Need Advice, 3 year relationship

[Assault_Cow]

Hello all, new to the thread here, and to all of the philosophy of DJ, however i am becoming more and more intriged.

To my problem. The only reason i am posting up here is well, this is a relationship and pickup sort of forum, so i guess you guys would have some decent advice.

Background storey:
Have been with a girl for over 3 years now, we got together when we were 17, were next door neighbours. We've had 3 or 4 short breaks inbetween the 3+ years, for various reasons, but have always gotten back together. We are great together, well most of the time. We know all each others little quirks and secrets, know each other favourites and hates, enjoy doing similar acitivites together, are both satisfied with our sexual life, are pretty content with each others looks even after all this time.

The problem:
Its been 3 and a bit years. Ive only been with this one girl, have only slept and been intimate with this one girl. It sounds bad, but recently ive been desiring other women. People sometime ask if we r going to get married, technically its not really off the table, but i cant deal with the idea of only being with one woman for my life... I seriously cant.

I am typically, the 'nice guy', which evidentally doesnt get the job done as im finding out. There is a really hot looking girl at a shop i was half considering giving my number too, with a small msg. Simply, 'single? *my number*'. Then basically using said methods techniques ideas as discussed in this forum.
I drop mail off there, and last time i did she asked when i'de bring her a gift (i.e a letter), so i was gunna put it in a letter with her name on it.

This probably sounds like another 'wa wa i want other woman my current relationship doesnt satisfy me', but in general, it does satisfy me, i just cant deal with the idea of being with this one girl, i need to get it out of my system.

Opinions? I am very serious about this issue btw, its really messing my head around, and has been for quite some time.

 

[Dergz]

wasup man, welcome to the forum. ur goin to have a whale of a time here.

its such a coincidence u post this cuz im in EXACTLY the same predicament. the only difference is i've been goin out with mine for a lil ova a year, she great, intelligent, luvs me so much she could share and still be left with change, but she's the only girl i've had sex with and we're gettin married next year i look at all these other chicks and i CRAVE to be with them, these days the urge is so great i've developed a habit of getin otha chick's numbers. BUT, wheneva im with her evrythings ok, i don't even look at other chicks. so maybe we need help on this.

wonder wat the other guys think

 

[Assault_Cow]

i know what u mean. When im with her, things are great. When im not, things not so great. Does it do your head in the idea that you will only ever be with this one girl? And does your imagination not wonder what it would be like to have a different partner...

 

[Dergz]

exactly, that idea jus puts me off the whole commitment thing. whats messed up is i know i can get other chicks if i wanted to. but i cant.

ah well!

 

[Gaucho]

Maybe post this in the mature mans forum.

The replies you get from kids will kill any hope of a relationship.

I personally, have been with countless woman and in a few serious relationships. I would not substitute ANYTHING for a great relationship. I have been in one now for many years and it is a rare thing indeed!

Enjoy it.

My brother and his wife were firsts, he has been with her happily for 15 years. A best mate of mine has been with his first girlfriend (now wife) for several years and has a child on the way. They are VERY VERY happy.

If you wonder, in all honesty, travel, hook up, see what it is like. Don't tell the current partner. Reality is perception. You need to do it for you and if it works out, it will be better for her in the long-term too. Just NEVER tell her. Sounds bad, but it's reality and it works in the longer term. I have seen it quiet a few times.

 

[Axcell]

I wouldn't. If you say she's a great girl and there is a great amount of intimacy between the both of you, why leave that? It's hard to find a good girl, and once you leave her, chances are you may not be able to get her back, and you can regret it in the future.
I've been in the dating scene for a while now, and I made the mistake of letting go of an HB7 for an HB9, just mainly because the new girl was hotter. And sure, that does matter (short term), however, this new girl was not as much fun and we didn't have as much chemistry. My ex-girlfriend hooked up with another guy, and they are still together to this day. (I moved on to find another great girl, and I wouldn't let her go for the world. NOTHING beats a great relationship. And no matter how great it may seem if an opportunity comes by to meet a new & hotter chick, you should look for something stable. As long as your current girlfriend continuous to do what you say and everything seems great between you and her, don't end it.

