My story from rec. path to alpha again to beta **** place

[rc97]

Hello everyone. Nice to see this forum exists.
English isnt my first language but who cares. I won't go to the very first story , but let's just say i'm not a natural success player with women.
Introvert + Sometimes extrovert , but always been the shy,overlooked and not appreciated and respected enough by others. Will go into my story in a moment.
Maybe i didnt learn basics about many things including respect, social skills,what to say do , and tell stories, go in social situations and so on.

Few years ago i buy books in my own language about meeting women, but i read 1-2 of them and decided to be the best forgetting everything and just try naturally. It didn't workout very well, in fact it was a crash and i was rejected. That always been a sting to me when people reject me , make fun of me,disrespect or whatever. They just feel i have this "inferior feeling that im not good enough and im afraid,weak" , still stayed with me to this very day.
Let's get into the story. The books are still here , im motivated to learn all of them , but i will go into the story now.
2020 , LTR ended because of corona, i didnt get much money,havent been with a job for quite some time. Never really understand what killed my motivation and confidence , i was just not so mentally,emotionally and physically strong. Not worked out back then. People always used to 'nag me,test me,try to play an idiot to me'' because they felt my insecurities and fears, and i was mostly silent. Didnt have the guts ALWAYS to speak up for myself, sometimes i did but the bullying from school and home left a scar on me deep on emotional level , which in case affects me feeling this way towards people and women. I'm afraid im always gonna get rejected , not good enough and etc.
Long story short, why the **** i posted here a topic? Simple , because im at a point this year when i feel the whole world is against me. Or at least on the inside and in my head and thoughts , emotions. Feeling too shy,introverted and quiet around people...... most of the time , lacking masculinity and fearless qualities , which i shoulda taken long time ago! Im 24 !

 

[rc97]

Last year i found a new girl , messaged her from about month and a half , just to see her,always played the busy "i dont want to see him im unavaivable" game which i tolerated , but i didnt have much choice or options, after that we saw each other. She was a BBW , which made me think i shouldnt feel inferior or whatsoever , its just a girl after all,nothing special in looks or on the inside. In fact, she was the shy and closed one. But oh gosh ,almost full year later how life has turned unfairly....I'll tell the whole thing , so i hopefully can get an full plan and advice what to do. Almost nobody really helps me , most of them are using cliche "just focus on new work, the girl will come or you will meet dont worry" ...
So we've been like till the end of year together , she said I RUINED THINGS , ive known she used to love fboys with abs and body. I was basically her backup plan, because i was fat also. Didn't want to admit to myself even im that , but whatever. There's a saying 'even fat boys can have women no matter what they are like ,its not the body just" , however , that wasnt the case fully for me. I was going straight to the gym after meeting her, getting fully motivated, we done sex and etc , she said i can't hold my D up , but cmon i wasn't training or doing much with my life at that point. I spent the summer home , not working and removed from 2 jobs because of covid. I talked to several girls online being the funny guy,which worked out. They all LIKE the attention and being that , BUT when i try to advance to more , there always is the **** test barrier or beta male barrier/beta male shaming which i strongly felt both in home,school,even in life in general from different people and girlfriends. They always looked in me like a 'provider nice guy' which 'shouldnt say dirty stuff or do inappropriate things or say so' , even though i hardly got to this point when i say bull**** to train my confidence and make it a everyday thing. But at home i was shamed for being overly caring,overly depending,pushover , needy and etc. I hated it , i just did. Growing up without friends all the time to me like extroverts made me feel like i dont belong , but its not the case. In reality , its in my head everything - feeling shy,inferior,not good enough or like a girl that can't risk to offend others or getting rejected. Thats what they brainwash me to think , both family, people in society i meet , girls were very harsh sometimes to me , others they made a fool out of me like a monkey bombarding me with **** tests/ridicule and etc. which alpha males and females in school they all got their strategies to find common sense and language and understand how to be a part of the group dynamic , but me no. They put me in the 'weird outsider' role , made me feel like a total fool and just laugh for their own fun. After all,somebody has to be the worst. Why it got to be me? WHY DAMN IT? Not much money at home , terrible parenting lack of father figure....Enough factors to ruin my EMOTIONAL and mental wellbeing. I go through this with a help of somepeople friends which i rarely see , but my weakest and baddest factors are these -complaining,getting butthurt,offended , extremely insecure easily bruised ego , and not standing up for myself. Which makes people turn me into the victim , but this feeling of inadecuacy ruined everything , even when i was going slowly into a badboy type of behavior A LITTLE , worked well in the beginning , but after much dramas, accusing me of being wrong, "making her angry" the ex gf , i can't say im impressed. I had the chance to leave her several times but i didnt. I was weak in my mind and in my heart. I was still the same ****ty nice guy who people took for granted. This hasn't changed or dissapered magically ,always though of myself as a 'special' but it wasn't a true statement.. All this disney bull**** brainwashed us with the music,lovey dovey stuff to think thats the way to get girls , and NOBODY almost nobody said HEY thats wrong. Thats just movie , dont be a beta like that , be a MAN and do things differently.

