Need Advice: Things have cooled off with new girl. Where do I go with this?

[rowdy2x]

Long time lurker on this board that now currently finds himself in a situation of his own. I need the very best of the sosauve community to come through for me, whether its through personal experience or general knowledge. I'm out of options. I appreciate any and all opinions. Ill do my best to reciprocate in time.

Thanks.

I'm going to split this up into 2 parts to make it an easier read for everybody.

My situation: Part I

Its been over 7 months since things ended with my previous relationship, and only recently, have I truly been able to pull myself together and start taking steps forward with my life. Over the course of the last month, I have taken a heavy, yet cautious interest in a new girl that goes to my school. We met unexpectedly, but hit things off immediately.

The truth is, I wanted to sleep with this girl the minute i laid eyes on her, and the discussion that followed only solidified that intention (Keep in mind my feelings have now transitioned into something more serious). Shes young, 18, very attractive and seemingly flirty but also reserved by nature. I'm 25, attractive in my own right, looking for sex but more importantly, looking for something long term. We exchanged numbers after we talked for an hour, she very quickly initiated contact thereafter. I kept things playful for the first week, but limited my contact as I didn't want to come off as needy or desperate this early on in the game.

Over the course of following 2 weeks, we met up at least 2-3 times each week in between classes. Instantly attracted and drawn to one another: Walking, holding hands, talking, kissing. Basically just becoming closer and more familiar with each other. She's very timid and shy in person but over text, she is flirty. Its hard to gauge her true intentions. She's seemingly interested and constantly seeking reassurance from me. I don't have a problem with this or giving it, because the truth is, I have started falling for the girl.

I've done my best to limit our non verbal communication and have put more emphasis on getting her to meet up for lunch, spend a Saturday together or just to even come over and hang out at night. In turn, she has only met me once for lunch. Every other time she either reschedules or cancels and chalks it up to her being nervous and that she is sorry and just really likes me a lot.

This constant rejection was starting to do a number on me, so I made it clear to her my feelings and that I wasn't sure if it was going to work out if it continued. Again, she apologized, but then proceeded to guilt trip me about "giving up on her and the path we have started" so quickly, after she had started catching feelings for me. At this point, I forgave her and let it be but I started withdrawing myself a little more. I wanted to see more effort out of her since I was the only one that was making any.

Early last week, things still seemed to be progressing. We were still very close and affectionate with one another, both still very interested. She told me that she hadn't met or ever caught feeling for someone so quickly before and that I was so different. That was great to hear and all, but I still didn't know what her exact intentions were, especially with her flirty texts. I'm still very much hurt from my ex, and am trying to be cautious getting "too" involved with feelings going forward, unless i have inclination to believe its a sure thing, or is at least heading in that direction.

So I decided to ask her. She basically told me that she really likes me a lot but that she wants to also have sex with me. She didn't want me to think she was easy or anything for admitting it, because she has only had 3 boyfriends (2 sexual) and has never slept or messed around with anyone outside a relationship. I believe her. Shes a sweet girl. Now, I didn't have a problem with this, because truthfully, I wanted the same. I was worried, however, that it would change things and she echoed my concerns.

Towards the end of last week, I invited her to come over before class to hang out and she finally took me up on it. Great! Right? Well, let me finish. We hung out for about an hour and I ended up going down on her. I though it was what she wanted. She told me before I started that she was scared, but i reassured her and told her there was nothing to worry about and to just relax and trust me. She was trembling and i could tell she was nervous. She never ended up cumming. Of course not right? I'd be lying if i told you my ego wasn't bruised. I've never had that issue with anyone previous but she did admit after that she has never gotten off from oral before. I felt slightly better. Anyway, time was running short and she was worried about being late for class but before she left we both flirted with the idea of sex for a few minutes. She wanted it, as did I, but she though we should wait because sex is special. I agreed and she asked me if I was upset. I reassured her I was not. Before she left, i had her get on her knees and service me for a min or so. Nothing special. I walked her to her car, kissed her goodbye and she went on her way.


To be continued

 

[rowdy2x]

My Situation: Part II Continued

I messaged her after she left and thanked her for coming over. Told her I had a good time but that I hoped it wouldn't change things between us. She assured me she had a great time, said she really liked me and thanked me for having her over. Things quieted down throughout the afternoon, as it always does between us. This is where things get weird. I told her that if i didn't have a chance to talk to her that I hope she had a nice weekend. It was Friday. I was going to be busy that night, and she was going away for the weekend, so i figured Id give her some space and not smother her. She responded saying basically that we always lose touch on the weekends and that it sucks but hoped I had a good weekend as well. I told her it was not intentional and that I don't want to be up her butt all the time and that I want her to have time to be able to think about things and have her freedom basically. I think its beneficial in the long run. She understood but said that sometimes she interprets it as disinterest in her and what she is doing. That I don't care basically. I reassured her as I always have about my intentions, my feelings and that if she is ever feeling insecure about anything or uncertain that i want her to be able to communicate that with me. I also told her (stupidly) that if she is looking for constant attention that I'm sure she has plenty of guy friends to fill that void and that I'm not here to be her friend. That might have crucified me.