Now, I'll offer you alternate advice than leaving this girl. It sounds like you are somewhat in a rut. You know, just because you are in a relationship, doesn't mean you can't stop talking to other women! Also, how much time do you spend with this girl on a weekly basis? I feel you spend WAY too much time with her. Give each other your space (now, when I say this, it doesn't mean ignore her).

Consider this:
After a period when a girl and a guy have been very much together and sharing everything, it is sometimes refreshing to spend time alone. It's not the fact that you and her have fallen out of low, you both just need some space, and that space will help you feel even closer to one another.

Hope I helped you out.

 

[Dergz]

tru that Axcell, but you know what the problem may be with LTRs? they dont like it when yu use that "we need space line" most times the girl will think you want to bail out on her, and that is potentialy explosive. my girlfriend said this while we were talkin about commitment: "i wouldn't want anythin to ruin something this perfect, and that space bull would never work between us" her own words.
and one other thing Ax, u were right, with relationships like these the girl will wanna see yu EVERYDAY, thats the kind im in, i can't say im bothered though, cuz when we meet we always have a good time.
its only the dog in me wantin to get out. but i'l come back here and read both yours and Gaucho's posts

 

[SmoothTalker]

Try to get her into a 2 girl threesome or maybe a couple swap. That way you can experience another girl while keeping your relationship.

Heh if that doesn't fly... I know how you're feeling, I"ve been in a similar situation. Personally if things are great for you two I wouldn't throw it out, but curiousity is a powerful thing. If you've gone on breaks before without it ending things, maybe that's what you need. In that case though, realize that you must be okay with her going to **** other guys while you're doing your thing -its only fair.

 

[KontrollerX]

Just do what women do.

Branch swing to this new chick while keeping your current chick unaware about it and on a leash and if the new girl is interested in you and you two hit it off spectacularly ditch the dead weight and move on to this new and better horizon.

 

[Axcell]

tru that Axcell, but you know what the problem may be with LTRs? they dont like it when yu use that "we need space line" most times the girl will think you want to bail out on her, and that is potentialy explosive. my girlfriend said this while we were talkin about commitment: "i wouldn't want anythin to ruin something this perfect, and that space bull would never work between us" her own words.
and one other thing Ax, u were right, with relationships like these the girl will wanna see yu EVERYDAY, thats the kind im in, i can't say im bothered though, cuz when we meet we always have a good time.
its only the dog in me wantin to get out. but i'l come back here and read both yours and Gaucho's posts

Well, don't tell her you are giving her space. Slowly and gradually spend less and less time with her (slow enough that she doesn't notice.) Now, don't leave it to the point when you spend bearly any time with her, that's not what I am asking you to do.
And yes, in LTR's, the girl will always want to spend time with you, but as a DJ you must remember that the girl is PART of your life, she is NOT your whole entire life. (To make her want to spend so much time with you, she must have a lot invested in you. That's another very difficult thing to do in a relationship.) Do other things that YOU enjoy doing personally. (Whether it be working out, playing basketball, etc.) You need something to do when she's not there, a real passion or hobby. However, it's great that you mentioned that regardless of the fact you see her on an ongoing basis that the "spark" still exists between you two. In many relationships, they spend too much time together too quickly, which results in the "spark" dissapearing because there is no longer any mystery. (She knows everything about you, you know everything about her, and it's often very difficult to have conversation.) I'm glad you and your partner have overcome that difficult obstacle.

