My So-Called Life of Non-Approaches

Infinity

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So, I have been home for winter break from college for the past few weeks or so and I'm doing my best to pass the time. Basically, instead of hanging around the house, I travel around my area, going to malls and bookstores like it's my job. I have some friends I could hang out with around here, but I just don't really feel like it and it's not like I have that many friends either. The scary thing here is that I actually like this life of cruising around to bookstores and malls. I think my year of hanging around this forum and reading about cold approaches has made me want to spend my time like this. Those are the best two non-pickup approach situations in my opinion so I go to those places. The problem is I never freaking approach.

I have made a lot of social progress, which is good. I am very congenial and friendly to all the people I interact with and I have developed a nice sense of fashion and get looks from a lot of girls (I also have good looks and I am tall). But, the bottom line is I don't freaking approach...not that there are many opportunities anyways.

I don't completely waste my day, though, as I also read a lot of books, buy and try nice clothes, and enjoy good coffee. However, I'd be kidding myself if I didn't admit that approaching girls was my main goal each day until I go back to school. So, I fail to achieve my goal just about every day. Since I've come to this site I can count my cold approaches in non-pickup situations on one hand. I want to become a master of the cold approach because I don't want my job/activities/friends/school/etc to determine the fate of who I meet in life. I want to spontaneously meet new people.

I've become obsessed with self help books. Today I finished reading Six Pillars of Self Esteem and started reading a book on small talk. I also enjoyed a nice white chocolate mocha. That's all good and all, but how can I get myself to approach girls?!?

I know the situation will never be perfect, but I can't ever figure out how to begin the approach. Here, I'll discuss my day and any girls I can remember noticing. Yes, I actualy went to 3 bookstores and a mall today, lol.

Bookstore 1: I go in and look over to the cafe to see if any hotties are looking, but neither girl there interests me so I decide I'll wait to get coffee later on in the day. I start browsing the books and can't seem to find the section I'm looking for. I spend some time there, but no hotties in sight so I leave.

I then went to two sporting goods stores for some stuff I was looking for, but I couldn't find it and didn't see any hotties either other than some chicks that worked there and the guys there obviously staked those girls as their territory. Sporting goods stores are not good pickup spots at all.

Bookstore 2: So, I go in and find the book I want to read on self-esteem and so then I decide I'll be there for a while so I go get a coffee and find a nice comfy chair. I spend about an hour there reading the book and notice a couple hotties. While I was sitting there, about 2 or 3 good looking girls happened to pass by my area. Another chick who I wasn't attracted to and was probably only a 5 sat down at the comfy chair next to me. Now, I didn't know how to approach any of the hotties? WTF do I do? See a hot girl, put down my book, and go into predator mode? Doesn't add up to me...Also, when I left I happened to notice the hottest chick I had seen all day walking into the bookstore while I was leaving in my car, dammit.

Mall: I went to some stores checking out clothes, but bought nothing today because I already blew enough money lately. Anyways, there were some hot chicks here, but the problem is I always see them when I'm walking past them. We're going in opposite directions so what am I gonna do, stop them?? I don't know how to work this. I do catch a lot of nice looking chicks checking me out, but I can't seem to proceed from there. The mall was like freaking empty today, though, so I didn't hang out long.

Bookstore 3: So, I roll up to another bookstore (Borders, not B&N this time). I go in and browse around and find a book on small talk and find a nice chair and sit down and start reading. Some chick who is like a 5 or 6, but I don't find attractive sits down at this chair directly facing me so I figure she wants to talk, but I wasn't interested. I notice one hot girl in particular as she comes in and I watch where she goes. In about 10 minutes, I get up and go to try and find her (doubt I would have said anything), but she must have left.

So, that's my day. I have no job, no obligations, nothing. I just hope to approach girls all day and completely fail. I do get the benefits of self improvement through quality books, but dammit I want more!
 

squirrels

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I told you what I think, man. Do what you want with it. But you're never going to succeed in life until you accept failure as a probability (at least in the beginning), get over your ego, and MAKE AN ATTEMPT.

