My talk with CapedCrusader08

[loving]

I know most of you looking know who he is. I talked to him on AIM just now and told him some stuff I think needed to be said. Truly I was in the same position as him and came up from it, and am still coming up.

You all say he needs some professional help but what I am hearing is you dont really understand what's going on. I ask that you reserve negative judgement about the convo until the end of it, this is entire and unedited. I tried my best. This is where I got to with him. Honestly I think he made a very visible change. And I can see it. I'm proud of him and where he's going and if nothing else I hope this is something he can always look back to understand some of these things. As with I, teaching is always a learning experience.

Please post back your feedback for me or for him because this is a chance for us both to grow.

Note: This content is here for your benefit. You can choose not to read it and still participate, but you will simply be unaware of the information within it. Therefore you will only be able to reply based on replies and never see the real issue at hand without dedicating a short bit of your time to read this.

caped: hello?
-loving: hey whos this
caped: CapedCrusader08\
-loving: i figured
caped: yeah
-loving: lol
-loving: ok
-loving: so dude ive read everything from u
caped: ok
-loving: told u im sick of u
-loving: given u my aim
caped: ok
-loving: now i gotta ask u
caped: ok
-loving: whats ur problem
caped: it's alot of things
-loving: sh
-loving: read my reply to u
-loving: in my thread
caped: which one?
-loving: my thread that i told u im sick of u in
-loving: honestl etter
caped: send me the link
-loving: ugh
-loving: nvm
caped: is it the last stand against unhappyness thread>
-loving: r u retarded man
-loving: is that all it is
-loving: ur just retarded?
caped: shut up
caped: no. i was saying,is that the thread you were talking about?
-loving: bro im dead serious
-loving: why are u asking me this
-loving: it is obvious
caped: so i know what one you are talking about,there was a few
-loving: honest letter!
-loving: this is the 2ned time im telling u
-loving: brb
-loving: find it
-loving: ok ok
-loving: i just got back from blazing
caped: ok
-loving: its cold outside!
-loving: and inside!
caped: yup
caped: where you live?
-loving: canada
-loving: toronto
caped: oh
-loving: so many beautiful girls
-loving: all cold and needing to be waremd
-loving: in the winter
-loving: i love it
caped: yeah i bet
-loving: ok
-loving: anyway
-loving: i gotta talk to u now
caped: ok
-loving: i assume u read it
-loving: talk back to me
caped: no i am still looking
-loving: like answer my questions
-loving: omg dude
-loving: ur slow
-loving: like maybe ur actually borderline retarded
-loving: im not sure
-loving: i hope not
-loving: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1493180&postcount=66
caped: you gonna insult me? no, I am lazy
-loving: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1493185&postcount=67
-loving: i might insult u
-loving: i might sit here and keep insulting u
-loving: r u gonna take it?
caped: o ok
-loving: cuz if ur not ready then i could go
caped: yeah i saw that one
-loving: ok now
-loving: what is your problem
-loving: in 1 sentence
-loving: tell me your problem
caped: well,it's mostly this constant cycle of anger,anxiety,loneliness and depression
-loving: so how does your day go
-loving: wake up
-loving: what is the first thing u feel bad about
-loving: its all a pattern man it doesnt matter if its different stuff different days the more u look at it the more ull understand its all really the same crap
-loving: and keep typing
-loving: long is good haha
caped: could be anything,but the three or four main things are usually people,social life or lack of,dating/love life or lack there of,educational setbacks,and feeling not having prepared and taken action sooner
-loving: i once saw a picture
-loving: this guys **** was like 14 feet long
-loving: had it wrapped around his shoulder
-loving: then all the way down to his feet again
-loving: like a big snake
caped: that wasn't real
-loving: clearly
caped: hah
-loving: ok wait
-loving: so u get up
caped: i'll be honest,sometimes or most of the time,i am rather sarcastic or cynical
-loving: and first thing in to ur head is
-loving: life sucks
caped: yeah pretty much
-loving: w h y?
caped: well cause of the reasons I just gave,and these constant reminders of that
-loving: no
-loving: thats what u do