The next day, things changed. Everything changed. She was quiet, unresponsive. I wrote her something really nice and reassuring but i never heard from her. I tried not thinking much of it at the time but i could feel it in my gut that something was wrong. I gave her space. Sunday rolled around, and still nothing. I very subtly asked her if she wanted to meet for a few minutes on Monday to catch up and tell me about her weekend. She agreed and said she would contact me when my class was over. I thought great, we'll just figure it out then, but what do you know, she never ended up contacting me. I decided take a walk to where she usually is. I found her and asked her what was going on. She acted aloof, as if nothing was wrong. The truth is, I've never felt more uncomfortable around anyone in my entire life, than I had in that moment. She was distant, cold as can be, and was carrying a different attitude/personality. I didn't recognize her.

I proceeded to ask her again, if in fact, anything was wrong, but once more, she acted nonchalant. At this point, I had enough, so i got up, picked up my things and walked out of there. Not 10 mins later, I get a message asking why I seemed mad and that she was hurt how I just got up and left. I explained to her that she just seemed so different and that I gave her an opportunity to be honest with me because i knew something was wrong. She apologized and told me there was something I said over the weekend that made her "feel differently" about me. Come to find out, it was the "friend" comment I made. I tried to explain my reasoning but also laid into her about her lack of communication and that she should have said something to me that night instead of drawing it out for a few days, making things even more difficult and challenging. I said she was childish and that if she wanted to hang out with an adult, she needs to learn how to communicate better and that until she does I'm going to pull back and let her figure out what it is that she wants and is looking for. She seemed taken back by that comment and said it was harsh. Maybe it was, but its the truth.

Things have been at a standstill ever since, she hasn't initiated anything, I've been making effort upon effort to work it out, but to no avail. Her responses are cold and singular. Its confusing and its frustrating. Shes ignored my attempts the last few days. I'm not a desperate guy but i'm willing to fight for this girl, I truly like her. I told her yesterday that I'm going to be left with no other choice but to assume that she is either done or moved on. She responded shortly after apologizing for not answering, and said she feels like I exaggerate things, saying "all I did was distance myself a little bit since Friday and you took it in the worst way possible." I told her how else do you expect me to take it when you leave it on such uncertain terms? Is it really so much for you to say something is bothering you and that you need a little space? She basically copied and pasted what I said and sent it back to me. Sneering almost. I told her if she wants space, then take it. I don't have a problem with that and I'll be here when she wants to talk about things. I left it at that.

Where do I go from here? In your best opinion, what do you think the issue is and how can i go about fixing this situation? I truly like this girl and want it to work out. I appreciate anything you can offer.

 

[skinnyguy]

Time to find some new puss. You're whipped and she knows it

 

[Lolapo]

you've only known for her such a short time and she's allready pissing you off, even though you like her, she'll probably be the same in a LTR.

Seems to she's one of those dramaqueens, always making elephants out off small negative things. Complaining and blaming.

Drop it because IF things would work out, you'd probably end it yourself because you would have to 'fix' something every week or so.

That's how I see it.

 

[rowdy2x]

Time to find some new puss. You're whipped and she knows it

How exactly am I whipped?

 

[salinechow]

I read that whole thing. You owe me a beer. I am a long poster also so I figured I should give back. Here it is:

I do not think you are whipped. I think you are confused. I think you have game but I think your timing is terrible. I think you use to many words(like me)
Here is the breakdown of the previous:

Whipped usually takes more time than you have invested with this chick.

You are a nice guy( I can spot it because so am I) but you are trying to be a player at the same time. This is o.k. (so am I) Where you go wrong is you are not OK with either. Because you are constantly battling yourself on who you want to "act" like for each interaction it is coming off disjointed and inauthentic. This girl is young so I don’t think she sees through it, but I think it is confusing her and that is not good. Its not a hamster confusion that intrigues her. It is a uncomfortable confusion that scares her. She likes you. She wants to share her body with you. Yet, the confusion she feels by the way you act makes her feel guilty.

Truth is you actually like this girl. If so you need to be genuine with her. You really can’t game this chick like you think. Its obvious its not working. Your actions and words are not congruent.