You are not a DJ, and you never WILL be until you go DO what you so desperately want to do. Stop trying to make the universe perfect and grab a hold of YOURSELF for a change. Is this what you want? GO FOR IT.
 

Kraken

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Bookstore 2: So, I go in and find the book I want to read on self-esteem and so then I decide I'll be there for a while so I go get a coffee and find a nice comfy chair. I spend about an hour there reading the book and notice a couple hotties. While I was sitting there, about 2 or 3 good looking girls happened to pass by my area. Another chick who I wasn't attracted to and was probably only a 5 sat down at the comfy chair next to me. Now, I didn't know how to approach any of the hotties? WTF do I do? See a hot girl, put down my book, and go into predator mode? Doesn't add up to me...Also, when I left I happened to notice the hottest chick I had seen all day walking into the bookstore while I was leaving in my car, dammit.
Could of initiated a conversation with her and see how things went anyway. At worst you'd get her number and not call it. It's just practice.

Mall: I went to some stores checking out clothes, but bought nothing today because I already blew enough money lately. Anyways, there were some hot chicks here, but the problem is I always see them when I'm walking past them. We're going in opposite directions so what am I gonna do, stop them?? I don't know how to work this. I do catch a lot of nice looking chicks checking me out, but I can't seem to proceed from there. The mall was like freaking empty today, though, so I didn't hang out long.
If you pass by a good looking chick, eye contact, a smile, and a 'hey' can't hurt.


Bookstore 3: So, I roll up to another bookstore (Borders, not B&N this time). I go in and browse around and find a book on small talk and find a nice chair and sit down and start reading. Some chick who is like a 5 or 6, but I don't find attractive sits down at this chair directly facing me so I figure she wants to talk, but I wasn't interested. I notice one hot girl in particular as she comes in and I watch where she goes. In about 10 minutes, I get up and go to try and find her (doubt I would have said anything), but she must have left.
Once again, talk to this girl. Don't use 'i don't find her attractive' as an excuse not to practice your skills on a girl that's giving signs that she's open to approaches.

Your problem is all you're doing is talking about what you're going to do, but you're doing jack.

Next time when you go out, just make your goal to smile and say hi to a hb9+. Then each time adjust the difficulty of your goal until you're comfortable enough to make a direct approach.
 

khanboy

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Well, this originally started out as a small critique of what you've done, but ended up getting fairly long. So grab a cup of joe and buckle down to hear what I, as a man who has been exactly where you are, has to say.

However, I'd be kidding myself if I didn't admit that approaching girls was my main goal each day until I go back to school.
Good, you have a goal, a step in the right direction. Always keep that goal in mind, always. When you go into the book store and are ready to sit down think "How is sitting here reading going to help me approach chicks? Is there a better way to do this?" Perhaps just walk around to be more alert and notice chicks easier.

So, I fail to achieve my goal just about every day. Since I've come to this site I can count my cold approaches in non-pickup situations on one hand. I want to become a master of the cold approach because I don't want my job/activities/friends/school/etc to determine the fate of who I meet in life. I want to spontaneously meet new people.
OMG, I totally know what you mean and what you are going through. When I first starting approaching, I had the same goal, and same fate. I spent a week and a half going to malls, bookstores, etc before I approached once. A total of AT LEAST 40 hours in the field, trust me, you are not alone. Even now, after I have taken my break of a few weeks I feel like I'm starting all over again. Making the same pitfalls you are, I spent 3 hours reading rather than approaching today.

Yes, I actualy went to 3 bookstores and a mall today, lol.
Haha, I've been there. Try 3 Malls =P

Bookstore 1: I go in and look over to the cafe to see if any hotties are looking, but neither girl there interests me so I decide I'll wait to get coffee later on in the day. I start browsing the books and can't seem to find the section I'm looking for. I spend some time there, but no hotties in sight so I leave.
This is usually when I start thinking "I wish I had a wing to push me to do this." Then I remember, I can leave and go somewhere else anytime I want, I can't with a wing. Atleast not AFC wings/friends, which are all I got.

