Need advice badly....

[RLynn9]

You sound like the real life forrest gump.

Its none of your business what a husband does with his wife.

Um, even when that wife leaves him, lives with me, then leaves me and lies to me about being with him?? ok.

 

[RLynn9]

DO NOT do this OP, repeat DO NOT do this. Unless that is you like even more drama, stress, worry, and possibly waking up to a gun pointed at your head by an enraged husband.

Not that i am going to talk to him, but IF i did, there is zero chance of him doing anything. The guy is a major momma's boy (he bought a house two doors down) and it's one of the things she always had a problem with. Many times, guys would grab her ass and say crude things to her at the dive bar in their little country town, and he would quickly turn away and pretend that he never saw or heard a thing. They fought about it all the time. She never felt safe with him...He's never been in a fight in his life and he owns no weapons....I, on the other hand...

 

[RLynn9]

The man in question already knows about the affair.



just to clarify....he badgered her for weeks with suspicions (because of her coming home late or not at all) and finally she broke down and told him that she cheated. HOWEVER, to spare his feelings, she refused to give him details. He went into denial and assumed (i.e. wanted to believe) that it was a cheap one night stand with someone from a bar...She chose not to correct him and let him bury his head in the sand and continue to think it...to "spare his feelings"....he has no idea that i was with her for a while BEFORE he met her and that she has been with me for over a year now...and now that she got pissed at me and went running back to him, HE is just so giddy that she's back and ready to work it out, that he has no idea she was in a relationship with me....They WERE in the process of a divorce (she borrowed money for that too) and couldn't agree on the terms and it was scheduled to go to mediation...his lawyer was asking for custody of the kids, child support, and half of her 401k...which is another reason she went back to him i think...she was very stressed about potentially having to pay all of that....He also doesn't know about the young guy from her work that she cheated on him with eight years before me....

 

[RLynn9]

As much as i want to tell him everything, he seems to be even more of a sap than i am when it comes to her...I doubt that it would phase him...he's probably so giddy (he has a crippling fear of change of any kind) to have her back that nothing i say will probably have an effect...he will forgive her and she will just do it again with someone else or she will call me again...this was not the first time she tried to have an affair with me...over the last 16 years she has tried many times...citing how miserable he made her...she had no respect for him because she usually made three times as much money as he did and he was content to go through jobs and sit on his butt for years at a time while she worked and he golfed. She also said she was very dissatisfied with their sex...Said that he never cared about her needs and would just jump on and off in a couple of minutes and leave her frustrated...he never liked to leave the house and was jealous and controlling....so i'd like to know how that will miraculously change all of the sudden? AND they live in a small town and EVERYBODY knows about it...so i wonder how their social life will be?

 

[LiveFreeX]

Um, even when that wife leaves him, lives with me, then leaves me and lies to me about being with him?? ok.

She is committing adultery, an offence that should be punishable by prison/fine/death... fortunately for you, that is the USA and she is encouraged to do so by the culture. You dude, you are a creepy omega vulture... you don't mind that another guy has been smashing that pvssy for most of your life, you've been hanging on, plotting and biding your time to strike. Are you really so much of a loser that you can't find your own SINGLE, YOUNG, PRISTINE woman to wife up? He married her first, thus he calls the shot. If he decides one day to blow your head off, no one will be surprised or feel bad for you...

He may have married a bad apple but HE MARRIED HER... he is well within his rights to divorce but you should have not stuck your nose in their business, his relationship to her has NOTHING to do with you. I've said this before in other threads, if he invests money in her and they are married, she is technically his property and you are stealing/borrowing without consent, his investment. I would think that warrants a punishment of some sort. Who he is as a person means nothing to you... in fact at least he had the deceny to marry her and make some kids, you are just some super horny dude, sitting under the bridge feeding the trolls.

There are plenty of unmarried, young, single girls for you to spend your time with. You are telling us that you are a piece of sh1t that can only attract the worst quality women. What does being in a relationship with a turd say for you as a person? You are basically a toliet for turds.

