Need advice please

[Nn877]

Hey guys, little background: dated this girl about a year, everything was great but we started to have differences and she wanted more than I could give. Broke up and I went NC for a month in half, whole time was horrible for me couldn't sleep I had thoughts of regret cause I was the one who broke it off. Kept ignoring her calls, texts, pics of us she would send.

I finally gave in and responded I know probably shouldn't have. She bombarded me with lengthy miss you, your touch, dates, sex, etc messages. I've been keeping my texts to minimum and not responding in a timely manner or showing major signs of missing her.

So what I'm confused about is she just keeping me available or is she genuine? I recently asked to meet up she had plans already so I waved it off as next time, Sunday morning I wake up to three missed calls at 3am. I didn't text her all day seeing if she would apologize or give reason for the calls but nothing, finally texted her and she barely mentioned them. I feel like I'm in this limbo state, I do still want to sleep with her and be an adult about the situation but it's hard to gauge what's her motive. This forum has been really helpful and I'm glad I found it. Thanks for any help!

 

[user name]

this limbo state you speak of is a state of not being in control.

you were in control by going NC but you lost that control when you kept on responding despite her flaking on your offer to meet and after she drunk texted you at 3am.

the ball is firmly in her court now because she knows you are still interested and she can have you any time she wants.

there may be life in this, there may not be - but in the meantime the only way you are going to take control is by pursuing other options and forgetting about her.

if she does contact you again make sure you set concrete boundaries by telling her which direction you are going to take this in or that this relationship is over. One or the other. none of this inbetween business.

 

[Nn877]

Confused

Thanks for the reply man, yeah I effed up cutting the nc, few convos we've had has usually had sex in the topic, (our sex life was great) I do need to be upfront, she says all this nostalgia crap but hasn't initiated a solid lets meet or I want to see you, which kinda threw me off. She didn't flake on me she already had plans ahead of time. Control is a b*tch once it's not in ur court, that feeling is ****ty.

 

[user name]

Thanks for the reply man, yeah I effed up cutting the nc, few convos we've had has usually had sex in the topic, (our sex life was great) I do need to be upfront, she says all this nostalgia crap but hasn't initiated a solid lets meet or I want to see you, which kinda threw me off. She didn't flake on me she already had plans ahead of time. Control is a b*tch once it's not in ur court, that feeling is ****ty.

what was the 'more' she wanted that you couldn't give?

 

[john1234]

YOU BROKE NO CONTACT AFTER 2 DAYS!?:cuss:

 

[Nn877]

Well it was more of commitment issues, I got burned pretty badly in prior relationship so I always told her I wasn't ready for a full blown serious relationship, after 6 months she wanted to meet my parents and I wasn't ready for that. Her interest was peaked very high at one point, had her driving 2 hours to come see me. I felt like I started turning beta and walked away. But it's been really hard to shake her, and our sex was amazing. I feel like I just can't go back into nc, the effect had already been diminished now.


NC broke after 1.5 months, we were together for abt 10 months.

 

[user name]

Well it was more of commitment issues, I got burned pretty badly in prior relationship so I always told her I wasn't ready for a full blown serious relationship, after 6 months she wanted to meet my parents and I wasn't ready for that. Her interest was peaked very high at one point, had her driving 2 hours to come see me. I felt like I started turning beta and walked away. But it's been really hard to shake her, and our sex was amazing. I feel like I just can't go back into nc, the effect had already been diminished now.


NC broke after 1.5 months, we were together for abt 10 months.

ok. you've already banged, it sounds like she's more invested in this relationship than you are. i honestly don't know why you are giving your power away.

be cool, assume she's interested and get on with your life. it will only be a matter of time before she comes running again.

 

[Nn877]

Yeah you're right, I think it has more to do with me not spinning plates ATM. Making my focus on her. Thanks for the replies.

 

[Nn877]

Update

So since our text exchange following her drunk missed calls On Sunday, it's been radio silence, and I'm fighting the urge to not text some stupid sh*t. Word to the wise once NC is snapped unless you have emotions removed, has been a huge regret.
My advice to any guys in NC, hold strong and let the pain flow til it's numb. I feel like just having communication open with her now, has set me back big time. I want to text her but don't want to come off as needy, when she doesn't text I'm trippin, most likely I'm over analyzing all this but nonetheless it's affecting me. Wish I would of found this site long time ago. Staying strong and witholding any contact unless she contacts me.

 

[user name]

Yup. doesn't matter what you text, whatever you text will subtextually scream - 'I NEED YOU!!!!'

Truth is though, you do need her. So that is something that needs to be addressed. Cos if it ain't addressed now, it's only gonna happen again further down the line. YOur problem isn't this girl. It's your neediness.

 

[Nn877]

Yeah I don't know where this neediness came from, it's crazy because in the beginning I was alpha. Went out with my boys, didn't give her much attention, went on trips, etc but once my feelings grew so did my neediness. I need to address this.

 

[user name]

Yeah I don't know where this neediness came from, it's crazy because in the beginning I was alpha. Went out with my boys, didn't give her much attention, went on trips, etc but once my feelings grew so did my neediness. I need to address this.

It happens. It doesn't matter where it comes from. Only that you are aware that it's there. once you're aware:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkJqKOb0ZhY

 

[Nn877]

Kaiser soze def wouldn't be tripping abt this **** lol