Bookstore 2: So, I go in and find the book I want to read on self-esteem and so then I decide I'll be there for a while so I go get a coffee and find a nice comfy chair. I spend about an hour there reading the book
What made you decide to waste time reading? I bed you went straight to the section you enjoy without scoping out the whole place didn't you? lol. I know you did, I have done it. DON'T DO THAT, scope out the place for potential targes. Then wait a while by the magazing rack, or the place near the enterance. You want hotties not books to escape reality.

While I was sitting there, about 2 or 3 good looking girls happened to pass by my area. Another chick who I wasn't attracted to and was probably only a 5 sat down at the comfy chair next to me. Now, I didn't know how to approach any of the hotties? WTF do I do? See a hot girl, put down my book, and go into predator mode?
I will answer all your questions by answering your last; YES. How else will you get the hotties? By sitting there? You've tried that, doesn't work.

Also, when I left I happened to notice the hottest chick I had seen all day walking into the bookstore while I was leaving in my car, dammit.
Hold Up, you have a car? You lucky *****, lol. Some of us still use public transportation. Try hitting 3 malls in one day using the bus man, HAHAHA.

Anyway, park the damn car, and head back in. Worried someone will notice you are now back? **** THEM, you want the hottie, so go get her.

Mall: I went to some stores checking out clothes, but bought nothing today because I already blew enough money lately. Anyways, there were some hot chicks here, but the problem is I always see them when I'm walking past them. We're going in opposite directions so what am I gonna do, stop them?? I don't know how to work this. I do catch a lot of nice looking chicks checking me out, but I can't seem to proceed from there. The mall was like freaking empty today, though, so I didn't hang out long.
Congrats, you didn't do the whole "I'll go the mall for clothes and if I happen to see chicks I'll approach, otherwise I'll just stay happy buying new clothes I DID NOT WANT ANYWAYS." Good for you. *thumbs up*

Honestly, I don't do groups of girls any higher than one, so I wouldn't know what's up there. But yeah, stop them, or stalk them (by this, I mean follow somewhere where they become stationary targets), whatever.

Bookstore 3: So, I roll up to another bookstore (Borders, not B&N this time). I go in and browse around and find a book on small talk and find a nice chair and sit down and start reading.
Same pitfall twice in one day, haha.

Some chick who is like a 5 or 6, but I don't find attractive sits down at this chair directly facing me so I figure she wants to talk, but I wasn't interested. I notice one hot girl in particular as she comes in and I watch where she goes. In about 10 minutes, I get up and go to try and find her (doubt I would have said anything), but she must have left.
There's a reason that they have the 3 second rule, because anything can change anytime, so pounce when you have the chance. Drop your book, get out of the chair, and find her WHEN YOU FIRST SEE HER. =P

So, that's my day. I have no job, no obligations, nothing. I just hope to approach girls all day and completely fail. I do get the benefits of self improvement through quality books, but dammit I want more!
I feel ya man, I've been there, and are there once again. Stop being stationary so much, always look for targets. Keep going out.

Good luck man,
khanboy
 

FreeStyleZ

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Trust me bro it gets easier after repitition, ive been in the phase that you are at now. But now my problem is just getting the actual date. I get the phone numbers, but then they flake becuase im apparently doing something wron.g But hey, I can honestly say though that I can approach probably 5-6 girls any time I go to the mall. I normally just go to 1 mall/place. But I have a quick question... you go to the book store, with coffee in hand and take a seat and read? The book stores ive been to are like actual stores.. not places where u can just go into and relax. I find it kinda unusual that u waltz into these book stores with coffee, sit down and read for hours. Maybe your book stores are different.
 

Do not be too easy. If you are too easy to get, she will not want you. If you are too easy to keep, she will lose interest in you. If you are too easy to control, she will not respect you.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Zircon

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I think shame attacks might work for you...check out guitar_whizz's thread...

