Myspace ex g/f question

[STR8UP]

Okay, so at the risk of sounding like a 7th grader, I'm gonna go ahead and ask this.......

One of my ex g/f's best friends recently got a myspace account and sent me a message. I was always cool with her and her husband, but they moved away a few years ago.

Anyway, of course my ex and I are now both on the same myspace friends list. This is the first time in two years that I have had any sort of a link to her. Haven't seen her, haven't heard from her, and we have no mutual friends aside from this girl who just sent me a message.

So here's the question....

Should I send her a message?

I know, I know you're thinking "what good can come of it"?

Just to set the record straight, I am NOT looking to reconnect with her to become buddies or hook up or any of that.

And again, maybe I'm looking at this like a 7th grader and I just need to get the thought out of my mind, but it's almost as if sending her a brief message would help ME clear the air since we parted on such bad terms. I just hate parting as "enemies" with anyone if I can help it. And now that there is sort of a "link" that didn't exist before, I dunno, it just feels kind of awkward having that link now.

So what good could come of it? Maybe it will slay the last few remaining demons. This was my longest relationship of my life and until the end we had a really good relationship.

What bad could come of it? As long as I'm not looking to get back with her, I don't really see any downside.

So fire away.....

 

[romangod]

So what good could come of it? Maybe it will slay the last few remaining demons. This was my longest relationship of my life and until the end we had a really good relationship.

What bad could come of it? As long as I'm not looking to get back with her, I don't really see any downside.

So fire away.....
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If you've come to terms with your relationship with her and want to slay a few demons, I say go for it. Just don't be hurt or upset if it doesn't go as you envision it.

.

 

[DJDamage]

Nothing good would come out of this, you just be joining the hordes of other men that are lusting for her ass on myspace. She on the other hand will be extatic that her ex is still thinking about her and wanting to talk to her after all those years, thank god for myspace to bridge the gap and letting her know that. I am sure she will be all nice and pretty until she decides to revisit your old demons and use her scorpion tail to sting you so she can feel she is doing better then you are 2 years later ("guess what I am getting married,,,,finally i found someone who I truly love and is not pathetic like some people i dated.....")

Every relationship that ends, will end on a sour note. Accept the fact that some exe's will still like you, some won't and some will hate your guts and want you dead. You can't please everyone but you can please yourself.

Best advice is to move on and don't look back.

 

[MacAvoy]

NO





clear enough for you?

 

[frivolousz21]

Do not do this.

 

[squirrels]

NO





clear enough for you?

Quoted for truth.

 

[KontrollerX]

Was this the relationship where you absolutely went off on the girl in the end Str8up?

Just curious but anyway if its just one of the ex's friends and not the ex herself that you are talking to I really don't see the problem if you two were friends before the breakup and she just wants to re-establish that bond to have some light conversation from time to time.

It is a risk though if she brings up the ex and then you react to it because then your friend may simply relay what you have said to your ex and anything from you going silent about it to you doing well wishing basically you reacting in any way will pretty much give this ex of yours a feeling of victory over you and I'm sure you don't want that.

So my advice is to only respond if you are beyond wanting to win any remaining power game with your ex and the friendship with her best friend is extra specially important for you to have.

If your ex screwed you over badly enough there is no sense in trying to repair the bridge that she burned by trying to use this friend as a go between.

Any olive branch of friendship needs to be extended by your ex herself and not you or her friend as the go between to it and if this friend contacting you is doing so at your ex's request to test the waters at a potential friendship and burying of the hatchet then it is an act of cowardice and evasion when she should be doing the contacting herself.

This contact from the friend could be many things is what I'm saying.

-It could be the friend really liked your friendship and wants to re-establish that with no ulterior motive.

-It could be her working at your ex's request to see if the ex has gotten to you and you're still not over her.

-It could be the ex cowardly testing the waters through her friend contacting you to see how you might feel about being friends after all this time when if she really wants that she needs to step forward and make it happen herself.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Just be honest with yourself about whether or not you would fvck her. What if she came to you with a sob story about how hubby has not had sex with her for months, and she thinks he is cheating? Would that change your mind about being cool with hubby?

