Need advice refining a game plan (rules, approaches, logistics)

[mellow_yellow]

I've been keeping a game journal here and trying to make steady progress with every new set of girls I approach and date.

The latest 3rd set, that I haven't posted yet, was only with 3 women. I got rejected by a bartender when asking for her number, ignored by a mutual friend's sister when trying to set up a date by text, and flaked by a server in my local restaurant. I'm going to try setting up a date with the server 1 more time before I drop her (2 strikes).

I'm slowly making progress set after set, but I'm not going to rapidly improve if I'm only getting a few numbers every 2 weeks. I think it'd be helpful for me to come up with a game plan on how to approach more women and handle date logistics. I think having a strategy would help me maximize every set that I post so I can get better feedback from you guys on what to improve. While my attitude is in the right place, I need more experience to reinforce my frame and push me out of my comfort zone.

I'd like your advice on dealing with flakes, increasing number closes, and escalating to a f-close on a date.

Rules

• I'm following the 2 strikes rule before nexting. Should it be 1 strike for those who don't even bother texting me back?

• Is it best to keep quiet and not tell friends about your dates and lays, especially if they're interested in the same girl?

Approaching

• How do I get over feeling weird about approaching in public areas like an outdoor mall versus a bar, where it's expected to approach? Even when I feel confident, I'm hesitating because it's out of my element. I'll overcome this with practice, but I wonder if there's a trick to getting the ball rolling.
  
  
• Should I approach any decently attractive women even if I don't feel a spark that I really want her? Asking because I'm wondering if I'd just half a/ss the approach.
  
  
• Bad idea to potentially date girls from spots where I usually hang out like restaurants and bars?
  
  
• If you're approaching in a bar, do you try to escalate hard or get her number for next time?

Dates & Logistics

• After getting the kiss during the date, how much longer to escalate before suggesting going back to your place, her place, or a hotel?
  
  
• How do you suggest going to a hotel without her anti-slut defense kicking in? I'm living at home and freelancing until I get a full-time job in the coming months.

• Do you typically lead her all the way to the lay? Rollo Tomassi had a rule that a girl who wants to f*ck you will find a way and suggest it...so wondering when that applies since I've never encountered this.

 

[RangerMIke]

On your rules. I wouldn't worry so much about putting limits on the number of times you try with chicks. If you want to keep trying, go ahead and do it... just don't lock onto one chick. Never talk about what you do with chicks, to anyone. Not even your friends. It's okay to share stories, but leave names and places out of it. In my experience this will always get back to a chick and then sh!t just gets stupid.

On approach: Don't think about it as 'work', it should just be something you do as you go about life... it's like breathing. It's hard to get there, but you just have to keep practicing. So my advice if you are working on this just approach every chick you can that you are even a little attracted to. Don't worry about 'sparks', if you think you might like to fvck her... go ahead and approach. Do not think about it a a process in the step towards dating... it's just something that has to happen. The purpose of the approach is to meet chicks.... that is it. All you should be trying to do is find out if she is attracted to you... that's it. You do this by trying to make a date or getting her number.... don't put the cart before the horse. A chick should be nothing to you if she won't meet you on a date.

On logistics: Just make sure you plan for things. Always assume anything can happen, but do not EXPECT it. I just go with the flow... usually it happens back at her place after a date... I do not like bringing chicks back to my place, because it just makes things harder if she catches feelings. But if it happens well just go with it. That means your place should be clean, especially your bathroom. Build rapport, make a move and see what happens. Chicks that want you to fvck her... WILL make it clear, if you are paying attention.

 

[mellow_yellow]

@RangerMIke thanks for your insight. how do you usually end up back at her place -- do you or she typically suggest it when the date is going well?

 

[Spaz]

When meeting women, I sort of bumped into them, it's never a planned thingy. The same goes for s€x.

Only thing I plan to do is decide if she's worthy of my time and affections.

You see, when a woman wants you, she'll want you no matter what you do.