Done that as well with a friend of mine...we walk around in the mall...and then do weird ****, like laugh at a hot girl's shoes...or stop and discuss her handbag...after a while we had 2 chicks following us and hosing themselves...as soon as we turned to them they disappeared though!!! hahaha they were scared we'd rip 'em off...

Anyway, thing is, you want to do some crazy whacky things. Now when I walk in the mall with this friend of mine, every now and then we do some randmo ****, get a good laff, and also desensitize ourselves....you'll see nothing bad happens, and it gives you the power to believe that to a certain extent you can do what you like...AS LONG AS YOU DON"T CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE IS THINKING!!!

try it, get a friend, and give us all a good laugh here, k dude?

i'll be watching for your thread.
 

Doppler4000

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At this point you're forcing it, and any of them that you actually manage to talk to will sense that anyways. Start out by making small talk, etc. with no intention of closing them to practice relaxing... or just do the actual bootcamp. Eventually you'll just learn to live your life as you want it and take advantage of any situations that you run across rather than going out with some sort of predator mentality every day.
 

Infinity

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khanboy,

Thanks for your advice! Glad to see someone who's been there, done that. I will take your advice on browsing the bookstores more before sitting down, but I really do want to actually read the book because I am very interested in them. But, you're right though, I had just been going straight to my book and looking for a chair without observing the situation! I'm going to one mall and a bookstore today, hopefully I can do better!


Thanks for everyone's advice....let's see if I can improve!
 

squirrels

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Originally posted by Infinity
khanboy,

Thanks for your advice! I will take your advice on browsing the bookstores more before sitting down, but I really do want to actually read the book because I am very interested in them. But, you're right though, I had just been going straight to my book and looking for a chair without observing the situation! I'm going to one mall and a bookstore today, hopefully I can do better!


Thanks for everyone's advice....let's see if I can improve!
Well you've blocked me on IM because you don't want to hear my advice, but I'll give it to you again here.

I don't think your issue is that you don't browse the bookstores long enough...seriously. It's good advice, but once again, youv'e taken the advice that you WANT to hear and ignored the advice that you DON'T want to hear. You glossed over Khanboy's other advice:

While I was sitting there, about 2 or 3 good looking girls happened to pass by my area. Another chick who I wasn't attracted to and was probably only a 5 sat down at the comfy chair next to me. Now, I didn't know how to approach any of the hotties? WTF do I do? See a hot girl, put down my book, and go into predator mode?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



I will answer all your questions by answering your last; YES. How else will you get the hotties? By sitting there? You've tried that, doesn't work.

Anyway, park the damn car, and head back in. Worried someone will notice you are now back? **** THEM, you want the hottie, so go get her.

There's a reason that they have the 3 second rule, because anything can change anytime, so pounce when you have the chance. Drop your book, get out of the chair, and find her WHEN YOU FIRST SEE HER. =P
As well as all the other advice proffered on this thread:

Kraken: Your problem is all you're doing is talking about what you're going to do, but you're doing jack.

FreeStyleZ: Trust me bro it gets easier after repitition

Zircon: Ithink shame attacks might work for you...check out guitar_whizz's thread...

Doppler4000: Start out by making small talk, etc. with no intention of closing them to practice relaxing... or just do the actual bootcamp. Eventually you'll just learn to live your life as you want it and take advantage of any situations that you run across rather than going out with some sort of predator mentality every day.
You talk about "finding someone who's been in your situation", but ALL of us have been in your situation, we ALL have problems getting to where we can approach women and we ALL suffer from it. I think it's arrogant of you to suggest your problem is somehow special, but I'm not here to scold you. I recently discovered something in MY life that I was hanging on to because of my pride and my fear of rejection, of failure.

You know what? There is NOTHING wrong with your tactics, where you look, how you look, etc for women. There's nothing you can do to tweak your tactics any further to maximize your efficiency at SETTING UP the approach. The only way you're going to improve is to APPROACH.