 

[joekerr31]

str8up, i quit smoking 5 weeks ago. i still find myself wanting to have a smoke. i tell myself 'what harm can one smoke do? its not like ill be addicted again just from one?"

the good thing though is that im wise enough to realize the folly in this thinking. this is the addict in me talking. if i have just one it will lead me down a path i do not want to go.

so instead of having that one i strap on my jogging shoes and i go running. or i have a coffee. or i eat some apple pie.

because when its over... ITS OVER. that means not 1 more cigarette for me, EVER. because as long as im willing to have one here or one there, it ain't over.

nothing good will come from you re-estabilshing contact with this chic. its over, move forward, not backwards.

 

[madslackin]

str8up, i quit smoking 5 weeks ago. i still find myself wanting to have a smoke. i tell myself 'what harm can one smoke do? its not like ill be addicted again just from one?"

...

nothing good will come from you re-estabilshing contact with this chic. its over, move forward, not backwards.

Very well put, Joe. I quit smoking nine months ago so this analogy really works for me. You can't get on with your life/quitting smoking if you have any intention of moving backwards.

 

[jophil28]

str8up, i quit smoking 5 weeks ago. i still find myself wanting to have a smoke. i tell myself 'what harm can one smoke do? its not like ill be addicted again just from one?"

the good thing though is that im wise enough to realize the folly in this thinking. this is the addict in me talking. if i have just one it will lead me down a path i do not want to go.

so instead of having that one i strap on my jogging shoes and i go running. or i have a coffee. or i eat some apple pie.

because when its over... ITS OVER. that means not 1 more cigarette for me, EVER. because as long as im willing to have one here or one there, it ain't over.

nothing good will come from you re-estabilshing contact with this chic. its over, move forward, not backwards.

THis is GOLD. There is no such thing as " just one won't hurt me.". One will lead to two and then ...three...and before you know it you are back in the grip of the weed..
"NO contact" is the only way. SAme with ex's who are married .
What does she have that you want? What good will come of it for you ?

 

[Ever onward]

Man you're smarter than this!

You're just trying to appease your inner child!

But seriously, you are still looking for approval. Maybe not relationship-wise or friend-wise but still you are. You want her to say that she doesn't hate you and still approves of you as a person. But really, you don't need that. Let go of the last shreds of attachment you are still harboring. A wise man once said "wherever there is attachment, association with it brings endless misery".

 

[wjh]

STR8UP - You post way too much to be asking this. Doesn't really matter what you do, in my opinion, you'll be fine regardless.

 

[edger]

Okay, so at the risk of sounding like a 7th grader, I'm gonna go ahead and ask this.......

One of my ex g/f's best friends recently got a myspace account and sent me a message. I was always cool with her and her husband, but they moved away a few years ago.

Anyway, of course my ex and I are now both on the same myspace friends list. This is the first time in two years that I have had any sort of a link to her. Haven't seen her, haven't heard from her, and we have no mutual friends aside from this girl who just sent me a message.

So here's the question....

Should I send her a message?

I know, I know you're thinking "what good can come of it"?

Just to set the record straight, I am NOT looking to reconnect with her to become buddies or hook up or any of that.

And again, maybe I'm looking at this like a 7th grader and I just need to get the thought out of my mind, but it's almost as if sending her a brief message would help ME clear the air since we parted on such bad terms. I just hate parting as "enemies" with anyone if I can help it. And now that there is sort of a "link" that didn't exist before, I dunno, it just feels kind of awkward having that link now.

So what good could come of it? Maybe it will slay the last few remaining demons. This was my longest relationship of my life and until the end we had a really good relationship.

What bad could come of it? As long as I'm not looking to get back with her, I don't really see any downside.

So fire away.....

Attention wh*re. She most likely sent you a friend request to see if you would add her. By you adding her, it projects to her that you still accept and want her(even though this might not be the case).