-loving: why do u do it
caped: it's a habit
-loving: what made it a habit
caped: it just happened, I started feeling this constantly
-loving: out of nowhere? one day you woke up and youre like **** life sucks then everything spiralled out of control?
caped: pretty much yeah,and at the time,I was like 16,so it was normal adolescent stuff,but it felt worse
-loving: whats wrong with you man? why are you miserable?
-loving: im 17 years old
-loving: when i go to school
caped: well,lack of self esteem,lack of accomplishment
-loving: girls come up to me in a daze ad go hiii
-loving: in class they rub up on me and **** just to get my attention
-loving: your problems mean noithing idiot
-loving: stop thinking about them
-loving: think about what you want to happen
-loving: and stop resisting the advice
caped: I hated school,I hated the people I was with. I was mostly the only white kid in all of my classes. I didn't get **** like that from girls then,don't get **** like that from them now,so I am rather bitter
-loving: you got to ****ing stop your habit
-loving: i dont care what you hated or what your problems are
-loving: i told u on the forums i can sit here and talk to u for 2 days about ur problems
-loving: and then the next day ull wanna talk some more
-loving: because thats how the problems work
-loving: thats how the problems started
-loving: u dont get a ****ty life as a result of waking up 1 morning
-loving: and then suddenly u stop talking to people and are afraid of them
-loving: it is because u build it up slowly over time
-loving: and it becomes all u know
-loving: most happy people are like this too
-loving: ...but happy and unaware...
-loving: the point is you can be unaware all u want
-loving: the type of knowledge im really trying to pour into u
caped: plus,something did happen over a year ago that made things worse
-loving: is hopefully u will understand it and become conscious
-loving: i dont care
-loving: deal with it
-loving: i know u want me to be ur psycologist
-loving: but i dealt with enough of my own ****
-loving: to know that i dont wanna deal with yours
-loving: go sit down if u have to and think about it
caped: i understand i don't expect you to
-loving: as ****ing much as u want
caped: I have thought about it for a long time
-loving: the point is
-loving: come to terms with it
-loving: and move on!!!1
-loving: i wasnt being serious
-loving: u should
-loving: not
-loving: think
-loving: abt
-loving: ur probldm
-loving: !!
-loving: get that through your thick head
caped: i try to take my mind off of it ok
-loving: not it
-loving: everything
caped: i used to drink alot to do it
-loving: this is the solution to ur problem
-loving: u must now ssucceed in seeing
-loving: that u are not ur past
-loving: u were ur past
-loving: if u continue to let ur past be ur future
-loving: then u are becoming ur past
caped: thats what i have been trying to get over
-loving: u need to redesign your future
-loving: and it
-loving: has
-loving: NOTHING
-loving: to do with ur past
-loving: maybe u just cant experience happy
caped: thats where I have a hard time
-loving: try this
caped: yeah,idk if i can
-loving: think of girls
-loving: just think of them
-loving: right now
-loving: for 1 minute
-loving: and i will pm u in 1 minute
-loving: close ur eyes put ur volume on
-loving: and wait for my pm
-loving: go
caped: ok
-loving: why did you stop
caped: stop what?
-loving: thinking about them
caped: i didnt
-loving: good
-loving: did it feel good or bad
caped: both
-loving: when did it feel good
caped: well,nice looking girls who aren't mean,controlling two faced manipulative *****es
caped: who want to bang you
-loving: what
caped: ???
-loving: answer my question
caped: i did
-loving: no
-loving: u complained some more
caped: that's when I felt good about it
-loving: what did i tell u
-loving: leave ur **** at the door
caped: no,that's the **** no one should have to put up with
caped: I did
-loving: u are retarded
-loving: i cant believe i have to explain this to u
-loving: i asked u when did it feel good
-loving: u told me girls aren 2 facedm anipulative *****es
caped: wtf man is this one of those everything i say is wrong things
-loving: thats like asking me what colour strawberry is and me saying blue
caped: no no,it's when they aren't
-loving: u need to listen to me
-loving: and understand i am the one giving u advice
-loving: not the other way around
-loving: so take in what i have to say
-loving: and good if u get angry
caped: ok

