need a pep talk

[joekerr31]

hey guys,

someone give me a pep talk about how being 32 ain't the end of the world.

im seriously thinking that the odds of finding a suitable chic to settle down with are next to nill.

argh - stupid i know.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Stop trying so hard. It's may seem like a search for the Holy Grail but remember there's a lot of souvenirs that you can pick up along the way.

 

[joekerr31]

i know. i just found myself thinking. even if i meet at great girl tomorrow. you're looking at a year to qualify her. then another year until you have your first kid. i mean, im 35 at that point. maybe another kid around 37.

i mean, ill be 57 when my kid is 20! hehe.

crazy thinking i know. just wondering if that game has passed me by.

i'll get this messed up thinking fixed by tomorrow.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

i know. i just found myself thinking. even if i meet at great girl tomorrow. you're looking at a year to qualify her.

What???? It shouldn't take more than a couple of weeks or so to determine if she's worth considering for long term material. Make sure that you know what you're looking for in a woman before hand to make things easier.

then another year until you have your first kid. i mean, im 35 at that point. maybe another kid around 37.
i mean, ill be 57 when my kid is 20! hehe.

Don't laugh, that's a huge thing to consider. Do you really want a kid that bad? THink about it, kids nowadays are staying home even past their college years. Their parents allow it but it is something to consider. Also something to bring up with the woman you're considering for a LTR.

crazy thinking i know. just wondering if that game has passed me by..

Oh no, trust me there are plenty of women out there who are almost 40 who still want kids; especially with guys who are unencumbered. I can't help but be approached by these types of women but Francisco isn't having that... :nono:

 

[joekerr31]

the thing that appeals to me about kids is that they are full of wonder.
in a way you get to re-experience the world from a more wonderous view.

also i do believe that life can be magical - i mean there are some really amazing experiences to be had if you know how to avoid the land mines. while i may have been born into a land mine field and stepped on a lot of them, i think it would be really cool to be able to give my kid the opportunities i didn't have and the chance to experience some of the cool things in life that i missed out on.

although, all that said, have them with the wrong woman and your life will be hell

anyway, i should probably delete this thread. i've already got my head on straight.

for a moment there i let hte matrix get a hold of me - let self pity creep in for a moment.

but truth is life isn't about some checklist. its about making the most of what you got - which is often much better than you'd think.

now to shed the matrix completely and have a good laugh im going to go watch house of a 1000 corpses (man the blonde in that movie is smoking hot.)

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

only a year to qualify? i think i'll need 2-3, minimum!

Oh I think that's way too much time. In real life a relationship's viability is determined by the six month mark. People usually fish or cut bait by that time. Waiting 2-3 years or more isn't really worth the time or effort. You should ask yourself what would take you so long to decide.

 

[joekerr31]

Oh I think that's way too much time. In real life a relationship's viability is determined by the six month mark. People usually fish or cut bait by that time. Waiting 2-3 years or more isn't really worth the time or effort. You should ask yourself what would take you so long to decide.

FD- so you have no plans to ever have kids?

 

[joekerr31]

wow, thought this chart was interesting.

Percent Never Married, 1970–2004
Age 1970 1998 2000 2002 2004
Male:
20 to 24 years 35.8% 83.2% 83.7% 85.4% 86.4%
25 to 29 years 10.5 52.1 51.7 53.7 56.6
30 to 34 years 6.2 30.7 30.0 34.0 32.2
35 to 39 years 5.4 21.1 20.3 21.1 23.4
40 to 44 years 4.9 15.8 15.7 16.7 17.6
Female:
20 to 24 years 54.7% 72.3% 72.8% 74.0% 75.4%
25 to 29 years 19.1 38.9 38.9 40.4 40.8
30 to 34 years 9.4 22.1 21.9 23.0 23.7
35 to 39 years 7.2 15.2 14.3 14.7 14.6
40 to 44 years 6.3 10.9 11.8 11.5 12.2

 

[DJDamage]

A transcript on Tom Leykis show which I read on the net:

There is nothing wrong with living alone. Nothing. The problem is being lonely, not living alone. Living alone is the best thing I did for myself. Ever. And it is not for the reasons you think. It is not because I can "screw whoever I want." Nothing like that. More often than not, the reason you want to be alone is to do the things you take for granted now. And if you're still living with Mommy, maybe these are things that you’ve never had the opportunity to do.Some of the things you can do include [watching] whatever you want on television. Sports, for example. Or not [watchng] television at all. Broads love watching TV. And they like the shows you hate—makeover shows, entertainment shows, shows about the entertainment industry, Entertainment Tonight, Access Hollywood, The Insider. Those are the shows they like. You don't watch those shows. Would you like that as the soundtrack of your life in the background all the time?

