NC for 6 weeks, ready to be over this shyt person

[Jifto]

I broke up with a woman 6 weeks ago that was a dirt bag. I didn't know now what I knew then and she took me from being naturally very confident / alpha to beta. I only recently got into this whole DJ scene and learned a ton...thanks!

She was a rollercoaster of a person that pushed and pulled her emotions from moment to moment. I was king one minute, and the worst thing ever the next. She also was leading on exs and hung up on an ex she was dating while he was married. Three days after she was her most vicious, disinterested self she had confessed her undying love to me.

Now I just want to be over her. I've gone NC, don't want to see her again, have no fantasies about getting back together again, totally loathe her as a person, and have been meeting at least one woman a week from OLD. The f'd up part is, I still miss her. How do I turn this off? I realize its just her conditioning, but I want it to be gone.

 

[resilient]

Part of the equation of NC that is overlooked is forgiveness. If you want to truly move on, let go whatever toxicity this woman brought into your life. She was hung up on exes when you were with her. She isn't with you now, so just let all that go.

Continue working on your Don Juan life in looks, finances, and personality.

Stay busy with hobbies and hanging out with the guys.

Some other ideas are networking, volunteering, go camping alone for a night and enjoy the silence.

 

[stovepipe]

You my friend came face to face with a Cluster B/Psychopath. I went through the same exact thing you did, except she turned me into such a beta I stuck around so long I probably have permanent emotional trauma. They have knack for turning strong men into beta's overtime. They slowly chip away at you like an axe to a tree.

Had severe PTSD at one point, suicidal and all that mess. Unfortunately, the "I still miss her part" is a common thing with these demon women called "trauma bonding" "Stockholm syndrome". It is very difficult to "turn off" even if you resent them for the way they treated you. They know no matter how bad they treat you, you're left still missing them or even worse, wanting them back. They have an endless supply of ex's who contact them wanting sex or to get back with them.

Respect for being the one who broke it off, as it is easier on you than the other way around. How long were you were together? A buddy mine just went through the same exact thing. His ex cheated on him with a married man, then again months down the road. He went from being an arrogant narcissist, to actually realizing he was one and trying to change into a better person. So if a narc can be brought down by a cluster b, anyone man can. Well, other than a sociopath.

Then another alpha friend same thing. She turned him into a beta after some time, then one day he went thru her phone and found out she was banging two other dudes. He cried in front of me a like a child. Seems this happening all too often these days. The survivors of these relationships end up suffering big time. Even if you left them with all the hatred in the world, there is still a piece of you that misses them.

 

[Glassguy]

The easiest way to get over one, is to get under another one.

 

[soulforge]

I broke up with a woman 6 weeks ago that was a dirt bag. I didn't know now what I knew then and she took me from being naturally very confident / alpha to beta. I only recently got into this whole DJ scene and learned a ton...thanks!

She was a rollercoaster of a person that pushed and pulled her emotions from moment to moment. I was king one minute, and the worst thing ever the next. She also was leading on exs and hung up on an ex she was dating while he was married. Three days after she was her most vicious, disinterested self she had confessed her undying love to me.

Now I just want to be over her. I've gone NC, don't want to see her again, have no fantasies about getting back together again, totally loathe her as a person, and have been meeting at least one woman a week from OLD. The f'd up part is, I still miss her. How do I turn this off? I realize its just her conditioning, but I want it to be gone.

Been there, done that... Firstly weldone for kicking this scum bag to the curb..

And yes you will miss this chick, like a junkie misses heroin when going cold turkey..

But you MUST remain NC.. I promise with time it will get easier and better.. also you need to try see other chicks or bang chicks preferably better looking than her..

I dumped my ex nearly 6 months ago for treating me poorly.. and yes i still miss her..

But the pain is much less.. i am at least 70% over it..

You need to cut her out in EVERY way possible.. give it time, hit the gym.. focus on your life..

You will defo feel better soon man.. In the future, Never ignore the red flags!

 

[Red Legg]

The easiest way to get over one, is to get under another one.

I disagree.....He is really hurt right now and has NO frame at all...he would get creamed, and be super-needy right now with any chick.

