Need advice on this girl (long)

[lazybuttalented]

First off I just want to say I'm new to this but I've read past threads and I feel like I could get some good advice here.

There's this girl that I work with and for the past month or so I had been texting and spending time with her. Last week however out of absolutely nowhere she pulled the "right now I only see you as a friend". I was not expecting this as everything was going great up to this point.

A little background on this situation..
I got her number from my friend who also works with me and we began texting. We were texting everyday all day (I know, big mistake there). But the texting was mutual. It wasnt like I was the one always texting her (it was split 50/50). She would always text me if I didnt text her first, and we would always send goodmorning and goodnight texts. There was plenty of sexting going on and I got numerous sexy pics from her. She even brought up sexual fantasies and we texted about that.
We did meet up in person like 4 times. One of those times she had me cook for her at my place (her idea, and she said its a date ). But I psyched myself out and didnt make a move (Definitely should have, chances were there). Another time was a double date with her and my friend and his gf. That went well and my friend (always trying to do things for me) asked her if I couldve held her hand, made a move etc... She said I could have if I wanted to.

But just last week she gave me the "right now I only see you as a friend" speech. Again I did not see this coming and I told her that I thought everything was going fine but I can't just be friends with her. She asked if I was giving her two options. 1)We date or 2) We cant be friends. She also said that things were going fine but I shouldnt expect a relationship. I didnt answer the question and stopped texting. At work though she came up to me and we talked (random stuff like nothing was going on). and when I got out of work she had texted me that she hopes I have a good weekend and to text her. I didn't. But the next night she texted me trying to get my attention (text was like Jackkkkk). I did end up texting her late Sunday and we texted a few times monday. But at work I keep catching her staring at me, several times. and we even held eye contact for a little bit. I distanced myself and she thought I was cold shouldering her and called me out on it. I told her I'm not ignoring her but I can't see her as just a friend and never will. She said I'm a great guy but not the guy for her. Needless to say I told her we can still talk and hangout but that she knows how I feel about her. I still catch her staring at me and I'm just really confused what happened. Plus is there anyway I can get her interested in me again?

I know this long so I recap HAHA..
-She would spend time with me and most of the time it was her that had asked me
-sent me sexy pics (good amount)
-sexted kinky stuff to each other
-would text me goodmorning, goodnight. and would start half of the texts
-she had me send a pic of myself to her (Shirtless)
-Days before the "just friends speech" she tried to get me to send her a dic pic
-I still catch her staring at me ( I try to act like Im not paying attention)

TBH I think I lost her interest because I made myself to available, and came across as needy/clingy (I'm really not any of those). I know I shouldn't have texted her as much as I did, and I definitely should not have told her my feelings so soon.
Is there a way I can get her to see me how she did in the beginning? I know it would take time and I wont get hung up on this one girl but I would like to know if down the road I can try again.
How do I do it?

 

[DonJuanit0]

There's this girl that I work with and for the past month or so I had been texting and spending time with her. Last week however out of absolutely nowhere she pulled the "right now I only see you as a friend". I was not expecting this as everything was going great up to this point.

Chick from work, BAD!

You obviously were too late! For the past month you've been texting, went out, came to your place and you did nothing! When were you supposed to make your move?

All this talking leads to something really annoying, becoming an emotional tampon! You said you understand that you shouldn't talk that much, then don't! It only makes sense now that she told you that!

But just last week she gave me the "right now I only see you as a friend" speech. Again I did not see this coming and I told her that I thought everything was going fine but I can't just be friends with her. She asked if I was giving her two options. 1)We date or 2) We cant be friends. She also said that things were going fine but I shouldnt expect a relationship. I didnt answer the question and stopped texting.

Good job there! I would have replied something like, "it's not some kind of game to give you 2 options, it's just that I can't see you as a friend!"

At work though she came up to me and we talked (random stuff like nothing was going on). and when I got out of work she had texted me that she hopes I have a good weekend and to text her. I didn't. But the next night she texted me trying to get my attention (text was like Jackkkkk). I did end up texting her late Sunday and we texted a few times monday. But at work I keep catching her staring at me, several times. and we even held eye contact for a little bit. I distanced myself and she thought I was cold shouldering her and called me out on it. I told her I'm not ignoring her but I can't see her as just a friend and never will. She said I'm a great guy but not the guy for her. Needless to say I told her we can still talk and hangout but that she knows how I feel about her. I still catch her staring at me and I'm just really confused what happened. Plus is there anyway I can get her interested in me again?