Chicks expect you to take the majority of the financial burden. Trust me when I tell you: You’ll be paying for most of the rent, if not all of it; most of the electric bill; most of the gas bill; most of the cable bill; the satellite bill. She will want clothes and accessories. Who do you think is gonna pay for that? Groceries for one—I don’t care what they say, they say "two can live as cheaply as one"? Yeah, tell that to the supermarket when she insists on buying things you don't have in your house, like yogurt or 2-percent milk or tampons. If two can live as cheaply as one, you're going to have to cut back in order to accommodate her and her needs. Moisturizers, ten-dollar bottles of shampoo, all kinds of things that you are not buying now, you’ll be on the hook for.You can have sex, you can have companionship, you can have friendship, and not have anybody living at your house. That means you can live in a smaller place and pay less for it—lower utility bills, lower grocery bills, lower phone bills because she'll no doubt want you to take over her cell phone bill. She'll have you paying for that. Women also are obsessed with buying gifts for every obscure person. Hey, I'm all about buying birthday gifts for my buddies, people close to me. Most chicks I know keep a Rolodex of everybody they've ever known and insist on sending cards and gifts to people they haven’t talked to in five years. You don’t do that.There's a million reasons you want to be alone, not the least of which is, you don’t want to have to answer for your whereabouts all the time. And sometimes your whereabouts are not being out getting laid. Sometimes your whereabouts are as simple as browsing through a bookstore; having a beer with a buddy; going to a ball game; staying late at the office; staying late at the office and then going out to watch Monday Night Football; whatever. Once you take a broad in, she will complain about all of that. Oh, sure, there are exceptions. So all you exceptions to the rule, don’t bother calling in, because we know that there are needles in every haystack. But it's a big frickin' haystack, you know what I'm saying? Most of us don’t feel like combing through it.

What it comes down to is perspective and which side of the fence you are looking into.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

the thing that appeals to me about kids is that they are full of wonder.
in a way you get to re-experience the world from a more wonderous view.

Don't believe the hype that says that you need children to do that.

also i do believe that life can be magical - i mean there are some really amazing experiences to be had if you know how to avoid the land mines.

*cough* bad marriage *cough*

while i may have been born into a land mine field and stepped on a lot of them, i think it would be really cool to be able to give my kid the opportunities i didn't have and the chance to experience some of the cool things in life that i missed out on.

Oh please don't tell me you are going to be one of those parents who (in all good entention) do that for their kids and create these spoiled, all-deserving little monsters running around today.

Here's something to consider, why not consider experiencing those things yourself? There's nothing to stop you but yourself. Besides, your intention is to make yourself feel better, isn't it?

anyway, i should probably delete this thread. i've already got my head on straight.

for a moment there i let hte matrix get a hold of me - let self pity creep in for a moment.

but truth is life isn't about some checklist. its about making the most of what you got - which is often much better than you'd think.

:yes: Welcome back...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

FD- so you have no plans to ever have kids?

Both of my stepchildren are grown and living on their own. I was lucky enough to be a guy who didn't feel that he needed another person (his own children) to be his legacy. I'm marking my own path.

 

[edger]

To Francisco and Odietamo:

Yeah, I'm the same way, f*ck kids. I look at it this way...life is stressful enough and filled with enough suffering, misery and bullsh*t, so why bring kids into the picture and add unnecessary stress to your life? Plus, as a couple you can't enjoy each other to complete fullness, cause now you must worry about your kids. You can't f*ck like animals when you want, because now you got KIDS. You can't come and go as you please, or go on vacations when you want, because now you got KIDS. I'd do the marriage thing, but kids, absolutely not.

