Need advice how repair new relationship that gone bad

[Alpha-A]

I need advice for how to repair a relationship with a girl that I just met and we had a flying wonderful start. It's only a 2 minute read.

Background facts:

I first met this girl that I'm interested in in a club a few times. We said hello to each other since we have some common friends. One night after hard partying I took her with me to a friend’s after party with some other people. I noticed she was really attracted to me and I went home with her and we had sex and a romantic time. (Not my best sexual performance I must admit).

Since we had sex the first time we got to know each other she might have been embarrassed or felt ashamed. So I called up the next day and asked her out for dinner. I then took her to the best restaurant in town. She (and I) had a lovely time.

She had to go up early so I drove her home. (She really did work early the next day)

I got good responses the next couple of times we met or talked on the phone or by text messages. And after two days I took her to a lovely park and brought my picnic bag filled with strawberries and Champagne! I even took a break from my job to do this. She was shining of happiness! So far she's so in to me and everything seems good. (Although I'm thinking that it might be too much for her if I continue to go over the top all the time). We had sex another time. Once again I could have done better, but at this time she is so interested in me so I don’t think this is a major issue.

Everything seems as usual for the next times we talk or see each other, but then the problem started.

We were out one night and she seemed distant. The next day she had planned to go away 4 days with some friends for vacation. I sent her two mobile messages but she didn't answer them. On the third night on her vacation I saw her out (coz we were in the same area for vacation) and I tell her that I'm disappointed at her and won’t accept this behaviour. At that time I also have a girl with me that made her somewhat jealous she told me later. She tells me she is going to call me the next day.

A few day passes and I see her again and I tell her that this is hopeless. She says she has been sick and had bad conscious about not calling me. And the reason she didn't call me when she was away was because she had changed phone. Which was true (but she could have got my number from elsewhere, but I didn't want to pick on her too much). And she tells me she didn’t like to see me with that other girl, even though I clearly explained we were only friends.

We agree it’s mostly a misunderstanding although I tell her I won’t accept these kind of trouble again. But we hug, kisses, and become friends again. But for the next 7-10 days (until this date) she has been less and less interested in answering my phone calls and hasn't even called me once for I think a week now. When I have seen her out she has been kinda warm to me and we have kissed she doesn’t seem in love. The other day she asked if she could call me that night, but she didn't make that call.

Yesterday I friend of her tried to call me twice (I looked up the number) but I was busy and didn’t answer.

She has been in longer relationships before so that’s not a problem. My only guess with what went wrong is that she might think that it has gone to quickly and therefore she lost interest almost totally.

How do I repair this relationship?

Please answer these questions:

1. Should I call her up or wait until she calls me up or I see her in the club? I think it's obvious that I don't ever call her again if she doesn't contact me first.

2. If she contact me by phone or I see her out, have should I react?

3. The next time I come in contact with her friends, what shall I do?

I'll be very glad for all serious responses!

//Alpha-A

 

[OneEyedJack]

You are acting needy and slightly possessive. She isn't your girlfriend, but you are acting like she is. She might be getting creepy vibes from you, so be careful there.

1) It is possible that her interest level in you is lower than you think. Let her call you.

2) If she calls you up, you should react like nothing happened and that you aren't bothered by it.

3) When come in contact with her her friends, you should act COOL and composed. Any subject to do with the girl should be deflected away, and shuld not be engaged.

-Jon

 

[jophil28]

These are SOME of the characteristics in men which trigger attraction in women.

Mystery which creates intrigue.
Unconntrollable and unpredictable behavior.
Independence and self -sufficiency
A personality which is cool and and stable.
Slightly arrogant -sometimes aloof.
A cutting sense of humor.
An expectation that other treat HIM well.

I could go on --

Do you get any clues about your situation from this list ?

 

[theunflushables]

Let's say you crash your car, and the damage almost cost what you paid for the damn thing, you'd just go get a new car right? Yeah, go find a new woman, I don't think this one can be salvaged.

But the good news is if you're new to here, read the DJ Bible study it and practice it and in no time you'll be peelin' panties left and right.

