My wife and her wandering eyes

[Ceaserofnone]

I have been on a LDR with this girl for almost 4 years. We are married for almost 2 months now which means she has been living with me for 2 months.

Now I married this woman on the basis that 1) she is a virgin and 2) she was, to my understanding, somewhat innocent.

Having been up close with her for 2 months now I have come across an issue that does not sit right with me. Now I knew about this red flag to an extent before I married her but I ignored it as a minor thing. However, now i look back and think that maybe it isnt so minor.

What's the issue?

Well she has wondering eyes. Everytime I've been out with her she seems to need validation from a guy that is somewhat decent looking.

The 1st time she did this I was very confrontational about it. Why? Because its downright disrespectful. Doing it in my presence and doing it so blatantly. Almost as though she is inviting the dude. A glance is one thing, but to constantly seek out the same guys attention is another.

Having confronted her quite harshly, i realised very quickly how that was the biggest mistake. The constant denial from her end only made me look highly insecure.

Now every time I go out I notice it. I try ignore it but it doesnt sit correct with me. Only recently we were at an event and I noticed the same thing. She realised I noticed but in the end I never brought it up to her.

I've been keeping my distance with her and she KNOWS exactly why I am keeping the distance but seems to be baffled by my cold approach. I haven't brought it up to her as the 1st time I did it made no difference and I know if I do shell just deny it.

I'm in a pickle.

Although many may think its something to just ignore, for me its not. You may think it's a beta position to take but it doesnt sit right with me. I am contemplating leaving this girl but given I'm married now it's only embarrassing for me in front of my friends and peers as I've only just married the lady.

Your input would be appreciated.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well duh. It was an LDR. How many times have threads been posted on here about LDRs and how they are a failing proposition?

Good luck bro. I give it a year tops.

 

[Glassguy]

Problem: you married this chick.

Solution: dissolution.

It does no good to create an arguement. She is going to do this regardless. There must be some reservation about marrying you if this is her respect level after 2 short months of marriage.

Do you really think it will change or get better? Nah.....it will get worse.

I believe in Silence and distance when a woman acts disrespectful. Hard to do after they conned you into marrying them now isnt it?

Go talk to an attorney. Have him draw up the papers and then present them to her. Dont discuss beforehand.

What will cost you a LITTLE now will prevent you from a financial disaster later on in life. Because this will never get better and is no way to live your life.

Btw, the wondering eyes are just the disrespect you can see. I'd imagine there is much more you are not seeing.

If you stay in this and live your life out as miserable man it's totally on your head. You have a choice now that you might not have later in life when things get worse (and they will).

LTR is a reward for a totally submissive woman. Marriage is the ultimate reward you give to a woman for PROVING it over years.

She has stopped being submissive, isnt upholding her end of the deal, so you get out now.

No discussion. No scolding her. No arguing.

Just get your shyte lined up and take action.

Divorce is silence and distance forever. Get out and let some other chump deal with her crap.

 

[Ceaserofnone]

Problem: you married this chick.

Solution: dissolution.

It does no good to create an arguement. She is going to do this regardless. There must be some reservation about marrying you if this is her respect level after 2 short months of marriage.

Do you really think it will change or get better? Nah.....it will get worse.

I believe in Silence and distance when a woman acts disrespectful. Hard to do after they conned you into marrying them now isnt it?

Go talk to an attorney. Have him draw up the papers and then present them to her. Dont discuss beforehand.

What will cost you a LITTLE now will prevent you from a financial disaster later on in life. Because this will never get better and is no way to live your life.

Btw, the wondering eyes are just the disrespect you can see. I'd imagine there is much more you are not seeing.

If you stay in this and live your life out as miserable man it's totally on your head. You have a choice now that you might not have later in life when things get worse (and they will).

LTR is a reward for a totally submissive woman. Marriage is the ultimate reward you give to a woman for PROVING it over years.

She has stopped being submissive, isnt upholding her end of the deal, so you get out now.

No discussion. No scolding her. No arguing.

Just get your shyte lined up and take action.

Divorce is silence and distance forever. Get out and let some other chump deal with her crap.

I'll say one thing. She does everything I tell her. Not because i force her but she does it if I've said it once.

For example her dress sense. She wears modest clothing. Doenst work on my request. Cleans the house and makes food. Does all of it because I want her to.

It's just this one thing.

I appreciate the advice though.

 

[bcude]

Listen to Glassguy,

I hate to say this, but you put yourself in this position. LDR 4 years? Never even lived together? You married a stranger and now you get to know her for real. It's crucial to vet the women for years before you give her the ultimate reward of marriage, still not advisable but that's the procedure. Not jumping from LDR to marriage. It will only get worse and when you marry a woman it needs to work in every area, really. Just listen to guys who have been through it.

How do you know she's a virgin? How old is she?
I can understand she's curious but this is something that should have been addressed before marriage. You're trying to change a deal after the fact, that's unfortunately not how it works. You have the power when you grant her the privilege of being in a relationship with you.

 

[MrWood]

Cleans the house and makes food. Does all of it because I want her to.

hmmm... women who have been in love with me, do this because THEY want to.
Women are happy to do things because of the way they FEEL from your frame, not because of what they are told to do.

 

[Julian]

I call BS

 

[Spaz]

Just so you know, ALL and ANY women will look at men or even sexy women ALL the time.

Every time.

