Need help deciding whether or not to just end this whole thing with my GF

[AFC_Schism]

I'm 24, she's 24.

Right now I'm sitting at a crossroads in my life. I can, right now, just break up with my girlfriend of two and a half months with Nicole. I don't have the same feelings for her that I did for my ex. Nicole smokes weed, I don't entirely trust her (which she hasn't really given me a reason not to, but we met on Tinder and I naturally have a little distrust towards women) I think she's been with around a bit before we got together - which is none of my business but its something that's going to (and has continued to bother me). I worry about her cheating on me when we're apart or when we hardly text. I know that her habits annoy me and I hate the fact that we're long distance, and that I barely get to see her. Her family genetics aren't exactly fantastic and I don't get along with her sister. Nicole just gives me anxiety. She and I aren't as sexually compatible as I'm used to (she's not as good in bed) and I just don't "feel it" with her. She told me that she loved me and I kind of parroted it back to her, but it doesn't feel right - and it definitely doesn't feel like when I said it to my ex.

I don't think she's the right one for me, but I'm scared to go out on my own again and date. She's a guaranteed thing for me, I don't have to put any work into it, and she could be a valuable asset for me dealing with my own **** in the future (i'm going through some drama of my own, but its just between my own family). She lives three hours away from me and she's been very distant with me as of late when we text, and although we usually see each other every week, she recently has ramped up hours at her work and we haven't seen each other in two weeks. I called her out on this and we got into an argument and she sent me a two paragraph text apologizing and telling me that she didn't realize she was being so distant to me.

On the other hand, it's relatively low drama with her, she seems to be very understanding and caring. She's fun to hang around with and has a great personality, but I don't really care that much for her friends (especially all the guy friends she hangs around with). I like the idea and the concept of having a girlfriend on paper, and I enjoy it. I just don't feel it with her and I'm wondering if it will get better at all, or if we just need to get rid of this and save myself some serious heartbreak down the road (if I got cheated on, it would be devastating). I'm worried it might turn into one of those "well I just stay in the relationship because its convenient" moments, where I just play along and generally not invest much into it, and by the time it ends I really end up regretting it because I've taken it for granted.

I don't think I have the balls to make what I feel is the "right" decision and end things with her, and I'm afraid of wallowing alone again like after I broke up with my ex. I guess I'm just holding out hope that things will improve, and I think it's going to screw me over.

Anyone else been in a situation like this?

 

[dk1990S111]

so what you are gunna settle for her the rest of your life? pretty sure you know what you need to do. Either you make the choice now or she will probably make it for you later on down the road if your gut feeling that she will cheat is correct. up to you

 

[Djprep]

It sounds to me like she just doesn't want to be alone. I mean who does? But before I say anything else, you have to make this decision on your own, I will tell you what I think personally, but remember to think about this for a few days. Because it is very painful for both people after a break up.

It sounds to me like you're not truly happy with her. You just don't want to be alone. There like 3.5 billion girls on this planet. Believe me you'll find a new one. If the only reason you're not wanting to break it off is because you don't think you'll find a new one. Breakup with her. But please do it in a caring way. I know you shouldn't be a nice guy. But don't completely tear her down and ruin her ego. Let her down easy.

 

[AFC_Schism]

It sounds to me like you're not truly happy with her. You just don't want to be alone. There like 3.5 billion girls on this planet. Believe me you'll find a new one. If the only reason you're not wanting to break it off is because you don't think you'll find a new one. Breakup with her. But please do it in a caring way. I know you shouldn't be a nice guy. But don't completely tear her down and ruin her ego. Let her down easy.

I would never dream of being an ******* to her in breaking up. She's a great girl and that would be awful of me to do. I already feel guilty about it. But honestly, the three hour drive between us and the fact that I can barely see her more than three times a month is killing this and I don't think I can keep going with it.

 

[Djprep]

I would never dream of being an ******* to her in breaking up. She's a great girl and that would be awful of me to do. I already feel guilty about it. But honestly, the three hour drive between us and the fact that I can barely see her more than three times a month is killing this and I don't think I can keep going with it.

Yeah man, I think it would be your best bet to just end it. If you wait it will just make it harder for both of you. I'm sorry if couldn't work out. But don't worry you'll find the right girl.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

You are doing yourself a massive disservice by sticking around in this relationship and it doesn't sound like you value yourself all that much if you choose to settle for a girl who gives you anxiety and who you simply don't feel it with. You're young man. If I were you, I'd break it off with her, start channeling the bulk of your energy into your own life and slowly begin to learn how to game girls on the side (I also strongly suggest getting into the habit of having a multitude of girls to text and talk to in order to flush out your insecurities and neediness). By doing this, you will raise your value, (hopefully) begin to value yourself enough to not accept girls who are not of a high caliber, and strengthen the tool that will eventually bring these women into your life (although working on yourself religiously will very likely attract girls without exerting much effort if any at all)

I'm not going to lie to you and tell you breaking up won't be painful, but suck it up, do it, and commit to the path. Earn your stripes man. You've got your whole life ahead of you to land not just another girl, but a far far better one.