 

[KarmaSutra]

argh - stupid i know.

This is the only thing I find fault with. It's natural to start feeling that defeatist claw around your throat but you have to keep diligence my brother.

I'm 33 and having the best time of my life (thus far). Mrs. K is what I need and what I want right now. I'm doing my thing, she's doing hers but we still find time for each other and making it work.

Don't go lonely into that good night. Keep going at it and meeting women YOU find appealing. Don't settle for anything but the best.

You'll be fine. You were one of the guys I looked up to the most when I was super AFC creeping around here trying to find my path.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

To Francisco and Odietamo:

Yeah, I'm the same way, f*ck kids. I look at it this way...life is stressful enough and filled with enough suffering, misery and bullsh*t, so why bring kids into the picture and add unnecessary stress to your life?

Parents have so much external competition these days that could make parenting more difficult. I can't imagine myself having to put my foot down to a tween who wanted their own cell phone because all their friends have one. Hell, my little one didn't have access to the Internet or AOL when she was a kid. "Chat? What's that?"

Plus, as a couple you can't enjoy each other to complete fullness, cause now you must worry about your kids. You can't f*ck like animals when you want, because now you got KIDS. You can't come and go as you please, or go on vacations when you want, because now you got KIDS. I'd do the marriage thing, but kids, absolutely not.

And that's what zaps all the fun and romance out of a marriage. The mistake that most parents make is that they change their lives in order to integrate into the lives of their children when it should be the other way around.

I've interviewed countless men who feel they get more consistent effective from their dog than from their wives because they give all of their attention to the kids. What good does it do the kids if the parents are doing things to erode their marriage?

Don't get me wrong, I believe in the commitment behind marriage. However I do feel that it should be defined by the couple and their shared goals instead of following society's antiquated rules.

 

[edger]

And of most people I've ever spoken to, when I've asked if they would do it over again and have kids, they've said NO, especially the women. Makes ya think. People have kids because they feel pressured to, particularly women. Socitetal pressure. Stupid. But I'm seeing more and more couples these days opting to not have kids. I know a couple in their 40's, friend of the family, who don't want kids. They are a great couple too, she's an attractive woman, they seem as happy as ever.

 

[edger]

Parents have so much external competition these days that could make parenting more difficult. I can't imagine myself having to put my foot down to a tween who wanted their own cell phone because all their friends have one. Hell, my little one didn't have access to the Internet or AOL when she was a kid. "Chat? What's that?"

And that's what zaps all the fun and romance out of a marriage. The mistake that most parents make is that they change their lives in order to integrate into the lives of their children when it should be the other way around.

I've interviewed countless men who feel they get more consistent effective from their dog than from their wives because they give all of their attention to the kids. What good does it do the kids if the parents are doing things to erode their marriage?

Don't get me wrong, I believe in the commitment behind marriage. However I do feel that it should be defined by the couple and their shared goals instead of following society's antiquated rules.

Yup, exactly!

 

[joekerr31]

You'll be fine. You were one of the guys I looked up to the most when I was super AFC creeping around here trying to find my path.

thanks dude, glad to know some of my insights helped in some fashion or another.

who knwos whats going on with me tonight. been working out too hard, maybe my testosterone levels are out of wack or something.

i've been having these wierd bursts of unbridled optimisim lately but mixed in are these short bursts of cynicism. go figure.

 

[squirrels]

I'm about ready to give up on women myself. Hell, I'm ready to give up on PEOPLE.

 

[joekerr31]

hehe never give up. there will be plenty of time for that after your dead.

 

[edger]

who knwos whats going on with me tonight. been working out too hard, maybe my testosterone levels are out of wack or something.

i've been having these wierd bursts of unbridled optimisim lately but mixed in are these short bursts of cynicism. go figure.

We're all in this together man. All I know is, and as you know, the more you go out, the more likely you are of meeting someone. I make it a point to go out every weekend, Friday and Saturday, or whenever something is going on. I try not to ever miss. Even if my buddies are occupied with their wives/girlfriends and I have to go out alone, I will.