Need advice because I ****ed up

[StacksHitEmUp]

Two days ago my girlfriend has seen some suggestive pictures I've received through instagram and WhatsApp from other women. I'm definitely not unfaithful but I won't lie I always keep other women ready to jump in in case **** goes bad. Now obviously she's very angry with me and she's giving me the silent treatment but I'm not chasing either. I haven't texted her since and I haven't apologized because that would indicate guiltiness. Or should I reach out and apologize once? I'm decent at getting the girls but I absolutely suck at LTR's IMO because I just keep acting like I'm still trying to get her ie. push-pull, withdrawing attention, etc, or is that the right way? I don't even know. Like she says my actions show I don't love her sometimes so I'm pretty clueless.

PS: For the "next" brigade, she's my girlfriend, not a plate.

 

[Scars]

First question is.. how did she find these pictures? Was she going through your phone without you knowing? Or was it accidental? If a girl is snooping through your phone, that's a huge red flag.

I suck at LTR's too, but I would say in a moment like this, if she means anything to you, then just own up to it and apologize, and reassure her it "won't happen again". That's all she wants. Not really the best time for silent treatment or playing games. That should be used if SHE is the one disrespecting YOU.

Just know that if you do decide to stay with her.. she is gonna hold this over your head the entire relationship. She may even use it to rationalize her own cheating behavior down the road, just a heads up.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

First question is.. how did she find these pictures? Was she going through your phone without you knowing? Or was it accidental? If a girl is snooping through your phone, that's a huge red flag.

I suck at LTR's too, but I would say in a moment like this, if she means anything to you, then just own up to it and apologize, and reassure her it "won't happen again". That's all she wants. Not really the best time for silent treatment or playing games. That should be used if SHE is the one disrespecting YOU.

Just know that if you do decide to stay with her.. she is gonna hold this over your head the entire relationship. She may even use it to rationalize her own cheating behavior down the road, just a heads up.

Thanks for the well laid out reply. It was accidental because I was holding the phone while getting the message and opened it, it didn't help that I was getting "heart-eye emoji" (I know) replies on my IG story from women aswell. She doesn't really trust me sometimes so this didn't help. I'm the kindof guy that likes to spend my time at nightclubs and have quite a few female friends so she that makes her quite suspicious of me. I'm starting to wonder if her jealousy is a red flag or a result of my behaviour.

For your last paragraph, if she cheats IDC what her explanation is, that's just an immediate next. Cheating IMO is not done in an LTR and once you're past that point it's over. My whole motto on this is why wonder about it? If she gonn cheat she gonn cheat. But you're probably right as this'll be held over my head the entire relationship.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Play it cool and just let her know that other people's actions are out of your control. But be prepared for her to want to look through your messages to want to see what type of role you played in those pictures being sent. I would delete any incriminating evidence before bringing it up just in case.

 

[bcude]

In a relationship you've three entities. You, her and the relationship. You both have your own lives and one that you share together as a couple. You have to respect all three to make this work.
You respect yourself by taking care of you and nurture your alone time and hobbies you do by yourself.
You respect her individuality the same way.
Then we have the relationship itself.
When a gf goes out to "have fun with her gfs" dressed in slvtty clothes on a friday night, or when she says she's going on a vacation to ibiza over the summer. That's not showing respect to the relationship.

Yes, her jealousy is the result of your behavior from what you're saying here. You give her reasons to be and not enough reassurance by your actions that she's special to you.
Yes you should (know you) have options and derive confidence from that, but not throw them in your gfs face like that, that is on you.

My overall feeling is that you're trying to game too much eventhough you're in a relationship. With that i mean that you're deliberately doing things you do while dating to constantly increase attraction. It needs abit of calibration to humanize yourself and slow down abit if that's the case.
Women obsess about relationships 24/7 and often tell you what they need from you if something is missing. When it comes to women unmet needs eventually lead to unfidelity.
If her complaints about your lack of love is correct then this is probably the result of your uncalibrated approach to LTR and you need to ask yourself if you come off too cold, by for example overusing silence and distance when it's not warranted.
Women are masters of communication, men are masters of action. Show appreciation through your actions, not your words.

I wouldn't apologize to her. I would tell her i've realised i'm not respecting the relationship between you two and that you understand how that must feel. It's hitting home better than an apology because it shows reflection and maturity. Then in the future do unexpected acts of appreciation towards her used as sprinkling salt on a steak, not use it as the steak itself.
Don't become complacent, keep working on yourself, have an abundance mindset, your frame and self-respect intact at all times and never be afraid to walk away and you'll be fine.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

In a relationship you've three entities. You, her and the relationship. You both have your own lives and one that you share together as a couple. You have to respect all three to make this work.
You respect yourself by taking care of you and nurture your alone time and hobbies you do by yourself.
You respect her individuality the same way.
Then we have the relationship itself.
When a gf goes out to "have fun with her gfs" dressed in slvtty clothes on a friday night, or when she says she's going on a vacation to ibiza over the summer. That's not showing respect to the relationship.

Yes, her jealousy is the result of your behavior from what you're saying here. You give her reasons to be and not enough reassurance by your actions that she's special to you.
Yes you should (know you) have options and derive confidence from that, but not throw them in your gfs face like that, that is on you.