Anyway, my personal hope is that by giving each other space, you will realize how much she truly does mean something special to you. You see her on an ongoing basis, and you may just be starting to take her love for granted. Often times, couples make the mistake of believing they have "fallen out of love" because the original infatuation has dissapeared. You and your partner are starting to fall into the "Mature love" section, which consists of something stable.
If you feel you aren't ready for that, the best thing to do is talk to her about it. (Hopefully, she's a very understanding person, and it won't be on your chest to her anymore.) However, you'll soon realize that it's something quite amazing to experience. Do the idea of keeping your space for a while, and make observations of whether you are still encountering those feelings for other women OR whether you miss your girlfriend. (I'm sure you'll know what to do from there.)

 

[Assault_Cow]

a lot of what you guys have said makes sense, particularly Anxcell. We dont spend every day together or anything like that. Mainly due to work and study commitments, but we do try and spend some evenings and most weekends together.

We did do a 2 week break recently, just to sort our heads out (it was exam time, university, and we were both stressed to hell, is has a pretty bad affect on a relationship), both of us realised that there was nothing 'new' to be learnt in this time apart and realised we both just wanted to be together.

The idea of f****** another chick and not telling my Sam (thats her name) is a very confronting one. On one hand it could be what i need, to get it out of my male system, and to not worry about the issue any further. On the other hand the total idea of it doesnt gell with me. Due to the obvious cheating/lieing.

Another issue i am encoutering is the lack of 'pick up' ability, that has basically diminished due to not having to pick up during the 3 years being together. After reading a lot of content on this site, i was at the fuel station today, and this girl in a car was giving me some pretty decent looks, i jumped back into my car, thought f*ck it, jumped out, got a pen and went upto her, asked if she was single and got her number. This was purely just an experimental thing, to see if i could do it, to get my confidence up, i have no interest in the girl. But props to the site for giving me the boost to do it.

The thing about NEVER giving up a really good relationship, is you have to have not had a really good relationship at some point to understand that. You need something relative, something to compare to. In my circumstance, i have only ever had a decent relationship, never been in the single boat, and never been dating, so its quite hard for me to appreciate the idea of having a great relationship, and not giving up on it.

again, thanks for the responses, has given me some stuff to think about.

 

[DonGorgon]

This probably sounds like another 'wa wa i want other woman my current relationship doesnt satisfy me',.

Um no, actually you sound like a typical "human" living the human experience, torn between what society wants and what your instincts need....

And guess what .. your girlfriends has and is having the same feelings and most likely has F'ed some dudes who were not as nice as you, during one of your brakes of course, so she can say she didnt cheat..

You will go and F some hos sooner or later but then you will yearn for the warmth caring and comfort of an LTR.. its the human way...

Some people swear that open relationships solves tis problem but i disagree..

Many men F hos at their bachelor parties to try and quench their thirst for sluts before they marry one (who keeps it a secret..)...

If you wonder, in all honesty, travel, hook up, see what it is like. Don't tell the current partner. Reality is perception. You need to do it for you and if it works out, it will be better for her in the long-term too. Just NEVER tell her. Sounds bad, but it's reality and it works in the longer term. I have seen it quiet a few times.

^^^that is the norm for many folks.. travel outside their normal area and indulge in carnal urges... its the human way , resistance is futile...

 

[DonGorgon]

The whole point in the mating game is to jockey for position and move up the "ladder" in terms of quality partners. When women talk about how they've "settled", it means they have climbed as high up the ladder as their hotness could take them and they'd better trap the next man at her level before her looks tank. Ok, now we are over the "morals" crap. Simply give this other woman a shot. See if you've got what it takes to move up a rung on the quality ladder. If you do, drop the old one and nail the new one. If you don't have what it takes, stay with the one you have.

^^^Ah yes the harsh simple cold reality of the human dating/mating game...

 

[dannyegg4575]

Just do what women do.

Branch swing to this new chick while keeping your current chick unaware about it and on a leash and if the new girl is interested in you and you two hit it off spectacularly ditch the dead weight and move on to this new and better horizon.

ABSOLUTELY GOLD!

