Need Advice.. social problems

[br54]

Hey..

I need some advice on how to get threw this.. It has been slowly killin me day by day..

I know what has caused it..

It all started in elementary school - I used to be very popular, if not the most popular kid in my class. I used to be able to have fun, make jokes, and talk to people fairly easily.. but I still had a self-image problem.

I was a tad bit overweight (not much by any means, just a bit chuby), and i !#@$ed it up and got an eating disorder, or anorexia.. although it wasnt fatal, it got me into something new, which is bodybuilding. I then got back in it within the 7th grade, and have been growing ever since.

But the main problem is, I believe.. is my struggle with acne. Acne totally ruined EVERYTHING i had. my self confidence, friends, family, everything.. it totally took control of me and I had it really bad, I didnt even want to face anyone anymore. This really ruined my self confidence and social abilities BADLY. I went on accutane, and my main battle with acne is over with..

I have a little bit now, but nothing much to worry about. But it was hell while it lasted.

It is now the 10th grade, the year is almost over with. I do not want to live my entire high school years a freakin loser and social outcast. I do have friends, and I am getting more popular as time goes on, but the main problem is meeting new people and girls. I can't go up to anyone that I don't already know - most likely because i'm afraid. When girls try to talk to ME, like the most popular ones.. i totally screw it up, i put too much pressure on myself, and dont know what to say.. i usually say something stupid, or don't say anytihng at all.

Its especially hard now because the girls that tried to talk to me, they gave me a chance, and I totally ruined it.. and now i know what they think of me..

it is annoying as hell, i can usually talk to my guy-friends easily, but for girls its a whole 'nother story. Most probably think I am ignoring them because I don't talk to them and can talk to some other kid pretty normally.

At home, and online.. its a lot different.. I can talk to people on the phone, online, whatever perfectly.. actually especially online - not that I have time to think of what to say - but it just pops in my head, and I can always say the right thing, and can be hilarious some times.. but thats just when im not face-to-face with someone, or they are surrounded by a bunch of people like at school..

I know I am the only one stopping me from doing this.. but I just don't know how.. all my past experiences totally messed up everthing I had, and now I can't even talk to someone or hold a conversation.

I need some advice, I am sick and tired of having to deal with this every single day. I know if I just had the confidence everything would come into place.. or so I hope, but its a long road..

Any advice is appreciated

- thanks

 

[LikRetsam]

Get clearasil pads and vanishing creme both "maximum strength". they work wonders. Stop eating mcdonbalds too much.

 

[Ballistik]

Hey man, I know exactly what you're talking about. I was the same way coming out of middle school. It wasn't because of acne, it was just that I had absolutely zero self-confidence, hardly any friends, and thought that being a loser was my purpose in life.

Know what snapped me the hell out of it? In the beginning of 9th grade I got so fed up with how things were going that I acted like I had nothing to lose. I just started talking to people normally because I honestly didn't care if I got rejected. I wasn't worried with every word that I'd say something they might think wasn't cool, or that they didn't agree with. And, suddenly, I started to have more friends. A year later, I started taking big steps with girls. Since your problem is mainly with girls (if anything I'm the opposite), I'll focus on that.

When you talk to them, don't think of it as if you're hitting on them. In fact, don't think at all. The less you analyze the situation, the better. I know it's hard, but try to think as if you're simply talking to one of your good guy friends. You can practice this by doing it with a girl you're not physically attracted to. Just talk with her. Crack a joke about some teacher, or comment on how the freshmen all look ridiculous with their enormously crammed backpacks. Anything, it doesn't matter, after all, you're not trying to impress the unattractive girl, right? You're just looking to enjoy yourself talking with her for a minute. It's the same with the hot ones. Don't think like you're trying to impress them, think like you want to have some fun.

 

[gav]

stop making excuses

you have to start somewhere

i'd say that the problem with your convos outwith the house, phone and internet is that it's a new experience and you probably get a rush from doing it; excitement (not nervousness). it just takes time and practice before you become relaxed in new surroundings. btw, if you are successful with communication on the net and the phone, it means your personality is great, BUT only because you are relaxed.

Convos don't mean sh!t. they are worthless. noone cares what you say. say what you have to say and don't give a **** what anyone else thinks.

develop the attitude of "i'm going to speak anyway; you can listen if you want to"
whenever you can just speak your mind freely with a person, you know you are relaxed around them

be yourself and if people don't like you for who you are, **** em

that rush i was talking about is not going to last forever. it's the same as public speaking. make the most of it and remember that people pay for that sort of thing to happen (eg rollercoasters)

all of the above stuff has helped me a lot - stick with it, and gd lck
gav

 

[br54]

Originally posted by LikRetsam
Get clearasil pads and vanishing creme both "maximum strength". they work wonders. Stop eating mcdonbalds too much.

actually if you read all of my post, i dont have much acne anymore..

and I do not eat any junk food.. AT ALL
(due to working out)

 

[br54]

thanks for the replies guys..

i'll try to put some of that stuff into action tommorrow

 

[LikRetsam]

Sorry, read too fast!

 

[TyTe`EyEs]

Start reading up on the DJ Bible. It will get you in the correct mindframe, which is the first step to progress.

 

[JSH]

Originally posted by LikRetsam
Get clearasil pads and vanishing creme both "maximum strength". they work wonders. Stop eating mcdonbalds too much.

sorry to disappoint you, diet is only one of huge number of factors that contribute to it. It is often the one most mentioned and fixated upon but often has the least effect, things like stress are worse.

 

[Heizen]

Either way, you should stop eating at McD's anyways, their food is HORRIBLE for you. If I am ever stuck eating there I always get a salad and a soda, just because its the closest thing to real, healthy food they have (and the soda just because)

 

[JSH]

Real, healthy food, what bollocks, you are not going to be healthy iif you live off salad. Their salad is **** and bad for you, might as well get something that tastes good. If you do enough sports and exercise then a MacDs every once in a while is no bad thing. (although their meals are vastly overrated and extremely rich in calories).

 

[Heizen]

My point was not that their salads are healthy, but that they are the best thing they have. Yes, you could eat there if you exercise, and I know i could, but I also know that there are more satisfying things I can get then a bigmac, without the 2000 calories and 3 days worth of fat.

 

[assassin]

Hey man,

The first week of the DJ Bootcamp has some great ways to build confidence. Check it out and try some of it.