My son is ****blocking me

[backbreaker]

he's going through this phase where it's like he's trying to compete with me for attention from his mom. like usually he will go in his room and watch cartoons and stuff like that / play with his endless amount of toys he has or go outside and play with the kids on the street but now he is just stuck to his mom's side no matter what he does, all day everyday. we can't watch TV, if we try to go anywehre without him he throws a temper tantrum now, and recently he's started coming in our bed at night.

me and joe have always been cool as hell ("my son) now like when he wakes up in the morning he is like "where is momma" i'm like damn dude **** you too lol. we used to go to mcdonalds and **** and he was my lil wingman, now he just is glued to his momma all the time and we have to sneak around to have sex for thelast month or so and ii'm getting pretty horny dammit we need to fix this


its almost.. dare i say... Pre-AFC behavior lol. hanging off your momma like a spoiled child, which.. honestly.. he is... but he wasn't always like this. and she eats it up i can't tell her ****

i mean i can't tell him to go spin more pre school girl plates or anything.

 

[Epimanes]

How old is your son backbreaker? Chances are he's just wanting attention. I could give you some marriage builders advice that might help. From a marriage builders point of view your marriage needs about 15 hours a week of no kids, no tv, just you and the wife. Meeting the needs for sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, affection and intimate conversation. Being happy with your spouse and feeling fulfilled emotionaly allows you the head space room to give some positive time to your son. Marriage builders advice would advise you to also give another 15 hours a week of time to your son. This will help him feel part of your lives and he won't be so clingy. Its hard though. I got a 9yo and a 15yo and my wife and I plan all our quality time after kids go to bed. Usually around 9. If you can get some afternoon time with the wife if kids in kindergarden all the better. Its a tough balance and a lot of sacrifice but in the end your relationship with your wife should be top priority. If you guys are not in a good mind state due to lack of sex etc its hard to be happy for the kids and they feel that. One thing my wife and I did was get our youngest on to a show and use that hour to have some good convo and try and rev things up. Put a lock inside your bedroom door to prevent walk ins lol. Beenderdun dat and now my kids are older so I got a lot of time to catch up on! Lol. *heads out to lock the wife up in our room away from kids n chores* Good luck man.

 

[switch]

its almost.. dare i say... Pre-AFC behavior lol.
i mean i can't tell him to go spin more pre school girl plates or anything.

LMAO Oneitis! tell him to go NC and read the DJ bible again. he can also try sarging in playgrounds, mdonalds play area, the park and maybe kindergarten.

:crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Switch - LMAO - that's funny as sh*t

Backbreaker: what he's doing is normal, just have to work around it. My girlfriends kid is 6. Sometimes you just gotta throw a movie on for him, provide some kind of distraction, then lock the door and go at it.

I do feel your pain though, dealing with it too.

-Augustus-

 

[backbreaker]

LMAO Oneitis! tell him to go NC and read the DJ bible again. he can also try sarging in playgrounds, mdonalds play area, the park and maybe kindergarten.

:crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

the dj bible is a little too advanced for him at this point we are on green eggs and ham bro
he's 5


on another note however, mcdonalds playground area is like, the holy grail of single momma sarging. they are always there. and talk about easy convo starter, just take your little rugratand let him start palyingh with kids and you start talking to HB's about your kids what ar ethey going to say **** off lol? i don't want to talk about my kids? it's fish in a barrell.

i would be talking to chicks , not even hitting on them just killing time while my son does his thing and i would have them eating out of my hand by the time i left. kids are kick ass wingmen.

 

[penkitten]

it's a normal common phase. remember that phase when they were toddlers and suddenly had separation anxiety that didn't last that long?
it's similar. the bigger deal that is made out of it, the worse it gets.
just sit him down and tell him in your own way that this **** is getting old and isn't the way to go about the day. explain to him that momma isn't running off and eating cookies behind his back and that he really has nothing to worry about and he cant relax and chill out.

 

[backbreaker]

he starts kindergarten here in about a month or so, im thinking once he gets an everyday taste of kids his own age and school and snack time and all that good stuff it iwll wear off.

 

[ArcBound]

1) Make another kid
2) Make kids play with each other
3) Have all the sex you want
4) Plan backfires and now you have double the problem

 

[Bible_Belt]

Some friends of my gf's are going through the same thing. My idea was to lock the parent's bedroom door and just not open it. Apparently locking a kid in his own room is child abuse? She said you can lock them in a house but not in a room.

 

[Desdinova]

and recently he's started coming in our bed at night.

Why in hell do parents allow this 5hit to happen? I'll never understand it. My son isn't allowed in my bedroom. That's my place to fvck, not his place to be comforted. If my son needs to be comforted, I go into HIS room or sit on the couch with him. You let them sleep with you and it becomes habit for them.