 

[rc97]

So we broke up, this girl has always had other options, 1 click away but for me it was very hard, because of this emotional nightmare and weakness i didnt get any new girls. When i felt so damn destroyed on the inside i didnt got the guts to live everyday life. Felt like im dying , worst time of my life for real. And EVERY TIME i break up with the very few girls i was , its happened. I hate rejection , i feel itdeeply to heart like something is generally wrong with me and im doomed to fail with women..... thankfully i still got time to turn things around.
Few months later,after she was with other guy or guys , which she didnt think twice of doing , i just knowed that , i contacted her for my birthday,we saw each other but there was this 'friend' wall , me being put in a position I SHOULDNT BELONG by default , i dont think a being BETA is what a man was born to be in. Maybe if i was a teen for first or 2nd time it's understandable , but after all those years i wasn't strong enough to change myself.Always get my hopes up , to get them destroyed by the stupid dominant grandpa home , or beta male shamed by him and my mom. Even worse ,beta male shaming by other dudes and the ex girlfriends i was with . I was a stupid idiot to them , i literally saw my girlfriend chat to one old guy from other town 'i feel like my boyfriend is a total idiot' , which i get offended by , at that time i was full of my masculinity on the extremes. Angry , dissapointed , bitter towards her and every action she did that was against me , or she didnt show me those shiny eyes in the beginning when we were with friends and etc. Basically i was like a rebound or second class male to her, but maybe i am.Yeah , her girl best friend liked us , she knowed how much i loved her , but all the other people told her the opposite , brainwashed her and yeah she was around me this year, slept 2 times in march but that was it. Sex was WORST ever , i was broken and beaten up by depression , while she was on the CC Carousel, i stayed home literally , didnt go to work or had any willpower , maybe a little but it was from time to time. Inconsistency ,weak character. How is it possible for a toxic girl and family like hers to go through everything , but even though i was very nice guy this year, which she claimed is what she wanted , i fall into all of her traps and games , manipulations and lies. This **** has been on my mind and soul for far too long.
I couldn't believe i was so faded away by this stupid thing called ' the one' or oneitis , i honestly dont know what i know anymore about relationships or friendships. But i felt exactly what was like to be overlooked,undervalued and put down with words and actions by her. That felt bad, even when we were with her and her friends , they always say i must take action im 24 , i must work and make money. Easy for them to say , they are girls and have everything with guys on a silver platter , I DONT GET TO EXPERIENCE THAT! for us it's up to talking,skills and respect. I almost got no friends , online most of them , a few in real life which i rarely see through the months , which almost makes me give up. The hope is i can totally turn things around , if my head is not dumb enough to fail again. If im thinking clearly, acting through logic , not emotion like i did all the time till this point in my life.
I must say , the last week i felt i was finally over her ,beating depression and so on. We met multiple times , i seen some videos but that's it. Been to the club a few times , meeting new peopl but of course they contacted my 'from idiot to am" friend who say he used to suck 3 years ago with women , but now is a bit forward. He says he rarely sleeps with women , but i doubt so. He has a perfect body, but says the opposite. He's calm , on purpose , and not thinking constantly about his problems like i do , even he didnt think or say things about oneitis or stupid **** like that , for most people this is **** , but for me it isnt because i wanted to be the alpha male this year and finally succeed. But wait , why so? I had to be the stupid dumb**** beta who always got played and lead on time after time. Fake promises of relationship , i didnt work still i know its one of the main reasons but not the only one. She said i will be more confident if i work , but i dont damn know how will i be when i got to work , even if i meet new friends they will loose interest to me and treat me like low value idiot. Thats my fear , because they wont share my stories, dreams and treat me like they do the alphas. Im the whole reason this is so ****ed up...... Hopefully i can join a GYM , but im lazy to run marathons all the time to get rid of this fat , money is very low, i should start in few days but i always postpone starting work. after 1 month i will be with other people learning stuff for few hours at night , but thats pretty much it. They dont give a damn about me , most of them treat people like betas , if youre more aggressive or jerk as the saying goes i found on the internet "nobody ****s with you if youre alpha" , but when you dont have that status , they look down on you , ridicule and try to sabotage you and ruin your success and going forward.
It's one big mental and emotional trap, if you ask me. Like mental prison for the betas , i heard that in one book , which i will look again tonight or tomorrow.

