Nasty break up! please help im a mess

[ink_wizard]

Hey all,

So i was dating a girl for the past 6 months, who i fell in love with and really thought she was the one. She is diagnosed with BPD so she did have her issues but for the most bit, everything was great between us, things were intense from the minute we started dating, we had so many plans for our future and she was in love with me also. She did so much for me, was always there for me when i was going through rough patches, supported me, always used to buy me expensive gifts, she was so amazing. We did have the occasional argument here and there but we always managed to pull through. There were times i struggled to be there for her in her times of need when she was depressed and going through sh1t just because i found it so draining and it had a bad impact on my mental health. She will never forgive me for this and honestly i dont blame her. I should of been there for her.

A month ago she went on vacation overseas to see her family because one of her relatives was on their death bed and she wanted to see them for the last time. It was when she was there that we started getting into fights and arguments mainly because i was at such a bad point in life...eg lost my job, in debt, suffering depression....I was an ass and took it out on her a few times which i regret badly and it made her reconsider the relationship. When she got back, she was very distant and it felt like she had already checked out on the relationship. I approach her about this and we start talking. She tells me that she thinks we are complete different people, and she feels the relationship is one sided and that she plans on moving overseas to live with her extended family. Shes hesitant about working on our issues as she feels it wont change the fact that we are not suited together. I said we should have some more time apart from each other, so we can really see how we feel and think things through before we break up. Shes crying and begging me not to go, despite saying shes not sure if she sees a future between us anymore.

Today rolls around, i go over to hers to talk and find out what she wants to do about us. She tells me that she's definetly moving away and that we're done and she doesnt want to work on our issues and she feels she doesnt know me anymore. Shes very cold and distant and wont hear me out at all, wont even let me explain myself. She feels she's been used and that i was never there for her when she needed me. Stupid me replies to her saying when i needed her the most she was on holidays...She gets up and tells me to get out of her house and how dare i say such things. Later on that evening, she deletes me from all social media platforms and tells me never to contact her again, we're finished, that im a selfish a$$hole who takes but never gives and that she basically hates me...

I cant believe i fu**ed up that badly, now she doesnt want anything to do with me and i feel like ive lost the one person i truly ever loved and shes not coming back. She wasnt perfect either though. She wasnt that great at communication her feelings towards me throughout the relationship, she was also clingy/needy alot too, and every week there was a different drama going on in her life, it was actually really draining. I feel like such a fu** up. I honestly dont know what to do. I mean i know i go NC but i am so hurt about it all, that something so special could just turn to sh1t like that. I dont want to lose her forever or for her to hate me but i dont know what im suppose to do!!!

Please help!!!! I am dying inside slowly. Give it to me straight, i know i screwed up badly but how do i make amends?!!

 

[Serenity]

You are blaming yourself way too much here, that's the trick BPD's play on guys. To make it seem like it's all your fault in order to hide the fact that they're the one's who messed up the most.

You say you don't want to lose her, that's a bad sign! Any self-respecting man would get the fvck away from that mess. You currently have a variation of Stockholm's syndrome.

Stay away, clear your mind and you'll see that that you didn't lose anything, on the contrary you will see you gained your sanity back.

 

[Spaz]

From your post, you do know she's has problems and she's been draining you emotionally.

It's not love that you are missing. It's the bond.

Anyone who has spent time with someone over a period of 3 months will form bonds with them.

Find something new, perhaps playing the guitar, bond with something else to replace those missing.

 

[wolf]

https://www.reddit.com/r/BPDlovedones/comments/5p3eyq/at_least_you_know_what_a_siren_looks_like/

Read this

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

She's playing the classic blame game, foisting her insecurities and problems onto you and making you feel bad for them to excuse her own behaviour and unstable mental state.

Everyone makes mistakes in relationships, but most partners will assign fair blame to each mistake. You sound like you've made very minor "mistakes" and she's amplified the guilt 10x and given it back to you.