I know you don't want to hear that and I know that's what everyone tells you, but if you get the same advice from everyone you ask, you should try LISTENING to it instead of sloughing it off in favor of something you want to hear. You're going to need to crack that barrier sooner or later if you want to improve any.

I used to be like you, I used to believe MY condition was special and that I needed some kind of special advice that would suddenly make it all clear to me and that one simple correction like, "stand up straight", "talk with a deep voice," "shift your weight", "touch her" was somehow going to make a drastic change in my life.

The truth is I'm NOT special, and neither are you.

Stop looking for the answers in books. Stop looking for the answers in forums. Your pain, your fear, is RIGHT HERE in front of you. It's there and you know it's there, and yet you keep running from it and hope doing something else to build your world behind that barrier is going to compel you through. You're looking for someone else to give you that push, but NO ONE is there any more. NO ONE can help you but yourself.

You want to be able to approach women? Start acting like a MAN. Stop trying to control everything in life and just let go! Let go of your head and grab your balls!

You want a book to read? Here.
 

Infinity

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squirrels,

Your advice is good, but a few things....

a. khanboy's advice was good as well because it was specific. He didn't say to spend more time in the bookstore. He told me to spend more time browsing books. That is practical advice so now I'm spending more time on my feet moving around rather than sitting in a chair reading and getting up when I see a hot girl. The latter is a very unnatural approach while the former is much easier to do. Sure, go ahead and say I should just get up when I damn feel like it and go stalk the girl, but that won't do any good. That's similar to telling someone who has never given a speech in their life to go in front of a crowd of 500 and read a speech...ain't gonna happen!

b. My situation is spending the majority of my day cruising around looking for girls to approach. Of course, everyone has had the fear of approaching girls before, but very few people on here have actually had the free time to do what I'm trying to do. I'm not saying people don't understand, but I'm saying that someone like khanboy who has tried to do this exact same thing before is better able to offer more practical advice like he did.

c. Your advice, as I said, is good, but it's all motivational, much like a Pook post with the CAPS and what not. Most of the DJ Bible is that...just motivation. And, I've been here a year and have read just about everything so you really think another dose of motivation is what I need? No, it's not. It's repetitive.

d. I'm not "looking for answers" in books. Books don't contain answers, but there are some damn good books out there that I can thank for helping me improve myself. I'm not avoiding the scene and making no progress. I had social anxiety a year ago, I'm over that. I can get in a friendly conversation with salespeople and books have helped me with that. BTW, I own Fight Club and it is one of my favorite movies.
 

Well I'm here to tell you there is such a magic wand. Something that will make you almost completely irresistible to any woman you "point it" at. Something guaranteed to fill your life with love, romance, and excitement.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

squirrels

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You don't need situation-specific advice. You'll need advice specific to a full day of cold approaches when you START APPROACHING. Your original post said, and I quote:


The problem is I never freaking approach.
Regardless of the framework you place that in, be it a casual outing, a grocery run, a night at the club, or a whole day mall-prowling, you have identified the general problem, and it remains the same no matter what specific situation you're in.

As much as you would like to believe that your situation is somehow "special," it isn't. I'm not saying that to be cruel, I'm saying it because it is the honest-to-God truth. You're just another man like the rest of us. You want, need, fear, live, eat, ****, and die like the rest of us.

Don't pretend this is a special situation...you've had the SAME problem EVERYWHERE. In the club, in the subway, on the street, in school, EVERYWHERE. You're trying to run from the general problem by trying it in a different setting and hoping it won't occur in that setting and that it'll go away, but it won't. It will FOLLOW you there and it will KEEP clawing at your heels until you STOP running and turn around to face it.

I know you want to try a different approach, and I wish I could say I admire what you're doing, but the fact is that you're not doing anything. Your being at the malls/bookstores all day does NOT count as an approach-outing unless you APPROACH WOMEN.

