Be brutally honest with your opinions and advice please...
I've been dating my gf for the past 8 months. THings are great other than the fact I'm having these weird issues that keep occupying my mind. Can't seem to stop thinking about them. Here's the problem.
I'm 29, she's 26. Before me she's had 2 serious boyfriends, one was a year relationship, the other 3 years. There was a gap after the last relationship in which she abstained from dating and sex. Then about a year after her last break, she began to date again, but things never worked out because the guys she dated either annoyed her or just didn't interest her. Then sometime last April she met a guy in a club. He called her and she started to see him. Things didn't work out because he was more into the casual thing, which she wasn't, so she ended things at the beginning of June. I met her on July first when she was at a club in my city.
My problem is that she slept with the guy after the 4th or 5th date, about 3 weeks after she had initially met him. Not that it's a huge deal, but I never really found this out until a few months ago. In the past she always made the guys she dated wait for sex until she knew things were serious and what they were all about. This time, she thought that since she was a bit more mature and that she knew that he really liked her, it was ok in her mind to sleep with him. She feels now that it was a mistake that she made at the time since she wasn't really listening to herself. So she regrets having done that.
Anyway, my issue is that it's on my mind. I had this image of her that was kind of shattered and I really respected the fact that she made me wait(about 3 months into it, but we're long distance about 2hrs away from each other and only saw each other a couple times a month(I went to see her because I liked it better that way so I guess she she never really got to know MY world until later on) initially and about 5 times total before we started having sex, but we talked on the phone alot since we met). It really surprised me about the guy, so I would keep bringing it up every once in awhile trying to get a bit more info.
I really didn't want to know the specifics, but my curiousity got the best of me, and she is always honest about things. Now I have this stuff going through my mind. Almost as though I'm insecure because I feel like she was super attracted to him and that's why she decided to sleep with him so soon. I keep trying to think of the possible scenario that led to sex on that night. I know that her mistake made her more cautious when she met me and that's why it took us awhile longer. Also, we live 2 hrs apart, she lived with her parents at the time and so they were always home when I was visiting her(she recently bought a house so that will change), and when she was dating the other guy they would always hang out at his place so they could basically do what they wanted. We would make out quite a bit a fool around in the guest bedroom where I would stay at her parents place, but didn't end up doing more than that until later. She told me(cuz I asked, stupid me) that she only started to sleep over at the other guys house on the night that they ended up having sex for the first time. This eats me up.
Anyway, what does this all mean and why am I letting it get to me so much? I can understand that maybe she slept with him because she figured "why not" since she knew that he liked her and she knew more about him and so thought it was ok. My insecurity lies in the my wondering whether or not how long it took us to do stuff has anything to do with her level of attraction for me as compared to what she had felt for the other guy. Is this a factor?
Anyway, I really like her and I know that she's in love with me now, but I just have all these questions that pop into my head about that short relationship that they had and how fast it progressed. Advice would be much appreciated.
T.
I've been dating my gf for the past 8 months. THings are great other than the fact I'm having these weird issues that keep occupying my mind. Can't seem to stop thinking about them. Here's the problem.
I'm 29, she's 26. Before me she's had 2 serious boyfriends, one was a year relationship, the other 3 years. There was a gap after the last relationship in which she abstained from dating and sex. Then about a year after her last break, she began to date again, but things never worked out because the guys she dated either annoyed her or just didn't interest her. Then sometime last April she met a guy in a club. He called her and she started to see him. Things didn't work out because he was more into the casual thing, which she wasn't, so she ended things at the beginning of June. I met her on July first when she was at a club in my city.
My problem is that she slept with the guy after the 4th or 5th date, about 3 weeks after she had initially met him. Not that it's a huge deal, but I never really found this out until a few months ago. In the past she always made the guys she dated wait for sex until she knew things were serious and what they were all about. This time, she thought that since she was a bit more mature and that she knew that he really liked her, it was ok in her mind to sleep with him. She feels now that it was a mistake that she made at the time since she wasn't really listening to herself. So she regrets having done that.
Anyway, my issue is that it's on my mind. I had this image of her that was kind of shattered and I really respected the fact that she made me wait(about 3 months into it, but we're long distance about 2hrs away from each other and only saw each other a couple times a month(I went to see her because I liked it better that way so I guess she she never really got to know MY world until later on) initially and about 5 times total before we started having sex, but we talked on the phone alot since we met). It really surprised me about the guy, so I would keep bringing it up every once in awhile trying to get a bit more info.
I really didn't want to know the specifics, but my curiousity got the best of me, and she is always honest about things. Now I have this stuff going through my mind. Almost as though I'm insecure because I feel like she was super attracted to him and that's why she decided to sleep with him so soon. I keep trying to think of the possible scenario that led to sex on that night. I know that her mistake made her more cautious when she met me and that's why it took us awhile longer. Also, we live 2 hrs apart, she lived with her parents at the time and so they were always home when I was visiting her(she recently bought a house so that will change), and when she was dating the other guy they would always hang out at his place so they could basically do what they wanted. We would make out quite a bit a fool around in the guest bedroom where I would stay at her parents place, but didn't end up doing more than that until later. She told me(cuz I asked, stupid me) that she only started to sleep over at the other guys house on the night that they ended up having sex for the first time. This eats me up.
Anyway, what does this all mean and why am I letting it get to me so much? I can understand that maybe she slept with him because she figured "why not" since she knew that he liked her and she knew more about him and so thought it was ok. My insecurity lies in the my wondering whether or not how long it took us to do stuff has anything to do with her level of attraction for me as compared to what she had felt for the other guy. Is this a factor?
Anyway, I really like her and I know that she's in love with me now, but I just have all these questions that pop into my head about that short relationship that they had and how fast it progressed. Advice would be much appreciated.
T.