 

[EFFORT]

Let's say you crash your car, and the damage almost cost what you paid for the damn thing, you'd just go get a new car right? Yeah, go find a new woman, I don't think this one can be salvaged.

But the good news is if you're new to here, read the DJ Bible study it and practice it and in no time you'll be peelin' panties left and right.

good advice. With women there isn't any "going back and fixing it" Hit the field and meet new women.

 

[Alpha-A]

I knew I would get a lot of "go and find a new girl, she's crap". Some guys are like that, but I like to stick with someone who I like, because my standard is extremely high so it's hard to find many matches. Any way, thanks for the advices so far.

Let me add some new facts to make the case clearer.

1. I'm very much an Alpha-male when it comes to her friends. I am the dominant guy if she has guy friends around. And I'm pretty attractive when you ask at least some of her girlfriends.

2. Since she acted jealously that one night I was with another girl, it's clear she is possessive as well, that would make it easier for me to be possessive without looking to possessive, right? That's how I figured it, but correct me if you think I missed something.

3. [EDITED and added] The times where we seen each other and I have told her she has behaved badly and unacceptable, she had been the one that had to apologize or sort of. I have been the one that have said something like or got her the feeling like "you better behave if you want to be with me", and she have accepted.

4. [EDITED and added] Since I am not longer calling her, that is also me letting go and she can hardly find me possessive any longer IF she thought so before.

This is how I see it from the best of my ability, but surely I can be wrong.

OneEyedJack, the reply you gave was my first idea. But from reading dating stuff on the internet, it seems like it is time to punish bad behavior. And that is also what I seems better. But continue with the feedback!

 

[Alpha-A]

I have been analyzing your critique I bit further and tried to judge myself.

I have been possessive, but not overly so yet I think. The most possessive things would probably by the things she have enjoyed the most, like the picnic and the dinner. I mean, what girl doesn't want to call up her girlfriends the next day and tell her that she found a girl like that!? I think that's a solid strategy.

Most of the times when we were both out and we talked to meet up she had been like, "oh yes please, we must meet up soon".

And the time when she got jealous also speaks less for that she thinks I'm TOO possessive.

So what remains? I know she have been sending messages to her old boy friend, but he's a geek and I don't see any sparks when they meet.

I rather hear your guesses now.

Thanks!

 

[Alpha-A]

More info:

A few days ago I just called her and said I want to come by her place and give her something.

I drove to her place and realized she was outside her place just getting home with here bicycle, there and gave her the thing a wanted to give to her. A kiss!

I saw her approving smile EVEN though... hold your horses... she pointed at a women a few yards away, and said, "this is my mom, we have just been out on a ride". She wasn't embarresed or anything like that.

When we were alone afterwards I asked if she thought it had been an akward moment (yeah, I know, you shouldn't even ask those questions) but she said, "no not at all, why should it have been?"

I think I'll shut up for a moment and let someone else write me a comment instead. And if you like to give advice, please give me the source, like it's from the "Mystery Method", or it's from "The Game" and so on...

The world would have been so much easier, and for some people happier, without love feelings!

 

[On Point]

Here's my two cents.

In the begining things were going good but you did a little too much too fast, as far as the expensive dinner and the picnic, etc. That's all good but pace yourself. She started to pull back a little and you got clingy and possessive. The fact that she was possessive too doesn't matter- when you're possessive it won't be attractive to her, and we're not worrying about your attraction to her.

You definately sound like you have oneitus and you're letting some insecurity show. Keep dating other woman to combat the oneitus and try and let things proceed at a slower pace with her. Your reasons for not seeing anyone else just sound like excuses.

It sounds like you've met someone you really like, so good luck!

 

[On Point]

Oh, I also wanted to say when you're confronting her on stuff and she's saying she's sorry not to read too much into that. She may just be trying to calm you down and diffuse the situation. If her behavior repeats then she isn't sorry. Most women don't like very direct conflict.

 

[Alpha-A]

On Point, I totally agree with you!

I think that is the only fair analysis we can do and it is probably the right one.

When you say possessive, it sounds like I wanted to make her do this and that. But we are on the same level if possessive, in this case, means going a bit to fast.