My overall feeling is that you're trying to game too much eventhough you're in a relationship. With that i mean that you're deliberately doing things you do while dating to constantly increase attraction. It needs abit of calibration to humanize yourself and slow down abit if that's the case.
Women obsess about relationships 24/7 and often tell you what they need from you if something is missing. When it comes to women unmet needs eventually lead to unfidelity.
If her complaints about your lack of love is correct then this is probably the result of your uncalibrated approach to LTR and you need to ask yourself if you come off too cold, by for example overusing silence and distance when it's not warranted.
Women are masters of communication, men are masters of action. Show appreciation through your actions, not your words.

I wouldn't apologize to her. I would tell her i've realised i'm not respecting the relationship between you two and that you understand how that must feel. It's hitting home better than an apology because it shows reflection and maturity. Then in the future do unexpected acts of appreciation towards her used as sprinkling salt on a steak, not use it as the steak itself.
Don't become complacent, keep working on yourself, have an abundance mindset, your frame and self-respect intact at all times and never be afraid to walk away and you'll be fine.

Jesus, this man spitting straight facts. Everything you said is pretty much correct and your advice seems really good as well. I do game too hard at times because I only know how to act towards plates but not LTR's. Your reply is a first step towards making me better suited for my LTR. Thanks for that.

 

[zinc4]

In a relationship you've three entities. You, her and the relationship. You both have your own lives and one that you share together as a couple. You have to respect all three to make this work.
You respect yourself by taking care of you and nurture your alone time and hobbies you do by yourself.
You respect her individuality the same way.
Then we have the relationship itself.
When a gf goes out to "have fun with her gfs" dressed in slvtty clothes on a friday night, or when she says she's going on a vacation to ibiza over the summer. That's not showing respect to the relationship.

Yes, her jealousy is the result of your behavior from what you're saying here. You give her reasons to be and not enough reassurance by your actions that she's special to you.
Yes you should (know you) have options and derive confidence from that, but not throw them in your gfs face like that, that is on you.

My overall feeling is that you're trying to game too much eventhough you're in a relationship. With that i mean that you're deliberately doing things you do while dating to constantly increase attraction. It needs abit of calibration to humanize yourself and slow down abit if that's the case.
Women obsess about relationships 24/7 and often tell you what they need from you if something is missing. When it comes to women unmet needs eventually lead to unfidelity.
If her complaints about your lack of love is correct then this is probably the result of your uncalibrated approach to LTR and you need to ask yourself if you come off too cold, by for example overusing silence and distance when it's not warranted.
Women are masters of communication, men are masters of action. Show appreciation through your actions, not your words.

I wouldn't apologize to her. I would tell her i've realised i'm not respecting the relationship between you two and that you understand how that must feel. It's hitting home better than an apology because it shows reflection and maturity. Then in the future do unexpected acts of appreciation towards her used as sprinkling salt on a steak, not use it as the steak itself.
Don't become complacent, keep working on yourself, have an abundance mindset, your frame and self-respect intact at all times and never be afraid to walk away and you'll be fine.

+1

Also don't be scared of losing anyone. Be straight up and let the chips fall where they may.

 

[Scars]

There is other ways to say your sorry other then saying it and acting like and emotional basket case.

Tell her she will always be your favorite girl and you cant help it if these girls are hitting you up.

Now obviously if she caught you sexting them and that kinda shyt then it might be a little tricky. Remember they would rather share an alpha then be stuck with chump beta idiot.
I find it difficult to apologize for wanting to fck puzzy outside the ltr. I just don't act on it.
Bit then again when trust is broke its hard to get it back.

I don't think apologizing makes you beta or an "emotional basket case" if you are generally in the wrong. Part of being a man is owning up to your mistakes. I think too many guys here try way too hard to be a calculated "Mr. Alpha" and forget what it's like to be human sometimes.

There's really no need to "show her that you can walk away" or prove that "you don't need her". He already pulled off a major neg by getting caught texting other women. The push was set, and now I think he needs to pull in a little bit by giving her a little reassurance. I don't think this is AFC or beta behavior at all. This is a LTR, not a plate. If he starts acting like he doesn't care about her at all, she will jump ship and use this entire thing to rationalize getting with someone else. Women do it ALL THE TIME.

I think bcude worded it a little better than I did, when he said sprinking salt on a steak.. giving her small tokens of appreciation and affection would be the best move here, IMO.

Think about the cycle of men who are abusive, or men who are serial cheaters.. they fvck up, girl gets angry, they let her cool off a bit, then come back with flowers and apologize etc, and everything is good.. until it happens again, and the cycle repeats.

I don't think an apology is beta.. it depends what you're apologizing for. If I were OP I wouldn't apologize for the texts, but rather apologize for "making her feel that way". Say you didn't mean to hurt her, etc.. nothing wrong with that IMO.

I think way too many guys here take the writings a little too literal. Contrary to be popular belief, you don't have to be a cold assh0le all the time.. know when to ease up a little bit.

 

[RangerMIke]

She is using this as a excuse to be upset with you... chicks that are not exactly 'happy' in relationships will over-react to stupidity like this. You need to do a deep down assessment of what's going on and why she is losing interest. But there is NOTHING you can do about a chick losing interest.

Don't fall for the relationship coach bull cr@p, because they make money by convincing men there is something they can do to fix sh1t. "Pay me and I'll tell you what to do." The ONLY thing you can do is stay focused on being the best version of yourself possible... and never let a woman pull you off center with drama.

If she wasn't losing interest she would be making excuses for you she would be saying, "What's with these b1tches sending you pictures like this!"

 

[mikey2012]

Maybe she is using this as an excuse later to break up . Watch out.

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

It's already settled and it seems like she loves me even more.