NC for over 2 months, got a text yesterday

[Golden Arms]

Hey fellas.

A girl I dated last fall (let's call her HBKorean) completely messed me up, brought out the chump in me, and sent me running back to SoSuave after years of absence. Quick background story - met her in September and instantly became immensely attracted to her. She reciprocated for a while, or at least seemed to. But boy, did I ever mess up.. I pretty much made every textbook AFC mistake in the book - told her how much I liked her, even sent her flowers, etc..we dated through October, texted/IMed every day, but here's the kicker - I never even got to sleep with her.

I don't blame her entirely, we had our chance, she'd text me one night when she was feeling horny to come over, I didn't feel like it. Then we both were out of town for extend periods of time, then her mom got very sick. Mostly, I blame myself for behaving like a little b!atch.

Predictably, it disintegrated rather quickly. She went cold, lost interest and in early December, blew me off via text - "Sorry, I just got way too much going on right now". I instantly go NC. It sucked for a while. Holiday season was pretty crappy. But the awesome thing is it made me come back here to SS and reexamine what I'd been doing.

Doing much better now. Banging a Peruvian girl, got a handful or more of other prospects, so I'm trying to work some plate spinning (never been able to do that successfully). Honestly, I think a lot of it has to do with just being back on SS. I've even noticed my female friends/acquaintances are flirting with me at an increased rate.

Anyway, last few weeks especially after hitting 60 days on NC, I really really felt like I was finally getting over HBKorean. My mind's been on other girls and other things in my life and I've been pretty happy. So, yesterday, I get a text from her, first one since early December. It's innocent enough. I lent her some DVDs back in November and she said she was cleaning and was wondering if I'd like them back and she'll be home all week so I can stop by. I just sent a curt reply that I'll let her know this week.

Here's the thing - if you want to call me an effin idiot for obsessing over this benign text, go right ahead, as I do feel somewhat like it. But I'm still clearly not over her as it's really messing with my mind. In my experience, it'll do absolutely no good for me to tell myself that I'm above that, that I have to act like a man and not have feelings for her.. feelings pass when they pass, not because you tell yourself that you shouldn't have them anymore.

Anyway, my options:

1) Do nothing. The absolutely easiest thing to do. Not get back to her. I don't care about those DVDs as that show is on instant Netflix and they basically have no value to me. If she texts me again to follow up, I can just tell her it's not worth my time driving to her place and she should keep them or toss them. She had her chance with me, and she's the one who screwed it up. I'm moving on. She'll have to beg me if she wants to ever see me in person again. I'm strongly leaning towards this.

2) Go see her. Obviously not because of those DVDs but I suspect she wants to see me. I could be wrong of course. Thing is - if she's dating someone else, I don't really want to hear about it.

3) Suggest she brings me the DVDs or just meet in a different place as I don't want to drive there

The part of me that wants to see her is the one that still likes her. She's very attractive, feminine and we've had a lot in common. There's also a callous part that wants ROI (Return On Investment) as I wonder if there's a chance of banging her. I spent a lot of money and time on her w/out getting any ROI. Not fair. And all of us want to bang as many hot chicks as we can before we die, right ?

Maybe NC "worked". She's a typical high-maintenance, attention-loving HB. She seems to enjoy rejecting men. She's told me before how her guy friend she traveled fell in love with her and her doctor asked her out, etc.. She probably wondered why the hell I didn't go groveling to her, begging her to give me another shot. Probably wasn't used to that. It likely made her insecure. She probably wished I'd sent her something on V-Day. I simply disappeared.

What do you guys think ? I'm not sensitive at all, and yes I realize it's probably pretty silly to obsess over that text, especially when I've been moving on w/ other girls and what not, so if you want to slap some sense into me and berate me, go right ahead. Maybe she really was cleaning and just really wanted to see if I wanted the DVDs back and nothing else. But it is what it is. I'm not over it, yet.

 

[cordoncordon]

Tough call here since obviously you still have romantic feelings for her. IF you were over her romantically but still wanted to sex her, I would tell her that you will be near xxx bar on XXX day and you could meet her there for a drink and to pick up the DVD's.

But since you are not over her feelings wise yet, I would simply not respond any further and if she texts you about the DVD's, just tell her to keep them or throw them away. If she texts after that and is obviously interested again? Then I would go back to plan A as obviously the DVD text was simply a way to get in touch with you again and gauge your interest and perhaps you can make one last shot and getting with her. But if you do get that shot, go for the sex the first time you see her again. Don't waste time trying to be the nice guy.