 

[loving]

It goes on..

-loving: but ****ing listen
caped: ok
-loving: i am asking u
caped: ok
-loving: when did it feel good
-loving: u are telling me
-loving: BAD THING
-loving: do not tell me the opposite
-loving: even if its "when they werent doing the bad thing"
caped: well,like i said,when they are all sweet and nice and are more than happy to bang you no matter what ok
caped: in all honesty,i haven't had much bad experience,but not like i had alot of experience in general
-loving: do you want more experienceS?
caped: yes
-loving: how many more
caped: well,that's the question I ask myself,do I want to be the guy who bangs and gets all the hot girls,or do i just want to find the nice girl to marry and start a family with
-loving: ugh
-loving: answer my question
-loving: im not asking u waht kinds of experiences
-loving: im asking u how many more
caped: well,again,as much as possible. but,will that leave me fulfilled?
-loving: so what you really want then is fulfillment
caped: yeah
-loving: not necessarily girls
caped: yeah
-loving: if putting your hand on a hot stove gave u the same feelings then u would do that all day
caped: but that is something i have been lacking in as well
caped: no
-loving: u know what i mean
-loving: besides the physical scarring
caped: you mean if it felt good?
-loving: yes clearly
caped: well,no
-loving: why not
caped: well,like you said,cause of scarring,and just that it's crazy
-loving: ok
-loving: but then it wouldnt feel the same you se
-loving: because the scars and all the affects of it would make you feel different
caped: as opposed to scalding hot?
-loving: you can be very retarded sometimes
-loving: read what i said again
-loving: -loving: if putting your hand on a hot stove gave u the same feelings then u would do that all day
-loving: i said it a long time ago
caped: and like I said,no. are you listening to me?
-loving: ;bv ih v;
-loving: ok
-loving: NV
-loving: m
-loving: so your questioning if girls is the right thing for you
-loving: maybe not vs. guys but vs. happiness
caped: no.
-loving: thats what it is i think
caped: well yeah sorta
-loving: ughshufashg
-loving: good
-loving: so now
-loving: listen
caped: but,this is also where i get confused with myself....
caped: ok im listening
-loving: thats good that u get confused
caped: ok
-loving: confused means u have no idea what the **** is going on
-loving: meaning anything in that direction is learning
caped: confused with reality as well
-loving: so learn now
caped: yeah pretty much
-loving: what you need to understand is you are looking for happiness in other things
-loving: happiness does nto come from other things
-loving: happiness comes from within
-loving: when you can get everything you want from yourself
caped: i realize that
caped: but
-loving: only then will the world give you all that
-loving: no
-loving: shut up
-loving: you do not realize that
caped: perhaps I have been misguided
-loving: because you would not be here
-loving: in this position
-loving: if you realize that
caped: ok
-loving: i have told u a lot since we first PMed and not once have u said i realize that
-loving: until u got confused
-loving: u are trying to rationalize
-loving: and that is not healthy for u
-loving: u do not understand what im saying worth a ****
-loving: because u are making urself feel like scum
-loving: since everything comes from withing u
-loving: u dont have to choose to make urself feel like scum
-loving: thats all u gotta understand
-loving: enlightenment isnt that hard
-loving: u just gotta understand it
-loving: negativity is block
-loving: nothing has meaning beyonf what you give it
-loving: energy goes where attention flows
-loving: it doesnt matter if you focus on things in a good or bad light you are just tricking yourself
-loving: it matters what the subject is
-loving: and where you are thinking about
caped: hold on slow down lemme read
-loving: dont tell me to slow down
-loving: you have your pace i have mine
-loving: just for that
-loving: im gonna stop
caped: well careful there ok
caped: so,how does one become enlightened? reading? learning?
-loving: first
-loving: if u have even read what i said
caped: i did
-loving: then subconsciously u must be a litle more aware
caped: i see what you are saying
-loving: so let your subconscious tell me now
-loving: what you just did wrong
-loving: when i said i would stop
caped: i have seen this for a long time now as well,i think it is putting together a plan
-loving: shhh
-loving: shhhhhh
-loving: answer my q
caped: or just idk,going with flow a lil more
-loving: homei i am putting together a plan
caped: i asked another question?
-loving: my whole convo with you is a plan
caped: ok
-loving: no
caped: ok
-loving: and that is why u must listen
-loving: anyway
caped: ok
-loving: tell me
-loving: before i said i was gonna stop typing
-loving: what did u do wrong
-loving: i will not go on until u get this.
-loving: because i just told you the answer
caped: i said slow down let me read
-loving: yes
-loving: that is what u said
caped: yeah
-loving: why is it wrong
caped: i don't know you got me
-loving: this isnt one of those im proving im sharter than u deals
caped: ok
-loving: this is a test
-loving: i am giving u a pop quiz
caped: uh i didn't let you finish what you were saying
caped: ?
-loving: yes that is what you did
-loving: why is it wrong
caped: i jumped ahead too soon?
-loving: youre on the right track..
-loving: why is it wrong
caped: moving too quickly?
-loving: yes...
caped: ok
-loving: why is that wrong
-loving: i don't mean yes you got it
caped: things can wrong from that
-loving: youre on the track
-loving: you went cold
caped: *can go wrong
-loving: try again
caped: I moved too soon
-loving: no
-loving: its not just about you
caped: ok
-loving: thats the only hint i will give you
-loving: and like i said
-loving: this is your test
caped: so then its about the world around me?
-loving: worth 100% of your mark as far as im concerened
-loving: dude im your teacher
-loving: i cant answer ur questions
caped: ok
-loving: cuz im nice i gave u a hint
-loving: but its my test
-loving: why is what u did wrong
-loving: stop typing so much and THINK
caped: i thought i knew the answer?
caped: I am thinking as I type
-loving: you do know the answer
-loving: i told you the answer
-loving: i told you the answer to this question
-loving: why is what you did wrong
caped: well,you got me, I thought up as many possible things wrong
-loving: you have to understand i am dead serious when i say this is as far as it goes
-loving: because literally
-loving: and listento this
-loving: i gave you the answer to a question i didnt make
caped: ok budha
-loving: you gave me a perfect opening to test my material because you reacted completely opposite to it
caped: ok
-loving: i asked you a question based on that opening
-loving: you dont get it you dont get what im even trying to tell you
-loving: so why bother?
caped: no i dont. so be a little more specific
-loving: think about what im telling you budha
-loving: the answer is in this PM
caped: well,wait,you're high anyways ok
-loving: ****ing guy
-loving: i cant talk to you
-loving: wont even open his mind
-loving: im done
caped: no ****,you're stoned out of it
-loving: i thought u were different
-loving: clearly not
caped: I am
caped: I am open minded ok
-loving: see ur on the right track
-loving: getting u angry is letting u see
-loving: but maybe its just me projecting
-loving: cuz i want u to get it
caped: but before you start with the preachyness,lay off the herb ok?
-loving: listen to me now
-loving: youre not listening
-loving: youre talking
caped: it was wrong cause of how i reacted?
-loving: typing = talking
-loving: listen
-loving: dont6 talk
caped: ok then tell me what i did wrong
-loving: i dont want to hear you talk
-loving: right now you need to listen
-loving: look at yourself
-loving: what are you doing
-loving: the answer came up again
-loving: do not lok past your past 3 PMs

 

[loving]

And on..

