Need DJ Help? ASAP-Please

[Analysis]

I've been with this girl for six years and were about to get married. Due to all the DJ principles, she has been the bomb. She has definately taken care of a player;buying me things, cooking for me.....everything....We had a recent issue that just came up....She has an ex that she has not talked to in years....and now he somehow found her address and sent her a letter from overseas (Iraq)....She was agitated because she changed her phone number, moved...and somehow he got her info.....She told me she is afraid to open the letter because he might say some crazy stuff about how he might die over there and how much he loves her....She feels he might try to make her feel guilty...but then if she doesn't open it...She might find out how he got killed....or something.....What would be a Don Juan way to handle the situation?

 

[Last Man Standing]

You've been with her for 6 years and ARE ABOUT TO GET married???????? Oh oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why is she so afraid if it has been over 6 years of her involvement??? Maybe it is because she has had a recent rendezvous wiith him >>> Investigate BRO -- don't trust her words!!!!!!! A letter from A soldier from a worn-torn Iraq doesn't just show up by accident!!!!!!!!!!!! She instigated it!!!!!!!!!

 

[Analysis]

The last time they had contact was several years ago but she didn't accept his calls...she wouldn't even play me his voicemails....She has not physically seen him since like 2001 or something.....He cut her off and then he wanted to get back with her....She told me she has absolutely no interest in him at all but the last time they bumped into each other...He tried to make her feel guilty for not getting back with him because he was being deplyed and he could die in Iraq.....and she thinks he might try to say the same thing in this letter.....She told me it frustrates her that all these years...he is still trying to hook up...and he can't move on....

 

[Last Man Standing]

This is why I am skeptical -- if it is no "big deal" then why is it that she has such an emotional attachment to opening the letter??? Think about this!!! Why does she have such an emotional attachment to reading the letter????? If it was a few years ago that she last spoke to him then why the hesitation?? She should be saying something like, "What does this lonely fool want? And then rip open the letter!!! I sense an emotional attachment - which is not good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Analysis]

You do bring up a valid point. I guess what I'm looking at as well...is everything that she had done for me over all these year until this day...plus she even sacrificed a big time job accross the country to stay with me so we wouldn't be separated.....regardless....yous analysis is valid but where should I take it from here....How would a Don Juan approach it? What should I say? do? that type of thing.....

 

[Last Man Standing]

DJ Analysis, you need to analyze!!!! Use your logical mental processes that dictate rational thought!!!!!!!!!!!!! BE A MAN!!!!

The reason you brought this to us is because you want an UNBIASED, emotionally unattached viewpoint!!!! How she treats you is not relevant considering that if you want to blind someone from reality then why not not do it most effectively - through the emotional route - you are being emotional!!!!

From an unemotional perspective, I would open the letter and read it and see and analyze her physical expression and see what it (her expression) tells you!!!

 

[Analysis]

Just to add another point....She said if he is on some friendship stuff like I'm in Iraq...I just wanted to see how your doing...She wouldn't even care...She would just throw the letter away..and that's that's.....but she feels he's going to throw some "I'm going to die over here "type of stuff...and although see wants nothing to do with him...she will feel guilty if he writes something like that and she does not respond....that is why she told me she may not even read it. She may throw it away. Are you saying I should make her open and read it? And if she reads it....and gets real emotional...Should I break up with her?

To give you a quick backgroud of her...she is very hypersensitive about everything..She grew up in a good family...extremely caring person..if someone makes a minor negative comment...she will cry...she internalizes everything...that why she cannot watch the news...or anything negative...You know how most people can look at a car accident on TV and be like damn and thats it....she can't do that...she will start crying....She has told me are plenty of occassions...that I might be the only guy who can deal with all her emotional behavior...She even admits to me it can be extreme...Honestly, my philosophy is as long as she treating me right...I don't trip on it...

 

[Last Man Standing]

.Honestly, my philosophy is as long as she treating me right...I don't trip on it...

If she is the woman that you are thinking of marrying then you should be thinking "How does she treat others - and not you!!! She has a self interest in treating you good" - so, of course, she will be kind to you considering that she wants something from you!!!!

You should open the letter and have her read it out loud in your presence and look at her facial expressions for genuine reactions!!!!

 

[woods]

I wouldnt jump to conclusions so fast. Its not hard to track down someones address. You might want to coolely, and calmly explain to her that you think its your right to know what that letter says, and why it was sent. Just open it together and face it. You said yourself, that you can handle her emotions. She might trip out, but you are man enough to be there for her.

 

[Analysis]

She's totally fine with me reading the letter. Matterfact, she suggested we read it together. I just play it real cool...I try to think what would most guys do....Most guys would be anti-DJ and trip out......I try to come off as if this dude is no competition which he is not...
and to the self-interest issue...I'm little confused...You said she will treat me nice as long as she wants something from me....There seems to be a negative connotation to that statement...What do you mean? and as far as how she treats others...she treats everyone well..with respect..she puts other needs before her...probably a little too much..but that's how she was raised....

 

[Last Man Standing]

I was just responding to your statement that "She treats me good" -- Of course, everyone treats someone good, until they don;t need or want them anymore!!! It was a general statement and had nothing to do with the specific situation at hand!! Have HER read the letter out loud in front of you!!!! Don't you read the letter until after she reads it!!! Are there any personal statements or references in there that should not be??? Judge for yourself!

 

[PectoralisMajor]

If she's as sensitive as you say, its no wonder the letter is playing on her mind, despite not seeing the guy for years.

It sounds as if she is being reasonable, by suggesting you both sit down together calmly and read it.

The problem is going to come, if she reads it, and decides she feels she has to stay in touch with him. It will put strain on your relationship.

If she HAS to write back, then it should only be to end communication with him on a good note. He's in Iraq right? and she's about to marry you. It makes no sense for them staying in touch.

Let us know how you get on !

 

[skip to my lou 781]

Analysis – post this up in the MATURE section where there are certain guys who are either married or have experienced a relationship as long as yours. In this part of the forum, you are taking advice from bitter men who suspect women of wrongdoing all the time and they do not think realistically. I cannot give u advice, my longest relationship was 9 months and I have no idea how serious a relationship like yours FEELS.

The only thing I can say is, this girl loves u and has no feelings for her ex, BUT in this era, a lot of people are sensitive to the troops out in Iraq, and if anything, she’ll just feel bad that he is out there defending our country and possibly dying.

I mean ****, if one of my ex’s from 3 years ago all of a sudden died, and she happened to be a girl I cheated on or dumped for another girl, I would feel REALLY bad for her.

Its all natural, and I can tell u that after 6 years, its best if u just feel for her and are there for her

 

[Desdinova]

I doubt that she started the ball rolling. AFC men sometimes track down their old gfs when they're feeling lonely. You'd be surprised at how much trouble they'll go to just to get in contact with them.

I'd suggest that you read the letter first, then tell her what it says. Then, send him a reply telling him that she got married and has two kids

That'll put an end to it