You eat her box and then tell her that if she want constant attention she has other friends to fill that role? That was moronic. Why are you running game on an 18 year old girl who was already giving it up? This girl was nervous as hell and trembling but still gave it up!! And, you think you still need to run game? You are butt hurt by your LTR. Sometimes man you need to see the forest for the trees. She likes you, you like her. Be nice to her and date her and f^ck her. Why, push pull a girl who was making an effort? JUst be yourself. Your communication efforts are sweet and then you treat her like a 25 year old HB9 who has 50 dudes to fill her up? No way this girl is there yet. Trembling while a guy eats her p^ss? Come on man. She sounds like a sweet chick you is ready to let it all hang out and get f^cked and then you kinda point that out to her make her feel sl^ty and then as an encore make her feel immature. I dont get that. The short of this whole things above...You are fighting a battle you already won.

At the same time and I know this seems a little contradictory. I think she got pissed off at you and it is a possibility hooked up with someone else to get back at you. (in her own mind) Even just kissing and light hooking up with someone else maybe made her feel sl^ty around you when she saw you next. Thats why she withdrew. Maybe.

You blew it here man. I hate to tell you. Yet, there is always hope.
What to do now.

I actually think you need to go NC. You have some hurdles here and I think you need to clear the field of all your goose droppings. Being young and sharing something with you will make her not want to loose contact because it will make her feel sl^ty. You might have that going for you to get the hamster moving here. Like the guys here say though trying to clean up bad actions or texts with more actions or texts is a recipe for disaster. NC for a few weeks seems like a way better option.
Now this is were everybody (including you) might disagree with me. After a few weeks NC. You show up and sweep her of her feet. Take her on a proper date (something that will make her feel womanly and mature hanging out with you while still making her look up to you. (nice restaurant followed by maybe get her into a bar, jazz club, indie music scene performance, something more adult seeming)( action date like everybody here says but something more mature like, casino maybe, horse track, vineyard, I dont know man run with it). The reason I go here against what is usually said on this forum is because she is/was already into you. You need to remind her of that. Meeting up for egg salad sandwiches and bring her back to your house worked but now is dead. You have to turn up the gas and wooo her. When you do land her for this date, shut the f^ck up. Let her talk. Keep frame with eye contact and kino. Strong kino too. She already let you see the goods so no need to be coy. Firm hand squeezes on her thighs and but never let her stop talking when you do it. Keep her talking and make her swoon at the same time. If all of this works play the rest on the fly. Sleep with her or dont, but whatever you do, afterwards go NC again and let the night marinate. Let her initiate and do not speak to her to much when she does. Just set up another date. You have done the work already so you can go back to simple walk in the park type date. Dont try and hook up with her this time. Talk with her. Dont game to hard just be people talking and laughing. Now repeat. Shortly afterwards of a few more simmering meetings, get her back to your place with no date first. Just a "come over listen to music and wine at your house" type arrangement and give her a glorious adult encounter with your c)ck.

I think you over think you words and actions too much and take to seriously your PUA with a girl who likes you already. She does a lot of overthinking herself and you are just complicating it with all your words. LEAD her. Do it with action. Communcating is overrated in this situation. Why communicate with her so much? She is not your peer. She is not your equal in this dynamic. She likes and looks up to you. So LEAD her and show her why she is right to do so. Get out of your head with this one and just be yourself and take action. Good luck. Its going to take some time and discipline but I think there is still hope.

P.S in the meantime definitely talk to and casually date a few other girls and do dry runs of the date. See how it goes. If you start oneitising while you are no contact you are going to screw this up if she does agree to meet you again. You will have to much time on your hands to overthink every deatil and word and will bomb. Back burner and wait for the right time while meeting with other girls.

 

[Dryden]

I'm sorry, I was acting all out of depression yesterday, all of my posts were depressed in actual fact ;-).

You are writing here with an urgent need. I think I would feel the same if a girl went cold like that and I didn't really have a good idea on why and how and what next...

But please note that the only thing you can do, is to look at yourself and check your motives.

Are they true? Is romance true? What does relationship entail really? I will respond more to your reponse to me...

 

[rowdy2x]

salinechow, I appreciate the write up and analysis. I definitely dropped the ball on this one. However, as you said, and I agree, that there is still hope. Its going to take considerable effort, time and space for this to have any chance of working out. I really think that's my only recourse. I just worry that doing so will be interpreted by her as disinterest and that I was only using her for the moment...but at this point, I don't have a choice.

 

[Dryden]

-----

 

[BraddH]

A girl interested in you will never confuse you.

