Need help coping, post-breakup with a borderline personality disorder (BPD) woman

[Soflobro#3]

Absent father. Pull is the most deeply personal, loving praise you've ever seen. Cannot be faked consciously. Push is disappearing, avoiding exclusivity, then coming back to make sure I'm still around.

What are you going to do?

 

[Soflobro#3]

Keep watching, but realistically she will discard me fairly soon I believe.

So discard her first. It'll be good practice in walking away.

 

[051AV]

I might be dealing with one right now even as a veteran.
If they lure you in slowly enough you will fall for it. It's an environment of absolute acceptance where you believe they accept your flaws because you accept theirs. If you want a support system you are the perfect target. Likewise, if you have codependent savior instincts.

I will say though, the obvious BPDs you would never fall for unless totally brainwashed.

You get a high functioning BPD it can be hard to tell, when she finally rears her ugly side its too late she's got her claws into you. Its one of my reasons I try find out about her family life, if she starts revealing a rough childhood its see ya later sally.

 

[051AV]

My exes problems started with her lack of a proper father figure in her life, she venomously hates her father she told me about what her dad was like. She was a wild child she got thrown out of the house at a young age, supposedly her family "disowned" her.

 

[051AV]

So discard her first. It'll be good practice in walking away.

You have to watch it when you try to kick them to the curb, you start triggering their abandonment issues they lose their sh*t. It was the worst mistake I made telling my ex we are done we can't be friends anymore. The day I texted her its done the next day my life turned a living fvcking hell I never seen a woman turn mean. If she could cut the brake lines she would have, she wanted to see me dead. Funny thing she was scared of me she talked tough if she faced me at work she would start trembling. I wouldn't ever lay a hand on her and she knew it I wouldn't ever dream of physically hurting her. The guy she replaced me with I know damn well he hit her, he has a wicked bad temper, I would see bruises on her and I would ask her, she wouldn't ever tell me. Look her right in the eyes and I knew he was physically abusive.

 

[Soflobro#3]

You have to watch it when you try to kick them to the curb, you start triggering their abandonment issues they lose their sh*t. It was the worst mistake I made telling my ex we are done we can't be friends anymore. The day I texted her its done the next day my life turned a living fvcking hell I never seen a woman turn mean. If she could cut the brake lines she would have, she wanted to see me dead. Funny thing she was scared of me she talked tough if she faced me at work she would start trembling. I wouldn't ever lay a hand on her and she knew it I wouldn't ever dream of physically hurting her. The guy she replaced me with I know damn well he hit her, he has a wicked bad temper, I would see bruises on her and I would ask her, she wouldn't ever tell me. Look her right in the eyes and I knew he was physically abusive.

When my ex asked me to move out i started looking for a place and found one, and when she found out ibwas for sure leaving she all of sudden wanted me to stay even though she had been cold as fvck for a month before. A big mind fvck.

She probably purposely tries to trigger him into abusing her, not that it's ok or right by she knows what shes doing. A loy of women who are physically abused know what time it is and they still try to antagonize the guy for whatever twisted reason. Some women are victims. But some are very twisted and its like they want it. Unfortunately out society just acts like men are bad and women are victims.

My ex tried hard as fvck to suck me into conflict the last couple months but I just started to not fall for it, and its funny if you stop taking the bait they will resent you for it. No remorse, no consideration.

Think about how many men are locked up or have records because they were in a toxic codependent relationship. A lot of times those women are just as abusive but they're indirect about it and they get away with it. Men go through ups and downs and want tl believe the woman they're with would never be that manipulative, dishonest, or inconsiderate. Women get away with so much because they're sneaky and indirect so it's hard to prove.

You're ex probably wants and deserves to be treated like that.

 

[Ranger]

Question. Have you ever thought about why you fall for a BPD woman? Taking into account that BPD is an actual disorder.

Think about it. What makes someone susceptible to a chameleon? Is it something in her or is it something in us?

 

[Soflobro#3]

Question. Have you ever thought about why you fall for a BPD woman? Taking into account that BPD is an actual disorder.

Think about it. What makes someone susceptible to a chameleon? Is it something in her or is it something in us?

Its probably both, but it doesn't make what bdps do acceptable at all. Men who are rapists or murders or con artists face consequences.

 

[Ranger]

Its probably both, but it doesn't make what bdps do acceptable at all. Men who are rapists or murders or con artists face consequences.