 

[Golden Arms]

Tough call here since obviously you still have romantic feelings for her. IF you were over her romantically but still wanted to sex her, I would tell her that you will be near xxx bar on XXX day and you could meet her there for a drink and to pick up the DVD's.

But since you are not over her feelings wise yet, I would simply not respond any further and if she texts you about the DVD's, just tell her to keep them or throw them away. If she texts after that and is obviously interested again? Then I would go back to plan A as obviously the DVD text was simply a way to get in touch with you again and gauge your interest and perhaps you can make one last shot and getting with her. But if you do get that shot, go for the sex the first time you see her again. Don't waste time trying to be the nice guy.

Thanks, I appreciate the advice.

Forgot to say one thing - one of the other reasons I'm leaning towards Option #1 (not responding) is because I don't really want to see her because I'm afraid that once I do my feelings will intensify and I will go back to my Chump state that got me in this mess in the first place. I don't like the Chump state.

 

[cordoncordon]

Thanks, I appreciate the advice.

Forgot to say one thing - one of the other reasons I'm leaning towards Option #1 (not responding) is because I don't really want to see her because I'm afraid that once I do my feelings will intensify and I will go back to my Chump state that got me in this mess in the first place. I don't like the Chump state.

Yeah you are not over her yet at all. So stay with NC, and only change basically if she shows up at your doorstep naked underneath her rain coat haha.

Pics of the Korean? I love the pretty Asian girls. Have been with one myself for over 3 years now. Except she moved here from Taiwan when she was 5.

 

[Golden Arms]

Yeah you are not over her yet at all. So stay with NC, and only change basically if she shows up at your doorstep naked underneath her rain coat haha.

Pics of the Korean? I love the pretty Asian girls. Have been with one myself for over 3 years now. Except she moved here from Taiwan when she was 5.

I'd rather not post them here yet, haha. If/when I ever bang her, I will, promise.

Rest be assured, she's nice. Tall, almost statuesque, perky boobs, although not very big, excellent booty - her friends'd call her Korean Kardashian.

One of the first bits of advice I read after being back on here is not to worship a girl because of her looks. She's also into all the same stuff I'm into - she loves football and basketball, we have the same taste in TV, movies, etc...I really stepped into it w/ her.

 

[Desdinova]

So, yesterday, I get a text from her, first one since early December. It's innocent enough. I lent her some DVDs back in November and she said she was cleaning and was wondering if I'd like them back and she'll be home all week so I can stop by.

Must be something about the two month mark. On Saturday, I got a text from my ex that I was with for over one year. She wanted a copy of a song I wrote that she sang a vocal track on.

When women want to get back in touch, they'll find something other than the real reason for contacting you. They don't want to tell you they miss you, so they'll just use some lingering loose end as an excuse. In case you're wondering, I didn't respond.

 

[Golden Arms]

Must be something about the two month mark. On Saturday, I got a text from my ex that I was with for over one year. She wanted a copy of a song I wrote that she sang a vocal track on.

When women want to get back in touch, they'll find something other than the real reason for contacting you. They don't want to tell you they miss you, so they'll just use some lingering loose end as an excuse. In case you're wondering, I didn't respond.

Bolded mine.

I know, RIGHT ?? Is it a coincidence that the original NC thread specifically talks about 60 days ?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=160056

Man, I don't know where I'd be without this site.

 

[Desdinova]

Bolded mine.

I know, RIGHT ?? Is it a coincidence that the original NC thread specifically talks about 60 days ?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=160056

Man, I don't know where I'd be without this site.

It seems to be a really bizarre phenomenon. When I went NC with the woman who drove me to this site, she contacted me two months later. After I didn't respond, she contacted me a month after that.

Is it possible that women get the desire to re-initiate contact when their period hits?

 

[JBB84]

It sounds like she is somewhat curious about the way you disappeared and haven't tried to contact her again. Maybe she dated some more AFCs, got bored of them, and you came back into mind and she's testing the waters to see if there's still any interest on your part. If your main goal is to heal and get over her, then by all means continue NC. But, if there is some part of you that still wants a chance with her, I'd say to see how hard she is willing to work for it to see you. Act nonchalant about the DVDs, say you're really busy lately but if she's in the area she can always swing by to drop them off - they key is NO PRESSURE. Don't act like you really want them back, but of course you'd take them if she wants to bring them over. Maybe she'll even want to stay for a bit and catch up if you're looking particularly good? I think that as long as you don't jump at the opportunity to see her and leave the ball in her court, there's no loss on your part.