 

[soulforge]

I broke up with a woman 6 weeks ago that was a dirt bag. I didn't know now what I knew then and she took me from being naturally very confident / alpha to beta. I only recently got into this whole DJ scene and learned a ton...thanks!

She was a rollercoaster of a person that pushed and pulled her emotions from moment to moment. I was king one minute, and the worst thing ever the next. She also was leading on exs and hung up on an ex she was dating while he was married. Three days after she was her most vicious, disinterested self she had confessed her undying love to me.

Now I just want to be over her. I've gone NC, don't want to see her again, have no fantasies about getting back together again, totally loathe her as a person, and have been meeting at least one woman a week from OLD. The f'd up part is, I still miss her. How do I turn this off? I realize its just her conditioning, but I want it to be gone.

For how long was you dating this chick?

 

[bigneil]

I broke up with a woman 6 weeks ago that was a dirt bag. I still miss her. How do I turn this off?

1) Listen to Bob Dylan Blood on the Tracks (complete album from 1975).
2) Keep waiting (it clicks off someday soon - I just clicked off day 30).
3) Pursue other women.
4) Work out.
5) Improve.
6) Wait until she reaches out (they always do).

 

[Dash Riprock]

I disagree.....He is really hurt right now and has NO frame at all...he would get creamed, and be super-needy right now with any chick.

Agreed. He should shoot for a HB7 in the interim until he recovers more.

 

[Red Legg]

Agreed. He should shoot for a HB7 in the interim until he recovers more.

Not even a HB7... not until he memorizes the DJ bible and gets his emotions under control,maybe go monk mode for a month or two...

 

[Jifto]

For how long was you dating this chick?

We only dated 5 months. That's the worst part. I've had a bunch of relationships that spanned a few weeks to four years.
After 6 weeks, I've generally been over them completely (I journal - so I can actually confirm this).

I'm not torn up about it. I don't sit and feel awful all the time. It's just that once or twice an hour something about her creeps into my head. Good stuff, stuff she criticized me about, or just random memories. I want that to stop. I've been working out, meditating, spending times with friends etc, but I'm just stuck in this state.

She was beautiful. Not the hottest I've ever been with, but close. She was also an absolute freak in bed. She blew my mind and I can't stop thinking about that.

I'm meeting up with a HB7 tomorrow night that I met from OLD. Not sure if that's a great idea.

 

[Billtx49]

It will take longer than usual if she was indeed a cluster B like it sounds from the description. She wasn't a normal woman, don't expect a normal recovery time.

 

[resilient]

It's just that once or twice an hour something about her creeps into my head.

That will fade the more you get active you are in engaging your mind: outdoor activities, novelty, meeting new people, dates, read a few books, hobbies, etc.

The danger of monk mode is when you're not productive. That's why it's so important in a monk mode period to push yourself hard, so you come back next time more balanced with purged emotions and more self-assurance. Keep journaling.

I'm meeting up with a HB7 tomorrow night that I met from OLD. Not sure if that's a great idea.

Others may disagree, yet I think it's a great idea. It softens the blow of overthinking the ex. Just go in with low expectations and keep your emotions rock steady.

 

[soulforge]

We only dated 5 months. That's the worst part. I've had a bunch of relationships that spanned a few weeks to four years.
After 6 weeks, I've generally been over them completely (I journal - so I can actually confirm this).

I'm not torn up about it. I don't sit and feel awful all the time. It's just that once or twice an hour something about her creeps into my head. Good stuff, stuff she criticized me about, or just random memories. I want that to stop. I've been working out, meditating, spending times with friends etc, but I'm just stuck in this state.

She was beautiful. Not the hottest I've ever been with, but close. She was also an absolute freak in bed. She blew my mind and I can't stop thinking about that.

I'm meeting up with a HB7 tomorrow night that I met from OLD. Not sure if that's a great idea.

This type of break up can take longer to recover from.. possibly a cluster b, plus she treated you like chit..

But the hardest part to get over from this type of break up is..

Why the fuk did I let this happen?

Where was my self worth and dignity?

That's the kinda chit that eats away at you the most..