-loving: what are you doing now
caped: oh,i get it,i stopped listening
-loving: tell me in your next pm
-loving: no
-loving: tell me in your next pm
-loving: dont interpret this
-loving: u are crazy
-loving: or retarded
-loving: and so are ur interpretations
-loving: i dont wnana hear em
caped: you're high,so don't be so quick to judge
-loving: tell me exactyly literally what ur doing
-loving: u did it again!
-loving: why r u doing that
caped: i am sitting here,talking to you
-loving: yes obviously
-loving: deeper..
-loving: what kinds of things are u saying to me
caped: sitting here,talking to you about my problems
-loving: not the subject matter
caped: angry,negative things
-loving: what kinds of things are u saying
-loving: no not their feeligns
-loving: whats the content
caped: like i said,angry negative things
-loving: no
-loving: that is the mood
-loving: what is the content
caped: me
-loving: no
-loving: me
caped: you?
-loving: youre sitting here talking about me
-loving: look at what youre saying to me
-loving: youre so high
-loving: dont judge
-loving: youre buddha
caped: im high? you're the one blazed
-loving: you think your crap has any affect on me?
-loving: stop TALKING ABOUT ME
caped: look,you wanna talk when you're not blitzed?
-loving: youre not listening
-loving: youre trying to control me
-loving: you cant control me
-loving: thats the point
caped: oh,i get it,you're saying I am projecting things onto you?
-loving: you were wrong because you are trying to control me
caped: I am not trying to control you
-loving: you cannot control me
-loving: only i cna control me
-loving: and only you can control you
caped: yeah i know
-loving: so stop letting other things control you and take control of yourself
caped: been trying too
-loving: you ****ing *****
-loving: youre not different
-loving: here is the answer and all u can talk to me about is ur past
caped: different from who or what?
-loving: u dont get it
-loving: u just dont get it
-loving: u dont get it
-loving: there should be no more questions
-loving: u do not get it
caped: yeah,well,I have problems with past and now,and cause of my past,thats why i am here now
-loving: and u will not get it
caped: i do get it
-loving: not from me anyway
-loving: i can only teach u in this way
-loving: u gotta find someone else
-loving: i dont deal with the crap u r sending me
-loving: i am giving u the answer
-loving: and it is not sinking in
-loving: but u say it is
-loving: even tho it is not
-loving: and im telling u it is not
-loving: because u are acting like it is not
caped: i see it,you are saying i must control myself
-loving: and u cannot see how u are acting
-loving: do u really see it
-loving: i think ur great at telling me what u think i wanna hear
caped: well yeah,maybe you dont see it
-loving: so i can give u more information for u to ignore
-loving: but i dont think u see it
-loving: i really dont think u see it
caped: then what is there to see?
-loving: for one thing because ur still arguing with me
caped: i like to argue
-loving: so you dont see
caped: so hold on
-loving: i told you all of the next step right now
-loving: and when you do this next step you start thinking this next way
-loving: and you arnet thinking even near that next way
-loving: it cant have been understood by you
caped: ok,you're saying I am trying to control you through taking out some of agression on you,I can only think about the past,and have no control over myself right now
-loving: it casn only have lgocally been absorbed by u
-loving: as is clearly evidant
-loving: im telling u
-loving: im not gonna keep saying the same ****
caped: i dont want you too
-loving: the answer to every stupid question you have asked me in this PM
-loving: is right before that stupid question
-loving: you dont undertstand
-loving: youre just faking it
-loving: dont argue with this
caped: faking? faking what?
-loving: im telling u
-loving: thats how it is
-loving: u r faking understanding
caped: i am trying to understand what you are saying
-loving: i tell u something then u ask a question to hwich the answer was right there
caped: no
caped: sometimes what you say makes no sense
-loving: so read it a few times until it does
-loving: when it makes no sense that means u do not understand it
-loving: do not understand is the same as confused as the same as makes no sense
-loving: it is all the same and all there is to do then is learn
-loving: u read something new then ask all these questions that are all so obvious because its all in what you just read
-loving: you just gotta take the time to understand it
-loving: asking yourself those questions if you really need to and understand it
-loving: you have the stupidest questions
caped: ok yoda
-loving: haha
-loving: maybe if you ask them to yourself and try to answeer them
-loving: you'll find out just how stupid they really are
-loving: everyone tells you your questions are stupid
-loving: not in so few words
caped: why? cause I question what you say
-loving: no
-loving: youre not even disagreeing
-loving: youre verifying
-loving: but everything u wanna veryfiy i already told u
caped: hmm
-loving: i dont give u half an information
caped: ok
-loving: based off some wacko theory
-loving: because i smoked 0.1 grams of weed
-loving: i give u the whole information
-loving: that i used to go from where u are almost exactly
-loving: to where i am not
-loving: now
-loving: i cannto bring u to somewhere i am not
-loving: so if u do not understand
caped: oh,so I question what you say to verify my own state of being/feeling?
-loving: then ur brain is making it a half truth
-loving: i dont know why
-loving: thats up to u
-loving: whatever makes sense
-loving: just stup
-loving: stop it
caped: ok
caped: so ill sit here and listen to what you say
-loving: and if u got questions try reading the thing over
-loving: and soon u will undeerstand more
-loving: and the more u understand the quicker u understand
-loving: and then u will stop asking stupid questions
-loving: then u will start asking smart questions
-loving: then u will start asking urself smart questions
-loving: then u will be able to give smart answers
-loving: that is a path
-loving: another path is
-loving: first something happens
-loving: then u feel bad about it
-loving: then u think about it again
-loving: then u feel bad about it some more
-loving: then u think u need to feel bad about it
-loving: then u cant help but feel bad about it
-loving: then u cant do anything but feel bad about it
-loving: then it makes some bad buddies
-loving: and they all split up and make u think its 1 or the othe
-loving: theyre just playing monkey in the middle with your midn
-loving: because your poor logical brain cant tell the difference
-loving: only your emotional brain isnt a fool
-loving: it knows that theres some bullies inside your brain playing monkey in the middle
-loving: and it knows that your logical brain is sitting there perfectly innocent going
-loving: girl rejects me is right
-loving: and girl is a ***** to me is right
-loving: and hey girls nice to me thats right too
-loving: but when its a bad thing your emotional brain knows it
-loving: thats why it tells you to stop by making you feel bad
-loving: because one way or another it knows what you really want
-loving: even if you dont know yourself
-loving: one way or another if you didnt set it up yourself some default got applied to you for everything you want
-loving: and bad or good neither brain cares beyond what you gotta do to survive
-loving: because how would those evil negative beasts infect your children if you didnt get laid
-loving: so even they care about ****ing women
-loving: little do they know they stumbled into their own demise
-loving: its called happiness
-loving: and another path is when you get really happy about something
-loving: and you think about it again and get happier
-loving: and then it just pops into your brain and makes you happier
-loving: pretty soon all there is is happyness
-loving: and those happinesses bring their friends
-loving: and they play with them too
-loving: and theres a whole bunch of happinesses
-loving: and those happinesses are far more useful at picking up girls
-loving: then feeling bad about anything ever could
-loving: more importantly
-loving: all those happiunesses are better for you
-loving: than anyting ever could be
-loving: all those rich billionaires and money moguls will eventually learn something
-loving: that you too just learned
-loving: its that the one thing no one can ever take away from you
-loving: is the one thing thats uniquely yours in this world
-loving: and that is your experience of life
-loving: however long it is
-loving: so even if you died tomorrow
-loving: you never know
-loving: you need to make it the best for now
-loving: for you
-loving: not in case you die
-loving: not to go to some place after you die
-loving: you just learned the meaning of heaven and hell
-loving: and enlightenment and suffering
-loving: they are all the opposites
-loving: that are all the same thing
-loving: that are not something after you die
-loving: but while you live
-loving: heaven
-loving: is called goodness
-loving: and hell
-loving: is called badness
-loving: you can choose at any moment to be in heaven
-loving: or goodness
-loving: or hell
-loving: or badness

