need feedback....guy making moves on my girlfriend

[Serg897]

Im going to try making this as short and to-the-point as possible.

I have a pretty good girlfriend, but one of her flaws in my mind is that she can sometimes get flirty with other guys. This ussually works both ways, since I like to flirt with some of her friends too. However, more often than not I just do it to get back at her.

Yesterday, she crossed the line. We were at this guys birthday party, and the birthday guy was making moves on my girlfriend non-stop. This guys sole target was my girlfriend, unlike the other guys there.

Needless to say, I soon got pretty tired of it. As the party got late, he would do things like constantly take her hand, hug her, etc. But what really aggravated me was that my girlfriend didnt seem to mind so much. Since it was getting late, I was getting pissed, and I was her ride home, I decided Ive had enough and announced my intentions to leave. By now she had realized I was pissed.

On the ride home, she brought up the subject. I told her exactly what I thought about it, about how the guy has no respect. She then told me that he tried to kiss her, that she did feel uncomftable, and that she was really sorry.

However, I find it hard to believe that she was THAT uncomftable. She seemed way too willing to go along with what he was doing, and I told her that I would have liked it if she had made it clear to him to stop. I also told her not to play this game again.

I come home pissed off, and I decide that if she ever does this again, its dumpage. Give me whatever feedback you can. How do you guys think I handled it, and what should I do next. Enough cause for breakup? Im gonna see her again this afternoon.

I needed to vent this
Thanks for reading

 

[tactic]

Kick his ass

 

[grifter]

tell her u trusted her enough to make the right decisions and that u upset. tell her you need a "break" and maybe stop seein her for a couple of days to teach her a lesson.

 

[AFK Protector]

I think the trust talk is better. It shows you're mature enough to realize people make mistakes....but they must never make them again. Make it clear to her that she does not have your complete trust anymore and she must earn it back.

What means you use to do that is up to you.

Good luck and great job standing firm.

 

[Hot Ice]

Girls go with other guys to test you.
They do not go with some other guy if you are man enough to keep what's yours.
Unless your relationship is crap and she is total slut.

I think you acted too late.
I would have made clear to the guy that she is taken and not available.
I wouldn't have shown any anger even I was really pissed. It only makes things worse, your girl think you are jealous and the guy thinks he has power on you.
You should inform the guy about it dead seriously, still calmly. No ultimatums here otherwise if the guy is drunk or jackass it could end up in a fight.

The trust talk with your girlfriend is good.
Don't show you are pissed or jealous anymore. Women hate that. It shows that you are weak.
Make clear that she can leave your place ANY time and you ain't taking any bull****. You deserve respect and by those kind of things she disrespects you and you don't respect anyone who doesn't respect you.

 

[Dimebag_Darrell]

The trust talk would be recommended once more....and also afterwards, kind of distance yourself from her for a few days and go do sh*t with your friends or stay home, and well just forget about the bs..

But don't come in contact with her again with a pissed mood because it shows you don't know how to handle the situation.

but you seem to be a smart guy, you'll know what to do.

 

[ak5]

lets go back the basics, why cant u share? lol j/k

buddy dont tell her how you really feel, do the same thing with her friend, so she thinks the same thing

and then shell give in
and thats when u bring up the point bout hre doing it too

 

[Serg897]

Thank you all for the great responses. I was planning to talk to her some more about respect and trust, so now I know its a good course of action.

Thank you all! If anyone has anything more to say, go ahead. I may post how the trust talk goes.

 

[Wraith]

This is not a new thing Serg.

You need to have a nice long talk with her, like everyone said. Tell her EXACLY what you feel, and tell her what needs to happen, then take it from that point on.

If she does it again, ever, that it, the end of it.

About that other guy, if you see him again, pull him over to the side and have a friendly chat with him about not doing it again. You dont want a fistfight, just let him know that you didnt like him being so close to your girl. Easy as that.

Let us know how things go!

 

[WaRpEd]

you should walk up to her and start crying and yelling at her...j/k

Take him aside warn him not to mess with your chick or you'll open up a can of serious monkey jujitsu.

You said that she's always like this...chances are something like this (or worse) will happen again.