I’m not so sure that BPD is an actual disorder. The traits are common in everyday life in all different spheres.
My question is what makes us susceptible to the influences of a woman combining and utilizing these traits on someone predisposed to its influences?
I don’t really care about the woman side. I would rather help bring about a healthy condition for men in general. To try and change any particular woman is a futile endeavor. She has a solipsistic nature that is inherent. She is just trying to survive.

 

[Soflobro#3]

I’m not so sure that BPD is an actual disorder. The traits are common in everyday life in all different spheres.
My question is what makes us susceptible to the influences of a woman combining and utilizing these traits on someone predisposed to its influences?
I don’t really care about the woman side. I would rather help bring about a healthy condition for men in general. To try and change any particular woman is a futile endeavor. She has a solipsistic nature that is inherent. She is just trying to survive.

I think it's pretty simple. Men whos mothers had these traits trained them to be used to this behavior and accepting of it, whereas men who didn't have fvcking up mother's know better or won't tolerate it.

 

[051AV]

When my ex asked me to move out i started looking for a place and found one, and when she found out ibwas for sure leaving she all of sudden wanted me to stay even though she had been cold as fvck for a month before. A big mind fvck.

She probably purposely tries to trigger him into abusing her, not that it's ok or right by she knows what shes doing. A loy of women who are physically abused know what time it is and they still try to antagonize the guy for whatever twisted reason. Some women are victims. But some are very twisted and its like they want it. Unfortunately out society just acts like men are bad and women are victims.

My ex tried hard as fvck to suck me into conflict the last couple months but I just started to not fall for it, and its funny if you stop taking the bait they will resent you for it. No remorse, no consideration.

Think about how many men are locked up or have records because they were in a toxic codependent relationship. A lot of times those women are just as abusive but they're indirect about it and they get away with it. Men go through ups and downs and want tl believe the woman they're with would never be that manipulative, dishonest, or inconsiderate. Women get away with so much because they're sneaky and indirect so it's hard to prove.

You're ex probably wants and deserves to be treated like that.

My ex used to instigate fights all the time, if things were going too smoothly she picked some kind of fight with me. She learned quickly I really know how to sling the mud, the easiest thing to get her to stop is throw her faults in her face. She would get so angry, you are fighting with a person that has the mentality of a child, I wouldn't hear from her for day or two so I would check on her. She picked fights at work, if she couldn't get a fight out of me she picked one with one of the staff. She tried one with a guy I worked with and who's is a friend of mine he doesn't put up with bullsh*t she had to go home she started balling. With me I usually got the silent treatment or her favorite saying your a douche, always fun sitting in an office together and she's trying not to look at me.

The guy she replaced me with his temper is bad, kicking the walls, punching holes into the walls, he would throw tantrums at work and throw office furniture around. The female staff that worked with him got verbally abused they were generally aware of his BS. I pegged him to be a NPD its probably why they were drawn together like flies to sh*t. I knew she was scared of him at times she would give me that look, I would give her a hug. He was grossly insecure she knew it, she could control him like a puppet, their relationship was toxic both of them codependents feeding off each other. He went from a physically healthy young man to having a heart attack, along with many other health issues.

I laugh thou after our friendship ended and all the stress she put herself through trying to get me removed from my job she started porking on the weight. She went up couple sizes in her pants maybe more, my buddy that worked with her said she's fat now. Its good on her she always used her looks and sex appeal to get what she wanted. Guys would fall all over her because she had a nice body on her and she looked good. I fell for her looks too but what I fell for she is educated in the end when her ugly side showed up she was a empty soul.

 

[Ranger]

Its probably both, but it doesn't make what bdps do acceptable at all. Men who are rapists or murders or con artists face consequences.

Those crimes are governed and covered by law. There are punishments and penalties for these.

The interactions between men and women short of breaking a law are not up to scrutiny by courts.
I suspect that a large number of men driven to domestic violence (not all), are initiated by being driven to the edge of sanity due to particular woman’s propensity to use nefarious means to bring about what she thinks is her optimum survival.
There’s no defense against it, even if you educated men on all the symptoms. He will still fall prey. Because it’s not in the woman. It’s in the man.
She merely just pushes the buttons. That is NOT illeagal and it’s not prosecutable anywhere in the world. Nor would it ever be.