 

[loving]

And on..

-loving: and the more you choose to be in that moment in one way
-loving: the easier it will be to get in that way
-loving: and the stronger that way will be
-loving: and the more easy that way will be
-loving: and you need to choose my friend
-loving: which way is for you to go now
-loving: theres no tomorrow without today
-loving: so you can take little steps
-loving: or you can take big steps
-loving: you take the steps thats right for you
-loving: you can think about things you like for a minute
-loving: or you can think about things you like for an hour
-loving: or you can think about things that you like for a day
-loving: or you think think about things that you like for the rest of your life
-loving: or i guess you could keeping about all the **** that stinks
-loving: build those pathways up
-loving: but you dont wanna do that
-loving: you wanna get a natural high
-loving: the buddhists call it enlightenment
-loving: the christians call it heaven
-loving: im pretty sure theres a religion out there that calls it Zulu
-loving: and the god is always you
-loving: and everything else too
-loving: things will always be as good to you as you are to them
-loving: unconscious people cant help it
-loving: conscious people who do positive like you will be attracted to you
-loving: you will be repelled against negative
-loving: and thats the basic principal of happiness
-loving: choose your questions, dont let your questions choose you
-loving: girls can like you for you. in fact all of them do
-loving: all of them are also the funniest guys on the planet
-loving: and sex monsters
-loving: and shy too
-loving: and lovers
-loving: and romantics
-loving: and all that
-loving: but you gotta be whatyou want first
-loving: or youll never getit when you find it and if you do itll be totally fake and probably wont last long anyway
-loving: until you find it in you
-loving: and trust me when i say these things have a feeling to them
-loving: so youll know when it comes out in you
-loving: something you gotta try is medidating
-loving: i get high and meditate because it lets me experience more
-loving: easier
-loving: thats a personal choice
-loving: when you meditate you let your imagination fly
-loving: and relax
-loving: get to the point where youre starting to feel less and less of your body
-loving: and your imaginatinos will become more real and vivid
-loving: and if you stop trying to imagine and just let yourself go all these wonderful and fantastic thigns will start happening in your mind
-loving: and they all have feelings to them
-loving: great wonderful feelings that you can have at any and all times in your life
-loving: feelings of bliss love affection compassion everything
-loving: and you can choose exactly which ones feel best in your life and use them all the time
-loving: the one big thing mediating does besides unlocking these things is teaching you that you have the ability to create them
-loving: and go from them all tthe time
-loving: you can literally take this to anything
-loving: something i like doing sometimes is falling into dumb love
-loving: where you two have so much feelings for eachother that nothing else matters
-loving: thats how mmuch you actually feel
-loving: and its great
-loving: and they feel it too
-loving: and they love it as much as you love it
-loving: because they feel everything you feel
-loving: as soon as you change your life
-loving: truly change your life
-loving: how you feel about your life
-loving: everything will shift into high gear and get into the fast lane permamanelt
-loving: girls will no longer be an obstacle or anything bad to you ever
-loving: they will be whatever you want in them
-loving: anything that is good for the two of you
-loving: because you have something in you thats the greatest thing theyve ever experienced
-loving: and youd better believe if its powerful in you its more powerful than any man in her life
-loving: and youll always know the right thing to do
-loving: because it will feel good
-loving: and when you do something wrong
-loving: that will feel bad
-loving: and that will teach you instantly not to do that thing anymore
-loving: and that is giving yourself advice from your own experience
-loving: and you dont have to take anyones advice you dont want to
-loving: not even your own
-loving: but you should give it a fair shot
-loving: and see if can be true and in what ways it can be true and how it can be true
-loving: assume its true
-loving: someones telling me it
-loving: its probably true
-loving: doesnt mean it will work for me
-loving: but ill try it! because its true
-loving: unless its not true
-loving: and theres things that are not true
-loving: but those are only very few things
-loving: i could tell you i am a giraffe
-loving: that is true
-loving: i am a giraffe
-loving: i am also a cd
-loving: and a basketball
-loving: and a basketball player
-loving: and your penis
-loving: and i am also happy
-loving: and i am also unahppy
-loving: and both those things are true
-loving: because there is no meaning beyond what we give
-loving: to say a cd is not a shoestring because they are not the same thing assumes a meaning of CD and a meaning of shoestring
-loving: and although they are created things and serve different purposes
-loving: that doesnt mean they even have that meaning
-loving: because a shoestring is just some thread until used in a shoe
-loving: and a thread is just a plant until harvested and spuin
-loving: and a plant is just a seed until watered and sown
-loving: and a seed is just some plant material before it is expelled and fertilized
-loving: and some plant matter is just absorbed water before it is transformed through plant processes
-loving: and absorbed water is just rained water before it is dropped and received
-loving: and rained water is just ground water before it is evaporated
-loving: and ground water is just me before i expel it and its treated
-loving: and all those things
-loving: are all the other things
-loving: and their thing
-loving: because of their meaning
-loving: and by changing the meaning
-loving: we change what it means
-loving: that means no longer does a person have to be scary
-loving: or a girl uninterested
-loving: because we can expect so much more and get that just by finding it in ourselves first
-loving: and since its in ourselves
-loving: we never have to worry when its not in other people
-loving: so they can never control us
-loving: and it never matters if they try
-loving: something tells me youre definitely beginning to understand
-loving: i can feel it
-loving: when i say its all there i dont mean every single answer
-loving: but the, if at least one truth, is there
-loving: and the more you get to know yourself with it the more it will flourish
-loving: and the more it will invite similar truths
-loving: and the more you will will therefore be able to tell the truths from the not truths
-loving: and feeling is always the way to decide
-loving: just do not be too influenced or for too long
-loving: or try to shift your feelings onto other targets
-loving: unless for either of those two it is positivity and it is univeral
-loving: you can still have all this.. or not.. and still be happy
-loving: so it begins not to be a necessity to have women
-loving: but being aware of feelings you must know it is better
-loving: and not acting
-loving: that is worse
-loving: because all the feeligns you have before you act
-loving: that tell you thats something you want
-loving: those are only before you act
-loving: when you go and they get amplified
-loving: you can then keep those feelings
-loving: and amplify more
-loving: and more and more and more
-loving: girls play different roles to guys
-loving: some use them as the male friend who they gossip to
-loving: and theres tons of roles
-loving: but they dont ever play a role that the guy doesnt 1st invite out in her then 2nd accept
-loving: and when you invite out what you want and accept it she will feel that when shes around you and feel accepted for it and by your nature everything else she is
-loving: if she is not, well then she is not
-loving: the only way to find out is to know what this is and to lead
-loving: you need to know that your problems exist in your past and thats where they belong
-loving: now you will be able to take a look at your actions
-loving: being anything from your thoughts to what you say and do
-loving: through your feelings
-loving: and tell which are good and which are bad
-loving: and remove the bad ones and replace them with good ones
-loving: and improve the good ones by improving the feelings.
-loving: but this does not come from inrospection
-loving: and thinking about problerms
-loving: this comes from thinking about positivity
-loving: and thinking about wha tyou want
-loving: and feeling how you act and feel
-loving: and any time smoething feels bad theres a problem
-loving: usually you know wha tit is but sometimes you gotta ask yourseld and try and find it
-loving: then find its solution
-loving: like
-loving: stop paying attention to it
-loving: if it comes form outside
-loving: or
-loving: do this instead
-loving: generally
-loving: then it will feel good
-loving: and just like everything else
-loving: it will be good making things better
caped: ok
caped: you there?
caped: well
caped: I see what you are saying,alot of it is stuff I have seen and hear or told myself before
-loving: me too
caped: ok
-loving: but there is a difference between saying it and understand it