 

[Serg897]

Originally posted by WaRpEd

You said that she's always like this...chances are something like this (or worse) will happen again.

not if I make it clear to her what the consequences are. I think that now that she knows were I truly stand she will not do it so much. She DOES have interest in me, and she does like me enough that I think she will listen to me.

And if she DOES persist in doing things like that.....well you all know were I stand there.

 

[NRM]

I know a lot of girls that do weird things. This one girl in one of my classes always complains about a certain guy in the class, but whenever he comes around, she'll have conversation with him. She says stuff like "I wish he would fuck off," but when he comes around, she participates in the conversation too, even when he eagerly hits on her, she'll joke it off.

She has no reason to lie to me about stuff since I barely know her and when I asked her about her behavior she asked me "What was I supposed to do, tell him to fuck off?"

In my mind, that is exactly what I would do if someone that I didn't like was hassling me. Girls are just weird. Something similar went on with me. My girlfriend's ex was having a bad day and in her mind, she never really went out with him since they were only together a few weeks and no words exchanged, and he was one of those emotional AFC types who use his problems to get girls as therapists. Well when it came down to it, he was having a terrible day feeling like he had no place in the world and posted it on one of his dumb webjournals or whatnot. She called him to see how he was doing and if he was alright.

That doesn't fly with me. Truthfully, I wasn't even that mad or upset, I just knew that if I let this go, it would go on more onto things that would make me mad and upset. If something is bothering you, bring it up with your girl early so that if you do mean anything to her, she'll change. I told her that I didn't appreciate her calling her ex who was having a bad day and she didn't seem to understand, but then she told me she would never do anything to jeopardize what we had. There was more to it, but she basically shut him out and told him that she doesn't want to talk to him anymore.

Sometimes, girls just don't understand how you feel and when they do something wrong, they don't know. Just bring it up the whole respect/honesty bit, and let her know that you've given up stuff to be with her and you expect her to do the same for you. Tell her about the girls you turned down, whether you did or not, and if you didn't, you should have. Just let her know where you come from.

Good luck.

 

[Serg897]

NRM, that was a great post, and it has more relevance to my problem than how it may be shown here.

You see, the guy that was hitting on my girlfriend is also an emotional, AFC, stalker-molester type that nobody likes but that sometimes girls like my girlfriend FEEL SORRY FOR. So now its obvious how NRM's post really relates.

Thank you very much

 

[Jester]

NO
NO
NO
NO
NO
NO
NO
NO

UNACCEPTABLE PERIOD.

They dont know? Bullsh1t. Ever hear your not supposed to make excuses for her? You are doing it right now.

Unless youre a girlfriend is a friggin retard, she knows calling her exboyfriend is about the same respect wise as ****ting on your face.

Listen serg. I know you wont do what i say because youre too afraid, but in the future you will remember this reply, and then you will be able to put things in better perspective and perhaps help someone else.

Your girlfriend is a hoe. You might say in your head"no not her, shes so sweet", well no shes not sweet, shes a hoe.


none of the people that replyed to your thread have a clue. not really their fault, they just havent seen the whole picture yet.


dump her now, dump her and dont look back, dont get back together, dont f*ck her for oldtimes sake. dump her and forget her. She dissed you HARDCORE and she KNEW SHE WAS DOING IT, there is no question. Shes not mentally handicapped, shes a girl who knew EXACTLY what she was doing. Even if you had shown her that was unacceptable and would risk "losing" you like NRM says, she will just do it when youre not around.

I guarantee this, and you will see it for yourself if you choose not to act now. If you wont dump her, then atleast let this thread open your eyes to her actions. Realise they are not confused, but deliberate. You'll see my man.

 

[NRM]

Whoa there Jester, I see your point, but I wasn't about to walk out the door without a final say. In my situation, she never saw him as a boyfriend and after the relationship they were just planning to stay friends. I wasn't dating her at the time, so I didn't give a shit. They had no intimacy, no words were exchanged in the time they were together since it was mid summer and she broke up with him because she wasn't interested in him. It was her first boyfriend. And he was a total AFC that asked her out with a poem which no girl could say no to. Even so, she was never attracted to him.

