Need a Role model

[Irs88]

Alright. LONG POST.

Until know, I have been embarrassed about telling you guys about myself. But you know what. I really can't feel ****-ier as of now, so I don't really care anymore.

First of all, I am NOT a virgin(lost it 2 months ago). I dont know why that matters because...that brought absolute NO change to my life in terms of how others treat me now and how I see myself.

Is there ANYONE in this forum who is of southern indian descent(yea, actual indian, not that native american shiz), who is SHORT 5 7', came from a VERY coservative family, and basically had self esteem/shy issues all their life....ANYONE? i SERIOSELY need someone to look up to who can understand what I have gone through.

There are a bunch of white, african amerian, and asian people who went from the bottom to the top...but where are the indians at on this site?

Im not into the indian scene..dont have any indian friends. Just mix white/asian/some indian. Iv somehow gained 50 pounds in the past 3 years, and still shy 10 lbs to where I want to be. I got a shoulder injury a month ago and since then I had NO stress releasing activity. THis is of course led to me being very antisocial and agitated, etc. I am pre-med.

Im going to be studying 6 hours everyday this summer. However, i KNOW my friends will make me go to the bars several times a week, I can't do that and gain that last 10 pounds..it's impossible. On top of that, Im trying to meet new people stuff but NO ONE takes me seriosely.

I guess its because I am a short indian kid or some ****. I tend to stutter and am very bad on how to express myself in terms of words, cant tell stories, talk WAY to fast, and dont deep voice really. I dont know **** about general stuff. Add all of this paragraph together=all of my friends treat me a like a newb(so do the girls). This of course messes with your head. I can't break free from this mindset, I need to gain more weight so people wont treat me as a "push-over", I need to study 6 hours a day everyday this summer so I can get into med school, I need to go to the bars somehow with my friends and chalk up enough confidence to talk to the girls who just walk past me and see me as nothing. I need to get rid of my problems: stuttering, talk to fast, cant express words, cant tell stories.

My friends...their childhoods were golden...all tall, piercings, family isnt conservative, into sports, people take them seriosely

I feel as if I have ALL the resources to change but can't bc there is too much stuff attacking me at one time. I need a role model(indian) so I know that I can do it as well. I feel as if I am the ONLY indian in my college with these circumstances. I see no alpha indians like me.....if I see no one who did this...how is it possible for me to do it?

 

[Furyguy]

Totally Gandhi dude.

That or Freddy Mercury. May have been gay but still a ****in pimp.

 

[DonChino]

I'm not Indian dude but I can totally relate to some of what you said. Especially the you can't feel any ****tier as of now. I feel like I have hit rock bottom when it comes to being social, girls, etc. Your line about not being a virgin anymore and how that didn't really do anything for you, strikes me as something very interesting. I'm 20 at the moment and I'm still a virgin and at times I consider losing it to be the magical solution for my problems. But I'm doubting that will be the case.

I have been shy and had tremendous self esteem/confidence issues going through high school. Before high school I was outgoing and very fun to be around but moving and becoming a bit overweight/Asian I got joked on a lot. If I could go back I would have all the solutions to my problems but I can't do that so I'm trying my best to keep my mind in the present and future. After graduating high school I went into recluse mode and lost nearly all of my fat, that helped my confidence tremendously but it doesn't make up for the lack of social experience I have.

Be glad at least you have friends haha. Right now I think I can say I have zero true friends and a few acquaintances. I get randomly depressed thinking about it and wishing I had friends to actually go do random **** with. Having no friends is whats making me realize I can't get any lower than this when it comes to having any sort of a social life. I try my best to get out everyday and just mingle with people but it's been proving futile because my conversational skills suck..

I don't have the problems of stuttering, talking fast, etc.. but man instead I just draw blanks mid conversation lol. Those blanks lead to awkward silences where the only thing I can do is bail. I'm not good with being witty and quick with flowing dialogue.

When it comes to a role model I really have no feeling of needing one at all. I don't see why you feel you need one and on top of that one that is Indian also? When I see another Asian guy, I have a issue where I don't see them as another random person or fellow Asian or anything like that but rather competition.. For some reason immediately when I see another Asian I size them up physically.

 

[SleepyRangerMedic82D]

Hey to IRS88, dude, obviously you have good things going for you assuming you are a Bio major who is working on getting into Med School. What I would tell you is to focus on your strengths and life experiences in general will add to your level of confidence greatly.

Don't worry so much about women man. Women are always going to be there. I think once you get your head into the game and start working self improvement, the rest will fall into place. Duuuuuuude!!! As an MD do you know how much Nurse ass you are going to get if you want it? Or you might meet an awesome girl during Med School.

The bottom line is this; you already know what you need to improve on. In terms of not having friends and stuff, I dunno man, I mean generally you just kinda relate and build rapport with guys and girls you have things in common with. As far as not having any childhood stories, whatevers.. not a huge deal. What's more important is the here and now..

I can tell you that at 16-18ish I was very similar and lacked a lot of confidence. For me, gaining confidence has come from life experiences and learning to genuinely love and believe in myself. Once I was able to do that, things just kinda fell into place. I'm about a month away from turning 25, have 6 1/2 years in Army as a Combat Medic, have consistently been promoted ahead of my peers, served in combat in Afghanistan for 15 months, jumped from airplanes, completed Army Ranger school, and have met some great dudes along the way. For me, the hardest part was believing in myself and then grabbing my balls and taking chances and not being afraid to fail. If you live within your comfort zone, you will never truly challenge yourself and its the struggles that make the victories and successes so much sweeter..

Keep studying your ass off.. Get into Med school, do your internship and residency and then you are a God, and things will fall into place. More than likely, they will fall into place while you are outside of your comfort zone busting your ass and not thinking about it.

I'm a pretty firm believer that it is either the way you were raised or your experiences that will turn you into that Alpha Male/Guy who is taken seriously. You seriously can do it man.

Take care man