If you left off with her, with her under the impression you didn't want her, then add her...but if you left off with her, with her under the impression that you still wanted her, then don't even bother messaging her..in that case I wouldn't have even bothered adding her, cause in that case she's most definitely looking for attention.

But it's kinda a catch 22 also, because if you left off with her, with her under the impression that you still wanted her, not adding her or even messaging her, might come off as if you're holding a grudge and are still pissed about the breakup, with her thinking that you still want her, giving her satisfaction and an ego boost.

Tough one..but if I were to decide, I wouldn't have added her, and obviously wouldn't message her.

 

[aliasguy]

Okay, so at the risk of sounding like a 7th grader, I'm gonna go ahead and ask this.......

One of my ex g/f's best friends recently got a myspace account and sent me a message. I was always cool with her and her husband, but they moved away a few years ago.

Anyway, of course my ex and I are now both on the same myspace friends list. This is the first time in two years that I have had any sort of a link to her. Haven't seen her, haven't heard from her, and we have no mutual friends aside from this girl who just sent me a message.

So here's the question....

Should I send her a message?

I know, I know you're thinking "what good can come of it"?

Just to set the record straight, I am NOT looking to reconnect with her to become buddies or hook up or any of that.

And again, maybe I'm looking at this like a 7th grader and I just need to get the thought out of my mind, but it's almost as if sending her a brief message would help ME clear the air since we parted on such bad terms. I just hate parting as "enemies" with anyone if I can help it. And now that there is sort of a "link" that didn't exist before, I dunno, it just feels kind of awkward having that link now.

So what good could come of it? Maybe it will slay the last few remaining demons. This was my longest relationship of my life and until the end we had a really good relationship.

What bad could come of it? As long as I'm not looking to get back with her, I don't really see any downside.

So fire away.....

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Just my take........

Consider NOT initiating any contact. She's noticed you're there, they always do. (If the unlikely occurs, and she hasn't seen you there, her friend has likely told her.)

So, there she is at the other end, waiting for you to "bite." There's no upside to doing so. I don't believe it's going to help you slay any demons, and I don't think it will make you look pissed about the breakup if you don't contact her first. (I really think that if you do contact first, you "lose," so to speak.)

Eventually, she'll get tired of waiting and message you. When she does, wait a day, then be polite, terse (without being rude about it) and by NO means ask any questions AT ALL. There should NEVER be a question mark in any reply to her. FROM NOW ON. Avoid stuff like "hope you are doing well," also. "Nice to hear from you," is ok, as long as it's not accompanied by reminiscences, or "feelgood" platitudes. Offer up NO details at all about your life. Don't oversell how "great" everything is in your life. (Things are "GOOD.")

When you reply, type out a short reply, read it over several times, and save without sending. Wait a half hour, then go back and read it again. If there is ANYTHING that seems eager, smug, bitter, hostile, bragging, gloating,entreating, conciliatory, or otherwise wussified or AFC, then change it. Especially never use the word "miss" in any form ("I miss you, too." "Missing You.", "I miss the times when we....") You want any message she gets from you to be BORING, without emotion. Like Spock could have written it.Take away from her any ability to get any kind of emotional rush from you ever again. It's ok to trade messages back and forth, but NEVER ask a single question (EVEN: "How are you?"), and only halfway and unclearly answer any of hers.


On the other hand, you could just ignore any messages from her. That would be ok, too, but I like my other suggestion better.

And, as I think more about it, I'm even more strongly convinced you SHOULD NOT contact her first.
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[grinder]

Do you mean a comment, which can be seen by your X or a message, which is private?

MySpace social dynamics can get pretty complicated. Are you saying you are mutual friends with this best friend, or are you actually MySpace friends with your X? You were not clear.

The nature of MyPace is it fosters entanglement, which, mostly, is a good thing until you have real relationships involved with mutual friends. Then it can get messy and deteriorate very quickly to the 7th grade level.

MySpace is sticky, don’t reply.

Also, could you be using that wonderful defense mechanism, Rationalization, in telling yourself you are slaying an old demon by re-contacting?

