NC - how much of it is pride?

[happyDJ]

I'm speaking for myself only. But one of the hardest parts of NC is my pride.
I hate having been dumped, I hate not having realized it one week sooner.
I can tell it's pride. If she HAD to go abroad for 2 years, we would have broken up, and I'd have gotten another girl, she'd have another guy, no problem for anyone involved. It's not about losing this girl, not about one-itis.

More than half of the hardship of NC would go away, if she came back, let me fvck her in the a$$. Let me peak her emotions, dump her and never look back.

Even less than that. I just want to be the dumper. Why? Because I cared for her, we dreamed about stuff together. It's my fault I AFC'ed, but we're all learning, and she'll regret it. (I learned so much.)
I know, I know. DJ is becoming a better man, you don't need anyone. Need, needy, needy.
I'm just being honest with what I'm feeling right now.
I also hate that no one taught me this things before. Fvck. I'm pretty sure I would have understood most of it, without going through it. NC, sh!t tests (I failed so many...), confidence, alphas.
It feels good to vent here. Thanks guys.


Looking back at all your NC's, can you split your emotions and see how much is just pride?

 

[denverfan110]

Let me put it this way.

2nd to last girl i was with. Dated her, she became clingy, and a little psycho (but I put up with it cuz of the good sex for awhile), dropped her myself. Sent me all this fvcking crazy **** via text like 20 of them in a row without me replying. In the last one told me that I was right to hate her because she had been cheating on me while it was happening (probably wasn't true – she was obsessed with me, but it still angered me anyway). I wanted to lash out at her after that so badly (even though I had dropped her), but I decided to just play NC. Let me tell you that was the 100% best option I could have done. Not only did it completely get her off my back but I could tell it stung (shes friends with some of my friends and apparantly she had a meltdown).

It most certainly wasn't about the girl at that point. It was protecting my pride that I had been cheated on. But I NCd and it worked like a ****ing charm.

Last girl I was with. Same ****, different role. I was her everything and then went afc. She turned away and I gave chase. Texted her like a complete pvssy like 5 times in a row (while drunk...uhg) asking to get together with her and she went NC. It stung. Incredibly. Luckily I rebounded quickly cuz of this website and was back on my feet within a day or two but I hated to lose her. It was definitely a bit of pride mixed with a little emotion. But, again, I would have felt better about the situation if I had gone NC after the dump. Chasing just makes me feel worse.

Regardless of whether it is pride-fueled or not. NC is definitely the best option.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I think I've fvcked just about every girl who dumped me after they dumped me. Now that was probably pride.

I don't like no contact because it reveals to the woman that you have hurt feelings that you can't get over. I want her to think that I barely noticed she dumped me and don't care enough to be upset.

 

[happyDJ]

I don't like no contact because it reveals to the woman that you have hurt feelings that you can't get over. I want her to think that I barely noticed she dumped me and don't care enough to be upset.

Wow. More on this. Please.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Wait what? girl dumps you and you say it's NC? WTF?!

If the girl initiates it then it's not you going NC. You just got dumped man you have to come to terms with reality. SHE doesn't want to talk to YOU, it's not the other way around.

With that being said, I can already tell you have to come here more and research the links at the bottom of the page starting with the bible. Just coming here and reading posts is not nearly enough...

If you knew what NC really was maybe you could have used it to save your relationship. I'm sure your girl was showing signs of disinterest BEFORE she broke up with you, THAT is when YOU should have gone NC. Right there you make it your decision not hers. You maintain some value and dignity like that, rather than just waiting till things pitifully crash and burn to the ground because you have no other options.

 

[happyDJ]

Wait what? girl dumps you and you say it's NC? WTF?!

If the girl initiates it then it's not you going NC. You just got dumped man you have to come to terms with reality. SHE doesn't want to talk to YOU, it's not the other way around.

With that being said, I can already tell you have to come here more and research the links at the bottom of the page starting with the bible. Just coming here and reading posts is not nearly enough...

If you knew what NC really was maybe you could have used it to save your relationship. I'm sure your girl was showing signs of disinterest BEFORE she broke up with you, THAT is when YOU should have gone NC. Right there you make it your decision not hers. You maintain some value and dignity like that, rather than just waiting till things pitifully crash and burn to the ground because you have no other options.

It is NC. I've read enough for some time, people call it NC. Longest thread here is called NC, and almost everyone there was dumped. And in this case she tried to keep contact immediately even when dumping me. I went NC. Basically she said she had doubts, there's another guy in the picture, I said we should break up. She would love to keep talking to me.
I know what NC is for. It's for you. For moving on, not to make her react.
But yes, I should have went NC even before that. But I was being lazy at that point, not clingy. Still AFC.


But even if she's the one dumping you and going NC, when it hurts, what it costs, isn't it pride mostly?
It's hard either because you still think you could make or your pride/manlihood/dignity is hurt.
But when you know you don't have one-itis, and you know the relationship was faulty, pride is what's left, no?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Wow. More on this. Please.