 

[backbreaker]

Why in hell do parents allow this 5hit to happen? I'll never understand it. My son isn't allowed in my bedroom. That's my place to fvck, not his place to be comforted. If my son needs to be comforted, I go into HIS room or sit on the couch with him. You let them sleep with you and it becomes habit for them.

rotfl you act like it's my decision. My wife would probably cut my **** off if i told her that she can't let her son come sleep with her if he wants to. she loves that boy to bits and pieces.

the boy is spoiled rotten. which is something i've let slide for the most part because i mean ****, not much i can doa bout it but we will address this when he gets a tad older. but right now he's a momma's boy and she likes it. i can't tell her anything.

i just remember i was never ever like that. give me a nintendo and some games and get the **** out of my way. he was like that for the most part.

i mean, let me put it this way if i told her look the liddle dude is sleeping in his bed, that would be that. but it's not worth starting a war over. and for her, she would start a war over this ****.

 

[The Duke]

I see a lot of kids these days who pretty much run their parents lives for them. When there are issues, the parents take the path of least resistance not knowing some day their little angel will grow up to be a monster that society will have to deal with. They are doing no one any favors.

 

[backbreaker]

BB, if he's a momma's boy now he will only get worse. You need to have a talk with your wife and at least come to some sort of compromise. If you wait until he is in school, this won't help. I assume either you or your wife or both of you work during the day anyway, so you can't have sex then. When your boy comes home from school, he will only continue to act like a bigger and bigger mama's boy. Bottom line, waiting until the boy is in school won't change anything.

Either have a talk with your wife, or say goodbye to even semi-regular sex that's the way I see it.

i work from home, and my wife doesn't work. we will have a lot more opportunities to be alone here in about 1 month.

i mean, i'm not going. if it seriously got out of control i would put my foot down. i can deal with it for now. it's a phase, he loves his momma.

he's not so much spoiled as far as he gets away with **** as much as he's spoiled as far as attention if he looks at his momma she drops what she is doing to do whatever it is he wants to do. I'm not as bad as his momma is but i have a hard time telling my son no when he wants to spend time with me. a lot of kids dont' have access to their parents like joe does his. not everyone can take their son to the zoo on a Wednesday

i few up in a family where my mom was in school until i was 13 and my dad was too busy being a player to be a dad, and i became an AFC wreck with a drug addiction. i would take this probelm ver mine any day of the week.

 

[Desdinova]

rotfl you act like it's my decision. My wife would probably cut my **** off if i told her that she can't let her son come sleep with her if he wants to. she loves that boy to bits and pieces.

It should be BOTH of your decision. The fact that you're letting it happen means that you agree that your child is allowed to sleep in your bed. You now have twice the uphill battle if you choose to change your mind now.

You need to steer away potential problems before they become real problems.

the boy is spoiled rotten. which is something i've let slide for the most part because i mean ****, not much i can doa bout it but we will address this when he gets a tad older. but right now he's a momma's boy and she likes it. i can't tell her anything.

You have to start putting your foot down with your child very early. Once they start crawling, they start testing their limits. I had a couple of people mention that I was too hard on my son when he was just a crawling infant. The fact that I WAS a bit hard on him at that point in his life has paid off. He listens to me and he always asks permission before he does anything remotely questionable. As he gets older, I increase his boundaries. It's easier to increase them over time than to take them away.

 

[Aristippus]

Backbreaker,

I think you're forgetting who the parents are.

Rule #1- Parents should never allow their children to run their lives. He can hardly think and reason, and as of just recently, would sh*t himself like a dog. You had to train him LIKE A DOG, not to sh*t himself or sh*t on the floor. I stress "like a dog" because humans from infancy have to be trained LIKE ANIMALS and housebroken, then they become a developed human being. Your son does NOT make the rules.

Rule #2- A couple should NEVER allow their children to sleep in the bed with them. You spend an extremely large amount of time and energy during the day taking care of his needs and showing him attention. You have to have your alone time with the wife and set boundaries. He will get over it. If not, tough sh*t. You spend a tremendous amount of time working to provide for the child and he will get his attention throughout the day. If the Mrs. doesn't like it, too bad. She wants you to be the provider of the house, she has to respect your rules.

Rule # 3- Stop putting the p*ssy on a pedestal and put your foot down. This applies to wives as well.

Rule # 4- Humans will test the waters to see how much they can get away with. Especially women and children. There are certain rules that you must have a zero-tolerance policy for. Refer to Rule #2 for one of those rules. The bedroom is "sacred" and you must always make sure there are firm boundaries to protect that sacred ground and your privacy.

 

[LiveFreeX]

BB: My parents let me watch and rent VHS movies when I was very young... they had no idea what I was watching or picking out, for that matter, neither did I. What happened is I ended up seeing horror movies like Gremlins, Critters, ALIENS, XTRO, Freddy and Jason and all manner of Science Fiction/Horror type stuff at a very young age. I had insane amounts of nightmares because of it and would basically sleep with my mom and dad for weeks at a time. Kids today have access to all kinds of stuff on the net, you never know what they are watching. Give him a break, he's your son after all. He'll thank you for it later, I know first hand. Would you rather be your kids protector or his enforcer?