 

[cordoncordon]

OP is for Original Poster, which is you RLynn99.

 

[RLynn9]

She is committing adultery, an offence that should be punishable by prison/fine/death...

seriously? isn't that a bit cave-manish

you don't mind that another guy has been smashing that pvssy for most of your life, you've been hanging on, plotting and biding your time to strike.

i was?? SHE came to me! i didn't seek her out...As a matter of fact i had just gotten out of two year relationship when she popped up...

Are you really so much of a loser that you can't find your own SINGLE, YOUNG, PRISTINE woman to wife up?

i'm getting the feeling that some of you have the image in your head that i am this ugly , short, creepy, sweaty little fat guy like George Costanza... Not the case at all....I have NO PROBLEM finding dates or getting into relationships....We have always been very attracted to each other and our personalities mesh really well....I do all and like all the same things that she does, he does NOT.....it's that simple...

He married her first, thus he calls the shot.

funny thing about that...they had their first child which was an accident. HE begged her to get an abortion because HE still wanted to be a player at the bars....HIS MOMMY stayed on him and made him at least be responsible and help pay for everything. He didn't even move in with her. Then two years later the had their second child, also an accident after some make-up sex after going back and forth breaking up ..AGAIN he begged for her to get an abortion. How the hell do you want that AFTER seeing your first sweet innocent beautiful child born?? She refused. Then he started running around with more girls and gambling more and not helping her with ANYTHING...I WAS THERE..I SAW IT ALL FIRST HAND...SO his shrewd mother convinced him to marry her and move in because it would just be easier on him in the long run. No court order child support and garnishment of wages....ONLY THEN did he marry her...When his daughters were four and two....and I am the piece or crap??? Ok....

If he decides one day to blow your head off, no one will be surprised or feel bad for you...

OK. you sound a little bitter to say something like that. but ok.

He may have married a bad apple but HE MARRIED HER...

yeah, what a knight in shining armor....he cheated on her the whole time with his girlfriend before her...he met her while bouncing back and forth...and then for their entire marriage he would come home at 4 a.m. or not at all...wouldn't answer texts or calls...now is THAT a good husband? Spare me your uneducated defense of this man...give me a break.

 

[jaygreenb]

He doesn't sound so much like the beta you made him out to be. Also, your mind is wacked right now, plenty of us have been there before, this girl is trash. You need to stop defending your actions and hers. For your own sanity just cut all contact and move on

 

[Greasy Pig]

OP, sometimes the strongest message you can send is none at all.
Every time you don't reply to a text, you get a little stronger and drive her insane.
Her brain will fvcking melt because she's expecting you to be this little puppy dog who'll boost her ego with pleas to come back.
She'll be checking her phone every few minutes looking for a your reply so she can unleash another torrent of abuse on you.
Meanwhile, you're living a better life and consorting with better quality women while she wallows in the stinkhole that is her shytty life.
Go ghost mate. Completely.
Any acknowledgment of her will take everything back to square 1. Don't give her the satisfaction.
Be strong, be a man, don't fall for any tricks or mind games.
As far as your concerned, she's now dead to you.
I can't emphasise this enough. Do not reply or contact her again. It'll pay off in the long run.

 

[LorenzoVonM]

No, that isn't the case at all. As a matter of fact i really appreciate each and every one of you for taking the time to read my long-winded, emotional post and taking the time to reply and offer view-points, advice, encouragement, and even the deserved bashing for my stupidity...... It's true, i allowed wanting to be with her skewer my sense of reality and self. After reading all your words and taking a long hard look at myself last night and today, it's true, most of the problem and solution lies solely with me...I deleted her number this morning and e-mail contacts. She texted me later in the day and told me a few times what a piece of **** i was and hinted that she and her husband were taking the kids to Chicago for two weeks (this was supposed to be the two weeks we took our vacations and went to Chicago...so a nice attempt at a twisting of the knife there) ...but i bit my tongue and squashed the urge to reply... i realize that it really is pointless and i am only damaging myself...so i never answered and went about my day amidst more texts that said that i'd better not dare text her while she is in Chicago and take time away from her kids.....i still held strong and didn't answer....When i got home today i took out a notebook and started writing down all the things that i enjoy doing and started making plans for different activities and a couple of road trips...it's not much i guess but it's a start in the right direction i hope.....

