Need Help Fast

[StevenR]

I kinda goofed while talking to a girl on the phone, and this just happened. I got her # several days ago, and we arranged to meet tonight after talking on the phone the other day. She works late so cannot meet before 10 or so, and she suggested if we meet we meet in her area, which is about a half hour drive from me and I don't know my way around. I said this is cool if she tells me where to meet her since I don't know anything there.
However, my main problem is what happened on the phone tonight. I have this crazy phone situation right now where the place I moved into my cellphone reception is horrible and sometimes cuts out.

She only knew my cell#. My home # I do not have memorized yet since I use it mostly for internet, and I am not signed up to dial out long distance(but I can receive long distance calls). Knowing that I suggested she email me with the info on where to meet. I expected to get an email this morning at the latest, but since I heard nothing I kinda wrote her off and did not expect to hear from her. Well, she called just over a half hour ago on my cellphone. She not only caught me by surprise so I paused for a minute when she asked me if we still wanted to meet(I had to refocus my attention away from what I was doing on my computer).

We tried to communicate and she tried to start giving me directions when we got cut off due to my horrible reception. There was about a 5-7 minute delay in me returning the call because I had to get my shoes on and find a jacket(and use the restroom real bad) before I got outside to get reception again(her cell is a long distance # and I cannot call out long distance on my home phone, but I can receive long distance).

I call and she doesn't answer, so I go back inside to get my statement with my home # written on it, go outside and call her again and she didn't pick up so I left her a message apologizing and explaining my cell doesn't get reception inside and suggested she call back on my home phone. I have not heard back from her yet and am wondering what to do. She is also at work and works as a nurse, I don't know if that is part of the reason she didn't answer her phone or not try to call me.

I really did want to meet her, she is easily an 8.5 and has the worlds cutest smile, and she seems really sweet too. What should I do, call her back and aplolgise again and tell her that I really wanted to see her and she has such a cute smile, etc., or email her if I don't hear from her(I know that is a little AFC but in this case what happened is on my side). What do I do? I really want to see her(

 

[StevenR]

Does this mean that I f'd up and there is no hope to fix this? I am sitting here really bummed right now wondering if I should try to call her again right now.

 

[ready123]

you didn't f up, sometimes sh!t happens.

call her one more time... if she doesn't call back, next time you see her, let her know your reception sucks and hopefully she has a good reason why she didn't call you back

if she does, set up another date. and get a new carrier

 

[StevenR]

thanks, I tried one more time and no answer. I guess I will write her an email and hope for the best.

 

[j0n024]

I would stop calling her it seems needy and you called her how many times already? IF she was the first to call you then she should have had some time off wouldnt she and now she doesnt answer shows that she might be thinking differently now. I would just go by where she works and set up a date then....dont go right now but if your ever close by then just swing on up there and set something up good luck.

 

[StevenR]

she called me back after work, turns out things got really busy there. We set up a different date hopefully that will work out. Thanks for the replies. I sometimes get in dating situations where I am not sure how to proceed and try to make the right move but often times screw up anyway, but never had a site like this I could access in real time to get advice, maybe just some buddies that I could call who are mostly AFC's themselves.

 

[iqqi]

If I was the girl in that situation, I would not think anything needy about you calling 3-5 times shortly after that happened, it is obvious why you are calling, which is that your phone f'ed up in the middle of setting something up.

Everything here is fine.

 

[j0n024]

No but you dont understand he called 4-5 times in a matter of 10minutes that would seem to me needy and pathetic in my eyes and if I was his friend and was with him when he called then I would be making fun of him because he is already putting to much emphasis on just this one girl, but at least it worked out good luck and maybe you should put an update.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

No but you dont understand he called 4-5 times in a matter of 10minutes that would seem to me needy and pathetic in my eyes and if I was his friend and was with him when he called then I would be making fun of him because he is already putting to much emphasis on just this one girl, but at least it worked out good luck and maybe you should put an update.

:yes:

 

[DonJuan11]

What kind of excuse is "my cell phone had bad reception?" It seems like you didn't care about her or the date. BE PREPARED.

If this was Jessica Alba, you wouldn't make that mistake.

 

[StevenR]

I called her twice right away(the second time to give her my home # because I didn't think to do that and leave a message on my first attempted callback) and once an hour later. But I do think have what they call a co-dependent and clingy personality. I can't help it I just seem to want to cling to a woman too soon in a relationship, that is what got me in trouble last time. But I am trying not to be clingy although I may have let some of my natural clingyness slip through with this woman.

