Need Help dealing with emotions...

[dannyegg4575]

I don’t know what to say… Here’s my story and this is how it goes.
Gf and I have been together for a year. In between, we’ve had our ups and downs. It’s crazy… I don’t know what I was thinking dating such a young girl… but I did anyway.
In the beginning, it was just a fling… It was 6 months in and I broke up with her because I thought she was seeing someone else. She started begging me to get back together man… For one month, she was persistent to get back together and I wouldn’t do it… then, I caved in. I gave her another chance.
At first, things were going so very smoothly. We were starting to see some progress as she convinced me that she is for real. And so I thought… damn, this woman was cooking, cleaning and doing so many things for me.
I started acting like a wuss… I started saying, I love you to her and all that jazz… it’s been a year, I thought it would be ok.
The beginning of this year, things changed. I felt that she no longer feels the same way. As she went through my msn and read some messages she shouldn’t have read. They were messages I sent to someone else during our breakup period. And I was going after someone else. I continued to deny anything happening but the words don’t lie.
So, our relationship started going down hill from there.
This year, at one point she even tried to force me to get married… I said, no.. I’m not ready. Financially as well as emotionally. Anyway, two weeks ago, I found out she was seeing someone else… and so that was it… I broke up with her.
It was after the breakup that I started missing her… ****… I shouldn’t even be messaging her… or anything… what was I thinking?

And tonight, I gave all my powers away. Acting like a complete wuss… she asked me if I love her still… and I said yes. The power completely shifted… now I’m acting like p*ssy… and I’m getting my ass whipped.
She wrote on her blog on msn how she misses the other guy and I still allow myself to be whipped like that. I don’t know what to say… guys… what should I do?

If only I had let it go 6 months ago... none of this would've happened.

 

[cruisecontrol]

Delete her number from your phone, burn the the pictures and get rid of anything that reminds you of her.

NEXT

 

[dannyegg4575]

I gave her back everything already. It's driving me nuts just thinking...

 

[Existential]

Well, first off, let's deal with the presupposition inherent in this post. Namely:

The success/failure of a relationship is to be judged by means of a power struggle.

Should you be a ***** and supplicate? Absolutely not. Should you not see everything as a power struggle, be willing to compromise, and simply enjoy her company when she has shown she has earned it? Definitely. And...it sounds like she had six months ago. But, you weren't willing/ready to be more serious. That's completely fine. But, think back to then and realize you weren't nearly into her as much as you are now. WHY? YOU haven't changed, SHE has. Her FEELINGS for you have changed. You don't need her for validation. That's something that is logically realized long before it is emotionally realized. But, it's a start.

I'm not implying that either one of these two extremes adequately describes your situation. I'm guessing it was somewhere in the middle, which, is fine; but, it was likely uncalibrated as well. My impression is you act with an additional cognitive filter which determines how the 'power shifts' with every action. Eventually, this sort of thing should be internalized and not be thought about. Otherwise, you will ALWAYS be incongruent in the end...as you were.

Why did you 'deny' everything when she found your MSN messages? That just makes her not trust you and pushes her away. YOU WERE BROKEN UP. Either you're not telling us the whole story (IE, you were back with her when such talks occurred), or you played this entirely incorrectly. You did NOTHING wrong talking to another woman when you two were broken up. Acting like you did by 'denying' it just buys into her frame and pushes her away.


Now, your level of interest/pain in regards to her is directly correlated to how much she is currently interested in you. She's validation. That's fine, in some sense. Think back when you had her and how you felt smothered.

If she was seeing someone else while she was with you...well, that's not excusable to me and she would be NEXTED. Maybe it's different for you, but, you have to logicaly decide your own boundaries in a time of nonstrife and then have the fortitude to STICK to them in times of emotional extremes.

 

[dannyegg4575]

I did not hide anything.. I was attempting to go for another girl during the time we broke up. It was fair game. I didn't tell her because it didn't work out. I tried telling her that, but she kept on using it on me as an excuse.
I asked her if she still loves me today, she said she did. I asked her if she still loves me, she won't answer. I then asked her if she doesn't love me anymore, she wouldn't answer.

A friend of mine said something very true. You have to ask yourself, do you want her back. And if you do, can you see the point? The fact that she went out with someone else while dating you, is a nono in his mind. Even when you get back together, the fact that it happened, will always linger in your mind. When she's out with her friends, you will constantly ask, who are you going out with? etc...
Going back is a wrong choice... because she did it to you once, it's too easy to do it again because she knew she can get away with it and you accepted it.

I am just writing to hear some more thoughts to help me sort this out.. thanks

 

[Technical1]

cut all contact. never see her again. banish her thought from your mind. If you can just get over your emotions, you can get a fresh start.. or stick to your emotions because "they're real" and wake up in 3 years to realize it was all a waste. (my story!) The real question is, how much of a man are you, and how much will you indulge your emotions in a hopeless enterprise because you fell in love with a piece of pvssy. You owe it to yourself not to take the easy way out on this one. Dont betray yourself for some "beautiful feelings".