The only quality you need to have is just being manly. Manly voice, looks, swagger, demeanour etc.

 

[MrWood]

women are not "sets", they are women

How do I get over feeling weird about approaching in public areas like an outdoor mall versus a bar

you dont, approacing women like you describe is called "creepy"

tip: stop going to PUA sites / PUA videos, especially ones that call women "sets" and promote "cold approach"

 

[RangerMIke]

@RangerMIke thanks for your insight. how do you usually end up back at her place -- do you or she typically suggest it when the date is going well?

It's counter intuitive but the first thing you have to do is NOT try to get her to here place. Don't worry about trying to get in the door... work on building trust and emotional connection and let it be her idea. She know you want to get her inside and see her naked. But if she isn't ready and does not trust you then it won't happen.

The thing chicks worry about the most is having you get in her house and then it's a forgone conclusion what is going to happen... She has to KNOW that if at any point she sends you off, that you will give her a smile and leave.. that you are not going to force yourself on her. She has to know that you want her, but do not need her, ad that you can take or leave sex.

She also has to believe you are not going to judge her.

The key to being really good with chicks is to convince her that you are open minded and understand that when the light is green the door is open, and when the red light comes on... even if you are about to... well you know what... you will stop. When that window is open you are going to give her a great experience. You can not do this overtly, you can't just come out and "I'm open-minded'.... you have to demonstrate this by you're actions and by not being judgmental.

If you want to be good with chicks, you MUST abandon all your hang-ups... just get rid of them... you shouldn't have ANY hang-ups at all or be judgmental about ANYTHING. I'm not saying that you should be willing to do anything... there is a TON of sh!t I'll never do, not because I think it's 'wrong' but because I do not personally like it. You really should have the attitude that what to or three or four or a platoon of ADULT people do together is okay as long as they are all having fun. If you have hangups it will come out sub-consciously.. and the chick could pick up on this.

Here is an example: I was on a date last Thursday and when we left the live music bar a gay couple walked by, she turns to me and said' "Didn't they look cute together?" I said, "Who?" then she pointed at two gay guys walking away from us on the side walk. I honestly said to her "I didn't notice them, but the one on the left looks like he works out.", she laughed and mentioned the movie "Dumb and Dumber".

I really didn't notice them, until she pointed them out. If I hang some hangup about gay people you would know that I would notice them... in reality that chick has more of a 'hang-up' with gay men than I do because she left the need to mention them. I honestly do not care one lick, and if you REALLY do not care and have ZERO hang-ups about anything, then you will naturally just come off as completely open about anything.

So you have to have the right mind-set. Back to your question. How you get her in her place. Well, assuming you have done a good job during the date by building an emotional connection, rapport, and trust. You go for the kiss... if she kisses you back, you should step it up and start making out.... if at any point she pushes back then back off... take a step back... then two steps forwards... unless she opens her door and goes inside she likes what is happening, so two steps forward, one back... let your hands wander a little, and again if she pushes back... then respect her boundaries.

Assuming she doesn't go inside... and you guys are making out on her porch or driveway.... just say "We're putting on a show for your neighbors...we should go inside." Now at this point she is going to say yes or no. If she says no... then you should just leave. Don't say this until you are pretty sure she will say yes, because if she says no, then you have to leave. Bottom line there really is no 'direct thing' you can do, it has to be her idea, and they way you shape the conditions for this to happen is to be non-judgemental and have done a good job of building an emotional connection.

 

[mellow_yellow]

women are not "sets", they are women


you dont, approacing women like you describe is called "creepy"

tip: stop going to PUA sites / PUA videos, especially ones that call women "sets" and promote "cold approach"

I just call it "sets" because I post about how my recent collection of approaches and dates went in a new thread to get feedback. I haven't read or watched PUA material in a very long time lol, but I can see how my thread sounds like I'm "sarging" or "cold approaching". I'm invested in improving myself, SMV and game holistically over trying to trick women with some kind of canned routine.