Remember in a child's world, aliens and monsters still exist (no matter how much you tell them they don't), closets are home to demons and the night sky is a scary place. I saw Pet Cemetery and Chucky at 7, my parents had to take all my stuffed animals and put them in the basement. My parents couldn't convince me that monsters didn't exist so my dad told me that I could sleep with him and my mom and he would make sure nothing happened to me. I actually grew up very secure and had a fairly decent relationship with my father because of it. I also grew up with a defender personality and now I act like a Polar Bear defending her cubs around my friends and family. I'm sure it stems from this. I wouldn't let a bunch of guys on an internet forum tell me how to raise my kids, you do what you think is best for him.

 

[Atom Smasher]

BB, you let the genie out of the bottle long ago. The fact that it's your wife's decision that the boy sleeps in your bed shows that ultimately she rules the roost. You should be the one setting the boundaries for her and for your kid. Now that the proverbial genie is out, how do you re-establish authority as the head of the household? This is why it's critically important for a man to make himself the authority early in the relationship.

On another note, when I hear a parent talk about their kid being spoiled, I know there is clearly a behavioral issue.... on the part of the parents.

The kid may be feeling some insecurity about going to school and is therefore clinging to mama. In order to get that genie back in the bottle in a way that doesn't seem too harsh, you might want to let it slide to a degree until the kid starts going to school. It would be a cold day in hell before I let either a kid or a pet in my bed.

The ONLY formula for successful marriage: Care of the marriage comes first, care of the child comes second, man establishes himself as the authority and leader.

 

[backbreaker]

on second thought i'm not even going to take this conversation there, i'm better than that.

 

[Atom Smasher]

bb, is your hissy fit going to cause you to walk away in a huff... again?

All my points stand. Your emotional reaction shows that:

1) I am hitting close to home with what is really happening, and it is stirring up the mud inside you
2) ANYBODY who understands marriage and relationships knows that for a child to grow up in a healthy, loving environment, the marital relationship MUST come first. Without an established, loving marriage (which you may indeed have... that's not the issue here...), the child cannot thrive. When an airplane cabin depressurizes, the parent is instructed to take the oxygen mask first, before giving one to the child, else the child cannot be taken care of.
3) Kids don't come with training manuals and that's why sometimes parents ask the advice of others. Most take the advice and consider it carefully; after all, the advice was solicited. A small percentage throw fits, write insulting, emotional responses and such. This seems to be the bb way, as we've observed over the years.
4) When a man writes to others on a forum stating that his son is c0kblocking him, he is presumably asking for insight as to why this is, and what he can do about it. That is the assumption. He may not like what he hears, but his character will be revealed by his response.
5) Marriage is hard and raising kids is even harder. There is no manual and it is amazingly difficult. That's why we sometimes need to float what is going on with others to gain insight we may be blind to. Again, our response reveals our character.
6) If your child sleeping in your bed is in his best interest, you wouldn't be complaining about it here. YOU likened his sleeping in your bed as part of the c_ckblocking.
7) I haven't completely lost my mind, only partially.
8) I'm 56 years old and utterly clueless, not 55.

Fortunately, I have most people duped into thinking I'm actually a pretty intelligent and well-balanced man. You've exposed me.

Lighten up, dude, and when you ask for insight on a forum, stop personalizing it and taking it to heart. You should consider all insight, even that which stirs up the mud, chew on it for a while, and then write a reasoned response if appropriate. Men don't throw fits when communicating, even when they disagree.

If there were no merit in what I am saying, there is no way under the sun it would incite such raw emotion in you. I don't come across many people here on SS who have emotional reactions to what I say, even if they disagree. I shouldn't be that important, even if I insult someone's mama. Why should it matter? This is an online forum and nothing more. It really doesn't warrant emotional investment.

I challenge you to surprise us all and provide a reasoned, manly response instead of the usual tantrum. This might be a good time to break the pattern. The way to do that is to stop personalizing everything the way you do. Don't forget, a clueless man who has lost his mind cannot possibly bring emotion and strife out in a man. Seriously.

 

[Boilermaker]

AtomSmasher: Absolutely correct.

Honestly, who could say that bb hasn't matured a great deal in the last year or so? But something hasn't changed, that it's still his wife that's calling all the shots in their marriage. Infant sleeping with mommy all the time? This interfering with sex? ... That doesn't sound right, from a DJ point of view, whether or not bb likes to have this conversation. More damning is his hesitation to even have this conversation with the wife. That clearly outlines the power distribution in this relationship.

P.S: Of course, it's none of my business (or nobody else's for that matter), but since he's sharing all these intimate details with us, it gives us some right to speculate and provide opinion but perhaps not too much. There must be a line after all. I tried to tread softly so as to not abuse the trust that our community promises everyone here, as a gentlemen's club.

All the best,