: I don't want to sound harsh. However, get your stuff together and learn to how approach women in real life without the safety net that the internet gives you. You will have much more enjoyable interactions and your odds of finding an attractive, psychologically and emotionally stable woman who is smart will increase dramatically. Now that you already talked to this girl, I would call her and set up another appointment since she counter-offered when she cancelled on you. If she flakes again, she most likely isn't interested. At that point, if you really want to know what "went wrong" just ask her for some honest feedback and see what she says. Maybe you messed up somehow according to her or maybe she messed up herself inside, in which case you dodged a bullet.

-Rob

 

[generalfranco]

This is very true for attractive women in general. ^
It is amplified dozens of times when she is online because of the low probability of rejection. Think of it as applying to college. The better the school(the more attractive she is) the more competition to get in(get inside her pvssy). And when this happens online, the odds against you multiply like bunnies(and not as the ones in playboy), brother. Most men in dating sites tend to be too afraid of approaching women in real life. Instead of facing their problems and accepting the risks, they decide to "play it safe." What could have gone wrong?
-Rob

You're analogy of college and hot women sucks because it varies world wide and you area homo since you made a lame analogy.

 

[Masculinity]

You're analogy of college and hot women sucks because it varies world wide and you area homo since you made a lame analogy.

Oh man, you guys all look the same. I found a picture of you online:image

 

[st_99]

Think about having a profile up on a dating website, getting like 200 messages from all sorts of women, hot, so-so, and ugly. You can have literally 4 dates a day if you wanted to. Are you really going to go commit to any particular girl? Probably not, you'll be flaky as hell because you have them lined up.

Well, a hot girl on match has this going on. It's just the way it is.

I have no way of proving this but its my take on it.

 

[mark123]

Oh man, you guys all look the same. I found a picture of you online:image

haha, you said it. He dug up this thread that I made 3 months ago! I guess this busts the myth that trolls don't know how to use the 'advanced search' feature

Think about having a profile up on a dating website, getting like 200 messages from all sorts of women, hot, so-so, and ugly. You can have literally 4 dates a day if you wanted to. Are you really going to go commit to any particular girl? Probably not, you'll be flaky as hell because you have them lined up.

Well, a hot girl on match has this going on. It's just the way it is.

I have no way of proving this but its my take on it.

st_99 - you said it. As i mentioned above, I made this thread 3 mos ago. I def have learnt quite a few things in these 3 months, one of which is that women you meet and talk to from an online dating website are def very restless. They are constantly getting bombarded with messages (as you said), always logged in the website and "evaluating" their options, looking for the next best deal. TBH, i don't distinguish much bw online vs "Real world" women, because a lot of these "Real world" women that you meet in bars etc have online profiles! more than one would imagine or like to believe, in this day and age.

Things with this one ended up much differently, though. She act came over on the 3rd date to my place - put up a TON of LMR. I brushed it off twice and eventually when it was evident that she wouldn't give in, I let her go (my mistake i know, I know a little better now). After about 1-2 weeks, I sent her an inside joke (with a "nothing to lose" attitude), she found it funny, we reconnected, she came over and this time we banged. but it was really lousy. this girl was lame in the sack and i act ended up having that "ugh" feeling after sex. Figured that the whole chasing-for-lame-sex wasn't worth it and let her go....

 

[floydb25]

What you say is true about attractive women everywhere - not just online. They all have options, can be picky, high maintenance, etc. Just comes with the territory. They also tend to be more popular and accepted by society. Just the way it works.

 

[generalfranco]

Oh man, you guys all look the same. I found a picture of you online:image

Sorry, that seems to be your gay boyfriend.

 

[generalfranco]

What you say is true about attractive women everywhere - not just online. They all have options, can be picky, high maintenance, etc. Just comes with the territory. They also tend to be more popular and accepted by society. Just the way it works.

Attractive women are actually different based on the economy they are in and supply. You must be a homo or idiot to fail to realize that. If they are stuck in a poorer economy, the chances of them being picky are less and also in certain cultures hot women compete with each other unlike those of Anglo Saxon culture where most women are fat and very few hot women are around.

 

[loveorlust]

Attractive women are actually different based on the economy they are in and supply. You must be a homo or idiot to fail to realize that. If they are stuck in a poorer economy, the chances of them being picky are less and also in certain cultures hot women compete with each other unlike those of Anglo Saxon culture where most women are fat and very few hot women are around.

you're an idiot.

and what's with your obsession with the term homo? if I got laid for every time you used that word in this thread my d@#! would fall off.

 

[Masculinity]

OP, you got plenty of useful advice.

Sorry, that seems to be your gay boyfriend.

This guy has some serious homophobia besides being a gigantic troll.