Need advice on GF problems

[bilboteabaggins]

hey guys, just need to vent here, need advice

im 28, been dating a 18 year old girl for the past 7 weeks, absolutely love her, too much sooo to be honest, she has had a really troubled past, never had a stable home life, a wrecked family, 3 years ago she moved in with a 25 year old guy that she liked and his family, the guy ended up being a complete psycho, abusive to her physically and emotionally, stold her money, threaten to kill her, stalked her even, she moved out a couple times to date other guys and always ended up going right back, anyways to make the story short she moved out about a week before we started seeing each other, it has gotten really bad lately, he is stalking her and contacting her constantly, even at her place of work, she is scared to death of him, even got a new phone to keep him from contacting her, she was up front and honest with me about all of this

the part that gets me here is that after I have been told all of this and have been wanting to honestly throw this guy a beating I come to find out that in the past week when she has had car trouble a couple times who did she call to come to her for help? not me or anyone I know but the psycho *******, she says she called him blocked on her new phone because she couldn't get anyone else, I accidentally found this out thru a friend, she didn't tell me about this, confronted her about it and have had some big problems ever since

it just doesn't sit right with me at all, she has sworn to me up and down that nothing even happened between him and her, she lived with him all this time and they never even dated, she talked to him for a short while and thats it, after that she was stuck there but was still friends with him and all

what would you guys think about this?

 

[Iceberg]

What do I think about this?

I think you've been dating a girl for less than 2 months, and your life already sounds like a Jerry Springer episode.

I think it's kind of pathetic. And I don't think a man should live this way.

I'm not even interested in the girl's ex (or friend, whatever he is). It's just sad that you've only dated a girl for 7 weeks and you're involved in all this crap. I know people who have been together for 7 years that don't have to deal with this type of crap....let alone 7 weeks.

So you can get mad at the girl if you want, but I blame you. This is your fault. This girl is waving a flag that says "I'm f**king crazy and my life is sh1tty." and you're trying to play the role of Captain Save-a-H0e. You put yourself in this position. Not her. And it's up to you to change things, and get yourself out of it.

 

[bilboteabaggins]

thanks for the advice bud, harsh but possibly reality lol

 

[Colossus]

Poor choice in women dude. Plain and simple.

She is too young, too abused, and too volatile. Leave her now for your own well being. She will wreck your life if you stick around i can promise you that.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Went through something very similar a few months ago. I'm 32 and she was 23 and a very troubled girl. The whole turned into a mess, and it was clear to me that she was beyond repair and hellbent on dragging me down into her crap.

I was very attracted to the girl, but I had to do what was best for me. Leave her and don't look back. Do it for your own good.

Besides, she is way too young for you. You live in different worlds and the fact that she's still in touch with the nutjob ex means that he still has her in his grip. Walk away... no run away as fast as you can.

 

[PokerStar]

it was clear to me that she was beyond repair and hellbent on dragging me down into her crap.

two questions come to mind...

1. So, if for example this girl was slightly damaged, how are you able to repair?

2. Do we, as men sub consciously look to repair any damage?

 

[Iceberg]

thanks for the advice bud, harsh but possibly reality lol

Not trying to be harsh. Just being real.

You've been dating a girl for a few weeks and you're already talking about her unstable home life, some 25 year old guy she moved in with, a stalker, and her lies about staying in contact with the guy.

It just looks like you were desperately lonely before you met this girl, so now you're holding onto her for dear life, because you can't bare to be single again.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

two questions come to mind...

1. So, if for example this girl was slightly damaged, how are you able to repair?

2. Do we, as men sub consciously look to repair any damage?

Most of us have a nurturing side. When we get close to someone and have feelings for them, it's pretty easy to want to help them and make things better for them.

We do this out of the kindness of our hearts, as human beings. When the girl in question truly doesn't "get it" and instead continues to behave the same way with no overt desire to change and grow, and in may ways is in love with her "situation", the desire for us to do good and help can overtake our own wellbeing. "love blinders" as they are called. It's that fatherly, protective instinct.