 

[rc97]

My ex gf i understand why she hasnt been with me , if i was on the place of the another person i wouldnt like myself either , but the question is how do i get this **** turned around? Read a books for social skills , and attraction and etc, join a gym? is that it? What about the social confidence i must build everyday and go forward? My best friend is always been a natural with women , he is 31 now and has a 3 year LTR , 2k and more job. All i do this year is ***** and complain , which in result makes me the ***** and ***** , instead of the alpha. The alpha just goes , knows what to do and isnt held back by insecurities or fears or stupid **** like that. But i do , why this **** isnt removing from me by itself? Some of it is , which is good , but i use to have this overhinking problem which people do when they think about their life , but i dont take action , im fearful i wont succeed and i dont have a plan. I dont finish VERY LONG books like 250 + or more pages , i dont remember much of them by 1 read , thats why people do the 5-10 times read i think , but how do i get back my motivation for everything and anything? I want to show my ex who cut me off like some stupid chump, to see what a great alpha i become in like a year or more. But i shouldnt lose my focus,motivation , action plan and results , I DONT HAAVE much social status, not to mention finances or friends , i have very low self esteem and confidence , which sometimes go up but most of the time are down. I stay home a lot , but i want to change. Please help me get through to the next level and become master at the game , i really want to succeed. I also though of doing things on my own vs doing things with a mentor everything , also in gym too. They say i need to get a mentor for the gym highly suggested , other people say you don't need anyone but yourself and some knowledge and work.
As for the panic attacks, feeling like this i need to go to a psychologist or go out more and learn some technique to fix this pain , to be gone forever and not hold me back to succeed with women. How am i supposed to get "Highest calibre women" if i can't get regular job for long period of time , and not enough confidence,self esteem or knowledge what to do with normal woman , like my ex was. I know it would kill her to see me successful , but i want to get my revenge back , mainly for me. I dont care anymore if she sees me or not. I want her to feel that she lost a guy who succeeds with women and can keep one , despite her doubting me with "i dont know which woman will stay with you like this , i hope someone will bait to you , wish you luck" , then when i called her the next night to talk about some money i owe her , she was cold and said she was embarrased to listen to me. And doesnt want to see me for else just money and go. She has options, she works few hours , few days more hours and so on. She has friends , she has mind, not a stupid girl , but more of a 'sex' type of girl instead of relationship. She denied me being the badboy with her , put me in this shoes and says "My character is the same, im the same , i been very needy and jealous before" and to "Change my attitutude towards life at other way" , while she still going for those bad boys and high value men , leaving me like a stupid chump for dead. Thats what you got for being bluepill nice guy with big heart and kiss,hug lovey dovey stuff. Appreciation? NO , everyone doesnt wants me to be there. I dont understand her at all at some times , but i guess its the **** tests and female nature and games playing. Not that hard to understand that its me , not her. Thanks for the reading and see you soon


Sorry for the big spam , i should learn to tell stories very short and not so much. Just my thoughts out loud here.

 

[powersize]

I think you are looking for 1 secret pill which will fix all of your problems in 1 second. To become a better version of yourself you need to work out pretty much every aspect of your life. But you need to start with something. Start with the gym - you will lose your weight and you will get rid of depression thoughts. You will become more confident with your look. Than you need a good work - will get your finances in place and again confidence that you deserved that job. You should have some purpose in your life - become successful with women is not a purpose. Have a dream to have your own business or stuff like that and slowly go for it. Start improving your social skills, do the things you are afraid now. Once you reach that level - it is gonna be easier to meet women because they will see how you appear and behave. But you most likely will still such with them from time to time cause you have never experiences that stuff before - the key here is to access the hit, make some note and move on. I bet half of those folks here who are 40+ yo with couple k likes under their profiles sucked badly in their 20s. But this is the best way to learn and start working on on fixing yourself.