BTW, I am not at all like Forest Gump, but point taken...Also, what does OP mean?

Yup, you got it. Funny how even after you never responded she added in that you better not text her. All bait to get you to respond. She sounds like a headcase. As you ignore her it will be a giant attention vacuum and she will feel it hard. You're gonna be getting a lot more venom and manipulation is my guess. Stay strong brother.

 

[RLynn9]

Yup, you got it. Funny how even after you never responded she added in that you better not text her. All bait to get you to respond. She sounds like a headcase. As you ignore her it will be a giant attention vacuum and she will feel it hard. You're gonna be getting a lot more venom and manipulation is my guess. Stay strong brother.

Thanks man...i'm already feeling a bit better about it all...

 

[RLynn9]

OP, sometimes the strongest message you can send is none at all.
Every time you don't reply to a text, you get a little stronger and drive her insane.
Her brain will fvcking melt because she's expecting you to be this little puppy dog who'll boost her ego with pleas to come back.
She'll be checking her phone every few minutes looking for a your reply so she can unleash another torrent of abuse on you.
Meanwhile, you're living a better life and consorting with better quality women while she wallows in the stinkhole that is her shytty life.
Go ghost mate. Completely.
Any acknowledgment of her will take everything back to square 1. Don't give her the satisfaction.
Be strong, be a man, don't fall for any tricks or mind games.
As far as your concerned, she's now dead to you.
I can't emphasise this enough. Do not reply or contact her again. It'll pay off in the long run.

Thanks, i appreciate that...i FINALLY deleted her number and e-mail...i have neither memorized....so i resist any temptation to call or text when i am feeling down or having a weaker or bad day

 

[RLynn9]

He doesn't sound so much like the beta you made him out to be. Also, your mind is wacked right now, plenty of us have been there before, this girl is trash. You need to stop defending your actions and hers. For your own sanity just cut all contact and move on

But that's just it ! She ran around and chased him when he WAS a PLAYER!...But then after he was married to her for a while and settled down, he became this sad sack who was insecure and needy and whined and complained all the time and hated leaving the house or his crummy little bar in his crummy little isolated country town...This slut is from Chicago originally...she doesn't want to stay cooped in the house ALL THE TIME....and NO, i am NOT defending ANY of her actions toward him or me....not at all....i'm merely just describing how things took the downward slide for everyone involved.... you can't run around shouting how much of a man you are but then when you lose a job you sit on you can for four years feeling sorry for yourself...No matter how sweet or how much of a byeatch a woman is, no woman is going to respect a man like that...sorry, it's the truth...then add to the fact that when she was home, he moped and felt sorry for himself. But while she was at work or out with the kids, he was happy to not be working and out playing golf and gambling WITH MONEY THEY DID NOT HAVE TO SPARE.....so HE dug his own grave so to speak. Should she have gotten divorced FIRST before jumping ship, ABSOLUTELY...But she lost her dad to cancer and around the same time, he started putting his hands on her...big man.....never been in a fight with another man in his life but can start bouncing around a woman...i don't feel sorry for him ONE BIT.....Just as i won't feel sorry for her when her life goes to **** again...They both deserve each other and the misery that comes their way...They fight over money, the attention she gets from guys, his jealousy and controlling nature, his nosey and controlling mother who lives down a couple doors down, and their growing debt...NONE OF THAT HAS CHANGED OR MIRACULOUSLY WENT AWAY...NOW, you have her infidelity to throw on top of it...Sure everything is probably spectacular right now...lots of make of sex, her being back in the house after a year's absence, and the relief of not having to sell the house or pay all the lawyer fees and child support...it's all just peachy....but once the newness fades and the routine and the reality sets in, he will realize that he is with a cheating woman that he can never trust and she will still feel like she is with a sorry excuse of a man who has her trapped in a small town that she doesn't want to be in and that she wants a few orgasms of her own once in a while and not a two minute exercise in futility and frustration....Again, not being a jerk, just telling the truth

