Need Advice..ex keeps calling

[ecvegas]

long story short...

Met a girl a few years back. It was long distance (4 hour drive) I dated others when we first met for a few months and that seemed to get her more interested.

After 4 months, she said the L word and was head over heals for me, so I got serious with her. For 7 months i was in complete control.

She got a new job that included being on the road. Weeks turned into 2 months. I gave her major grief for being away (including threatening to break up) and when she got back she drifted away.

Next few months I acted like a wuss (apologizing) to get her back. We slept together one night. In the next 5 months she played me while she LOVED another guy. (I acted like major wuss). I found out and she denied of course.

Over the next three months, my wussiness subsided. But I'm afraid I've fallen into the "friend" category and I don't want that. I'd rather go down with my dignity...She doesn't respect me as a man.

We stopped speaking for about three weeks after I called her on some BS she gave me to evade me while she was in town). After those three weeks, she called me again...and I was cold and distant. She tried calling again a few days later but didn't leave me a message (a game she plays). I found out from a friend she was in town again when she called. I didn't call her...since I wasn't left a message she was here. I know she was expecting my call (she saw a good friend of mine while in town) but I didn't give in.

Basically, she has been in control for the last 9 months. I'm trying to gain that back. I'm cold on the phone to her and dont return her call if she doesn't leave a message.

I'm looking to get back control. I know I can blow her off but to me that's running away. How can I do it while communicating with her.

Thoughts?

 

[V0rt3x]

Originally posted by ecvegas
Over the next three months, my wussiness subsided.

Took you a while?

When she calls next time answer (not calling back - just pick up the phone) and say oh hi its you blah blah mention something like i heard from a friend your in town but ive been kinda busy. Play games in her. Depending on what you choose:

1.) Revange is very very sweet thing. Play with her and then **** her off. Fun... :kick: :trouble:

2.) Try to get her back BUT NOW PLAYING A WUSS. Try busy and that bs. Play hard to get and broken untursting heart. Make her prove herself to you. (i dont trust you. but you must. you could hurt me again. no i wouldnt i swear it...):nono: :rockon:

 

[jbbrain]

manomanomanomanoman!


Shes your EX, correct?


I have to beg the question anyone with any sort of intuition would ask?

Why on earth do u care so much? Why on earth should u care so much?

Dont be concerned with girls taking control from now on. Worry about your EGO taking control instead.

 

[V0rt3x]

Originally posted by jbbrain
manomanomanomanoman!


Shes your EX, correct?


I have to beg the question anyone with any sort of intuition would ask?

Why on earth do u care so much? Why on earth should u care so much?

Dont be concerned with girls taking control from now on. Worry about your EGO taking control instead.

true

 

[ecvegas]

I think part is I hate to lose.

But mostly, I think there is a lesson I need to learn in all this. That is how to be strong and turn a negative situation into a positive. Once I learn, I can apply in the future.

It's something deep inside that I can't explain, but I just miss her. It's getting better and better, and I'm getting stronger and stronger. I just want to kick this.

 

[V0rt3x]

good. but one question. WHY DID YOU THEN POST THIS THREAD?! duh

 

[ecvegas]

Because when I talk with her, or I think about her, I question what I say...what I do...etc.

I just want to be able to move confidently. Knowing that what I'm saying or doing is the right thing....

I'm sick of second guessing myself..or wondering if what I'm doing or saying is right or will get the results i'm looking for...which is gain control of the situation and have her wanting me.

 

[Omni]

Originally posted by ecvegas
She got a new job that included being on the road. Weeks turned into 2 months. I gave her major grief for being away (including threatening to break up) and when she got back she drifted away.

Here's where you went wrong, and where you have to learn from your mistakes; there's no reason whatsoever to give someone grief and threats for traveling for work... it's totally unfair and uncalled for, and makes you seem childish, petulant, and needy. Of course she "drifted away"; wouldn't YOU if the situation was reversed?

 

[flexion_]

She is an ex - stop talking to her. Then you win.

 

[ecvegas]

I realize I screwed up...and I learned from that...and I don't sweat that anymore

 

[V0rt3x]

good boy

 

[DJohnson]

It isn't running away to know when a cause is lost. I don't think a relationship is worth it if the woman doesn't respect you as a man.

There is no way to directly get control back short of beating on her, etc, and you don't want that of course.

I do not like to give this advice to LTR situations, though I always give it to STRs, but you basically need to be seen as living your life to the full. Dating other, good looking women. Be seen in the company of high status men, getting a new car, a new house, etc, or whatever you define as becoming successful.

You need for her to see that you are the ticket to the good life and that she is a fool not to get with the program and play by the rules.

 

[DonJuanMonk]

In order for you to get back in control, you just have to be in control.

Each of us have a different way of dealing with an ex depending on different situations.

Overall, have low expectations, be nice, and very short.

Or you can take the "I'm gonna ignore that ho permanently" route.

 

[TesuqueRed]

she's calling to see if she can still get a raise

don't give her one

if it was me, ignore when she calls, don't return calls, be pleasant like you would to an old aunt you've seen twice who's about to die anyway

if you do answer or return calls, be pleasant like you would to an old aunt you've seen twice who's about to die anyway and has no $$$ to leave you in her will

and date others

dont' like to loose, ay?
:kick: :box: :woo:

 

[ecvegas]

That's great stuff guys...thanks.

It gets even better....my bud calls me today saying that she called him along with a girlfriend of hers and invited him to go out with them last weekend while she was in town. He is an executive at a resort, and is her friends' boss. It's obvious she thinks that the perks of going out with me still apply when she dirts me. Of course, my bud shot her down.

That just put into light how selfish she is. Instead of calling me and righting things with me, she's calling my buds and trying to get in their good graces to make herself look good.

She's still young (mid 20's) and it's really starting to show. It's funny, because the more I think that I should call her, the more dumb stuff she does that makes me not want to.

 

[Vincent]

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