 

[Spaz]

On 2nd thought, forget about any girl/relationship advice given here

1st and foremost, the single most important thing right now for you is survival.

Get a job.

Then try to get out of debts.

Only then you come back here and we can chit chat about women and how best to attract them.

 

[sosousage]

haha. these threads never end.


dude block her and go gym. women arent worth stress, in fact what are they worth?

 

[ohrein]

Doesn't sound like a relationship worth saving from what you've said. If you think you need a person in your life to be happy, you're probably not happy enough to be in a relationship at all. You should focus on your own life, sorting out your own mental health problems, your career and the things you enjoy in life. Once you have a life you are happy living, then you can figure out what to do about women. Mental health is one of the three strongest predictors of relationship success or failure. You have issues and your ex has BPD. I'll let you figure out whether it's success or failure that predicts.

 

[ink_wizard]

I have been working on my personal issues eg getting a job, seeing a therapist etc

Before she came along I was doing perfectly well and in such a good place in life. I worked really hard to get there too. She chased me and wanted me bad! Now I’m back at rock bottom, depressed and destroyed.

We did get on well for the most part and she was a gorgeous looking girl. Probably the hottest I’ve ever dated. And the thought of never hearing from her again or seeing her with another guy is crushing.

 

[Spaz]

A man WANTS a women in his life to complement it, perhaps even enhance it, this is ideal.

But when a man NEEDS a woman, thats when all sorts of trouble starts and your life goes downhill.

@ohrein has given you sound advice.

 

[ohrein]

I have been working on my personal issues eg getting a job, seeing a therapist etc

Before she came along I was doing perfectly well and in such a good place in life. I worked really hard to get there too. She chased me and wanted me bad! Now I’m back at rock bottom, depressed and destroyed.

We did get on well for the most part and she was a gorgeous looking girl. Probably the hottest I’ve ever dated. And the thought of never hearing from her again or seeing her with another guy is crushing.

I'm glad man, keep working. I'm not saying she's not a loss from your life, I'm just saying you can want someone who's probably not good for you. I think you know she's not good for you. Keep reminding yourself of that and wait out the time to get over it. Distract yourself by working on your life and a couple of years will breeze by and you'll look back on this time wondering how you felt this way.

 

[Glassguy]

She tells me that she's definetly moving away and that we're done and she doesnt want to work on our issues and she feels she doesnt know me anymore. Shes very cold and distant and wont hear me out at all, wont even let me explain myself. She feels she's been used and that i was never there for her when she needed me. Stupid me replies to her saying when i needed her the most she was on holidays...She gets up and tells me to get out of her house and how dare i say such things. Later on that evening, she deletes me from all social media platforms and tells me never to contact her again, we're finished, that im a selfish a$$hole who takes but never gives and that she basically hates me...

Well there you go. What else do you need to hear?

Let me give you a little tough love. You are acting like an emotional 13 year old girl. This is why she left you. You probably had these emotional outburst with her for some time. You clearly need to obtain an outcome indifferent mentality. You went out with her for 6 months. That is just a long fling in today's dating world. You need to reach down, see if your balls are still there and if they are, start acting like a man.

Sometimes life doesnt offer a 2nd chance on something particular that doesnt work out and you will eventually be glad it didnt with this fvcked up mess of a woman.

You have a lot to learn about women, relationships and most importantly, yourself. It all starts with you. If and when this chick ever reaches out again, I would either 1.) Absolutely ignore 2.) Tell her that you have moved on to much greener pastures, good luck dealing with her mental issues and go pound sand up her @ss.

 

[lizardking82]

She is a diagnosed BPD and your life is a mess. You could have saved us a whole lot of reading. These are the facts that matter.

Course of action: Get your life together, stop dating BPDs (at most, have sex with them).

You think this relationship/woman is your lifesaving device and now you're desperate cause it got taken away from you.

 

[dude99]

Hey all,

So i was dating a girl for the past 6 months, who i fell in love with and really thought she was the one. She is diagnosed with BPD ......!