But question remains, what to do now? It's obvious that I should never ever call her again unless she calls me. So...

1. What to do if she calls me?
2. If she doesn't call me, what should I do when I meet her, let's say, in a club?

Thanks again for analyzing!

 

[EFFORT]

I knew I would get a lot of "go and find a new girl, she's crap". Some guys are like that, but I like to stick with someone who I like, because my standard is extremely high so it's hard to find many matches.

I never said shes crap and neither did theun. What i'm saying is you need to go into the field and work on your skills with women. As Tyler says in the foundations, you need to be good with women in general, if you were good with women in general (have lots of options, always meeting new women, etc) then you wouldn't be having this problem in the first place.

Your also coming from a very reactive place, your very needy sounding. I promise you this girl is not thinking about you. You also need to develop an abundance mindset. You should be coming from the place where its extremely easy to find my matches or everytime you find one your going to jump into a scarcity mindset since you'll think its hard to find someone else like that, then your behavior will follow that scarcity mindset (clingy, needy, possessive, wussy, afc,chode whatever you want to call it)

 

[Alpha-A]

I think I might call myself fairly good with women. I have had sex with more than 12-13 women so far this year. That's probably how many some of you do in a month but it is fair enough I would say to be catagorized in the first percentile of men.

From what I know about reading womens body language and how they react, she probably had the strongest feeling (or at least very strong) when she meet me and after the romantic things we did. That's how I read it, and I'm pretty sure about that. And now you say she don't think about me at all when I without a warning stopped getting back to her?

The last word she said was, "I know you are busy tonight, but may I call and interupt you anyway?". And I said "sure".

She didn't call me up, and haven't since. That's not a good sign, but to think that she is not thinking of me, when I also started ignoring her, is not my primary guess. But sure, you could be right.

 

[Alpha-A]

I must add that this was the first time started out a relationship with overwhelming the girl like that. But I two resons for doing that:

1. As I explained, since I have already had sex with her the first night, she would look better to her surroundings (friends, family, her own self-esteem) if I spoiled her showing I don't see her as a one-night-stand.
2. Since the things I did were out of the ordinary, she would give me credit for being someone special and not the ordinary possessive guy.

This was a new strategy from me since I liked the girl, but obviously I should have calmed it down a bit right after the start. Let her do more of the calling.

This advice is from a site I just read for females:

"Don't Do Nice Things for Them. Let Them Do Nice Things for You

If you do something nice for someone, it makes you feel good on two levels. You feel pleased with yourself and extra-warm toward the person you've just spoiled. To justify the effort or expense, we often over-idealize how wonderful he is to deserve it! End result: we like the person more. When someone does something nice for us, we're pleased. But there are a whole lot of other emotions that come into play -- and they're not all good. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed. There's pressure to live up to being the wonderful person who inspired such a gift/act, not to mention pressure to return the favor. It's all even trickier if the "nice thing" comes from someone you very much like but aren't sure about yet. Got the point? When we're infatuated with someone, we're desperate to do nice things for him. You're much better off letting him spoil you."
http://love.ivillage.com/snd/0,,qdtb-2,00.html

 

[EFFORT]

I'm pretty sure the reason your pinning over this girl is because like you said before you have high standards so finding someone to meet them is very hard. Go out into the field man and use your fairly good with women skills to meet more women that meet your standards all the time, its important to see things you want in abundance or you'll end up like you are now in this situation.

 

[EFFORT]

also don't listen to the advice from women

 

[Desdinova]

Your mistakes:

After no dates except for a casual fvck:
So I called up the next day and asked her out for dinner. I then took her to the best restaurant in town.

After two days:
I took her to a lovely park and brought my picnic bag filled with strawberries and Champagne! I even took a break from my job to do this.

The problem is that you're trying to create a relationship based on romance after being with this woman for a short amount of time. Women aren't fvcking interested in romance when they meet a guy. They want a man who stimulates their imagination, their emotions, and their sexual hunger. All you're doing is showing that you're just another typical AFC who can spend money on a woman and hope for sex afterwards. If you thought you were being different, think again. There are TONS of guys out there who do this 5hit for woman. It's boring, and it's stale.