Here is your practical advice: figure out what it is you're afraid of that's keeping you from approaching, because you obviously WANT this or oyu wouldn't keep talking/posting about it. Then you need to throw yourself face-first, eyes wide open into what you're afraid of until you realize that you don't NEED to be afraid, until you accept that pain as a part of life, as PART of the pleasure instead of as a threat.

No one can give you practical advice that will make your approach easier. Nor will motivational speeches work. What you need to do is figure yourself out, figure out what hurt or pain or fear you're running from that keeps you from doing what you want to do, and you need to LOOK straight into the eyes of that fear and LOSE. FAIL! And learn from the pain. Once you accept that, not fear it, accept that you CAN and WILL fail, then you can move forward toward success.

People think the DJ never gets rejected, that he can seduce any woman anywhere. WRONG! The DJ gets rejected as much as ANY normal guy. The difference is that he ACCEPTS rejection and realizes that it's not the worst thing that can happen in his life. That life is too precious to waste worrying about pain...pain is an experience too. We learn from pain. We learn from failure. We ENJOY it. We relish the chance to feel that and feel the drive it gives us to seek pleasure, to seek self-improvement.

THIS is what women see in a REAL man. This is what a REAL man sees and loves in himself. A REAL man is not content with the throngs of women throwing themselves at his feet, he needs BALANCE. His pleasure is balanced by his pain, he seeks those women that REJECT him and enjoys the pain and the learning experience that it brings him, he enjoys the drive to improvement to find out how to achieve pleasure with these women, and that in turn drives him to challenge himself with MORE PAIN.

You need to stop trying to deny your pain...you need to ACCEPT it and grow from it. Do that, THEN think about "approaching." ;)

I'm sorry I went so philosophical, man. But I think you need to reconsider why you decide that each venue will be different when you end up doing/not doing the same thing. Einstein once said that "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

It's not the club, it's not the subway. It's not the cellphone in the girl's hand, or the guy she's talking to, or the book she's reading in the bookstore. It's YOU. Take some responsibility for yourself and figure out what your problem is.
 
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aguynamedwill

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what counts?

what counts as an approach?

is holding eye contact for 5 seconds with a female an approach?
i've done this, have you?

is smiling and saying hello to a female an approach?
i've done this, have you?

is waving to a girl at the table next to yours an approach?
i've done this, have you?

is saying hi to a chick who's not looking at you an approach?
i've done this, have you?

is stopping a female in the mall and asking 'excuse me, do you like my shoes?' an approach?
i've done this, have you?

is stopping a woman and saying 'hey can i ask you somethin, are you single?' an approach?
i've done this, have you?

is going up to a woman and saying 'excuse me, but you have a great ass' an approach?
i've done this, have you?

is telling a girl you've been talking to for a while, 'give me your number...' an approach?
i've done this, have you?

you like books, go find 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyways' and re-read the chapter on 'whatever happens I'll handle it'. I like to add 'because nothing really matters' at the end of that one.

and stop using 'i wasn't interested' as an excuse. you're interested in improving yourself, that involves using every person you come across from now on.
 
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Infinity,

I'm going to give you the ultimate cold approach that is infallible, unless she is just not interested at all.

You can thank me later once you used it at least 5 times!!

Here it is..........................

if you see a girl walking by you can say...

i will regret it later if i let you walk by me and I did not acknowledge your presence - i most likely will not see you again - would it be terribly impolite to ask for your name and phone number

if she doesnt want to give you her phone number then just dismiss yourself politely by saying

"have a pleasant day and excuse my abrupt behavior but God designed us guys to do some crazy things" and then smile politely and walk away with your head high feeling like a man and proud that u have done your duty.

if she say yes i will give u my number (don't act startled - u deserved it) - then tell her "let me accomodate you with the means of transcription:...