If you had an ex-girlfriend who for some reason you remained friends with and she was having a bad day and felt alone and crap, I could see myself giving her a ring if we still stayed in contact. Now my girl gave him a call about a week or two after I kissed her and she asked about being exclusive. When it happened, I let her know what she did was not okay with me and I called her on it. She may have been doing it before we were together, but I let her know I wouldn't put up with that nonsense if she wanted to be with me.

She gave him up completely and that was two years ago. Fuck whether she knew or not, or if it was one of those tests that I wouldn't put up with, she didn't hide that she called him. But before you walk, at least make a stand and let her know she did wrong. If she even puts up an argument or asks you if you're making her make a choice, that's when you walk. It shouldn't even be a choice. She has to know she's doing something you don't like and she has to change. That goes with everything.

My girlfriend has not done anything remotely unloyal ever since. She has been completely loyal for the whole time we've been together and if I didn't bring a problem up back then, it would be different by now and it would have been over. I still say you should call her on it, if she refuses to change or doesn't see a problem, drop her. Don't ask her questions, tell her that you don't appreciate it and let her understand.

If I were to tell the truth, it did piss me off and I thought she was the biggest retard for not seeing it, but I stayed calm and just told her that it wasn't okay. If she didn't like me enough, she would have done anything besides let me control what she does and doesn't do. Just as if a girlfriend had a real complaint, if she was some STR, I'd say fuck it and leave, if I actually cared, I would check her perspective and see if she has a point.

I still say give it a shot before you leave, but it's up to you.

 

[Serg897]

Jester,

I appreciate the reply

You're right about one thing - Im not gonna dump her now. I think she realized the mistake she made...shes been calling me and telling me how she "feels really bad". This just happened, so Im gonna give it a bit of time and see how she acts from now on.
I DO see where you are coming from though. You have a very valid point and I will not forget what you said.

I choose not to dump her just to see what happens. Maybe you are right. Maybe she will continue to disrespect me when Im not around. In that case, if/when I find out about it its instant dumpage. But I think that the points the rest of the guys here are making are also valid, so if you are WRONG, and she remains loyal, I stay in a happy LTR. ( I dont know if its relavant or not, but Ive been with this girl for 5 months ).

So there are 3 possible outcomes:
1. I dump her, move on
2. I stay with her, she disrespects me, she gets dumped, move on ( ultimately the same as #1)
**3.** I stay with her, and she remains loyal, and everything is happy.

In this case, outcome 3 is worth going for.

 

[WrEcKLeSS2000]

wow, Jester hit it right on...jester u da man as usual....I sort of agreed with the other guys to on the trust talk...Anyway serg, from our many chats online about your girl...This hasn't been the first time shes done this to you...Jester is right in the fact that "SHE KNOWS WHAT SHES DOING"...its your call bro...but dont take this crap from her, its not worth it...trust me.

 

[Jester]

You forgot the other scenarios.


She hides it and you never find out who shes been ****ing

she hides it and in years you find out and regret not doing something sooner.


it starts with dissing you by flirting my friend, it DOES NOT MATTER if you tell her about it. She knew what she was doing, she knew you wouldnt like it. IF anything she was testing you to see how far she could go in front of you just to **** with your mind my man. Theres a LOT of ****ed up people in this world.

ditch the b1tch - there are girls out there who wont do things like that.

 

[Smileyz]

ohh

Dude i dont have much advice on your girl right now..

but the guy who has been dissin you..

get 5 guys with you..track the guys movements.plan everythin .and when you know where he's goin next or his daily routine you put your plan to motion. see him in his favorite bar or hang out..go in there with bats and beat the living day lights out of that shmuk...

tell him " you go after my gal again, i'd beat you up so bad ill feel sorry for you"..

and iam serious man...


for the girl...

i think you should give her more attention you know spend more time with her..maybe she was allowing that guy to do those things because you havent been spending time with each other...and if you do... well its part of the teenage girl stuff eventually they tire of you...and move on till they mature..but dont worry..listen to these Dj's and she''ll beyours before you can say "get away from my girl"

 

[JSH]

Smileyz you have a lot to learn. Hell if you want to beat him up, although in my mind to do so would be weak, simply do it on your own. Five guys and bats will promptly break your reputation and your anal virginity, when you wind up in jail.