It makes perfect sense that when we lose someone that we are used to talk all the time, we will miss him! So did she, you have to count on that, this is your game now. She is missing all that, she has to understand that the only way to get this back is by being with you, not as a friend. (of course I am not suggesting if you get in a LTR, become her emotional tampon afterwards)

You shouldn't tell her that you can still hang out or talk! I don't say you shouldn't do it, but you shouldn't actually say it to her! Try to understand what will make her feel better and do the opposite! Sounds mean, well it is! You want her to feel that loss now!

-She would spend time with me and most of the time it was her that had asked me
-sent me sexy pics (good amount)
-sexted kinky stuff to each other
-would text me goodmorning, goodnight. and would start half of the texts
-she had me send a pic of myself to her (Shirtless)
-Days before the "just friends speech" she tried to get me to send her a dic pic

Despite all that, and I only mean the kinky staff, cause all the rest means nothing, you done nothing! How can you kinky talk with a girl, get alone and yet don't make a move? Why hesitate?

TBH I think I lost her interest because I made myself to available, and came across as needy/clingy (I'm really not any of those, I was on disability during most of this). I know I shouldn't have texted her as much as I did, and I definitely should not have told her my feelings so soon.
Is there a way I can get her to see me how she did in the beginning? I know it would take time and I wont get hung up on this one girl but I would like to know if down the road I can try again.
How do I do it?

You lost her interest because you never made your move! You just EGO boosted her and gave her 0 action! Of course you shouldn't have texted her so much, and what do you mean, told her about your feelings? It's always right to SHOW your interest and make your move. Less talk, more action! I hope you didn't say anything like "I love you" or any other nonsense.

How do you do it, you've joined another game now! Which is more difficult, she could easily be in another castle by now and that's why you got all that! What you should do is, make her understand her loss and give her little things to hang on to. Step by step, work your attraction and MAKE YOUR MOVE! If she resists again or acts like surprised, let's say when you are two alone in your place again, tell her that you should not talk/meet any more! (She will feel what she felt now that you ignore her and will respond to that)

It might take a little time though, don't expect this to work if you give her the cold shoulder for 5-6 days! And again, she could always be in a an another castle by now and you just lost! Don't fall from the sky!

 

[DonJuanit0]

double post

 

[jafyk]

double post

Thought the name said Don Janitor for a min, lol.

 

[jafyk]

Ok, to the OP your situation is pretty much explained like the first guy who responded stated.
Anyway, I think you have 2 options and I would really suggest you pick option 1.

Option 1
You always have to play by your own rules. This means being the leader and directing where you want things to go with you and the girl involved. In this case you've blown it and considering that there are a million other girls out there and your relationship with her (a girl from work) was risky to begin with why would you spend the time and effort trying to fix this. I would diagnose that you have a case of ONE-itis. Which is something that's strongly detrimental to your goals to grow and generally frowned upon on this site. I believe this attempt to win this girl over might not motivate you to meet other girls out there. I would say walk away and learn from the experience.

Option 2
Ignore the girl. This is generally the worst thing you can do to a girl. After a while on your own terms casually let her know of an event and invite her out. After said event (assuming it's not at your place to begin with) invite her back to yours create the right mood + kino and then make your move. If she's not buying it then I would suggest one of two things. kick her out and if you choose to do this then it means you and her are done for good you move on. In some cases when you kick her out she may try to come back right away or shortly after leaving your house. If she doesn't come back well it's over move on. The 2nd option is too play it cool and act like it's no big deal. Then some time after that when she contacts you you tell her you have no interest in her and she needs to move on. This way you are getting rid of her on your own terms. If she repeatedly keeps trying to reconnect with you. It could be a genuine attempt or her trying to regain control. Ignore her a lil bit more and ask her to prove she's not BSing you again. Then invite her for something else. Ask her to come pick you up at your place. Make a move on her if she's genuine I believe she will give in. If she's playing games simply kick her out again. At least you are at home and it's not like you had to go meet her somewhere. You could also do it the reverse way. She picks you up you go to where you are both headed. When she drops you off you invite her in and make the move. I believe the first option of inviting her in before you go to your scheduled date is a faster way to see if she's for real or not and save your time. Then again if you pick that option you might come across as just being all about the sex. It's your call but remember there are tons of women out there.