Spaz and you are saying that I should naturally run into women and that makes sense. I just feel that I'm sitting on the sidelines too often, which is why I'm thinking that I should just grab the number of any woman I'm interested in, no matter where I'm at, no excuses. So the real question is could I casually approach women in public without being a creep especially when I've never seen a guy approach in a very public environment before. If I'm next to a girl at a bus stop, then that's easy because it's situational -- I just talk to her and ask for her number. I'm wondering more about situations where you notice that girl sitting alone at Starbucks or one that's shopping inside a store.

 

[mellow_yellow]

It's counter intuitive but the first thing you have to do is NOT try to get her to here place. Don't worry about trying to get in the door... work on building trust and emotional connection and let it be her idea. She know you want to get her inside and see her naked. But if she isn't ready and does not trust you then it won't happen.

The thing chicks worry about the most is having you get in her house and then it's a forgone conclusion what is going to happen... She has to KNOW that if at any point she sends you off, that you will give her a smile and leave.. that you are not going to force yourself on her. She has to know that you want her, but do not need her, ad that you can take or leave sex.

She also has to believe you are not going to judge her.

The key to being really good with chicks is to convince her that you are open minded and understand that when the light is green the door is open, and when the red light comes on... even if you are about to... well you know what... you will stop. When that window is open you are going to give her a great experience. You can not do this overtly, you can't just come out and "I'm open-minded'.... you have to demonstrate this by you're actions and by not being judgmental.

If you want to be good with chicks, you MUST abandon all your hang-ups... just get rid of them... you shouldn't have ANY hang-ups at all or be judgmental about ANYTHING. I'm not saying that you should be willing to do anything... there is a TON of sh!t I'll never do, not because I think it's 'wrong' but because I do not personally like it. You really should have the attitude that what to or three or four or a platoon of ADULT people do together is okay as long as they are all having fun. If you have hangups it will come out sub-consciously.. and the chick could pick up on this.

Here is an example: I was on a date last Thursday and when we left the live music bar a gay couple walked by, she turns to me and said' "Didn't they look cute together?" I said, "Who?" then she pointed at two gay guys walking away from us on the side walk. I honestly said to her "I didn't notice them, but the one on the left looks like he works out.", she laughed and mentioned the movie "Dumb and Dumber".

I really didn't notice them, until she pointed them out. If I hang some hangup about gay people you would know that I would notice them... in reality that chick has more of a 'hang-up' with gay men than I do because she left the need to mention them. I honestly do not care one lick, and if you REALLY do not care and have ZERO hang-ups about anything, then you will naturally just come off as completely open about anything.

So you have to have the right mind-set. Back to your question. How you get her in her place. Well, assuming you have done a good job during the date by building an emotional connection, rapport, and trust. You go for the kiss... if she kisses you back, you should step it up and start making out.... if at any point she pushes back then back off... take a step back... then two steps forwards... unless she opens her door and goes inside she likes what is happening, so two steps forward, one back... let your hands wander a little, and again if she pushes back... then respect her boundaries.

Assuming she doesn't go inside... and you guys are making out on her porch or driveway.... just say "We're putting on a show for your neighbors...we should go inside." Now at this point she is going to say yes or no. If she says no... then you should just leave. Don't say this until you are pretty sure she will say yes, because if she says no, then you have to leave. Bottom line there really is no 'direct thing' you can do, it has to be her idea, and they way you shape the conditions for this to happen is to be non-judgemental and have done a good job of building an emotional connection.

Excellent post. Thanks for jotting your thoughts down. I've recently re-calibrated my outlook on life so I know what you mean about empathizing, building a connection, and just being a real person with her (or any other person) without any judgments.

My greatest weakness is ramping up the kino into a kiss then everything else. Or maybe I need to build an even deeper connection during the date on top of the kino. I'll only know with practice and failing on a few dates. It's truly an art. I'm storing your insight in the back of my mind as a reminder on future dates until I fully internalize how to relax, have fun, and escalate at the same time.