 

[loving]

And finally..

caped: and that has been the problem
caped: uh huh
-loving: you gotta keep saying it until you undersatnd it
-loving: just cuz you knw the words does not mean yu know the meaning
caped: I have been,sort of,but it's been all negative stuff.
-loving: so?
caped: you don't think that plays a part in it?
-loving: are you ****ing kidding me?
caped: huh?
caped: I mean,for me feeling this way constantly
-loving: i cant do it
-loving: i cant help you anymore
-loving: is it okay if i post our convo on sosuave
-loving: i want to know what they think
-loving: i cant help you anymore
-loving: what i mean is
-loving: im gonna post it anyway
-loving: do i have to edit out ur screen name or r u okay with them knowing
caped: no.don't. I just pissed someone off on there,I dont need them messaging me
-loving: k
caped: I think you will see were
-loving: maybe lol
caped: heh
-loving: The following errors occurred when this message was submitted: The text that you have entered is too long (53817 characters). Please shorten it to 10000 characters long.
-loving: take that in..
caped: uh nothing showed up
-loving: lol
-loving: read it
-loving: 53 thousand letters
caped: wow
-loving: the max on sosuave is 10 thousand
caped: hmm
caped: so do it in 2 parts
-loving: most of it is just my name and your name and the date
caped: idk if they will want to hear it
caped: sounds good
caped: i think I have annoyed them enough
-loving: it doesnt matter
-loving: those who have ever helped you will be on that thread
caped: ok,but don't be surprised if they get upset
-loving: and maybe they can help you where i cant
caped: idk,i think i need professional help
-loving: or at least they will tell me what i am doing wrong
-loving: maybe
caped: perhaps
-loving: i think professional help is just my help said differently
-loving:
caped: hah
-loving: i do hope you get what im trying to tell you
caped: yes
-loving: maybe its gonna take everyone on sosuave agreeing with me to psuh you
-loving: hopefully not
caped: I need to push myself
caped: We actually kinda talked about this in class today
-loving: thats how it begins
-loving: the world starts to make sense around your needs
caped: about how depending on people's self esteem and self confidence,will determine how much of a success level they can/do reach
-loving: really thats not all that matters
-loving: but those are 2 parts
-loving: do you have AIm tunes?
-loving: to share songs
caped: yeah,but they are a big part of my problem. See,I often feel I am always tested
caped: no i do not
-loving: you should let me send you these files
caped: i can just download em on limwire
caped: *limewire
-loving: rainbow in the sky and true to myself by ziggy marley
-loving: you arent tested
-loving: thats in your mind
-loving: its a bad habit
-loving: all the bad things
-loving: are bad habit
-loving: all of them
-loving: you break them
-loving: by developing good habits
-loving: thats all
-loving: thats it
-loving: no more
caped: women don't test you? people don't test you to see how much more of a man you are?
-loving: no
-loving: and if they do it doesnt matter
-loving: it doesnt even hit my radar
-loving: they can test the next person all they want
-loving: if they do its passed easily because of my basic action
-loving: see to have a test that means i would have to react to it
-loving: but i dont react to what they do
caped: ah
-loving: they react to me
caped: I see
-loving: because my feelings are strongr and i am in control of myself
caped: how do you do that? get them to react to you
-loving: which is what they really want
-loving: when people say "test"
-loving: that is a test of congruency
-loving: if you are really as good as you have come off to be
-loving: so all you need to do is be real
-loving: and those things dont matter
-loving: they react naturally when you are in control of yourself
-loving: a.k.a. feeling good by choice
-loving: not many people do that you see
-loving: even girls dont do that
-loving: girls find happiness in other things
caped: what do they feel good by then?
-loving: like guys
-loving: idk man
-loving: what did you feel good by
-loving: its all different
-loving: i used to feel good by online games
-loving: no one has the same tastes
-loving: thats why when im fully happy and youre fully happy we will never conflict
caped: i do by different things as well
-loving: because we want different thigns
-loving: so you can always get them theres enough for everyone
-loving: enough girls
caped: is it just more complicated than i realize?
-loving: its infinitely more simple than u could ever possibly imagine