 

[lazybuttalented]

Yea I know, I feel incredibly stupid that I didn’t make a move. As for telling her my feelings I didn’t say “I love you” I just told her I really liked her and wanted to be with her.
What you should do is, make her understand her loss and give her little things to hang on to. Step by step, work your attraction and MAKE YOUR MOVE!

How should I go about this then? What little things do I give her to hang on to? Again, I work with her, and I see her a lot but not close enough to talk. Does her staring at me indicate anything?

I know it’ll take time and I won’t give her the cold shoulder (not that kind of guy).

As for Jafyk, you’re right, I do have a case of ONE-itis. This has happened to me in the past and it sucks. I don’t want to be stuck on this ONE girl but all Im asking is if/how I can get her interested again. There was definitely a spark there but I just took to long…

BTW, idk if this changes anything at all but when I told her I “can’t just be friends” I also told her that when she realizes she wants something more between us that she knows how to get a hold of me.

 

[:-)]

OP - i was in exactly the same position as you not long ago. we were emailing each other at work every day but i didnt make no moves. and then i went and told her how i felt about her but said she only liked me as a friend. But even after that she seemed keen and was texting and stuff until i told her this wasn't good as she had a bfriend all that time to which she said she'd have to make her mind up. then a week later she said we could only be friends..

I came here and read every thing i could find and pulled back from her. was polite with her but didnt give her any more attention. I did notice her vying for my attention but i ruined it by asking her out again only for her to say no. Lol.

So i pulled back even more. it got her hamster going again but i knew that this was going nowhere. She's gone now which is good. it was a nightmare when she was there every day. especially when she was going out with other guys in another dept. i like to think she was doing that to make my hamster mad. makes me sleep better at night.

 

[DonJuanit0]

Yea I know, I feel incredibly stupid that I didn’t make a move. As for telling her my feelings I didn’t say “I love you” I just told her I really liked her and wanted to be with her.
What you should do is, make her understand her loss and give her little things to hang on to. Step by step, work your attraction and MAKE YOUR MOVE!

How should I go about this then? What little things do I give her to hang on to? Again, I work with her, and I see her a lot but not close enough to talk. Does her staring at me indicate anything?

Don't start the conversations or be the first to message her! Wait for her to do it! If she wants to hang out, say you are busy and maybe some other time you could arrange something! For example

-you are free today?
-I'm afraid I have some plans for today but maybe some other day, we'll talk! (don't give her an exact day)

She probably looks at you exactly because she is feeling that she is losing you and wants you to react! Don't... No one ever look subconsciously!

Don't talk for long, be busy! You have more things to do in your life rather than deal with someone who doesn't want the same things as you do!

 

[PoZest]

I think strange how she was sending you pics and sexting and then says you are not the guy for her. Doesn't she just want an F buddy, but thinks you wanting a relationship put pressure on the whole thing?
Seems she just isn't ready to commit thats all. I would just go back to sexting with her again and flirting, but I think it was the way you didn't make a move when she was at your house that put her off. You didn't take control and she probably assumed you weren't a very 'sexual being' which put her off a little. Back off for now, sure. But if she does initiate talking again, you should just assume she wants you sexually because she clearly did in the first place.
Just be less interested and make sure most of your texting is flirting, don't bring up wanting to be with her, she's not ready for that, not for a long time. Plates though. Seek more.

 

[lazybuttalented]

So what happens if she texts me just to text? because that's what she does or did. I usually don't check my phone that much, but like I said before when we were texting I was doing it wayyy to much and it did feel dragged out at times.

@PoZestThat's exactly what I thought and why I'm so confused about this. Just days before the "friends" talk we were sexting and even the day before it happened she was somewhat flirty at work. She got out of a LTR like 5 months before we started up. She did bring up a couple weeks ago she doesn't think shes ready for something serious and said that's why shes hesitant about committing to just someone. She told me I can't force something that's not there, even though she was usually the one that started the sexting or would keep it going when I started it.

I know, me not making a move was a big mistake (looking back there's no doubt the signs were there). So I should keep my distance. Not contact her. Should I give her some attention while at work? (like making eye contact, that sort of thing).
I will look elsewhere in the mean time, I just want to try and keep the door open for the future.