then go through your pockets smoothly and not excitedly searching for the pen - dont find it too easily then it seems as though this was all planned and plotted as if u do it all the time and as if it was not an impromtu act - take a few seconds - and then have her write her number herself on a receipt or other paper that is not blank - again u dont want to make this looked planned - do not give her a lttle black book with other numbers in it - dont be arrogant be polite - then ask her "what would be the best time to reach you? " wait 2 or 3 days before u call - dont seem too eager

dismiss yourself with pleasantries - "have a pleasant day"

p.s. - dont forget to give her your name after she gives you hers.
also - if she is not walking by you then obviously u would have to use a different opening - such as, "i will regret it later if i left this place without acknowledging your presence...

hope this helps - let me know if it works for u - and of course make adjustments as u see fit and for what the situation allows. Use lwords you are comfortable with.

good skill!!
 

Vegas Playa

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Originally posted by Infinity

Mall: I went to some stores checking out clothes, but bought nothing today because I already blew enough money lately. Anyways, there were some hot chicks here, but the problem is I always see them when I'm walking past them. We're going in opposite directions so what am I gonna do, stop them?? I don't know how to work this.
Try this next time:

Play dumb, and ask the chick where such and such a store is (e.g., Macy's), one that you actually know is in the direction that SHE'S walking in. Assuming she has a clue and can point you in the right direction, you can then turn around, walk with her, and run your game on her
 

At this point you probably have a woman (or multiple women) chasing you around, calling you all the time, wanting to be with you. So let's talk about how to KEEP a woman interested in you once you have her. This is BIG! There is nothing worse than getting dumped by a woman that you really, really like.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

louis

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Originally posted by Infinity
...I just hope to approach girls all day and completely fail...
Hellol Infinity,

I enjoyed reading your piece, and I've just had an idea.

You're setting each potential approach up as a big thing in your mind, a bit like jumping in the deep end of a swimming pool. You're walking to the water, having a look, and then deciding against it.

What about trying the shallow end?

When you see a girl - any one, not necessarily one you want to get close to, just go and ask them a question. Invent something like - "excuse me, have you got the time please?" If you're at a bookstore, it could be a question about books - "excuse me, I'm looking for a book on xyz, do you know where they are?"

Deliberately avoid any thoughts of dating for now. Just get into the habit of talking to them. "How do you like this place?". "What kind of book are you looking for?". You can talk to guys too. Just talk to people.

When you feel comfortable doing this, then you can move on.

Just an idea.
 

Boricua_33015

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I thought of this the other day, and it might help you with approaching girls while walking in their direction.

Often times I am walking and I would see a hot chick I'd might want to talk to, and I turn my head to look at her, but the girl does not look at me, or if she does, she looks for a milisecond then turns away. Not enough time to open up that smile.

Some girls are don't even make eye contact period because they don't want to give signs, that they are attracted to anybody, even if they are.

So instead... how bout you FORCE her to give eye contact. Next time you see a chick in the distance walking in your direction, get into her feild of vision.. which is get directly in her path, but do this casually, don't make it noticeable, UNLESS you are sure you are doing to spark up a convo with her. If you are directly in front of her she will have no way to avoid at least seeing you. If you don't flinch at the eye contact she will be giving you, it will probably make her smile automatically as if she finds something funny but she is trying to hold her smile, at least it would get her all hot and bothered by your direct eye contact towards her.

If you see a girl that is stationary, and you'd like to approach her, just APPROACH HER! LOL. Now I don't mean the whole seduction thing, I mean the LITERAL approaching, meaning just walk in directly towards her. Most of the time she will feel the energy of someone approaching or looking at her and turn her head see who the hell it is, and look at you.

This sets up for eye contact, and a smile from you. If the girl is, not in front of something, or you are able to pass by her if you chicken out than you can, but at least you got some eye contact from her.

The chances of her turning to look at you are more in favor of when you approach her from the sides.... from the back its alot harder for her to detect an approaching person for obvious reasons.

And of course the best is to get yourself into her feild of vision.

So.... to finish this off; just direct your whole body in her direction, it will put you in predator mode automatically, it's the science of physiology and direction of your energy.
 
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