Add to that the freaky addictive sex..

I know how you feel about that man.. I just dumped a plate that was a crazy FREAK in bed..

The things this girl did.. jeeez..

 

[stovepipe]

Did she love bomb you in the beginning? I honestly think it takes years, if not a lifetime to get them out of your head. I know guys who were with one for 2-6 months and still 5+ years later are still stuck in their head. Or talking about how sex is no where near has enjoyable/pleasurable then with their C-B ex. Hell, Im 8 months out and think about that b!th everyday no matter how hard I try not to. I've kind of excepted the fact I will be haunted by her forever. Now I know why so many of her ex's kept trying to get her back. She an addicting little b!tch!

 

[soulforge]

Did she love bomb you in the beginning? I honestly think it takes years if not a lifetime to get them out of your head. I know guys who were with one for 2-6 months and still 5+ years later are still stick in their head. Or talking about how sex is no where near has enjoyable/pleasurable then with their CB ex. Hell, Im 8 months out and think about that b!th everyday no matter how hard I try not to. Now I know why so many of her ex's kept trying to get her back or trying to smash.

Yeh man.. its that crazy sex you get addicted to.. it stays with you..

I was only seeing this last plate 3 months.. and seriously sex wise, I am already thinking sex wise, no other chick will even compare!!

They get you so seriously hooked

 

[stovepipe]

Yeh man.. its that crazy sex you get addicted to.. it stays with you..

I was only seeing this last plate 3 months.. and seriously sex wise, I am already thinking sex wise, no other chick will even compare!!

They get you so seriously hooked

They have to use sex in order to trap their target, cause they know if you knew the REAL them (women behind the mask), you more than likely wouldn't commit to her. Sh!t, If I knew the truth about my ex's past and who she really was, I would have hit it once and bounced and never committed or never smashed at all.

They know kinky is the way to a mans heart/mind, the better the odds to trap you in the black widow web. They know it gets to your head and you constantly think about it/them. Sometimes it felt like she had super human emotional powers, they can read your emtions before you can even think it. Their main goal is to TRY and leave some type of permanent scar/memory in your brain like you are programmed to always pop-up in your head..Like whack-a-mole

 

[El Payaso]

Been there, done that... Firstly weldone for kicking this scum bag to the curb..

And yes you will miss this chick, like a junkie misses heroin when going cold turkey..

But you MUST remain NC.. I promise with time it will get easier and better.. also you need to try see other chicks or bang chicks preferably better looking than her..

I dumped my ex nearly 6 months ago for treating me poorly.. and yes i still miss her..

But the pain is much less.. i am at least 70% over it..

You need to cut her out in EVERY way possible.. give it time, hit the gym.. focus on your life..

You will defo feel better soon man.. In the future, Never ignore the red flags!

Yes, do what soulforge said. The best healer of a Cluster B wound is Time.

Time heals all. All you can do is focus on yourself and whatever you have going on (school, work, business, hobbies, friends etc).

Delete any and all contacts of her (phone, social media, pictures, videos etc).

The less things to remind you about her, the better. There will be moments when you think of her and will miss her. Accept it. Don't fight it. It will pass and you will be back to forgetting her again.

 

[bigneil]

OP, you obviously loved this girl if you are here talking about her. Why dishonor her by calling her names? You had a great run. She's probably one of the coolest people you ever met. Regardless of what 40-something women here say, a relationship doesn't have to last forever to be worthwhile. Just celebrate the time you shared and know you prequalify for a slightly better girl next.

 

[Jifto]

Part of the equation of NC that is overlooked is forgiveness. If you want to truly move on, let go whatever toxicity this woman brought into your life. She was hung up on exes when you were with her. She isn't with you now, so just let all that go.

Continue working on your Don Juan life in looks, finances, and personality.

Stay busy with hobbies and hanging out with the guys.

Some other ideas are networking, volunteering, go camping alone for a night and enjoy the silence.

This is actually a very valid point. Thank you. I am reading up on stoic thought and this seems like something Marcus A or Seneca would say. I will try to incorporate forgiveness into my meditations. That said, I think it is valuable to still realize what the red flags were and avoid them in the future