 

[RLynn9]

which is why i'm probably NOT going to e-mail him or try to tell him ANYTHING....Actually, i am starting to realize that i degraded myself far more than she did...I should have never been in that situation...i let my emotions and not being able to have her all those years as more than a friend, overwhelm me...i made some horrible decisions....So i'm going to bite my tongue and go my own direction and try to work on myself and regain my dignity and self-esteem....I don't need to start a war with possibly him and definitely her...She isn't going to let me get away with ruining her little fall-back game-plan...No, she will probably try to mess with my job and my vehicle and my place....not worth it to me......She can't hide who she really is for long...She won't be happy with him or where she lives again at some point...She will repeat her pattern again and cheat with a new guy...he will find out eventually....and it will all come crashing down again and they both deserve it...if i go spill everything to him then i am STILL in it..STILL involved in her life in an even more negative way....I need to walk away COMPLETLY...i can't even try to salvage our 20-plus year friendship...I just need to totally disappear from her life...

 

[cordoncordon]

which is why i'm probably NOT going to e-mail him or try to tell him ANYTHING....Actually, i am starting to realize that i degraded myself far more than she did...I should have never been in that situation...i let my emotions and not being able to have her all those years as more than a friend, overwhelm me...i made some horrible decisions....So i'm going to bite my tongue and go my own direction and try to work on myself and regain my dignity and self-esteem....I don't need to start a war with possibly him and definitely her...She isn't going to let me get away with ruining her little fall-back game-plan...No, she will probably try to mess with my job and my vehicle and my place....not worth it to me......She can't hide who she really is for long...She won't be happy with him or where she lives again at some point...She will repeat her pattern again and cheat with a new guy...he will find out eventually....and it will all come crashing down again and they both deserve it...if i go spill everything to him then i am STILL in it..STILL involved in her life in an even more negative way....I need to walk away COMPLETLY...i can't even try to salvage our 20-plus year friendship...I just need to totally disappear from her life...

Which is exactly the approach you should be taking. If you try to get back at her by contacting the husband, not only are you lowering yourself down to their level, but you are also keeping the cycle of drama and stress going instead of moving on and healing.

Just let it go. Move on. Start anew a better and more knowledgeable man.

Good luck.

 

[disgustipated]

This guy is so alpha that he probably rented out his women out to you for the summer. He comes back to a current mortgage and kids with gifts. Ohh and make up sex AND probably scored some strange on their break. Winning.

 

[Three]

which is why i'm probably NOT going to e-mail him or try to tell him ANYTHING....Actually, i am starting to realize that i degraded myself far more than she did...I should have never been in that situation...i let my emotions and not being able to have her all those years as more than a friend, overwhelm me...i made some horrible decisions....So i'm going to bite my tongue and go my own direction and try to work on myself and regain my dignity and self-esteem....I don't need to start a war with possibly him and definitely her...She isn't going to let me get away with ruining her little fall-back game-plan...No, she will probably try to mess with my job and my vehicle and my place....not worth it to me......She can't hide who she really is for long...She won't be happy with him or where she lives again at some point...She will repeat her pattern again and cheat with a new guy...he will find out eventually....and it will all come crashing down again and they both deserve it...if i go spill everything to him then i am STILL in it..STILL involved in her life in an even more negative way....I need to walk away COMPLETLY...i can't even try to salvage our 20-plus year friendship...I just need to totally disappear from her life...