 

[Golden Arms]

It sounds like she is somewhat curious about the way you disappeared and haven't tried to contact her again. Maybe she dated some more AFCs, got bored of them, and you came back into mind and she's testing the waters to see if there's still any interest on your part. If your main goal is to heal and get over her, then by all means continue NC. But, if there is some part of you that still wants a chance with her, I'd say to see how hard she is willing to work for it to see you. Act nonchalant about the DVDs, say you're really busy lately but if she's in the area she can always swing by to drop them off - they key is NO PRESSURE. Don't act like you really want them back, but of course you'd take them if she wants to bring them over. Maybe she'll even want to stay for a bit and catch up if you're looking particularly good? I think that as long as you don't jump at the opportunity to see her and leave the ball in her court, there's no loss on your part.

Yup - so, that's the dilemma, because I sort of want both, even though it may not make sense as those two appear to contradict each other. I still think NC for now is the way to go.

Thanks for the advice

 

[Golden Arms]

She's probably a HPD, beware

What's an HPD ? Histrionic Personality Disorder ? Isn't it just another way of saying attention wh0re? I already know she's that - aren't most Western women, especially attractive ones ?

 

[PlayHer Man]

Here is the thing.. once a woman drops you her emotions are GONE. They are gone forever. She will never be attracted to you on the same level again for the rest of time. Men need to learn to accept this.

The purpose of NC is power. It is designed to damage the woman's ego and make her question just how appealing she is. Women come back after NC for their EGO.. not because they miss you. The only thing they miss is the attention and validation.. NOT YOU. They want to make sure they had the effect on you they believed they did when they dumped you. They want to make sure you're hurting. Once they see you still care.. it boosts their ego and they are happy.

The only purpose of getting back in touch with a woman after NC is to f*ck her a few more times and throw her away like trash.

After NC the relationship needs to be 100% ON YOUR TERMS and 0% on her terms. You have nothing more to give after NC. You are only there to TAKE. She has NO say and NO rights in the relationship after NC. Your way or the highway. ZERO compromise.

For your situation, I would tell her to drop off the DVD's at my home at a time I specify. I would take the DVD's from her and say nothing other than "thank you". If she doesn't attempt any type of seduction on me, I will say "ok, bye" and that will be the end of it. If she attempts seduction, I will invite her in and f*ck her. Then tell her to leave.

 

[LeviaZen]

Here is the thing.. once a woman drops you her emotions are GONE. They are gone forever. She will never be attracted to you on the same level again for the rest of time. Men need to learn to accept this.

The purpose of NC is power. It is designed to damage the woman's ego and make her question just how appealing she is. Women come back after NC for their EGO.. not because they miss you. The only thing they miss is the attention and validation.. NOT YOU. They want to make sure they had the effect on you they believed they did when they dumped you. They want to make sure you're hurting. Once they see you still care.. it boosts their ego and they are happy.

The only purpose of getting back in touch with a woman after NC is to f*ck her a few more times and throw her away like trash.

After NC the relationship needs to be 100% ON YOUR TERMS and 0% on her terms. You have nothing more to give after NC. You are only there to TAKE. She has NO say and NO rights in the relationship after NC. Your way or the highway. ZERO compromise.

For your situation, I would tell her to drop off the DVD's at my home at a time I specify. I would take the DVD's from her and say nothing other than "thank you". If she doesn't attempt any type of seduction on me, I will say "ok, bye" and that will be the end of it. If she attempts seduction, I will invite her in and f*ck her. Then tell her to leave.

Are there other opinions on this? Has this been beaten to death in another post? It seems rather black/white in a world that's mostly gray. I've seen one girl flip back into feelings mode, but at the time I could truly care less and didn't pursue. Granted, that was once out of however many times, but I'm reluctant to believe it never happens.

 

[muscleman]

Ex's are ex's for a reason. No one IN HUMAN HISTORY has 'made things work' with an ex. You're not the exception.

Since the DVDs have no value to you, ignore her. Continue NC until you are 110% over her.

Keep trying to get those plates spinning. All it takes is 1 great lay to completely get your mind off her forever.

Good luck.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Golden Arms,
Just do the Civilised thing,get the DVD's back...She is Korean,forget about the way people in a Western Social environment behave,she is DIFFERENT...Go to her place,if she just wants to do the right thing and give your gear back,there will be an exchange at the door,she will not invite you in...Should she beckon for you to come inside,then you are in with a chance,could be she just wants you out of public view on the Doorstep,but in seconds you will suss out what she is up to...If she is dressed up and has put on some make up,even wearing a low cut dress,she has planned a seduction...So she invites you to sit down,have a drink,try and sit beside her,just be pleasant,maybe compliment her on her appearance,try a little kino,see how she responds...don't delay too long,say you have to go,she will show you out,as you reach the door,slowly and deliberately put the videos down and take her round the waist,pull her close and say "what about a kiss for Old times Sake?"don't wait for her response,then kiss her,she will keep her mouth shut tight,ignore this now proceed to move your hands up and down her side,still keep kissing as her mouth relaxes move your hands to gently brush her boobs,if she starts to respond to this then,if the dress is low cut,gradually move your hands inside,if not then unzip the back and start stroking her...from here you are in like Flynn...Of course if at any stage you get serious resistance,then desist and go your way...Good Luck Mate!

