need advice bad

[acekilla]

ok i admit i was lying before just to see the reactions to the post
here is my real situation

it just seems like i have nothing interesting to say when im talking to a girl
this is probably why i have never had a girlfriend or maybe im just scared to approach
it seems like when i make jokes or do sumthing comical only guys laugh at it and girls just look at me like whatever
i tried talking on the phone with a girl my friend was trying to hook me up with
the first night what terrific after my friend gave me a list of topics to ask her about then i could just wing it after that
after that night it seemed to me that she was less interested so after about a week or two i just stopped calling cause i figured she didn't like (especially since when i met her the first and only time i was as quiet as a damn mouse just following what my friend was doing)

and since im black im expected to have game but i can't just start talking to any random girl in the club or street (might be because i went to grade school in a dominently white area then went to a public high school in my area)
now im in college never had a girlfriend, never kissed, never even hugged a girl romantically before

im just depressed right now so depressed i don't even wanna listen to rap cause of the subject matter. im just listening to some korn and linking park depressing ****.

i really wanna change my life around and be happy but i don't know where to start.
im open to all suggestions

 

[On-top]

Do not sit around and do nothing.

That is my primary advice. That is the root of your problem. You need to get out and do things, experience things, and make things happen. That is what drives most everything...especially conversation. You need to finding oppurtunities, and passing those opurtunities on to others. You need to create value in yourself. If you don't see any value in you...how do you expect others to?

Serously. It's not hard to do. It doesn't happen overnight, but you have to get started immediately or it won't happen at all. Go see a current movie, go on a vacation, sit in the yard and contemplate the clouds for a while. Turn on the TV...watch the weather. You can break the ice with anyone by talking about the weather for 30 seconds. It's always 'current.' Watch SportsCenter...watch the travel channel...watch some current movies. Read 5 different books from 5 different genre's. A "How To" book, a fiction book, a biography, a psychology book, and 'Kingdom of Fear' by Hunter S. Thompson. You'll have conversation ammo for a month.

Conversation is an exchange between people. But you have to have content to conversate about before you'll get conversation in return. With women, you're not always going to say the right things...and every girl's interests are completely different...so it can be very tough. But you have to start somewhere. The more places you go, the more people you meet, the more things you see...the more things you'll have to talk about. And with more to talk about the better your chances of your interests overlapping with hers. And when this happens, you'll have a meaningful conversation.

Depression sucks...but everybody is affected by it sometimes. So get over it. Get started on the next step...fixing your problem. Get some experience under your belt. Do something you're excited about, and other people wish they could do. You'll be surprised.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

dont have a defeatist attitude - other girls dont know that u never been with a girl so dont volunteer the information - be positive and work on your social / communication skills and plan topics of conversation before you approach - college talk - what is your major - y did u choose it - what year r u in school - if she askes u questions then she is probably interested in u - u mustn't lack courage or else u'll b alone for a long time.

try to get your friends to introduce u to chicks or invite u to parties or social gatherings where u can build your courage and actually hold a 20 minute conversation.

 

[acekilla]

aight imma try

 

[bishopdonjuan]

Go through some of the archives on www.sosuave.com, they have some great tools about conversation man. Honestly, if you truly follow them you will have no trouble at all. The most important one I'll briefly outline for you is the shut-up and listen one. I think they reposted this one recently so it should be only about a week or so back. But man you may not realize it, but everyone LOVES to talk about themselves.

If you master drawing out more information about people, they'll supply you with so much conversation ammo that you will have to tell them you have to leave before they stop talking, instead of the other way around. A simple "how was your day" can turn into a 2 hour conversation about philosophy. One trick I use is to phrase things so that girls have to give me more specific responses. In other words take open ended questions....never ask anythign they could say yes or no too, or even something they could give a short answer too. So if you truly have no ammo, don't ask something like How Was your day that could end up in a simple fine, or ok with absolutely no ammo....ask em "So What was the highlight of your day?"....I know it sounds wierd but girls will be thrown off guard by it, and more than likely no matter how bad their day is they have a highlight. And if their day is so bad they don't have a highlight....you probably dont want to talk to them lol cause u don't want to be associated with bad things....but if you're gung hoe, find out why it was bad.....but don't give them advice on their day lest you want to become a FRIEND.

Though I rambled a bit, what you have to do is ask open ended questions, and when you get those answers milk them for all they are worth. I heard someone on the board earlier call the method "nouning" and its a perfect way to put it.

If you ask a girl what they did today and they say
"I went to the beach with my sister in Miami"

That is soooooo loaded. Theres 3 apparent nouns, and a bunch of total questions you could ask. Ask her about her trip in total, ask her about Miami, ask her about her sister...she went out with her family instead of her friends, she must be close to her family, ask her about her relationship with her family, does she do this often with her family....there are so many questions you can ask if you stop listen and think. What is your first reaction.....more than likely you can start a conversation off of this that will go on forever.

Trust me, even if the girl isn't initially interested in you, she probably won't turn down an opportunity to talk about herself.
beach,

 

[jakethasnake]

good luck, acekilla. The guys gave you some good advice.


Man.. I've always wondered how the brothas live down their 'reputation' for being silky-smooth. It's a curse as well as an advantage, if you don't actually have game.