 

[rc97]

Thank you for the advice. Really appreciate it.
However , i feel as tho the most important for now is maintaining my social skills - but i feel as tho i've lost side of what to talk and do , i will find job this week surely. Im not that confident starting in , but any advice regarding to how to start with the social skills, what to say and do , what to avoid will be even better for me. After all , losing everything in that time is not that great. I have ideas - start asking for directions , making small talk and etc. but how do i keep the friends , even though i dont have any regular at this time? My friends who i used to hang are pretty much handled that area. It's just me that doesn't know when , how to speak and about what , what mistakes and **** to avoid. Especially when we were outside , and at the clubs 2 times i only talk to my close friends group , other people seem disinterested from me. I'm feeling like i dont belong there , for the moment at least. Maybe in the future when i got body , lose weight and have money it will be easy. But social skills aren't magically gonna apear at my mind and become mr.perfect. Thats my worry for the moment now.

 

[powersize]

Thank you for the advice. Really appreciate it.
However , i feel as tho the most important for now is maintaining my social skills - but i feel as tho i've lost side of what to talk and do , i will find job this week surely. Im not that confident starting in , but any advice regarding to how to start with the social skills, what to say and do , what to avoid will be even better for me. After all , losing everything in that time is not that great. I have ideas - start asking for directions , making small talk and etc. but how do i keep the friends , even though i dont have any regular at this time? My friends who i used to hang are pretty much handled that area. It's just me that doesn't know when , how to speak and about what , what mistakes and **** to avoid. Especially when we were outside , and at the clubs 2 times i only talk to my close friends group , other people seem disinterested from me. I'm feeling like i dont belong there , for the moment at least. Maybe in the future when i got body , lose weight and have money it will be easy. But social skills aren't magically gonna apear at my mind and become mr.perfect. Thats my worry for the moment now.

Learn how to be happy alone first. And to be able to be happy alone - you have to have stuff to do. Not just sitting and watching in the wall. The stuff about asking directions will definable work. Once I started cold approaching I firstly was just asking for stuff any decent looking girls. And than over the time increased the game.

 

[spikeanut]

OP, a couple pieces of advice. I know you don't like the "cliches" you've been hearing about working on yourself, but they are true to the core. Here are some specific steps on how to do that:

1. Every time you feel lazy and wanting to stay in, force yourself to get up and go out for a walk. I get money is a problem, but walking, hiking, jogging...those are all free. And it gets you out of your own head; this right here is currently your own worst enemy. Additionally, this will get you out of that toxic house hold with your negative family.
2. Really focus on getting a job or some type of income. It's unfortunate that our mental well being is based on materialistic things, but having income leads to independence which is a necessity of manhood. How can you work on being a man if you are supported by someone else. Understand that work/job/income is a necessary burden for your personal growth.
3. Join a gym - start martial arts. This step will help with your personal self confidence and also lead to a healthy social network. I highly encourage martial arts, be in BJJ, Judo, Krav Maga, etc. Of course, this will be dependent on your financial situation, but this is where you may find your healthy male friends/network.
4. Wake up earlier, sleep earlier. Start making healthy habits. Wake up for a morning sunrise walk, go to bed early. These small things will greatly help with your mental health and also forces you to do something uncomfortable until they become habitual.
5. Find a hobby. Something that makes you happy, is fun, and preferably physical. It doesn't have to cost money, but should be something you thoroughly enjoy doing. Hiking, rock climbing, fishing, biking, etc.

These are just some tips and advice that may help you grow. As you notice OP, I did not mention women at all. At this point in your life, you are not ready to focus on women. If you do end up meeting someone who reciprocates, the person you are at the moment of this post will revert back to who you were in your last relationship and it will crash and burn as well. You cannot rely on someone else for your happiness. This leads to neediness, betaness, simping, and ultimately being a cuck. Do these things and slowly but surely, your mental well-being and confidence will start to improve. Once that happens, then you can start worrying about game, pick up, dating, etc. But until you are happy internally and love yourself, all your relationships with others will fail miserably. Good luck to you OP.