This is all we needed to know from your situation to know it would turn into a $h!t show

Diagnosed BPD. Exit stage right. Enter witness protection. Move. Run away. NEXT!

 

[Roober]

You found this site in 2010, likely asked for advice, and then bailed. You found a mountain of gold, took your quick bushel, and and ran for the hills.

You are lazy, lack social intelligence, and seeking a quick fix to a very big problem... again... The definition of insanity... doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result

Get off your fvcking ass, work on yourself, and forget about this woman... There are plenty of resources here to do that...

 

[Urbanyst]

 

[Rapport101]

I just got out of a relationship with a BPD girl. And I went freaking crazy at the end. I’m on day 10 of no contact and am just starting to feel better. Here’s the thing with BPD people. They have an extreme fear of being alone. So they always need someone there. So it’s highly likely that when you weren’t around or were busy doing other things, she was grooming other men, so that when she discards you she will isntantly be in another relationship. She was in another relationship with another guy before we even ended. And that’s just how they work.

There are really two reasons a BPD woman will leave you: 1) you enforce your boundaries 2) you don’t enforce your boundaries. My ex won’t leave me alone after I went no contact, even though she’s in a relationship with another guy. That’s how messed up these people are. She told me that she doesn’t want me to be happy. She said she doesn’t want me to move on. So that when she’s done destroying the guy she’s with she can get back together with me. They have a completely different take on reality than a non disordered person.

No Contact! Ever!

Ps. That relationship beta-ized me and destroyed me in the end. Now I’m recovering. You were in a toxic relationship and aren’t even telling us a fraction of the crazy controlling manipulation that you went through, because you’re making excuses for her. Be honest with your friends and family about what happened so they can support you. If you end up getting back together with her things will be worse than they were before. These women are pathological liars, serial cheaters, and just use you for narcissistic supply. Just know everything that you believed about her is a lie and move on. I just went through it so I know how you feel. No contact is the only way to heal.

If you’re interested, view my drunken meltdown in the no contact forum. Still not feeling back to normal but I can tell you I feel way better.

 

[ink_wizard]

Thank you for all the replies!

It’s interesting with the BPD. I didn’t find her to be this evil b1tch. I just found her hard to keep happy. Nothing I ever did was enough. I don’t know whether it was an act but I did find her very supporting and caring for the most part and she did a lot for me. I won’t knock her there.
I guess I couldn’t deal with the weekly dramas, the clingyness, frequent mood swings, you had to also watch what you say to her because she takes things the wrong way and is very sensitive so I was always walking on eggshells around her. She was also a social media wh0re, she’s on it constantly...has about 20 conversations going on messenger from guys, to friends to random people....I used to hate that. Even when we were still together, she uploaded nudes to social media, of course with certain bits censored without even consulting me about it and i can guarantee if I dared to ask her about it, I’d get attitude about it and possibly my head bitten off!

She was different. But she had her good points about her too. That’s what makes things so hard.

 

[dustmuffin]

I have been working on my personal issues eg getting a job, seeing a therapist etc

Before she came along I was doing perfectly well and in such a good place in life. I worked really hard to get there too. She chased me and wanted me bad! Now I’m back at rock bottom, depressed and destroyed.

We did get on well for the most part and she was a gorgeous looking girl. Probably the hottest I’ve ever dated. And the thought of never hearing from her again or seeing her with another guy is crushing.[/QUOTE)

You will get over it. She dumped you. You must move on and forget her. All of us have been in your position before. Don't waste emotional energy on her. It's hard but you must move along.

 

[Trump]

Thank you for all the replies!

It’s interesting with the BPD. I didn’t find her to be this evil b1tch. I just found her hard to keep happy. Nothing I ever did was enough.

No worries bro.

Every guy in here labels every girl "BPD" if they don't get what they want from her.

That way the guys reputation is still in tact if she doesn't act accordingly. Makes her seem crazy, makes him look good.