 

[startstrongtoday22]

Here is the thing.. once a woman drops you her emotions are GONE. They are gone forever. She will never be attracted to you on the same level again for the rest of time. Men need to learn to accept this.

The purpose of NC is power. It is designed to damage the woman's ego and make her question just how appealing she is. Women come back after NC for their EGO.. not because they miss you. The only thing they miss is the attention and validation.. NOT YOU. They want to make sure they had the effect on you they believed they did when they dumped you. They want to make sure you're hurting. Once they see you still care.. it boosts their ego and they are happy.

The only purpose of getting back in touch with a woman after NC is to f*ck her a few more times and throw her away like trash.

After NC the relationship needs to be 100% ON YOUR TERMS and 0% on her terms. You have nothing more to give after NC. You are only there to TAKE. She has NO say and NO rights in the relationship after NC. Your way or the highway. ZERO compromise.

For your situation, I would tell her to drop off the DVD's at my home at a time I specify. I would take the DVD's from her and say nothing other than "thank you". If she doesn't attempt any type of seduction on me, I will say "ok, bye" and that will be the end of it. If she attempts seduction, I will invite her in and f*ck her. Then tell her to leave.

This all star material and I am not sure why this poster was banned. But this gold standard! Always!

 

[soulforge]

I say ignore her. And who fuk watches DVDs

 

[corsica]

This is a 10 years old post. Why bump it?

When I see long OP posts like that, I see an entitled man who has no respect for other people's time. You start reading and you start seeing a bunch of irrelevant text. Then you scroll to check the rest of the post and it never ends.

I can imagine how girls feel texting that guy.

Sorry, but no thanks.

 

[SW15]

I say ignore her. And who fuk watches DVDs

It was more common to watch DVDs in 2013 than now. I can also think of examples where I can content on DVD/Blu-Ray that isn't available on my subscribed streaming services. The streaming services don't have every piece of content out there. I find that DVD/Blu-Ray is better for having more content.

I never even got to sleep with her.

But it is what it is. I'm not over it, yet.

A guy who was 37 at the time developed one-itis feelings for some woman he had not banged. Not good,

 

[BackInTheGame78]

So here is my take on this. She may be in a better place with her Mom's situation and might be feeling lonely now.

This is actually a perfect situation for you to be in because you hold all the cards at this point. She reached out to you. She invites you over. She has no idea what's been going on with you.

Personally if you play this right I feel you have a high chance to get this woman near obsessed with you because she will be trying to figure out in her mind how you are so different than the person she knew. Basically the way you do this is you act differently around her. She probably expects you to come over, act like a little puppy dog and try and fvck her, which she will reject and then have some validation and feel good.

But you should go over there and do none of that. Be cordial and cool with her, if she invites you to sit down, sit on the other end of the couch, spread out with open posture and don't try and make a move, tease her, act sexually towards her, be very vague about what's going on in your life and tell her stuff like "things are going really great for me now, but I don't want to bore her with the details", then change the subject.

If you play this right it will flip a switch in her brain as to why you are not acting the way she expects you to act and she will almost HAVE to try and figure this out for herself. If she has ANY level of interest in you, you can probably get her near obsessed with you by doing this right. To the point she will probably seduce you...maybe not the first time but be assured that won't be the last time she invites you over. It's like you hit a reset button.

However to do this right, you can't be afraid of "screwing up a second chance". You have to have the mindset that she is gone and you are going to treat her like a friend and she has to work to earn another chance. Based on your initial post I am not sure if you are in the proper mindset to do this but if you are able to it will b extremely powerful.

A woman who expects one type of behavior from a guy after not seeing him for a period of time but gets a completely different type of behavior instantly becomes a mystery that she almost is drawn to figuring out and instantly becomes attractive to her again. And the more time she spends trying to figure out if maybe she was wrong and didn't actually know the real you, the more she becomes obsessed with you.

The only thing is, if you end up going back to acting the same way you did, the second you do that it will be like snapping her out of a trance and it will be over because she will think that's who you actually are and this is a facade, so you actually have to be able to do this for a period of time well...like month or so to get her invested again.

Keep us updated OP