Now, you have to make sure that you're getting a better one.
I just checked facebook recently and my ex posted pictures with she and her new bf. And the funny part is, he's damn ugly. And the more I see it each day, the more I'm happier because I know she couldn't do any better.

currently, I'm having a time of my life with my current gf. if things work out, they work out. but I tell you, it's nothing like getting your life back together and feeling good every morning with a chick you like.

peace out

 

[decades]

you are way too young to commit to this woman and you are developing Doubts. Once the doubts enter in, you are done, a cooked goose.

 

[GoodboyBadboy]

Assault Cow, can you post this in the mature forum so that some of the older guys can thrown in their 2 cents. I'm in the exact same situation as you and some of the other posters. The girl I'm with is the best girl one can find, she looks good and has all the right qualities in a partner I like, yet I can't get rid of this urge to bang anything sexy in my sight.

 

[Dergz]

Well, don't tell her you are giving her space. Slowly and gradually spend less and less time with her (slow enough that she doesn't notice.) Now, don't leave it to the point when you spend bearly any time with her, that's not what I am asking you to do.
And yes, in LTR's, the girl will always want to spend time with you, but as a DJ you must remember that the girl is PART of your life, she is NOT your whole entire life. (To make her want to spend so much time with you, she must have a lot invested in you. That's another very difficult thing to do in a relationship.) Do other things that YOU enjoy doing personally. (Whether it be working out, playing basketball, etc.) You need something to do when she's not there, a real passion or hobby. However, it's great that you mentioned that regardless of the fact you see her on an ongoing basis that the "spark" still exists between you two. In many relationships, they spend too much time together too quickly, which results in the "spark" dissapearing because there is no longer any mystery. (She knows everything about you, you know everything about her, and it's often very difficult to have conversation.) I'm glad you and your partner have overcome that difficult obstacle.

Anyway, my personal hope is that by giving each other space, you will realize how much she truly does mean something special to you. You see her on an ongoing basis, and you may just be starting to take her love for granted. Often times, couples make the mistake of believing they have "fallen out of love" because the original infatuation has dissapeared. You and your partner are starting to fall into the "Mature love" section, which consists of something stable.
If you feel you aren't ready for that, the best thing to do is talk to her about it. (Hopefully, she's a very understanding person, and it won't be on your chest to her anymore.) However, you'll soon realize that it's something quite amazing to experience. Do the idea of keeping your space for a while, and make observations of whether you are still encountering those feelings for other women OR whether you miss your girlfriend. (I'm sure you'll know what to do from there.)

thanks man, im now lookin at this whole thing in a whole new way.

 

[Rhoto]

I don't even have to read after "We've been together since 17"

Whatever it is, break it off. It's time.

 

[Assault_Cow]

wow, certainly amass of different responses since last night (Im in Australia btw). How can i go about moving this to the mature forum? could an admin do this for me?

on a seperate note. I got another girls number today. This was a pretty bold mood i must admit. She was easily an 8, and i just couldnt resist the urge/challenge. I dropped some mail off to her, she worked at a drive through bottle shop. I came back around 30mins later...

*got off postie bike, pushed hair to how i liked it* Walked into shop, "Hi there", "Hi", "listen, i usually dont do this, but your just too damn cute, i had to ask....are you single?" "why yes i am", "well any chance i got get your number?" 5 seconds later, "sure", got her number, she seemed a little resitant at first, but in the end she trusted me enough to give out her number.

I really did this only as a test to myself, but now that i have this opportunity, im badly tempted to pursue it, i mean i got nothing to loose right, just want to see if it could go anywhere...

btw, what is this bible people keep referring to?

James

 

[Lion]

btw, what is this bible people keep referring to?

James

The Don Juan Bible. Download it ASAP

We all feel like trying something new, finding a girl who is better in one way or another. It's all about self-improvement right? Is the grass greener...?

Its easy to say and difficult to do. Sounds like in the long-term you need to take control and break it off with your girl. Short-term see how things go, you might read this thread a few weeks down the line and feel completely invigorated with your current girl. You might not, ultimately you should not cheat on your girl. Good luck.