My sticking points so far

curiouscat

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Hello,

The last two weeks I have tried to approach regularly (approach anxiety is a big problem to me as I am quite shy). So far, my progress has been marginal out of the six girls I have approached so far :

- One girl actually gave me her number
- One girl said she would rather give me her facebook (I said I didn’t have facebook and moved on, If she doesn’t even trust me with her phone number what’s the point ?)
- One girl said she couldn’t give me her number because she didn’t remember it (how convenient) but that I should give her my number so that we could have a drink some time. I gave it to her but I don’t expect much on this one either.

With the other girls I approached, I have noticed that my main sticking point was the long silences after the openers I usually came up with on the spot. With those girls I usually made s situational observation but they didn’t give me anything to work with besides a nervous (annoyed?) smile and then nothing…

I think they didn’t take my bait because they weren’t interested but that is not what is bothering me here, at this stage I expect mostly rejection but I am focused on learning as much as I can. I also believe that this lack of feedback can also be perceived as a kind of “test” a way to filter out interesting people. The problem is that at this stage, the only way I can really sustain a conversation is if the other person gives me material to work with and I don’t really know what to do with those silences.

Another thing that is annoying me is the amount of girls walking around with earphones on, I don’t know how to approach them without appearing rude, am I overthinking It ?

I have only tried day game so far, I would like to try bars and clubs but the problem is that I’m new in the city I live in and I don’t know anybody so going to a bar or a club alone seems not only extremely boring but also pointless, I don’t want to be this guy by himself staring at everybody. I know the best thing to do in this context is to just talk to as many people as possible but again I am very shy and I am the type of person who always finds something interesting to say… an hour later when it’s too late.

I have also tried to be generally positive, smile more to people etc… but most people suck ! I mean I see so many sad faces, people who only reply to your smile with a dead stare or complete indifference etc… I mean being surrounded by so much negativity really makes being positive much harder !

Thanks
 

LorenzoVonM

Don Juan
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curiouscat said:
I have also tried to be generally positive, smile more to people etc… but most people suck ! I mean I see so many sad faces, people who only reply to your smile with a dead stare or complete indifference etc… I mean being surrounded by so much negativity really makes being positive much harder !
Thanks
You are attached to getting a positive result from these people. If you simply give for the sake of giving and not expecting anything back then bad reactions are meaningless. I get the same thing. People walk around like zombies on auto-pilot. They are in their heads with their problems and concerns. Have some compassion for them and keep being gregarious. You'll never know who's day you will have brightened and inspired. By doing this consistently you will raise your vibe. Other people will start to notice because this is not the norm in today's society.
 

curiouscat

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After almost a week of zero approaches I decided to do something about it yesterday and I approached another girl. it turned out she had a boyfriend but I was surprised to see that less than 15 minutes after approaching her, I found myself sitting in a coffee shop with her and chatting in a terrace while enjoying the nice weather. I don’t quite understand what happened but I enjoyed her conversation and I might keep in touch with her.

This gave me the courage to approach again today but I missed an opportunity ! I noticed a cute blond during my lunch break and free from any expectation, I decided to talk to her. She was reading one of those fantasy novels so I decided to tease her about it. She responded well so I continued the conversation but after 4 minutes I just left ! I think I could have asked her number but I didn’t because I thought it would probably seem weird only 3 minutes in the conversation. I think the problem boils down to the ego, I wish I could find a way to ignore momentarly my ego’s protective mechanisms and just flow with the moment. It also makes me realize that it is important to go for the kill every time and trade a potentially short embarrassment for a much longer frustration. In essence it is all about being a man.
 
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