 

[Ranger]

I think it's pretty simple. Men whos mothers had these traits trained them to be used to this behavior and accepting of it, whereas men who didn't have fvcking up mother's know better or won't tolerate it.

I think this concept of the situation is not right. That would lead men to think its “some” mothers.
That would be false data.
I think that the feminine imperative is in ALL women, thus all mothers as well.
We are with our mothers too long. Influenced every day. Now if a man told me that he went and lived with his father at five years old or his mother has run off... them he would actually be in better shape.

We love our mothers. We listened to them on a lot of things. Does mom say “I’m going to make my son prone to fits of anger and possibly violence and catastrophic failure with women?” No. “I’m going to set my son up to be crushed by a woman?” No. She doesn’t.
She cannot see the other side of the coin. She only sees what is in her solipsistic world. Women were never meant to raise boys into men. Men and groups of men were. This is a historical fact.
To punish a woman for being a woman is really stupid and short sighted. Are some women downright evil? Of course. Generally they end up in prison.
It was found out that most of the people found in the insane asylums were not really inherently insane. It was their attachment to people who were truly insane and still walking around in the world.

 

[Soflobro#3]

I think this concept of the situation is not right. That would lead men to think its “some” mothers.
That would be false data.
I think that the feminine imperative is in ALL women, thus all mothers as well.
We are with our mothers too long. Influenced every day. Now if a man told me that he went and lived with his father at five years old or his mother has run off... them he would actually be in better shape.

We love our mothers. We listened to them on a lot of things. Does mom say “I’m going to make my son prone to fits of anger and possibly violence and catastrophic failure with women?” No. “I’m going to set my son up to be crushed by a woman?” No. She doesn’t.
She cannot see the other side of the coin. She only sees what is in her solipsistic world. Women were never meant to raise boys into men. Men and groups of men were. This is a historical fact.
To punish a woman for being a woman is really stupid and short sighted. Are some women downright evil? Of course. Generally they end up in prison.
It was found out that most of the people found in the insane asylums were not really inherently insane. It was their attachment to people who were truly insane and still walking around in the world.

Yeah well i had my oldet brother and my father. My older brother used to make me wrestle him just to play his video games. My brother told me once that if a girl wver told you she was touched by her uncle or something, to run away. I watched him get emotionally fvcked by a girl he was wiyg for 4 years. Or my brother told mde if a girl ever hangs up on you, never call het back. I watched my brother go through a lot anf he taught me a lot so I think this is part of the reason why the success ive had. He also told me about this friend he had that fvcked the hottest girls in his social circle and the tactics this guy used, anf basically he would tell the ugly girl of yhe group some compliments and ignore the hot girl and treat the hotties kind of like sh1t. Anf my brother couldn't believe how well it worked

After I discovered all of this stuff, itold my older brother about these concepts and sent him the link to a book called "the black flag" my brother bought it and read it anf messaged me a few days later saying it's all true. He ended up divorcing his wife shortly after that too. He told me all the problems he was having with het, a bad attitude, she wouldn't clean, it was hell trying to get sex from her, she was depressed and would lay in bed on her laptop until it was time for her yo ho yo wotk, come back and do. The same thing.

I learned a lot from a fairly early age from my bro

 

[Ranger]

Yeah well i had my oldet brother and my father. My older brother used to make me wrestle him just to play his video games. My brother told me once that if a girl wver told you she was touched

I don’t understand. I wasn’t talking about you Soflobro#3. You’re good to go. You have it going on. Go live your life.
I am interested in me and the rest of us. We know we are flawed and we want to work on that.

 

[Soflobro#3]

I don’t understand. I wasn’t talking about you Soflobro#3. You’re good to go. You have it going on. Go live your life.
I am interested in me and the rest of us. We know we are flawed and we want to work on that.

It's the lack of a strong father figure in your life. I saw my mom try to sh1t test my dad all the time and he would pass it most of the time. He would treat it with indifference. Most men don't see that growing up, they either dont have a father or their father is a beta male.

Even my grandfather treated my grandmother with indifference, or my uncle who was a salemen who married a woman who's parents had money and would pay for a lot of stuff. All of the men in my family seem to not take much bullsh1t from their wives. My other uncle got divorced and never married again, I think he just got laid. But hes also a good looking dude and a pilot, and you could just tell by how he acted that he knew how to be.

My grandpa was a marine anf a womanizer before he got married . Which is probably why all my uncles are pretty solid with women. They allhavr charm and i think game.