caped: how come it hasn't been like that for me?
-loving: because you are over complicating it
caped: oh
-loving: with all this questions about the past
-loving: and past this past that
-loving: its past
-loving: passed
caped: yeah yeah
-loving: gone
-loving: it only exists in your mind
caped: ok
-loving: just like the future ...
caped: idk i mean,its always the same thing day in and day out
caped: i mean,i feel like going out,getting some beer,and just getting totally wasted
caped: idk i overthink things
caped: damn
caped: oh nvm
-loving: looooooool
caped: ok
caped: what?
-loving: i thought you started to get it and said oh nvm
caped: no no
-loving: let me tell you you're lucky
-loving: that its you
-loving: and not orly
-loving: you guys are the same mess
-loving: its all i can say
-loving: youre lucky
-loving: hes gonna read this stuff too
-loving: but you got it first
-loving: u got like
-loving: 1 hour on this guy
-loving: of happineess
-loving: if u took the time to try and understand what i say
caped: what guy?>
-loving: orly on the forums
-loving: you two are just as ****ed up aseachother
-loving: askng stupid questions and whatnot
caped: oh
-loving: i will admit
caped: well,we feel we have been dealt a bad hand when it comes to something that has seemed so easy for all the other guys out there
-loving: what questions you just asked me before
-loving: was about 50000% smarter
caped: lol
-loving: so i can tell it got through to you
-loving: that is a good thing
caped: ok
-loving: right now you need to get through to it more
-loving: and read it more and more
-loving: and understand it more and more
caped: want to know what has really made me depressed all this time?
-loving: start to make realizations and stuff
-loving: nope
-loving: not really at all
caped: ok
-loving: i think its not for me to know
-loving: its for you to get over
-loving: wanna know some of the ****ed up **** that happened to me in the past?
-loving: i got rejected like once
caped: thats what drives me nuts,i try to get over it,it comes back to square one
-loving: and made fun of for a few yers every single day of my life
caped: i never even tried asking anybody out!!!
-loving: and i dont care
-loving: not anymore
caped: never even tried!!!
-loving: lolos
-loving: so do that
-loving: who even cares what they say
-loving: if u wanna date someone so bad
caped: it just seems like either no one liked me enough,or everyone was just interested in sex,and not dating
-loving: just ask every girl
-loving: every single girl
-loving: the girls u r afraid of only have that much meaning for u that u put
caped: but i don't want to come off as creepy or desperate
-loving: and so do all the other reasons u have
-loving: so then obviously that wont work
-loving: u gotta do somthing else
-loving: like talk to them
-loving: see how im responding to u man
-loving: this is how i talk to myself
-loving: when i have a problem
-loving: and need to figure it out myself
-loving: i use this voice
caped: i mean,i want a gf to bang right now
-loving: u can use it too now that u have talked to me
-loving: that is the #1 advantage u have
caped: what the calm,clear rational voice?
-loving: if thats what it is to you
-loving: whatever it is for you is whats best
caped: see,I have the angry,i hate everyone,pissed off,frustrated voice
-loving: just use it to solve your problems
-loving: talk them out to yourself
-loving: i have tons of voices man
caped: i do,i find myself talking to myself at times
-loving: i have like the 2 best voices of girls around me
-loving: sometimes my voice inside is neutral
-loving: sometimes it is deep
-loving: sometimes it is booming and really loud
-loving: sometimes it is crystal clear and coming from 1 specific spot
-loving: sometimes its jamaican
-loving: sometimes its english
-loving: but its always wise
-loving: and it always helpes me
-loving: it always talks to me
-loving: as if all my elders were there talking to me
-loving: because in a way they are
-loving: always giving me advice when i need it
-loving: its called god
-loving: and u just gotta ask urselv these things
-loving: good that u are getting onto the issues now
caped: im off to bed,night
-loving: but what we just did u can do urself
-loving: good night and have a pleasant tomorrow
-loving: at the least

This is my 10 post limit for the day. So to address the post below yes you're right, so I added that note on the 1st post in bold. Everything after is the core of what I am saying and how he begins to act differently. I wish I had that great memory, hope I get it some day!

