Need advice - wanna ask a friend out

[dj trainee]

Hi guys, came across this DJ forum, looks like a promising place to improve my game. I've been in long term relationships for 10 years, and have this year become single... so I wanna use this time to practice my DJ'ing skills.

I'm an average looking guy with an above average body. I get along with women quite well, even though by nature I am actually shyer especially at approaching women. I'm probably labelled a "nice guy", but have recently become more direct and "louder" which I've found has attracted more positive attention e.g. more women are flirting and being affectionate with me.

But i've come across a bit of a hitch to the situation... I've been hanging out a lot more with a good friend of mine who's single. She is very cute/attractive and has had many guys pursue her, but she was never interested in them. I've always kinda had a thing for her, but I've tried my best not to be attracted to her or like her, but I can't help myself and thinking about her and I'm really into her now. There is a definite attraction between us when we spend time together. It gets pretty strong when we are partying/clubbing in a group and we often spend the whole night having fun and hanging out.. and are pretty affectionate with one another. She probably knows I like her as I dropped a fair few hints. She seems to respond positively more often than not.. but she's very very subtle.

There's one problem though, she's still into her ex from years and years ago and it's probably the reason why she's still single... but the ex may be relocating far away soon... The ex is not interested in her and has since dated other women, but they are close friends. To make things more complicated, the ex is also friend of mine. When the ex is not around, she will usually come up to me and hang with me. If he is, she'll hang with us both, but probably gives more attention to the ex.

My take is to keep playing it cool... keep meeting other women, but keep giving this friend special attention when I get the chance... and wait and see if the ex moves? Since she's been single for so long, it's unlikely I will be in for any surprises.. I know there's other girls out there, and this is very un-DJ like of me saying, but I havent been attracted to any other girls as much as I have my friend. I have a feeling she could be the girl that makes me think "what if" when i'm with someone else! If the ex does not move, I'm probably off better staying away from this, aren't I and not losing potentially 2 friends?

What are your thoughts guys? Am I taking the right approach?

Sorry for the long post, but thanks in advance for your patience with this newbie

 

[moto]

Well it seems like your in the friendzone and you are seeking your way out. Maybe she is not looking for relationships at this time. See if you spill your feelings to her by telling her you like her as more than her friend we really don't know what she will say. She might say that she only sees you as a friend or she might even say she feels the same about you.When yall are hanging out is there any KINO? like kissing or anything? Why are you waiting for her bf to leave when he is not even interested in her anymore?

I would say you continue talking to /attracting other females as social proof but keep giving her some attention and interest. Whatever you do I dont think you should tell her your feelings I don't believe thats what a true DJ would do. When you are alone with her try to escalate Kino, maybe she will kiss you or you can kiss her.

 

[dj trainee]

Moto, thankyou for your post bro!

Yeah, in the friendzone, and I think I've found halfway out of it... She doesn't flirt with any other guy friends like she does with me, so that is a good sign I may be halfway there. She also said to me that she is willing to try another relationship.

But you are definitely right, I won't be telling her how I feel, that'll just screw things up... I'd rather ask her out just casually for dinner. When we're hanging out.. there is some kino..., say on the dancefloor we'd be dancin together real close brushing up against each other, or i might have my arm around her when we're goin up to the bar or something like that, when sitting down and chatting, i touch her leg ocassionally.. when it's loud, she'll come real close, put her hands on my shoulders n say it into my ear... and we'd be making long eye contact n kinda ignoring the ppl around us when talking... she doesnt seem to mind so i think that's why she is probably attracted somewhat too.

It's just a little confusing though, cos it feels a bit "hot and cold"... some nights it'd be way more flirty, sometimes it'd be back to friends kinda... but it tends to be "hotter" when the ex is not around and we're hanging out with other people we don't know as well. I guess I'm waiting cos the ex is a friend too... and i respect him (man's code).. and also, it's harder to get her alone when he's there, to pull off many moves. Where do I look for some kino escalation methods? (Sorry... very newbie here lol...)

Thanks again for your advice.. I totally agree with keeping up the social proof cos when other girls are around, she'd be saying stuff that only she would knows about me. She seems to remember my schedule and things I tell her pretty well which is nice.

 

[moto]

Im still a newb also..but..i would say if u or she kissed on the lips that would tell you which direction yall are moving. Usually friends dont kiss friends so if yall kissed on the lips it should be something as more than friends.

Why dont you ignore her for a bit? Don't tell her anything....make her wonder why you are not calling her or hanging out with her. Her Interest Level may go up, because it seems like yall hang out often.

 

[dj trainee]

hahahha... she's quite a conservative girl.. so yeah... no kisses on the lips... just hugs and cuddles..! which she doesnt do with other guys.. lol.. but could be still in the friends zone !

yeah i might try that, cos you're right, we hang out every weekend.. i've got heaps of other plans this weekend anyway so... yeah.. if she calls me asking where i am, it's usually a good move to ask her to join n see if she comes (she normally would)

 

[hbxdoode]

i think laying low for awhile is also a good idea, women are weird! when you give them too much attention they dont like it, but when you give them the cold shoulder they start to wonder. dont be too predictable! but its easier said then done, if you really like this girl, all you want to do is talk to her and hang out with her, i know, i've been there. I also think you may want to tell her how you really feel, it seems like you guys have been friends for a really long time, and the longer you go in the friend zone, the harder you'll get out. just tell her and get it over with, and move on! What do you think?????

 

[dj trainee]

hehe yeah i'll try lay low... it's hard though, cos she'll most likely organise something for the weekend... and i guess it's hard for me to say no, i'm busy when i actually wanna see her..

i think the way i'll tell her how i feel, is by asking her out.. i'll ease into it with maybe a casual lunch... if that works... then later on, i'll ask if i can take her out to dinner.. how about that?? i mean.. if she says no, i can easily disguise it as just a casual lunch... and then pretend nothing happened, and still keep her as a friend.

thanks hbxdoode, i know hey... i totally don't get women.. LOL... u gotta be interested, but not show it too much, but if u dont show enough, they may think u dont like them anymore!

 

[dj trainee]

anyone else been in a similar situation - and what have you done about it and whats happened? thanks in advance