A woman will go for a man who takes her on an emotional rollercoaster ride. The more emotionally excited you get a woman, the more she will think about you. Keeping her in one mood (sweet/romantic/happy) all the time will only make her bored.

We were out one night and she seemed distant.

She's either bored of you, or she fvcked another guy who is more exciting than you are.

I sent her two mobile messages but she didn't answer them. On the third night on her vacation I saw her out (coz we were in the same area for vacation) and I tell her that I'm disappointed at her and won’t accept this behaviour.

And who the hell are you? You're not her fvcking husband, you're some guy she hooked up with for sex and free food. You're not in a LTR with her, and you're BARELY in a STR with her. She's not going to act like your fvcking wife after you buy her some crap.

And she tells me she didn’t like to see me with that other girl, even though I clearly explained we were only friends.

Having that other girl with you was actually in your favor. Social proof works wonders if you use it properly.

When I have seen her out she has been kinda warm to me and we have kissed she doesn’t seem in love.

Of course she doesn't. You can't just turn love on and off. Love has to be slowly developed, deepened, and have value. The only value you've given her is your wallet, your attention, and your d1ck. She can get that from any guy.

How do I repair this relationship?

First, there is no "relationship", at least not how you understand it. It was casual dating. You're the one who is seeing it as a "relationship", but she obviously doesn't.

Second, since there is no relationship, there is nothing to repair. You're best off to just forget about her and move on. Oh yeah, and scroll to the bottom of this page and click on the link that says "DJ Bible". Then, take a couple of days to read the information in there.

1. Should I call her up or wait until

No. Quit calling her. Write her off as "experinece" and move on.

2. If she contact me by phone or I see her out, have should I react?

Either don't answer, or tell her that you think the both of you should see other people. If she continues to call, tell her to quit calling.

3. The next time I come in contact with her friends, what shall I do?

Nothing. It's none of their fvcking business what happens between you and her.

I knew I would get a lot of "go and find a new girl, she's crap". Some guys are like that, but I like to stick with someone who I like,

What's the fvcking point of staying with her if she isn't interested in you for long-term purposes? If she fvcked you on the first night, what makes you think she isn't fvcking other guys too?

Let me add some new facts to make the case clearer.

WTF is there to clear up? She likes fvcking strangers, she likes attention, and she doesn't want to marry you.

1. I'm very much an Alpha-male when it comes to her friends.

LMFAO!!! :crackup:
So what?

2. Since she acted jealously that one night I was with another girl, it's clear she is possessive as well,

Bull5hit. It's called "social proof", and women will get defensive if another woman is giving you attention. She'll immediately become competitive, and try to be better than the other woman, sometimes just for the sake of being better. Some women will toss you away after she has managed to chase away other women. Women are VERY competitive when it comes to each other.

I have been possessive

Yes, and you've been doing it in a desperate attempt to keep her around.

I mean, what girl doesn't want to call up her girlfriends the next day and tell her that she found a girl like that!?

Although women love to brag, that's not why they date men. They date a man because he's exciting, interesting, mysterious, and fun. If a woman wants to brag, she can go get her nails done.

I know she have been sending messages to her old boy friend,

Ah, you're the rebound guy! Makes sense. She's just fvcking you until something better comes along.

And if you like to give advice, please give me the source, like it's from the "Mystery Method", or it's from "The Game" and so on...

I'm not giving you advice from anything except from my personal experience. Although it may have roots in the DJB, Mystery, and David Deangelo, what I've done is tried and tested, and I stand behind it 100%

she probably had the strongest feeling (or at least very strong) when she meet me and after the romantic things we did.

Leave all the fvcking romance out of dating. There's no place for it. Save all that for a LTR.

1. As I explained, since I have already had sex with her the first night, she would look better to her surroundings (friends, family, her own self-esteem) if I spoiled her showing I don't see her as a one-night-stand.

That's a poor-ass excuse for wasting money on her, and I call bull5hit on that.

2. Since the things I did were out of the ordinary, she would give me credit for being someone special and not the ordinary possessive guy.