 

[daygameguy]

loving how on earth did you remember all that... maybe you recorded it, but stil WHY did write ALL that down... no sane person is gonna read ALL that guy talk!

But its good if you guys talked and shared thoughts on game. so cheers for that.

 

[oakraiderz2]

Omg. Is you be serious?

 

[Rex Man]

Wait, are we supposed to read that? Show us your skills in summarization, loving

 

[C-quenced]

Seems like you guys had quite a conversation there. I'll finish reading it tomorrow and comment on it. I'll be asleep after I finish watching Conan and Leno. Peace out.

 

[Kerpal]

I haven't read the whole thing, just the first part where he describes himself. CapedCrusader08 sounds very similar to me. The parts where he describes being angry and depressed, and hating the people around him, etc. Makes me wonder just how many guys like us are out there.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

I still want to throw him through glass. Don't take your anger out in my thread and say f you fing people you fing long islanders suck. Send me a message, get my screen name, b!tch me out on aim, or get my phone number. Don't invade my thread, I will throw you through glass.

 

[C-quenced]

You guys need to get out of that depressive mind set fast. I've been like that since my pre-adolescent years and it stayed with me until adulthood. It's not fun at all. And loving I understand you're angered but you need to stop being hostile and punking caped around.

 

[unlimitedposts]

You guys need to get out of that depressive mind set fast. I've been like that since my pre-adolescent years and it stayed with me until adulthood. It's not fun at all. And loving I understand you're angered but you need to stop being hostile and punking caped around.

You're right. I was seeing things truly through scarcity.

The jist of our convo goes like he was too worried about his past and couldnt concentrate on what he wanted or even really knew what that was.

I PMed capedcrusader08 a few days ago suggesting he begin making a plan with affirmations, etc.

Anyway, my problem now is getting into state quickly enough. I am at a point with my inner feelings that girls are coming up to me all the time and trying to start conversations, but I am always starved for a reaction when they approach me. It doesn't feel natural and I can't shake it. One thing I know is that I carry the emotional tension in my conversations and girls will do anything to keep it up once they know it is coming from me (push pull I'm beginning to do naturally)

From an experience I had to day it feels like I'm supressing my sexuality more with them than I wanna be.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

I typed something earlier,but it screwed up. Anyways,It has something to do with feeling not in control,or confused,or with no plan,and being angry at the world and myself. I have been aware of the idea(s) discussed on here or within "the community" in general. But,never figured out how to make it work for me,as in having women be attracted to me,and I have put off so much time,I feel so behind and idk,embarassed about it I guess. I have a hard time making sense of certain realities. So yeah. I mean,it's all about improvement,as well as reading people,something i am not so good at.

 

[SuavePlaya]

Forget affirmations... Look back in your past man you talked to girls before you can always do it again stop being a fool.. There are people out there that are way behind you in life and still do not have the same negative mindset you have... Your excuse was you don't have time, but you have time to post at sosuave right cmon stop bullshi tting yourself... If you have nothing to be happy about now always look back in your past and see what you accomplished be grateful because you can always be gone tomorrow.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Yeah,well,this past thing started along time ago. It's other factors as well.No,I was never really good at talking to girls. I felt like a loser due to my inexperience,or it was pressure I put on myself over certain things. I mean,I am addicted to online. I am.I feel I have accomplished nothing,while everyone else has. And feel Like I am struggling too. I mean,I get upset/bitter about feeling good or towards people who do. Esp women.

 

[JesterX]

One sentence:

Stop defending, Start attacking!

I thunk if we drill as many different metaphors into your head as possible you'll be forced to think nothing but these things. Maybe print something out and read it everyday when you wake up? Only if you want it bad enough?

 

[loving]

I realized a few things, that it is indeed true that we could be gone tomorrow, so what excuse do I have for not doing it today?

I figured, the opinions of others. Then, I figured, that I'm the one with theballs to go for what I want, and what I was really afraid of was my own judgement and hatred projected. I remember dealing with lots of bullying every day and even crying from it but I'm still here today, other people and especially girls are nothing to fear, its just time for action.

CapedCrusader08 honestly I can't deal with you anymore. Mods please lock this thread because nothing anyone says here will ever help CapedCrusader08 until he is ready to help himself. He is not ready and we will not make him ready by posting. He must take the initiative himself and we are all just feeding into his depression despite our best efforts.

To CapedCrusader08 I suggest you either seek psychiatric (not psychological) help or invest that money into weed or some other soft drug to self-medicate with. Good luck with your complaisant life, you will never have anything better with your in-the-past attitude.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

Add some exercise into your daily routine, and maybe some visits to libraries/book stores. Books (and movies that take place in large cities) tend to show me that there is much more to the world than the boring routines we're used to. Get inspired to start an adventure. Make friends with people who like to explore. Go to new places, maybe driving further than usual.

Or keep fvcking with me and I will throw you through glass.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Again,**** you,and **** new york,and most of all,**** long island.

Well,I am trying to be rid of my attitude. I realize what I need to do to stop all this.