 

[sylvester the cat]

I need the very best of the sosauve community to come through for me

poor guy. guess you lucked out. you needed the best in your darkest hour and instead you got skinnyguy and BradH.

 

[Bingo-Player]

^^^^ this is correct but women are constantly pushing they're boundaries to see if they can gain more control

anyway i read the whole thing and my immediate thoughts are your getting far too involved with HER emotions

she will play games all day long if she thinks she's gonna get an emotional response out of you which she quite clearly knows she can

you are a man , you have plenty of options for pussvy you are busy making millions YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE GETTING INVOLVED IN OVERLY EMOTIONAL CONVERSATIONS

if she wants to open up leave her do it with her girlfriends we aren't interested in it

she's 18 ,she likes the idea of fvcking and being an older guy play that to your advantage

 

[rowdy2x]

Dude, isn't it obvious that she doesn't want a LTR like you do? She is ****ing 18. Let her be. She doesn't want that. She wants sex, and lots of it. Why you going about commitment?

Basically, you are constantly trying to control her, coerce her, force her, dominate her, make her do things. It is manipulative but you are doing so by "threatening" her with your departure. That is a feminine form of threat. If you were seriously going about this in a masculine way, and there was a reason for you to be upset, you would simply ignore her and wait for her to come back to you.

We both like each other, but there is more too it than just sexual interest alone. Sure, we both want that, but she has been hinting often at a relationship subtly. In turn, I have as well. I understand that she is young and wants to take in all experiences. Who wouldn't at that age? Even though that was, is and has been one of my concerns, I realize that if this is ever going to work between us, I have to be understanding of that.

She has made it clear to me though that she doesn't see herself going out to bars or clubs to get hit in on by guys. She wants to be in a relationship and said she doesn't know how girls these days can just sleep around. As you, I and everyone else knows though, people change with time, and along with that, their intentions, wants, needs, tastes and just general frame of mind. So I hear you concern there, trust me.

Secondly, as far as the possesive, controlling, manipulative stuff you are talking about, I really don't feel like I've come close to any of that. Those are pretty strong words. I've been direct in some instances and maybe a little harsh other times, but nothing to over the top. I think I've done are pretty good job of setting those boundaries for myself and letting her know I'm not a pushover. In any case, I've put myself into a position that has now jeopardized everything. I appreciate your view.

 

[rowdy2x]

poor guy. guess you lucked out. you needed the best in your darkest hour and instead you got skinnyguy and BradH.

What can you offer me then. I'd love to hear it boss.

 

[salinechow]

We are all right. Including you.

Listen to us. Gain confidence because all the guys with an actual high functioning understanding of your situation are in agreement. Hope. Patience. Action. Follow-through. Spin other plates also! Key ingredient here. You might actually pull this off.
I have one more thing to add considering the comments. Dude, she is 18! She is a kid. I dont think you would like her if she wasn’t a normal 18 year old and by the sounds of it she is. Don’t listen to the "She is sh!t testing" comments. She likes you already. 18 year old give up that gig real easy at that age. I dont think this girl has any game at all. Only bad advice from idiot friends and a little bitterness at you. Both can be overcome with the ingredients we gave you. Keep us posted. I am always avail for other help if you want to PM me. I am still teaching myself to protect the heart and alpha and all that stuff but sometimes the best play is no play at all. Ill show you pictures of the chicks I landed doing nothing but being me. Doesnt mean fall apart and lose frame or become unprtected, just means drop the PUA facade. The outcomes are a whole another story but I still had miles of sex with them all! You got this.

 

[rowdy2x]

Listen to us. Gain confidence because all the guys with an actual high functioning understanding of your situation are in agreement. Hope. Patience. Action. Follow-through. Spin other plates also! Key ingredient here. You might actually pull this off.
I have one more thing to add considering the comments. Dude, she is 18! She is a kid. I dont think you would like her if she wasn’t a normal 18 year old and by the sounds of it she is. Don’t listen to the "She is sh!t testing" comments. She likes you already. 18 year old give up that gig real easy at that age. I dont think this girl has any game at all. Only bad advice from idiot friends and a little bitterness at you. Both can be overcome with the ingredients we gave you. Keep us posted. I am always avail for other help if you want to PM me. I am still teaching myself to protect the heart and alpha and all that stuff but sometimes the best play is no play at all. Ill show you pictures of the chicks I landed doing nothing but being me. Doesnt mean fall apart and lose frame or become unprtected, just means drop the PUA facade. The outcomes are a whole another story but I still had miles of sex with them all! You got this.

