Need Advice: Things have cooled off with new girl. Where do I go with this?

[Dryden]

We both like each other, but there is more too it than just sexual interest alone. Sure, we both want that, but she has been hinting often at a relationship subtly. In turn, I have as well. I understand that she is young and wants to take in all experiences. Who wouldn't at that age? Even though that was, is and has been one of my concerns, I realize that if this is ever going to work between us, I have to be understanding of that.

She has made it clear to me though that she doesn't see herself going out to bars or clubs to get hit in on by guys. She wants to be in a relationship and said she doesn't know how girls these days can just sleep around. As you, I and everyone else knows though, people change with time, and along with that, their intentions, wants, needs, tastes and just general frame of mind. So I hear you concern there, trust me.

Secondly, as far as the possesive, controlling, manipulative stuff you are talking about, I really don't feel like I've come close to any of that. Those are pretty strong words. I've been direct in some instances and maybe a little harsh other times, but nothing to over the top. I think I've done are pretty good job of setting those boundaries for myself and letting her know I'm not a pushover. In any case, I've put myself into a position that has now jeopardized everything. I appreciate your view.

Hi, I edited my first post and removed my second, please check back. Again on your question / need that you express here...

Yes those were strong words... but I think at least a hint of them should be considered.

Now people in this world consider monogamous relationship to be the most holy of holy, but I will insist that it is constructed entirely out of jealousy, possessiveness, panic, rage and depression.

It is clear to me from your words that the girl feels safe and wanted inside of a form of relationship that will allow her to stay with you and not have to fear you running away on her. That is perfectly natural, for a person to feel like that.

Normally (or,... naturally) you would provide this certainty to her because you have no intent to dump her for someone else. This could only happen if no jealousy was involved. You understand that typically having more than one partner gives rise to a lot of angry hate. This is actually a main reason that people choose monogamous relationship: without it, their life is like a ship at stormy sea. This girl you have wants some peace of mind.

But my only advice to you at this point is for you to step back just a moment. Break contact for one or two weeks. Then invite her over to your place. Make sure you have sex (that will soothe her). Inquire about her feelings, her needs, her desires, and her fears. Then when you are done hearing her out, you can become angry with her, seeing as she has been responding from a cold rage. You can become angry, because she is not taking note of your own feelings and fears and desires and needs. She has not been doing that very well...

After that, I believe it is time for some grief, because I feel she has been seeing someone else out of jealousy.

Good luck with everything, you may need it ;-).

 

[Soolaimon]

Over the course of following 2 weeks

I kept things playful for the first week, but limited my contact as I didn't want to come off as needy or desperate this early on in the game.

You did a fine job of coming off as needy and desperate over the course of those 2 weeks.

I ended up going down on her. I though it was what she wanted. She told me before I started that she was scared, but i reassured her and told her there was nothing to worry about and to just relax and trust me. She was trembling and i could tell she was nervous. She never ended up cumming.

You are trying to eat out a scared and trembling girl.

You don't see a problem with this picture?

Always give yourself an ample amount of time for sex with a girl who is comfortable with you.

Not rushed before class with a scared and trembling girl.

I messaged her after she left and thanked her for coming over. Told her I had a good time but that I hoped it wouldn't change things between us. She assured me she had a great time, said she really liked me and thanked me for having her over.

There was no reason to send her a message or to say that to her all. That was a huge mistake.

She should send you the messages of thanks.

She responded saying basically that we always lose touch on the weekends and that it sucks but hoped I had a good weekend as well. I told her it was not intentional and that I don't want to be up her butt all the time and that I want her to have time to be able to think about things and have her freedom basically. I think its beneficial in the long run. She understood but said that sometimes she interprets it as disinterest in her and what she is doing. That I don't care basically. I reassured her as I always have about my intentions, my feelings and that if she is ever feeling insecure about anything or uncertain that i want her to be able to communicate that with me.

This is all beta stuff. There is no reason to be telling her any of this during the short of time you knew her.

Beta are always explaining, reassuring, reasoning their feelings.

Use less words and more action.

I also told her (stupidly) that if she is looking for constant attention that I'm sure she has plenty of guy friends to fill that void and that I'm not here to be her friend. That might have crucified me.

Like I said use less words and more action.

I wrote her something really nice and reassuring but i never heard from her.

Why do you think? You turned her off with your beta behavior.

She responded shortly after apologizing for not answering, and said she feels like I exaggerate things, saying "all I did was distance myself a little bit since Friday and you took it in the worst way possible." I told her how else do you expect me to take it when you leave it on such uncertain terms? Is it really so much for you to say something is bothering you and that you need a little space? She basically copied and pasted what I said and sent it back to me. Sneering almost

More explaining and arguing with an 18 year old.

You expect an LTR with this girl?

Your beta behavior is what did you in from the start with your explaining, reassuring, eating her out when she was scared.

I highlighted your worst mistakes. Work on that so you don't make the same mistakes with the next girl.

Stop trying to explain and reasure yourself to women.

 

[Naughty Fins]

Ok. You asked for it.