Don't mention men, anything shiny their eyes would wander to it.

It's perfectly natural.

Just don't be delusional into thinking that women, when they fall in love or in a marriage will suddenly become blind or lose interest in other men.

Now the difference you should question, is she doing it covertly or overtly whilst with you.

 

[Ceaserofnone]

hmmm... women who have been in love with me, do this because THEY want to.
Women are happy to do things because of the way they FEEL from your frame, not because of what they are told to do.

Well she does as I say with no questions asked.

She had a well paid job and at my request she dropped it. Didnt look twice. Hasnt questioned me since. Does the cleaning cooking etc.

Very submissive.

Her wondering eyes are puzzling. All this submission for me but does that one thing that makes everything she does for me mean nothing.

 

[Ceaserofnone]

Just so you know, ALL and ANY women will look at men or even sexy women ALL the time.

Every time.

Don't mention men, anything shiny their eyes would wander to it.

It's perfectly natural.

Just don't be delusional into thinking that women, when they fall in love or in a marriage will suddenly become blind or lose interest in other men.

Now the difference you should question, is she doing it covertly or overtly whilst with you.

Since I called her out the 1st time she's been very very covert with it but it's obvious to me because I can be very observational especially when I'm on the look out for something.

 

[Spaz]

Since I called her out the 1st time she's been very very covert with it but it's obvious to me because I can be very observational especially when I'm on the look out for something.

Oh so it's ur desire to learn from us on how to turn ur wife into an asexual being ?

 

[Ceaserofnone]

Oh so it's ur desire to learn from us on how to turn ur wife into an asexual being ?

Not really. Since being married I've followed what I expect her to as well. What I mean is I dont glare at women or invite them with my gaze in order to validate myself. I used to but given that I am religious as is she, I would expect the same in return.

 

[strikerace13]

I've know women like this over the years, there what I call the, they want what they can't have women. You either be alright with it or you part ways. Be the strong man in her life and just let it go. You really can't talk her out of this behavior as it's who they are.

 

[Focal core]

I vote for dissolution of the marriage, you can still evaluate her thereafter if shes really care about it, it will show.. Now shes showing you what lies ahead in the future, eject!

 

[Spaz]

Not really. Since being married I've followed what I expect her to as well. What I mean is I dont glare at women or invite them with my gaze in order to validate myself. I used to but given that I am religious as is she, I would expect the same in return.

Oh so u r one of those guys who thinks that both men and women have unisex brains, that somehow women should think like men.

Sorry buddy, there's no such thing as a unisex brain.

Women hv been selling this idea to men for such a long time that many men become total idiots.

1st remove such idiocy from ur mind.

2nd you DO NOT need to follow that self imposed rule since its not sustainable.

3rd you MUST always look at a sexy women and admire her openly, even when ur wife gets mad and accuses you, just admit it that you find them attractive - this is part of masculinity.

Do you understand why i ask you to do this?

Lets see if you hv some brains...

 

[Ceaserofnone]

Oh so u r one of those guys who thinks that both men and women have unisex brains, that somehow women should think like men.

Sorry buddy, there's no such thing as a unisex brain.

Women hv been selling this idea to men for such a long time that many men become total idiots.

1st remove such idiocy from ur mind.

2nd you DO NOT need to follow that self imposed rule since its not sustainable.

3rd you MUST always look at a sexy women and admire her openly, even when ur wife gets mad and accuses you, just admit it that you find them attractive - this is part of masculinity.

Do you understand why i ask you to do this?

Lets see if you hv some brains...

No I dont think that men think like women. However I am aware of women who are less welcoming with their body language and their gaze. These are women that are married.

My point is that a gaze at the opposite gender is not a problem. Hell even to check them out. However I get the sense that my wife doesnt just glimpse or simply gaze but she invites these men to herself with her body language and eyes.

 

[Ceaserofnone]

I vote for dissolution of the marriage, you can still evaluate her thereafter if shes really care about it, it will show.. Now shes showing you what lies ahead in the future, eject!

I cant simply eject. If I do I'd disappoint my family. What I mean is it's too early. I could do in a year or two but doing so now will make me seem the ass and embarrassment.

I have now welcomed the idea of a second wife however.

Let's see how that works.

 

[Spaz]

No I dont think that men think like women. However I am aware of women who are less welcoming with their body language and their gaze. These are women that are married.

My point is that a gaze at the opposite gender is not a problem. Hell even to check them out. However I get the sense that my wife doesnt just glimpse or simply gaze but she invites these men to herself with her body language and eyes.

You think too much into what ur wife does or thinks she does.

The power dynamics is wrong.

That's ur mistake.

She should be the one thinking abt where ur eyes are roving etc.

I hv hinted to you in my previous posting and you don't seem to understand but that's fine, many can't either.

 

[Epic Days]

I used to but given that I am religious as is she, I would expect the same in return.

One of the biggest lies that men fall for. A religious woman.
I would broach the truth of this lie but you won’t listen.

 

[Ceaserofnone]

You think too much into what ur wife does or thinks she does.

The power dynamics is wrong.

That's ur mistake.

She should be the one thinking abt where ur eyes are roving etc.

I hv hinted to you in my previous posting and you don't seem to understand but that's fine, many can't either.

No I appreciate your input. What you say is true. I shouldn't be putting value in my wife but value in myself. I know this but when you marry someone you expect things to go naturally however I guess this is not the reality.