 

[STR8UP]

Was this the relationship where you absolutely went off on the girl in the end Str8up?

Yes.

Just curious but anyway if its just one of the ex's friends and not the ex herself that you are talking to I really don't see the problem if you two were friends before the breakup and she just wants to re-establish that bond to have some light conversation from time to time.

Well, the question isn't about the friend, it's about my ex. I already added her friend.

It's just sort of awkward since like I said, there hasn't been any sort of ties with her since we broke up.

This contact from the friend could be many things is what I'm saying.

-It could be the friend really liked your friendship and wants to re-establish that with no ulterior motive.

-It could be her working at your ex's request to see if the ex has gotten to you and you're still not over her.

-It could be the ex cowardly testing the waters through her friend contacting you to see how you might feel about being friends after all this time when if she really wants that she needs to step forward and make it happen herself.

Even though I still consider her friend to be a friend of mine, I was shocked to get a message from her. At first I thought it might be the ex putting her up to it but it looks like she just got the myspace account so maybe she was just searching for random people from her past??? Kinda odd that i would be one of the first few though.....

Anyway, I kinda figured this might be a lightning rod post.

I know I have advised people in the past against doing anything like this. Don't even know why I would consider it other than the fact that I feel some sort of tension now. I know, ridiculous, isn't it? I am completely over this girl and like I said, I'm not looking for a friend or a FB or anything.

You know what? I just realized that I wrote a post awhile back about when you are unsure of your course of action, the best action to take is NO action. I need to follow my own advice!

Stupid idea....I'm still open to discussing this but my mind is made up, I'm sticking to my guns. I will answer her back out of courtesy if she contacts me, but there will be no contact on my part. If I want to say hello to her friend I won't be posting any comments or any crap like that....it will all be private.

 

[STR8UP]

Do you mean a comment, which can be seen by your X or a message, which is private?

That's the thing. If I did comment the ex would see it. I don't make it a habit of throwing comments all over the place, but it's just odd to not be able to do it if you so choose.

MySpace social dynamics can get pretty complicated. Are you saying you are mutual friends with this best friend, or are you actually MySpace friends with your X? You were not clear.

I am on her FRIENDS friends list. No contact with the ex for two years.

The nature of MyPace is it fosters entanglement, which, mostly, is a good thing until you have real relationships involved with mutual friends. Then it can get messy and deteriorate very quickly to the 7th grade level.

I think Myspace is an EXCELLENT tool for getting and keeping women interested in you if used properly. Someone else pointed out before that if you have comments by other women that "indicate interest" it can improve your game, and I have some that do so regularly.

On the other hand Myspace fosters the gossip mill, which is extremely chick-centric.

I'm thinking about writing a post about a theory I have on attraction, and the whole Myspace thing plays into it nicely. maybe I will do that later tonite....

 

[aliasguy]

That's the thing. If I did comment the ex would see it. I don't make it a habit of throwing comments all over the place, but it's just odd to not be able to do it if you so choose.



I am on her FRIENDS friends list. No contact with the ex for two years.



I think Myspace is an EXCELLENT tool for getting and keeping women interested in you if used properly. Someone else pointed out before that if you have comments by other women that "indicate interest" it can improve your game, and I have some that do so regularly.

On the other hand Myspace fosters the gossip mill, which is extremely chick-centric.

I'm thinking about writing a post about a theory I have on attraction, and the whole Myspace thing plays into it nicely. maybe I will do that later tonite....

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Th whole Myspace dynamic is fascinating, and can be strange. I look forward to your thoughts. I've seen some pretty weird behavior revolving around Myspace stuff, and I might have something to add.

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[wjh]

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Th whole Myspace dynamic is fascinating, and can be strange. I look forward to your thoughts. I've seen some pretty weird behavior revolving around Myspace stuff, and I might have something to add.

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After watching the countless shinangens that I've been witness to, I don't believe there are any good reasons to be active on myspace unless you're there strictly to bang as many girls as possible. The exceptions being for professional use (music, film, entertainment, etc.)