 

[usernamedox11]

you actually committed to a tinder ho that smokes weed? Get your head straight. She's worth no more than a pump and dump or FB.

 

[dk1990S111]

you have been together 2.5 months, it cant hurt that bad to just end it. I was with my ex for 4 years and she left me for some dbag car salesman from the gym that sweet talked her telling her that he would marry her after only knowing her for like 2 weeks. They lasted like 3-4 months and she was constantly hitting me up telling me how unhappy she was with her choice, dumb b!tch. You think you wont find another girl? Hit the gym, work on yourself, boost your confidence. You found the right place to get your mind in the right place. After my ex left me it took me a good year to find this forum and start working at bettering myself. Trust me man, life will go on and you will be better off if you just put your mind to it.

 

[AFC_Schism]

Thank you all for the advice and I've taken it all into consideration. The only caveat here is that her sister was recently diagnosed with breast cancer so I'm really having second thoughts about doing this right now.

I'm having a few drinks today (have the day off from work) and she's going to return my call in about 7 hours or so when she gets off work. I don't really know how its going to go, but I'm going to tell her pretty much how I feel (i.e. what I've posted here) and then comes the hard part that I need advice on - do I cut the cord or just leave it open for her to try and rectify things together between us? She's acknowledged that my issues are valid and that I'm not overreacting, and she wants to try and fix things. I know this is the worst timing for her since she is dealing with a loved one having a serious issue here (i.e. fvcking cancer), and this is the first time where I've initiated or planned to initiate a breakup without really being upset at the person. I mean we just don't seem to click in the way that I want and there's nothing inherently wrong with her.

If she smokes weed a lot, fine.

If she was promiscuous in the past, fine (I did ask for her number and she said it was less than ten and to not worry about it).

If she likes to go out to concerts and party or whatever, fine.

If she helps me out when I'm in need, that's fine.

If it's long distance, and I keep finding myself not fully trusting her and feeling like this with anxiety and worrying about her and our relationship, that's not so fine.

She's a good person, and our relationship has been really drama free until recently, and there's no bad blood here. But the relationship isn't satisfying to me, and I feel like it's incredibly selfish to just do this when she definitely needs someone close to her that she loves to be there for her when her family member is going through a really tough time.

I would appreciate any kind of advice over the next few hours when that fateful phone call comes, because I'm a man of principle in the sense that if I call her with the intent to break up with her - I'm going to do it (in as easy of a way that I can) as I've done before in past relationships - but I don't know if the time is right. I'm kind of just at a loss here and would appreciate any other perspective on the whole thing.

Fvck this sucks.

 

[Djprep]

Thank you all for the advice and I've taken it all into consideration. The only caveat here is that her sister was recently diagnosed with breast cancer so I'm really having second thoughts about doing this right now.

I'm having a few drinks today (have the day off from work) and she's going to return my call in about 7 hours or so when she gets off work. I don't really know how its going to go, but I'm going to tell her pretty much how I feel (i.e. what I've posted here) and then comes the hard part that I need advice on - do I cut the cord or just leave it open for her to try and rectify things together between us? She's acknowledged that my issues are valid and that I'm not overreacting, and she wants to try and fix things. I know this is the worst timing for her since she is dealing with a loved one having a serious issue here (i.e. fvcking cancer), and this is the first time where I've initiated or planned to initiate a breakup without really being upset at the person. I mean we just don't seem to click in the way that I want and there's nothing inherently wrong with her.

If she smokes weed a lot, fine.

If she was promiscuous in the past, fine (I did ask for her number and she said it was less than ten and to not worry about it).

If she likes to go out to concerts and party or whatever, fine.

If she helps me out when I'm in need, that's fine.

If it's long distance, and I keep finding myself not fully trusting her and feeling like this with anxiety and worrying about her and our relationship, that's not so fine.

She's a good person, and our relationship has been really drama free until recently, and there's no bad blood here. But the relationship isn't satisfying to me, and I feel like it's incredibly selfish to just do this when she definitely needs someone close to her that she loves to be there for her when her family member is going through a really tough time.

I would appreciate any kind of advice over the next few hours when that fateful phone call comes, because I'm a man of principle in the sense that if I call her with the intent to break up with her - I'm going to do it (in as easy of a way that I can) as I've done before in past relationships - but I don't know if the time is right. I'm kind of just at a loss here and would appreciate any other perspective on the whole thing.

Fvck this sucks.

unless you know for sure she cheated. Then don't suspect she did. I think you really do like her. But you also just be feeling sorry for her. I think you should do what makes you happy.

 

[sodbuster]

NEVER settle in a relationship.... what if you marry her and KNOW you have settled? will that make you happy for the next 60 YEARS?