If you'd been lurking long enough you would know, from the countless other similar threads like yours, that you're behaving like a desperate beta chump.



yes. you are. or at least that is how your behaviour is making you look. and that is how she is seeing you, make no mistake about that. it doesn't matter how many times you deny it to yourself.



same old advice every other desperate guy gets here. you have no inner game. work on your core self and losing that desperation and need for a woman to make you happy and you'll be half way there. it's not a woman you need to find but your self.

Both sylvester and Soolaimon are correct.

Seriously, stop analyzing things, and stop texting. It just makes things worse.

My advice? Go ghost for around a week or so.

 

[rowdy2x]

I'm going to write a collective response, since a few of you (sylvester, soolaimon, dryden) have touched on similar points. First off, just let me say, that I acknowledge and respect your positions on my supposed "beta" tendencies. I'll be the first to admit that I slipped up and gave way to weaker tendencies when she started distancing herself. However, what other option was I left with? If you read through the entirety of my original post, you would understand that this girl, not only shy and timid, is also, admittedly nervous around me. She has also, doubed my interest level in her at times, because I don't overly text her at night or on the weekends. So I'm not needy or desperate, and call me "beta" all you want, but I have no choice but to reassure her there, because otherwise, I risk losing her anyway. I know there are others that will agree with me on this.

In addition, she has also flaked on me multiple times when we were supposed to hang out. It's frustrating. I put in the effort to see her, with no reciprocation on her part, yet she has the audacity to question my interest level because our contact isn't constant, and fizzles on the weekends? That's bothers the heck out of me, and is the reason why I've pulled back at times. I'm not a pushover and wont stick around for that. I don't see the problem in communcaring that with her either. I agree that it would have been in my best interest to just not say anything and go silent. That might have been the "alpha" thing to do. I let my emotions get the best of me sometimes. Where I come from, if something or someone does something that bothers you, you talk about it and figure it out. Again, I like her, I'm not here to game her. I think communication in that regard is vital moving forward, but I could be wrong.

 

[pyros]

I'm going to write a collective response, since a few of you (sylvester, soolaimon, dryden) have touched on similar points. First off, just let me say, that I acknowledge and respect your positions on my supposed "beta" tendencies. I'll be the first to admit that I slipped up and gave way to weaker tendencies when she started distancing herself. However, what other option was I left with? If you read through the entirety of my original post, you would understand that this girl, not only shy and timid, is also, admittedly nervous around me. She has also, doubed my interest level in her at times, because I don't overly text her at night or on the weekends. So I'm not needy or desperate, and call me "beta" all you want, but I have no choice but to reassure her there, because otherwise, I risk losing her anyway. I know there are others that will agree with me on this.

In addition, she has also flaked on me multiple times when we were supposed to hang out. It's frustrating. I put in the effort to see her, with no reciprocation on her part, yet she has the audacity to question my interest level because our contact isn't constant, and fizzles on the weekends? That's bothers the heck out of me, and is the reason why I've pulled back at times. I'm not a pushover and wont stick around for that. I don't see the problem in communcaring that with her either. I agree that it would have been in my best interest to just not say anything and go silent. That might have been the "alpha" thing to do. I let my emotions get the best of me sometimes. Where I come from, if something or someone does something that bothers you, you talk about it and figure it out. Again, I like her, I'm not here to game her. I think communication in that regard is vital moving forward, but I could be wrong.

see? you're the one actually interested in this 'relationship'. You can call it however you want but the end result is...she has LOW INTEREST.

What you think is good communication would be appropiate if she was your gf, or if you had dated her for a few months. Since thats not the case, that is not the right way either.

 

[rowdy2x]

First, I dont think she likes you that much. You want to think she does, but you're the one obessessing over her not the other way around. You're the one initiating almost everything, and you're the one pushing and getting mad.

She likes me and has made that very clear. At this point, I'm NC, and have been for about a week. Nothing from her. After we had that discussion about the friend deal, I only started initiating because she fell off the face of the earth. Before this all occurred, she was blowing up my phone with texts and would question my interest level if I didn't talk to her at night or on the weekends. I've never been obsessive with her up until her recent distsnce, and even then, I wouldn't consider it obsessive. I was just searching for answers.

Besides, would you stop arguing with her? would you stop 'talking' and 'making her understand' how you feel etc??

I mentioned this in my last post. What else am I supposed to do when she constantly questions my interest level and intentions with her? Not reassure her and risk losing her anyway? That doesn't make sense to me.

That is not the damn right way dude. YOU HAVE TO MAKE HER FEEL GOOD EACH TIME SHE SEES YOU. You dont have to complain about her or tell her off.

I agree. Hasn't been an issue.

She's not your gf, if she backs off so be it. Wait for her to contat you again, or wait a few days and reinitiate BUT DO NOT TELL HER OFF man. Do not over-reac so much. You think you're not over-reacting? yes you are.

Like I've mentioned before, it's just frustrating having to deal with her constant rejection to hangout, then have to listen to her tell me how she doesn't feel I like her and how we really don't know each other that well outside of school or talk much on the weekends. She says all this and feels this way, yet I've made every concievable effortto make that happen and to soothe these uncertainties. Wtf is up with that?