It takes a lot of strength and maturity to be able to really step out, when feelings run deep, and do what's best for you.

You can't love anyone more than you can love yourself. The second you start living for someone else, loving them more than you love you, and get pulled into their sh!t, you will find pain and unhappiness. (the only exceptions are of course, any kids you may have.)

Girls like this are deeply rooted in their issues. They love it. It feels real and it's their way of feeling alive. Most people go through life literally banging into things. It's the only way they can get a sense of reality. Pain, anger, sadness, grief are all very real and in a sick way, very addictive. Beware of these people.... They will have more energy than you and pull you in... you can't pull them out of it... they have to do that for themselves.

 

[Noodles]

im 28, been dating a 18 year old girl for the past 7 weeks, absolutely love her, too much sooo to be honest

Okay. Let me ask one question. Is this the first girl you've slept with? I can find no other reason for this over reaction on your part.

3 years ago she moved in with a 22 year old guy that she liked and his family

When she was 15...she moved in with a 25 year old guy... Is that legal in your country? In the UK that would get the police involved. That's pretty weird.

the guy ended up being a complete psycho, abusive to her physically and emotionally, stold her money, threaten to kill her, stalked her even

So she told you...

always ended up going right back

Does this woman just date people to have somewhere to live?

she moved out about a week before we started seeing each other

So she only split from him 8 weeks ago...after 3 (weird) years together. And that seems fine?

Now...this bit should interest you:

even got a new phone to keep him from contacting her

She gets a new phone...and yet:

who did she call to come to her for help? not me or anyone I know but the psycho *******

She's got his number on a the new phone. Seems odd, don't you think? Get a new phone for the sole reason of not allowing him to contact her. And then put his number in it...

I accidentally found this out thru a friend, she didn't tell me about this

And yet she's telling her mates about this? Or your mates are friends with his? This is all weird...

what would you guys think about this?

You can't see what's in front of your face. She's into him, not you. You're one of those guys she 'dates' for a while during an argument with him, so she can live with you (I bet she's staying at your place some nights, right?).

Man up and move on. Whilst you can still look at yourself in the mirror.

 

[vatoloco]

what would you guys think about this?

I think you chose wrong.

 

[AW1983]

Have to agree with everyone else. I dated one of these when I was younger and much more naive, thinking in the beginning "I can help her", and still had the sense to drop her after a month and a half. You are a stand-in my friend.

Beware any girl who tells you how terrible and psycho their ex's were.

"have been wanting to honestly throw this guy a beating". Yup I was there too and almost did it but my rational side kept me in check. These troubled girls love that type of drama and the boost their fragile near-non-existent ego gets from having males go caveman and fight over them. Don't play into it. Walk.

EDIT: Btw, I felt that ridiculously strong attachment (what you're calling "love") at first too. Realized very quickly it was entirely infatuation, as you will too. These types specialize in eliciting the strong "protector" mentality from guys, but they don't deserve it for a second.

 

[Zunder]

It aint your job to fix a broken bytch.

 

[backbreaker]

28, been dating a 18 year old girl for the past 7 weeks,

that's seriously all i had to read.

you are dating a child. children do child like things.

i would NEVER date a girl that is not at least, at the very least, 21 and that's pushing it, seriously. sport fvck yes, date hell no

 

[Desdinova]

Is it wise to move into a house that's in the process of burning to the ground? HELL NO. You run the fvck away from it and let someone else deal with the problem.

Ditch her. Her problems will become your problems. But if you like having problems, headaches, and a psycho dumbass GF, then she's your soulmate.

 

[Boilermaker]

I mostly agree with everyone else.

But something tells me you are not going to NC and cut her off.

So here's my palliative suggestion: Be as aloof as you can, don't be a drama queen, and try to see her less. If she had genuine attraction for you ( as she had for the ALPHA stalker) you wouldn't get caught up in this mess anyway.

Treat the root cause, she's not really that into you. Make that happen and maybe the "fantasy" stalker will disappear on its own.