My one aunt from that side of the family always was with very beta males though. You can see the difference between my uncles and there sisters ex husband anf husband like night and day.

 

[Ranger]

It's the lack of a strong father figure in your life.

Opinions vary. My father was a warrior. His brothers all served in Vietnam as well. They weren’t draftees. They were lifers. A military family. His eldest brother was killed while securing the Rhôn river dams a couple of months before the end of WW2.
There were no men or groups of men to teach me away from my mother.
There’s another part of that as well. Who says I would have accepted the teachings of men who were not my father, over my mother. In this amplified feminine imperative world?

 

[Spaz]

Being An Efficient Man - Not because you think you know everything without questioning but rather because you question everything you think you know even when it hurts.

Good thread ! With excellent posts !

Certainly mind provoking.

 

[Soflobro#3]

Opinions vary. My father was a warrior. His brothers all served in Vietnam as well. They weren’t draftees. They were lifers. A military family. His eldest brother was killed while securing the Rhôn river dams a couple of months before the end of WW2.
There were no men or groups of men to teach me away from my mother.
There’s another part of that as well. Who says I would have accepted the teachings of men who were not my father, over my mother. In this amplified feminine imperative world?

My brother was a marine raider. I was a marine reservist, but i was 0311, had an oth for failing a drug test though and never deployed. Even when i failed that drug test, and i went to go to monthly drill, because i couldn't even take my rifle out of the armory, i said fvck that and when ua. What was the point of i didnt even have a rifle. They made me pick up a stick and train with that. After a couple drills i moved to another state with my gf at the time and she supported me financially for a few months, always wanted sex, at one point she just gave me the credit card her rich Chinese father gave her and said "here just keep it in your wallet so you don't have to ask". Even when i did work, most of my money went yo cigarettes, beet, weed, or whatever else i may have been doing. That girl is phd student in finance.

So I'm but saying I'm a player or have iy together at all, but for some reason ive been the one kind of taking advantage of women, whereas most men here are the ones they get used. Thats all i mean. Even my last ex supported me financially for like 7 months. Even when i started working i never paid her rent or for groceries (i offered money and she always refused to take it.) all my money would go to cigarettes, and my habits.

Or the women i dated before my ex either paid for me, or at least only for Their selves.

I've gone through dry spells but I've never really paid for women. Even when i was in 7th grade, I had a girl ask me out, in high school too. But it's probably because I was kind of shy and didn't give women or anyone much attention and i think i have good genes.

 

[Ranger]

My brother was a marine raider. I was a marine reservist, but i was 0311, had an oth for failing a drug test though and never deployed. Even when i failed that drug test, and i went to go to monthly drill, because i couldn't even take my rifle out of the armory, i said fvck that and when ua. What was the point of i didnt even have a rifle. They made me pick up a stick and train with that. After a couple drills i moved to another state with my gf at the time and she supported me financially for a few months, always wanted sex, at one point she just gave me the credit card her rich Chinese father gave her and said "here just keep it in your wallet so you don't have to ask". Even when i did work, most of my money went yo cigarettes, beet, weed, or whatever else i may have been doing. That girl is phd student in finance.

So I'm but saying I'm a player or have iy together at all, but for some reason ive been the one kind of taking advantage of women, whereas most men here are the ones they get used. Thats all i mean. Even my last ex supported me financially for like 7 months. Even when i started working i never paid her rent or for groceries (i offered money and she always refused to take it.) all my money would go to cigarettes, and my habits.

Or the women i dated before my ex either paid for me, or at least only for Their selves.

I've gone through dry spells but I've never really paid for women. Even when i was in 7th grade, I had a girl ask me out, in high school too. But it's probably because I was kind of shy and didn't give women or anyone much attention and i think i have good genes.

No. We call that a mooch. Lol
A man who can’t even take care of himself. Drug habit. Yep. Good genes. That’s what men should be aspiring to.
I would rather go without sex the rest of my life. At least I could build an empire.
Why do you think we would be impressed with you? LMAO
You use a hack which I also agree works. But you are still a failure as a man. We want both. The women and the success.
Would you trade all the women you know to have your life put back together they way you really want?
The best man with women I’ve ever met said he would trade it all for a shot at being in charge of his own life.
Again. I don’t care. I’m not interested in you. Our prisons are full of “alpha males”.
I would have booted you out of the Corps as well. You’re not worthy.