This is the way you need to be thinking now. All the advice (except for Danger's confrontation idea --sorry, Danger) is good advice. You don't have to care about the rest of the world. Just YOU.

Believe me, I divorced a BPD wife last year who was much younger than me and very hot. Without going deeper into the story, all I can say is that no matter what you feel for a woman, if she is fucked up, there is not a thing in the world you can do about it.

Just view it as an act of god and move on with your life and pretend she no longer exists. And she doesn't exist for you anymore. You definitely do not need her in your world. Move on and get involved with good things that make you a better man and be happy.

 

[jaygreenb]

I was where you were at mentally around a year ago, thankfully I kept my dignity and never acted on any crazy **** that ran through my head but its a real fine line. Being involved with a woman like this is going to mess your head up for a while but you really just need to focus on yourself and never contacting or accepting her contacting you again. Just a tip, anytime she pops in your head try to kick her out and go do something positive like go to the gym. None of her actions make sense and that is exactly why it is so hard to get over. You have to understand she is crazy and miserable at the same time and she will always be that way. Here is a thread I started around a year ago, a lot of guys helped me out and gave me some great advice.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=196369

Also do a search on BPD in this forum, a lot of great info. It will help give you the closure you will never get from her and hopefully keep you form ever contacting her.

This is a great site as well

http://gettinbetter.com/articles.html

Good luck man, stay strong and just realize your emotions are going to be all over the place for a while. Don't do something stupid when you are mentally freaking out and it will get better over time. Avoid her in all ways at all costs. Seriously.

 

[cordoncordon]

No worries. No offense taken.

I gave the statement on what I would do if I were in the OP's shoes. I realize that is not the answer most people would give or the action most people would take.

But I would do it, because it is the right thing to do. There is minimal risk for doing it and even that can be mitigated to almost nothing. I realize that most people don't care about such things or perhaps lack the fortitude to take risks in following their morals. We all go through life differently with different ideas.

Cmon man. That is a HUGE assumption on your part and an extremely low blow towards the other posters here. I am not sure how you are associating the fact that just because the OP does not want to associate himself anymore with not only a crazy ex, but also her what sounds like a possibly crazy/loser husband, that OP and others here don't have morals, the mental fortitude to follow through on their beliefs-whatever those are, and nor do they care about other people.


I see things differently. I think anyone doing what you espouse doing is a drama king or queen to the nth degree and is just doing it not for the good of humanity, but is doing it simply in a very selfish way to get revenge on an ex like a 12 year old would on the schoolyard. It isn't something a mature adult with a busy and fulfilling life would want to do. OP knew going in that the girl was married. He knew the risks. He still took them. Well guess what? He got burned. As most people do when you date a married person. Lesson here. DON'T date married people. OP is just to much to blame as she is. You don't then invite these people back into your lives when its over, thereby bringing in an entire new set of drama issues. You get up, dust yourself off, learn from it, and move on.

 

[cordoncordon]

Cordon, you bolded some of my quote, but apparently you only read half of it.





So as I stated, either one does not care, or they don't have the fortitude. I notice you only focused on the lack of fortitude though. Why did you ignore the part about not caring?

Perhaps you don't care? But if you don't, then why does this statement make you so angry?

Either

1. You don't care.
2. You care but won't get involved because other things trump your morals.

It's a simple argument and very clear. I am not attacking anyone, but merely pointing out the uncomfortable truths.

No I read it all. Which is why I said you are assuming the posters here don't care about other people in the first paragraph. When you said people don't care about such things, I assumed you meant telling the husband about his wife in order to save him from her lecherous behavior, which you wrote about in an earlier post.

I'm not upset, I just think you are placing your beliefs onto others here, and assuming that because we don't think that telling the husband is a good idea for OP, that we are somehow not moral or upstanding people. That is how I took it anyway.

Regardless, enough chatter had gone on about this. OP will do what he will do, and hopefully it all works out for him in the end.