You look obssessive, annoying, and weak to her now.

I might have, but again, what option did I have? She put me in a box.

P.S.
your comment about you not being her friend to talk etc was really, really wrong. You tried to look 'alpha' and you ended up looking like a cold dic-khead.

I agree that I messed up and likely f'd everything up because of it. I felt like I was asserting myself, as well as my intentions, and in essence, curing her doubts. She had asked me a few minutes prior to that if I genuinely liked or just considered her a thing for now, which I obviously responded with the genuine likeness . It's confusing.

...

 

[Soolaimon]

I acknowledge and respect your positions on my supposed "beta" tendencies.

Don't live in denial. You were a huge beta with her. Admit it, correct your mistakes, move on, behave better with the next girl.

However, what other option was I left with? If you read through the entirety of my original post, you would understand that this girl, not only shy and timid, is also, admittedly nervous around me.

Trying to eat out a scared and trembling girl isn't going to get you anywhere.

You were explaining yourself, reassuring her, being needy, overly pushy with her in just a few weeks time. What do you expect?

She has also, doubed my interest level in her at times, because I don't overly text her at night or on the weekends. So I'm not needy or desperate, and call me "beta" all you want, but I have no choice but to reassure her there, because otherwise, I risk losing her anyway. I know there are others that will agree with me on this.

You are in denial here. The quicker you admit to your faults the faster you can learn to become better.

Your behavior of explaining and reassuring her is beta.

You trying to eat out a scared and trembling girl is desperate.

You don't think that isn't beta and desperate. Are you nuts?

There was no need to reassure her with anything.

Alpha men don't spend their time reassuring women acting like a beta. The alphas actions show the women what they need to know.

You didn't have to reassure her about anything.

She was complaining that you didn't talk much on the weekends. That is what you want. You should want her to want to talk to you more. That shows she is interested.

Instead of explaining and reassuring her like a beta answer her text or send a quick text about something cool you did or saw.

It isn't that difficult to do.

Your reassuring would not be needed and she wouldn't lose any attraction from you.

In addition, she has also flaked on me multiple times when we were supposed to hang out. It's frustrating. I put in the effort to see her, with no reciprocation on her part, yet she has the audacity to question my interest level because our contact isn't constant, and fizzles on the weekends?

Why would that surprise you with your beta behavior?

She was losing interest and you kept trying to reassure her the whole time.

That made her lose more interest.

She also used your words against you when you kept reassuring her.

That's why I said to use less words and more action.

When she is flaking you don't keep pushing harder reassuring her on your end.

You hang out with other women instead.

Use less words and use more action instead.

That's bothers the heck out of me, and is the reason why I've pulled back at times. I'm not a pushover and wont stick around for that. I don't see the problem in communcaring that with her either. I agree that it would have been in my best interest to just not say anything and go silent. That might have been the "alpha" thing to do. I let my emotions get the best of me sometimes. Where I come from, if something or someone does something that bothers you, you talk about it and figure it out. Again, I like her, I'm not here to game her. I think communication in that regard is vital moving forward, but I could be wrong.

The correct communication is vital in moving forward.

Your communication is what turned her off.

When you see her pulling back and flaking reassuring her your feelings on your end is not going to work when she is using your words against you.

I don't think her interest was as high as you thought.

Your beta behavior is what took away what interest she had.

She used your words against you with all the reassuring you did.

Use less words and more action!

 

[rowdy2x]

...

 

[nismo-4]

Sex is special huh? You made Judge nismo read this long ass case to see how much you think you really need this girl? And she doesn't need you. Thank your beta behavior.

Whoever cares least has the power. It ain't you OP.

And you keep trying to work it out? But she is not. You have lost. It's at a standstill for a reason. AFAIC you are either going forward or backward, and standstills are going backward. You need to go after more women. If your princess is in another castle, don't be surprised.

When things go south, start going ghost and looking for a replacement.

Case closed. Detach yourself.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Rowdy: One of the foundational principles of understanding women and game, is to:

"IGNORE WHAT A WOMAN SAYS, INSTEAD TO UNCOVER THE TRUTH WATCH HER ACTIONS."

Women says: "were not having sex tonight"

an hour later: your having sex

So when she says were not having sex, that doesn't mean no, it means make me horny and we can phuck.

You keep saying what other choice do you have with all the reassuring? You had a definitive choice, but as others have mentioned it was your emotional investment and fear of loss that convinced you to dig yourself deeper in the hole.

Women, especially young women don't want a Daddy telling them to communicate better etc, they want to have fun and learn about themselves at the same time.

You do whatever the phuck you want to do, despite what a girl says. If you always put yourself first, continue improving yourself (fitness, wealth and personality) you won't have time to over-analyze situations like this and this girl will be one of many.

Accept your deficits and learn how to not make the same mistakes next time.

You said you're not trying to game her, that's your biggest problem right there. There's always a game going on, the one who plays it better wins and gets the other's unequivocal surrender. Women show this by giving you lots of shexx, attention and asking for more of your time.

You'll know when you do this right.








PIMP