If you knew what you were doing, you would have realized that you WERE the ordinary posessive guy.

This advice is from a site I just read for females:

"Don't Do Nice Things for Them. Let Them Do Nice Things for You

And you're going to take this crap to heart? Dating advice from women is based on how they think society should behave. It has no use because there's no logic to it.

 

[theunflushables]

Yeah man, I'm not saying she's crap. I've never met her so I can't really be a judge of her charachter. All I'm saying is sometimes its best to cut your losses.

 

[Alpha-A]

So it's totally wrong to give her a positive chock by calling her the day after I fvcked her and take her to restaurant, and be different from most other one-night-standers? Check!

It's boring, stale, and a woman you have just met don't like to be taken out for a super romantic picnic even if she is overwhelmed by the idea and are flushing, and asks "when did you come up with this idea?". Of course I answered, "just now". Check!

So she is hooked up with me for free dinners, although I actually fvcked her first so she couldn't have expected anything else after that. And she have plenty of money to buy and go wherever she wants? Check!

So having that another girl with me seeing I didn't have to be dependent on herself wasn't a sign that I can go on withour her and I'm not that possessive? Check!

So she doesn't see this as a relationship at all, but she didn't blush one second while kissing for a long-time in front of her mom, and also presented me before her (she have talked about me with her on the phone before as well, so mom already heard about me)? Check!

So doing their nails give them the same sense of proudness as being dated and taken out for romantic adventures she or her friends have never been taken to before? So a big part of a women's life is not about getting that guy who do extraordinary stuff with her so that it spreads around the social circles they share? Check!

Women can never fall in love with the rebound guy even if they fell an attraction? Check!

And again, romance has nothing to do with dating at all? Check!

What I read from relationships experts is if there was this first attraction, which it obviously was, you can aways get her to be attracted to you again. And this time give her more of a rollercoster experience so I don't fvck it up again!

This is how I will do:
1. If she calls me up I will greet her and sound nice and warm on my voice as usual to open her up and make the chock effect somewhat more effective. After the usual, how are you doing, I will tell her that, "I don't like to see you romantically any more! You know what I really would like? Oh, here comes a customer/friend, I gotta go. I call you back later! Bye!"

And then I never call her back again, then SHE is the one experiencing the rollercoster!

If she doesn't call up, which seems more likely now, and I will meet her out, I will say hello to her with a big happy smile, but without touching her at all, and then pass her or ignore her like I doesn't know the person.

Then if SHE is trying to talk to me again, I will do something similiar to the phone thing. I will say, "You know what I really think? I think we really must.. Ah.. I don't like talking about this when out drinking. I'll talk to you later/tomorrow."

Anyone giving me credits for this solution? Besides the ones that believes you can never ever go back to a girl. That thinking isn't helping me right now. But a lot of thanks for the advices so far anyway!

 

[Obsidian]

the picnic in the park thing might not have been totally bad (I wouldn't do it myself so early, but you say she liked it). I just hope you didn't spend much money on the wine.

But the best restaurant in town after a ONS? Give me a break, chump. You brag about how many hors you've slept with, but you obviously know very little about how relationships really work. Listen to Desdinova. Pretty much everything he said is right on the mark. You seriously need to suck in your pride and admit that you've got some AFC tendencies. Constantly contradicting everything we post here for advice isn't going to help you with this hor.

And it sounds like you're calling this girl way too much. Just because she slept with you doesn't mean she wants to be in a relationship with you. Calling her up once every week or so (max) would be smart. But you're going way overboard.

Finally, you claim that you have these "super high standards" for your women, yet you're trying to get into relationships with hors who will do ONSs with you after first meeting you. (Like Desdinova said, what makes you think she isn't doing the same every weekend with a new guy?) Your "high standards" aren't stopping you from TOLERATING CRAP from this sorry excuse for a woman. Having high standards doesn't just mean dating good-looking babes. You have to find one that has similar interests and values, who has a high interest level and treats you with RESPECT.

Btw, read the DJ Bible. You may be an above average frustrated chump, but you obviously need some help nonetheless.