Best,

 

[Boilermaker]

that's seriously all i had to read.

you are dating a child. children do child like things.

i would NEVER date a girl that is not at least, at the very least, 21 and that's pushing it, seriously. sport fvck yes, date hell no

There's nothing wrong with dating younger women if you know what you are doing. And honestly, it's better to be with someone who's older than you. I'd rather date a child than an experienced cougar with a power struggle...

Come on, BB , just because your missus is older than you.. don't be so self-serving haha

 

[backbreaker]

There's nothing wrong with dating younger women if you know what you are doing. And honestly, it's better to be with someone who's older than you. I'd rather date a child than an experienced cougar with a power struggle...

Come on, BB , just because your missus is older than you.. don't be so self-serving haha

i have no problem dating yong women. but an 18 year old is a child.

there is nothing you can possibly have in common with an 18 year old once ou have lived in the real world for 10-20 years. the only thing you can have in common is sex.

In reality, 18-21 year old females are the worst value in all of dating. too much work for too little in return. theyn't know ****, they don't offer anything in return besides a tight poon (hopefully), they have no money, and most are still in high school mode as far as their dating thoughts. yet because they are at their physical prime, every pumps up their heads and they think they are worth more than what they are.

i will take a 22-24 year old ovfer a 18-21 year 8 days a week

i'm all for sport fvcking, but i just could not take a girl that young seriously.

I don't claim to be perfect. I am me. that's just part of me. can't do it.

 

[3countriesPlan]

ok, you must be really digging her because she is 18 right. Ok, so five yourself a pat on the back for still being able to pick up an 18 year old. Unfortunately you are placing too much value on this stuff. How do I know? Cause I was meeting a bunch of 18-20 year olds myself for awhile but then you realize they, for the most part are nowhere as good as a girl between 23-29. Check your ego on this one, and just next her and replace with a stable girl who is a few years older and mature enough not to make retarded decisions that lead to drama.

 

[Desdinova]

I think it all depends on what you're in it for. When I was 24 and looking for the woman I wanted to start a family with, I couldn't stand dating women who were younger than 22. They were too wild and not serious about their futures. Now here I am at age 33 with a terminated marriage. I'm not looking for family anything, just someone to have fun with. Women in their early 20s have suddenly become incredibly appealing: they don't want to settle down yet and they don't have their fvcking biological clock ticking at 30000 decibels. In other words, exactly what I want in a woman at this point in my life.

The vibe I'm getting in the OP's post is that he wants to be serious about this girl whom he's in love with. You can't take a woman seriously if she's not even close to thinking about her future. She's going to fly by the wings on her pantyliners and do whatever the fvck she feels like. There is NO POINT in trying to tame a woman who is barely an adult.

You're not there to be her fvcking parent, you're there to be her BF. If her parent(s) were stupid enough to let her move in with some random guy at age 15, then she's going to be just as stupid and fvck her own life up. This woman is extremely low quality and not worth the juice that flows from her pu55y.

 

[Boilermaker]

i have no problem dating yong women. but an 18 year old is a child.

there is nothing you can possibly have in common with an 18 year old once ou have lived in the real world for 10-20 years. the only thing you can have in common is sex.

In reality, 18-21 year old females are the worst value in all of dating. too much work for too little in return. theyn't know ****, they don't offer anything in return besides a tight poon (hopefully), they have no money, and most are still in high school mode as far as their dating thoughts. yet because they are at their physical prime, every pumps up their heads and they think they are worth more than what they are.

i will take a 22-24 year old ovfer a 18-21 year 8 days a week

actually now that I think about it, you are right. I am with a (just turned) 20-year old, and all of what you are saying is very, gravely accurate.
I had a 4-5 year old adventure with an older chick and all she was doing was to push her marriage mentality down my throat, and I thought that once I would find a younger one all my problems would be solved. I was very wrong.

First of all, my new gf talks about marriage left and right ( while openly acknowledging that caging me is going to take a ton of effort, if at all possible), and all she offers is her high school mentality, ultra-submissive agreeable personality and , yes, good sex

At least she's not a nuisance in my life, and right now I am focused on other things in my life, career, chess, so on.. so I overlook these problems.

But overall, you are very right.