Having hurt feelings and being upset when dumped is normal and expected. But showing those feelings is another thing altogether. If you don't let her see that you're upset, don't delete her off facebook, and tell her that you'll be her friend forever (ok facebook friend, but close enough. just pretend.), then that makes her question if you ever cared about her. It's the best way to fvck her again, and it's also the best way to leave things if you never talk to her again.

 

[Driggs]

I think not caring is a step beyond NC. It's harder than NC for a lot of people though.

Sometimes nc is better for both parties.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I agree that it is very hard. You have to be in control of the emotions that you at least display.

I used facebook as an example, because it's so common. Part of my bias is from living in a small town. You can't really go "no contact" on anyone, because you will just end up seeing that same person again. If you really had no connection at all other than dating, maybe it's not a big difference, but having shared friends and acquaintances is fairly common as well.

Imagine you were fvcking two girls, and the one you liked less dumped you. How would you react? No one jumps off a bridge because they went from two gfs to one, or from 3 to 2. It would not affect you that much. That's the mindset you are faking.

You see on here a lot that BPD girls are master manipulators of men, and I agree with that, but I admire the skill more so than I think they are evil. A lot of these lessons come from the way my BPD girl treats men. It's intense passion, followed by a friendly but flippant breakup with no anger at all. "Love ya babe" is a joke I have with her about the way she regards guys. She says that to every guy, and they all seem to think it means something. She never gets mad and deletes anyone from facebook, and she ends up with every ex she's ever had constantly orbiting around her, forever begging her to take them back.

I wouldn't mind having power like that over women, especially one who dumped me. I know I have accomplished it with my ex-wife. She would miss me less and be happier in her new marriage if she would stop calling me. And I know that, which is why I still talk to her.

Love is cruel. But you don't have to be on the receiving end; you can be the one dishing out the cruelty.

 

[happyDJ]

I agree that it is very hard. You have to be in control of the emotions that you at least display.

I used facebook as an example, because it's so common. Part of my bias is from living in a small town. You can't really go "no contact" on anyone, because you will just end up seeing that same person again. If you really had no connection at all other than dating, maybe it's not a big difference, but having shared friends and acquaintances is fairly common as well.

Imagine you were fvcking two girls, and the one you liked less dumped you. How would you react? No one jumps off a bridge because they went from two gfs to one, or from 3 to 2. It would not affect you that much. That's the mindset you are faking.

You see on here a lot that BPD girls are master manipulators of men, and I agree with that, but I admire the skill more so than I think they are evil. A lot of these lessons come from the way my BPD girl treats men. It's intense passion, followed by a friendly by flippant breakup with no anger at all. "Love ya babe" is a joke I have with her about the way she regards guys. She says that to every guy, and they all seem to think it means something. She never gets mad and deletes anyone from facebook, and she ends up with every ex she's ever had constantly orbiting around her, forever begging her to take them back.

I wouldn't mind having power like that over women, especially one who dumped me. I know I have accomplished it with my ex-wife. She would miss me less and be happier in her new marriage if she would stop calling me. And I know that, which is why I still talk to her.

Love is cruel. But you don't have to be on the receiving end; you can be the one dishing out the cruelty.

I agree.
It is hard, but if your NC or other "tactic" is pride-fueled, it actually gets easier.
And NC is also hard. This tactic has the advantage that you may see a reaction of hers much sooner, which is good for you in case she shows the slightest regret. It will lift your spirits, knowing first-hand you made her doubt.
This is assuming you don't **** it up, and she sees through you. In that case you were better off with NC.

It may also depend on the 4 possible combinations of 2 factors:
-she still has feelings for you or not
-you actually still really want her back (and think you could solve whatever problem there was) or you're mostly butthurt someone rejected you.

 

[goodganji44]

No Contact is the best thing that ever happened to me. It allowed me to pick my chin up from the floor and focus on improving myself as a person. The key in No Contact is if you leave with your pride and your balls in your hand, the woman ends up developing a deep respect for you that she will not be able to control(given if she had high interest once before).

When I finally started to reach the level of ultimate indifference, was the moment she broke NC. Which leaves the frame of the relationship going forward in my hands.

I advise NC for anyone who's looking to make deep changes to your inner game, it's a 100% gameplan for success if you implement it correctly.

 

[Driggs]

Paging Doctor Ganji...

 

[PlayHer Man]

I think not caring is a step beyond NC. It's harder than NC for a lot of people though.

Sometimes nc is better for both parties.

Not caring can only occur when a man realizes he hasn't lost anything of value. Most men assign false value to women like all the houses people bought back in 2005-2007 for $500,000+ bucks.

Most of those morons are still underwater on their mortgages because the homes were never worth that much money in the first place. It was a bubble.

Over-Inflated value. That's the problem.

Men pedestalize women and see qualities in them that don't exist. When these women flake on the relationship the men feel a great loss. But that feeling of loss comes more from their imagination than from actual loss. Its all the things they imagined the woman to be that creates the pain. When looking back objectively.. they will realize they are actually better off without that woman.