 

[rc97]

Learn how to be happy alone first. And to be able to be happy alone - you have to have stuff to do. Not just sitting and watching in the wall. The stuff about asking directions will definable work. Once I started cold approaching I firstly was just asking for stuff any decent looking girls. And than over the time increased the game.

Yeah thats it. Pretty much not working out so far for me. I constantly need other friends and people to feel "whole and happy" , staying alone all the time with just my parents isnt working out for me. I've did what you suggested , however my biggest challenges are still there , not dissapearing magically. I still feel a NEED for friends and many people to talk to . Guess my extroverted side needs that stuff. But here's the thing, this year many potential and old friendships failed , i barely have what to hold on now. Just chats with these people , they know i have girls problem and i dont ask them out to not get rejected by them , i ask my 2 friends , so far they decline and saying "At the moment i can't, tomorrow or later on after days' , while i learned from 1 coach asking a girl or person "When are you free , etc" on my side isn't a good thing to ask, he suggested getting in the best shape because its NEEDED both for me and for the other people . and you will get "I will let you know" from women is SURE sign she is playing with you and youre her option nothing special to her. , so i why do i even bother with being with that kind of girl?

 

[rc97]

OP, a couple pieces of advice. I know you don't like the "cliches" you've been hearing about working on yourself, but they are true to the core. Here are some specific steps on how to do that:

1. Every time you feel lazy and wanting to stay in, force yourself to get up and go out for a walk. I get money is a problem, but walking, hiking, jogging...those are all free. And it gets you out of your own head; this right here is currently your own worst enemy. Additionally, this will get you out of that toxic house hold with your negative family.
2. Really focus on getting a job or some type of income. It's unfortunate that our mental well being is based on materialistic things, but having income leads to independence which is a necessity of manhood. How can you work on being a man if you are supported by someone else. Understand that work/job/income is a necessary burden for your personal growth.
3. Join a gym - start martial arts. This step will help with your personal self confidence and also lead to a healthy social network. I highly encourage martial arts, be in BJJ, Judo, Krav Maga, etc. Of course, this will be dependent on your financial situation, but this is where you may find your healthy male friends/network.
4. Wake up earlier, sleep earlier. Start making healthy habits. Wake up for a morning sunrise walk, go to bed early. These small things will greatly help with your mental health and also forces you to do something uncomfortable until they become habitual.
5. Find a hobby. Something that makes you happy, is fun, and preferably physical. It doesn't have to cost money, but should be something you thoroughly enjoy doing. Hiking, rock climbing, fishing, biking, etc.

These are just some tips and advice that may help you grow. As you notice OP, I did not mention women at all. At this point in your life, you are not ready to focus on women. If you do end up meeting someone who reciprocates, the person you are at the moment of this post will revert back to who you were in your last relationship and it will crash and burn as well. You cannot rely on someone else for your happiness. This leads to neediness, betaness, simping, and ultimately being a cuck. Do these things and slowly but surely, your mental well-being and confidence will start to improve. Once that happens, then you can start worrying about game, pick up, dating, etc. But until you are happy internally and love yourself, all your relationships with others will fail miserably. Good luck to you OP.

I agree with you totally. I just feel a need at the moment to get laid with a girl , on regular or for some time. Without a body idk how that will happen , since im catching feelings easy and its not so hard to start simping as you say. Im not ready for women yet , i have to fix my finances and body first. With my friend i talked about this , he said only do the body and work/finances nowAnd getting out of my head for the girls , at this point few of them are chatting me up which i initiated but she is from another town. ****ed up story , when you put a ***** on a pedestal , puting her needs and suplicating to her every demand and being overly nice leads to ultimate failure. No matter what she says and protests i need to get rid of this type of toxic narcissistic and bad women , they are single for a reason. I should start meeting GOOD women , which aren't toxic , but thats when i get up on my feet financially , mentally and feeling confident and great in myself. I took the advice , ive been to a pool for almost 5-6 hours , been outside for few days also yesterday isn't very good. I need to recognise these "excuses" when people in general give , be it women or men , they are for both genders. When they need to excuse themselves to go out of the date , but if i want to get out of the date they always brag about it girls like the one i mentioned. Yesterday i saw "the giveaways shes a narcissist" , these things are really important. For my wellbeing and emotional and mental move on and heal , i gotta CUT this thot off. Shes not worth or deserving of me , she just likes the attention. I've met ex girlfriends like her , they all the same jezebels.