In addition to her hot body and pretty face, she has an incredible smile and a sweet, enchanting voice that I cannot help but be really attracted to. I also sent her an email telling her exactly what I thought of her, thinking I was reassuring her that I was interested still and I didn't hang up the phone if that is what she thought. I wrote this before she called me back and before she read it so I don't know what she thinks of it. That was probably a mistake and very AFC of me but what is done is done.

I have been thinking about this lately, I know it isn't very DJ or manlike, but I think I feel emotions more powerfully then most men do, almost like a woman. I can be logical too, I am trained as a scientist and am good at strategy games like chess. Since reading all the stuff on the board and not to be clingy , on the last few dates I tried to be logical and not show too much emotion and I have a feeling those women thought I was a bit cold or something.

I have been withdrawn lately because in the past I get attached to people too quickly and get hurt by them, so now I am afraid of attaching to anyone at all even though I want to.

 

[StevenR]

What kind of excuse is "my cell phone had bad reception?" It seems like you didn't care about her or the date. BE PREPARED.

If this was Jessica Alba, you wouldn't make that mistake.

yeah, I would have changed the laws of physics to make sure the reception didn't cut out.

 

[StevenR]

we agreed to set up another meeting on this thursday when I talked to her last, and she went to Arizona to see her brother before he left for Iraq and only got back on monday. I told her I would call her tues or wed to talk again and I called her up wed and she did not answer. I figured she was probably at work so I left a message I would call when I know she gets out of work, so I called her after work and got no answer. I try one more time about an hour later and just leave a message saying if she is interested in hanging out sometime to give me a call and left it at that.

I was hoping she would call me Thursday or today(her days off), but she didn't and I didn't want to call again because I don't want to come across as more needy then I apparently already have.

It sucks she is not returning my calls, I wonder if it is the mushy email I left her trying to re-assure her that I didn't hang up on purpose. I think it was a little over the top when I think about it now. I think I have been conditioned to act a certain way on the phone.

My last gf was very clingy and needy at times, and she would freak out at the slightest misunderstanding over the phone which causes me to "walk on eggshells" whenever I am talking to a chick on the phone nowadays. With my last gf, if for some reason we got cut off, or even if I had to take another call or get off the phone before she was done she would freak out and sometimes throw a fit. I would call her back and she would be crying and even accuse me of cheating on her, or at the very least be in tears about how I didn't love her anymore.

So now I have been conditioned to think that chicks freak out easily with stuff like that and went overboard trying to repair it when there apparently was no damage to repair in the first place and I think I may have ruined my chances with this girl. Is there anything I can do to fix things, other then "nexting" her which I really don't want to do because she is beautiful. I am thinking of sending her one more email in case her phone is broken or she lost it.

 

[StevenR]

One more thing I want to mention, is even though I am not feeling real great about myself these days I did try a couple of cold approaches yesterday, so it is not like I am not trying at all or something. Unfortunately neither of them amounted to much. The first was when I was in the bank to deposit some money and it was me and this attractive, well dressed latin chick in front of me and we were both waiting for what seemed forever, so I tried to talk her up and she was polite but didn't seem particularly receptive to me making any advances.

The second time was later in the evening I was at Trader Joe's and I overheard this chick talking with her friend about Rubiks's cubes, which I thought was kinda interesting since I had one of those things. So I kinda say something like, "A rubikcs cube, are those things actually still around?" I kinda said that in a lighthearted matter and she responded and I asked her how many seconds she can solve it in or something, but in what I thought was a lighthearted half joking matter.

She acts friendly and stuff but then she said, oh, no, it isn't for me or anything, I am getting one for my boyfriend. So at the mention of the b-word I looked for a polite way to extract myself from their convo and left it at that. So now I am really depressed about women, dating sucks and I don't know why you guys enjoy it so much as a game when you have to deal with so much rejection all the time.

 

[iqqi]

Steven, don't beat yourself up about the chick that was buying a Rubik's cube for her boyfriend. As a matter of fact, stop EXPECTING results from conversation. JUST make conversation for now, you seem to be on the right track. Your convo went really well from what you posted here. Sooner or later some chick will be charmed.

HOWEVER.

Yes, you blew it with the other chick. You came across as creepy and clingy, and you are a stranger! Don't forget that. I think calling her more than twice was REALLY bad. Sometimes calling twice is ok, because it doesn't seem like you are following any "rules", or anything. Three times = "needy and has nothing else in his life going on but ME. SCARY" thoughts from the chick.