I'm confident i'll pull it off, and I understand my agenda. However, my greatest uncertainty, lies in the execution of that agenda. I know bitterness is likely driving her and this sudden retreat, but can we be certain, based off what we know, that this is the only likely scenario? Or is there indication there might be more to this?

At this point, I'm considering all scenarios. But which is the most likely? Part of me feels like she satisfied her appetite (oral), then bailed. The time frame this occured, with the sudden retreat not more than 24 hours later, leads me to believe there might be more to it than just coincidence alone.

Furthermore, she went away that weekend to visit her friend at another university. Is it possible she met someone or potentially reconnected with an old flame/interest, giving me the boot in the process?

Or is this truly all about my actions and responses that lead her to pull back and potentially reconsider everything?

 

[salinechow]

I'm confident i'll pull it off, and I understand my agenda. However, my greatest uncertainty, lies in the execution of that agenda. I know bitterness is likely driving her and this sudden retreat, but can we be certain, based off what we know, that this is the only likely scenario? Or is there indication there might be more to this? No there is no certainty in life ESPECIALLY with woman. ESPECIALLY with young ones. But you have a shred of hope still and you have us. STAY out of your own head so much and go meet a girl, any other girl right away! Or call an old flame. Anything to keep you over analyzing this to death or you WILL fail.

At this point, I'm considering all scenarios. But which is the most likely? Part of me feels like she satisfied her appetite (oral), then bailed.Not likely. She is young and I bet you are not that good at eating box. The time frame this occurred, with the sudden retreat not more than 24 hours later,I think totally because of your botched attempts of communicating with her. We talked about this. You insulted her. Nothing to look for further than that. Yet again though, I think she was into you and she might have a short memory because of it. Also, like I said, I dont think she is going to be willing because of your intimacies to just write you off. leads me to believe there might be more to it than just coincidence alone.

Furthermore, she went away that weekend to visit her friend at another university. Is it possible she met someone or potentially reconnected with an old flame/interest, giving me the boot in the process? Very possible. But who cares. Doesn’t change anything about the equation. Unless it was fates design that this phantom dude is her life partner what the F does it change anything for you? You are just being jealous. Don’t, it will make you fail this mission. Plus, this moron if he exists will not be showing her the miracle dates and eventual orgasm you will if you listen to us. Also, he lives x miles away, no threat.
NC. Let the cards fall and time will opaque your mistakes.

Or is this truly all about my actions and responses that lead her to pull back and potentially reconsider everything?Yes. Yes.

Advice in simpler terms...
1. Dude only you can answer this. Did she really like you? I can only speculate. If YES, you have a shot. I dont think you damaged it completely. Move forward with plan.
2. Is she an HB8 or less? Are you at least a 7? If yes to both, Move forward with plan.
3. Did at any time she say ouch, check her watch or twitter, or pull her pants up while you were eating her box? If no, Move forward with plan.
4. Do you have any other girls you can at least talk to and flirt with while waiting? If NO, DO NOT move forward with plan until executed.
5. Are you in a place yet to forget about her completely if she does not respond to your attempts? If NO, do not move forward with plan. (pssst, you need another plate to develop this)( See item 4.)

 

[El Payaso]

I'm sorry but I'm not reading a bedtime story. That sh!t is just way too long.

 

[pyros]

First, I dont think she likes you that much. You want to think she does, but you're the one obessessing over her not the other way around. You're the one initiating almost everything, and you're the one pushing and getting mad.

Besides, would you stop arguing with her? would you stop 'talking' and 'making her understand' how you feel etc??

That is not the damn right way dude. YOU HAVE TO MAKE HER FEEL GOOD EACH TIME SHE SEES YOU. You dont have to complain about her or tell her off.


She's not your gf, if she backs off so be it. Wait for her to contat you again, or wait a few days and reinitiate BUT DO NOT TELL HER OFF man. Do not over-reac so much. You think you're not over-reacting? yes you are.

You look obssessive, annoying, and weak to her now.

P.S.
your comment about you not being her friend to talk etc was really, really wrong. You tried to look 'alpha' and you ended up looking like a cold dic-khead.

 

[sylvester the cat]

What can you offer me then. I'd love to hear it boss.

Ok. You asked for it.

Long time lurker on this board

If you'd been lurking long enough you would know, from the countless other similar threads like yours, that you're behaving like a desperate beta chump.

[I'm not a desperate guy

yes. you are. or at least that is how your behaviour is making you look. and that is how she is seeing you, make no mistake about that. it doesn't matter how many times you deny it to yourself.

Where do I go from here?.

same old advice every other desperate guy gets here. you have no inner game. work on your core self and losing that desperation and need for a woman to make you happy and you'll be half way there. it's not a woman you need to find but your self.