And the over the top email was baaaaad. I think it would have been ok to shoot a message saying quickly... "oops! bad reception. hope you didn't think I hung up on you. " And that's IT. You made it too personal.

Hang in there. You WILL find a nice chick! You've got a lot going on for you, that is why I stay tuned to your situations.

 

[regular_guy]

One more thing I want to mention, is even though I am not feeling real great about myself these days I did try a couple of cold approaches yesterday, so it is not like I am not trying at all or something. Unfortunately neither of them amounted to much. The first was when I was in the bank to deposit some money and it was me and this attractive, well dressed latin chick in front of me and we were both waiting for what seemed forever, so I tried to talk her up and she was polite but didn't seem particularly receptive to me making any advances.

The second time was later in the evening I was at Trader Joe's and I overheard this chick talking with her friend about Rubiks's cubes, which I thought was kinda interesting since I had one of those things. So I kinda say something like, "A rubikcs cube, are those things actually still around?" I kinda said that in a lighthearted matter and she responded and I asked her how many seconds she can solve it in or something, but in what I thought was a lighthearted half joking matter.

She acts friendly and stuff but then she said, oh, no, it isn't for me or anything, I am getting one for my boyfriend. So at the mention of the b-word I looked for a polite way to extract myself from their convo and left it at that. So now I am really depressed about women, dating sucks and I don't know why you guys enjoy it so much as a game when you have to deal with so much rejection all the time.

You only get good at things by practicing. And yes most of the time you will not succeed. I think you are seeking approval here, thats why you are feeling down. Don't seek approval! whatever happens, happens.

 

[StevenR]

Yes, you blew it with the other chick. You came across as creepy and clingy, and you are a stranger! Don't forget that.

We had talked before, she likes to talk, and she told me alot about herself. She seemed like the perfect woman for me, like love at first sight kinda deal and I hate it when this happens. It is usually the ones I like the most I screw up with the most for some reason and it makes me even more nervous the next time around. I wanted to call her again but I refrained since I realize I would seem even more pathetic to her. I really hate these stupid games, wait 3 days before calling blah blah, whatever I always thought that was stupid. We are still so much like stupid animals in many ways. What is it about telling a woman something nice about her that you really feel that is such a turnoff anyway? My interpretation is the whole thing is just a status/power game. Even if you feel madly in love with a chick early on you are not supposed to tell her because you will appear "needy" or "desperate" or worse yet "creepy" and "stalkerish". Mostly because it shows that you are not an alpha player who has other options and she is not that important to you, in other words, a power play game. This is why I don't think dating is fun, I never had much desire to be a politician either for the same reasons even though I read Machiavelli, or perhaps because I read Machiavelli. I just want to have fun with women and express myself not play these stupid powertrip games and pretend to be someone I am not. Okay drunk rant over.

 

[ketostix]

Welcome to the game of dating women. Some short and simple advice, you're being too available, to ready to please, and basically too needy. You let previous women basically condition you into an "AFC". You need to have some frame control and self-discipline to act in away that's not so nice and agreeable toward women and to be a challenge and more demanding of your expectations from women.

 

[StevenR]

okay so it is obvious I screwed up with that woman and came across as what Mr. DeAngelo would call a "needy wuss bag". is there ANYTHING I could do to convince her otherwise? There must be something. I can't get her out of my head and this sucks. Joke about it perhaps?

 

[StevenR]

I really don't get women. I was just reading a thread in another forum about a girl who's boyfriend is locked up in prison for many years to come, she gets mad when he is locked up in "the hole" for four days and she cannot see him, etc. etc. etc., and she wants to be there for him and stick it out with him until he gets out. Meanwhile, there is me, who women reject because he inadvertently said something dumb in an email or a phone convo, or did some stupid trivial thing on a first date they didn't like, in fact so trivial I don't even know what it is, maybe a piece of lint or something.
I told one chick through email recently, I met through the online site, who is looking to get married obviously, that I want to quit my job and be a full time photographer and she was basically saying she wouldn't date someone without a stable job. I guess she and other women would rather put up with someone who gets put in "the hole" for a week at a time and whom she cannot even have sex with, well, not very easily anyway, then someone, gasp, who might not make a guaranteed salary of 70,000 a year for a few years to pursue his passion, or who occasionally says something AFC on the phone or email. women are just so level headed and logical...NOT! I don't think I would be so uptight with women in the first place if women didn't reject me for what I perceive as stupid trivial things.